WOLF (Wolf River Book 1)

by Alaska Angelini

  “Wait,” I breathed out. “You have to slow down. You—”

  Teeth sunk into the junction of the neck, locking my entire body through the pain. My orgasm tore free and I screamed through the massive spasms that jolted me wildly. But Alex wasn’t done. Nails raked along my side while he sucked on my neck, breaking through my flesh like tiny blades as my body betrayed what my mind was clearly rejecting. Before I could suck in air to scream again, weighed crashed into me, trapping me even more as he drove into me mercilessly. Tears streamed down my face from the pain and fear.

  More. Beg for more!

  My head tried to shake, denying what my wolf wanted. I couldn’t disagree that through the pain, there was pleasure. I’d always enjoyed the combination of the two, but I wasn’t okay with this. Even if she was.

  Alex’s cock thickened inside of me as his brutal thrusts slowed. I was suddenly falling, just like I was in my mind. When my feet hit the ground, they weren’t prepared to catch my weight. I went down, only stopping when fingers weaved through my hair, jerking me to a stop. The intense stinging matched with his treatment had a sob immediately following. Emotions pinged, breaking me down even more.

  “Open.”

  And I did. The order sent my wolf reacting before I even knew what he’d meant. My lips separated and our combined scent drew me forward like I’d been waiting for this all along. Maybe she had…

  Warmth shot over my lips and began covering my tongue as he moaned and pushed his length into my mouth. The taste of him, of us, sated the monster within like nothing I could have imagined. She was content. Blissful, even. For the first time where Alex was concerned… I wasn’t.

  Chapter 28

  Alex

  “Oh … God.” My heart dropped to the floor just as Erin had, the moment I let her go. She was crying so hard that there was no doubt in my mind that I’d hurt her. And badly.

  “Baby, please. I’m … sorry. I’m so sorry.”

  There was no word to describe the agony that lanced my heart as she flinched and tried to skitter away from me. I couldn’t move. Couldn’t speak another word through the disgust that began to filter though at my actions. It was the blood from her bite. It triggered my wolf like nothing ever had. I hadn’t meant to bite her that hard, but her scent and energy, it egged me on. It made me feel like there was something I had to prove. I’d only meant to dominate her wolf by doing what mine thought was right. But it wasn’t right. This was Erin. My Erin. And her becoming a wolf didn’t mean I had to treat her like some sort of animal.

  I lowered, slowly reaching to put my hand on her shoulder. “Please. You know I’d never hurt you.”

  “You just did!”

  I cringed at the rage, but I couldn’t let her just lie there, crying on the floor.

  “Let me hold you.”

  “No.” She shook her head as the sobs continued, but she didn’t fight when I lifted her into my arms. It wasn’t until I was a few steps into walking us to the bathroom that she began to slam her fists into me. My arms rolled her, pinning her as I spun through the bathroom door.

  “Stop. I have to make sure you’re okay.”

  She was in full fighting mode and I had to witness it firsthand as I stared at our reflection and the blood dotted scratches along her side—as I stared at the end of us.

  There was no coming back from this. No making things better by apologizing. Erin wouldn’t stay with me after this. She wouldn’t ever be able to trust me again, and fuck if I didn’t blame her. I wasn’t sure I could trust myself anymore. How could I have been so stupid as to believe my wolf was tame enough to be around her now? He’d wanted nothing more than to eat her at the beginning. The moment he had tasted a tinge of her blood, his true sadistic colors had shown. Her wolf may have enjoyed it, I knew she did, but that wasn’t what this was about. This was about me and Erin. Our future. Not our wolves’. And now it could be history.

  My wolf thrashed inside of me at the glimpse I was blinded by from my fears. Had I thought my life was doomed? That I couldn’t hate my existence any more? I was wrong. Meeting Erin was my biggest curse of all. She represented what I longed for, but should never have. Love. Obsession. God, help us both. I had fallen madly in love with her and like my wolf, I knew I wasn’t going to be able to have complete control over my actions. She’d leave … and I’d follow. I’d fucking follow her everywhere. I couldn’t lose her.

  “I love you,” I whispered. “I do. I swear I do.”

  A tear slid down my cheek while I felt my world truly falling apart. Erin stilled, but her crying continued. Only worse this time.

  Letting go of her was almost impossible. I sat her on the counter, lifting her hair so I could see the other damage I’d done. Some of the indents were perfect teeth marks, others torn from my movement. The amount of bruising that was beginning to surface was sickening. I couldn’t stomach what I’d done. And she’d have to see it … for days. At least until the full moon. She wouldn’t start healing like a wolf until after.

  What the fuck had I been thinking? I couldn’t fathom how I lost myself so completely. Her wolf … it triggered me. It fed me a false sense of her wellbeing. That had to have been it because I never caught her distress. Even when she told me to slow, it was as though she was screaming for more.

  “Don’t hate me. I don’t think I could take it if you did.”

  The hazel was bright as she lifted her swollen eyes to face me.

  “I could never hate you, Alex. But—” My fingertips pressed against her mouth as I lowered my forehead to hers. My palm completely fit the back of her head and even just holding her to me, I feared I’d somehow hurt her again.

  “Don’t say it. Please. We can figure something out. I’ll push him away as much as I can. I won’t let him near you. I’ll do anything.”

  Another tear. And another. I almost couldn’t believe how much I was breaking for her.

  “I have a meeting to go to.” Her words were mumbled against my hand, but I understood them. And they were devoid of emotion, where I was anything but.

  She sniffled and slid free of me as I eased back. As she disappeared through the door, I was faced with my biggest enemy—myself. And I hated him. I hated everything about his life and what he’d become. Was there anything I wouldn’t destroy?

  The closet door sounded and I braced my hands on the bathroom counter, holding on tightly so I wouldn’t do something worse, like not let her leave.

  “Will you be coming back after your meeting? Erin?” I lifted my head to peer through the door and found myself zeroing in on the welts down her side. Tiny dots of blood were still surfacing. She couldn’t leave here without me at least cleaning it up and bandaging it. What kind of an asshole would I be if I didn’t tend to her wounds after I’d hurt her? Excuses. “Erin. Please, just look at me. Please … just talk to me.”

  Slowly, she turned, giving me nothing to go off of. It drove me forward to collapse at her feet. Even hugging her body into mine was like holding to a statue. Her scent was off. Her energy, flat. She was like a zombie. The only detection that registered was the blood staining her side, and her wolf, who pulled at my own longingly. They’d had a moment. A beautiful, twisted, fucked up moment. One that would forever taint my beast. For in the demise of love, he had found his own. For a split second, I had been whole again. And now, the two of us—man and monster, would be forced to face a life without the one person who made us happy. And so the curse continued.

  My arms dropped and Erin stepped back, quickly turning away. She was still crying silently as she got dressed. It may have been quiet, but she kept wiping the tears away. Each one was like another lash to my heart. Not once did I move from the floor. It was the only show of submission I had left. All I knew to do to prove how destroyed I was over this.

  “I have to go.” She sniffled, wiping at her nose. “I’ll be back later.”

  She started to walk from the room and I was already following. Already gaining ground. My arm wrapped arou
nd her upper back and I spun Erin into me, crushing my lips into hers. If it was going to be our last kiss, I was going to put every ounce of my soul into not just the action, but into her. She could have the fucking thing. I was nothing without her. Nothing. She could take the love and leave me with the killer because that’s what I would surely become if she wasn’t in my life anymore.

  Erin’s hand pressed to the side of my face, trying to push me away. For a man who knew he had screwed up, you would have I thought I would have learned from my mistakes. I should have broken away and let her go, but I couldn’t. I sucked her bottom lip into my mouth, tangling my fingers into her hair. Seconds went by, and then a minute. Finally her body softened enough for me to really kiss her. The taste of my tongue sweeping over hers was enough to calm the rapid raging of my wolf. Only then did I break away, but it wasn’t because of him. It was her. She’d given in and kissed me back, even if it was to make me stop.

  “What I’ve done is inexcusable. Even with the kiss. I know that. I also know that I have never in my life loved anyone as much as I love you. I’m willing to do whatever I can to prove it. Just … before you walk out of that door, ask yourself how deep your feelings run for me. Is what we have worth saving to you, because to me it is.”

  Erin searched my eyes, ultimately lowering her head. Her hesitation gave me hope. Hope I knew I shouldn’t have grasped to.

  “I do love you, Alex. That’s what hurts so much. I never thought you would do something like that. I trusted you not to go too far.”

  “I know,” I breathed out. “I fucked up. My wolf was more focused on yours that I neglected to put you first. It will never happen again. I swear to you, I’ll keep him as far from you as I possibly can.”

  Her head lifted and the glare was full of challenge. “You want to prove yourself to me; you want me to be with you—stay. Do not follow me. We’ll see how much control over your wolf you really have.”

  Chapter 29

  Erin

  I’d never been so conflicted on something in my entire life. I used to question how battered women could stay in an abusive relationship when their husband’s beat them. It never made sense. Couldn’t they see their worth? They could probably easily find another man who would treat them so much better than their abuser. It took me falling in love with Martin to understand where they had been coming from. It was my dirty little secret. One no one ever knew, and one that died in the grave with him.

  Alex was nothing like Martin. He didn’t hit me. He didn’t verbally place me through walls I thought were finally tough enough to keep the hurtful words out. Alex loved me. What happened with our wolves was something I didn’t understand, but I wasn’t naïve enough to think it was okay. It wasn’t. I had trusted Alex to keep me safe from what he held inside, and in this case, he dropped the ball. Maybe when I actually turned into a wolf things would be different on that account, but that was yet to seen. If it even would be seen. I still wasn’t sure the best route to take concerning him. Love, it was just as twisted as the infinity sign that symbolized forever. It had both of us circling through the never-ending loops of this tragic life. And it’d never stop, just like the emotions I held toward him. Our love was real—our monsters, forever.

  I pulled into the Morrisons’ driveway, pissed to see Caleb’s unmarked car already parked next to two other unfamiliar ones. I wasn’t in the mood to put up with him or anyone else. I knew he was keeping an eye on me to make sure I didn’t let anything slip, but I didn’t want to deal him right now. I didn’t trust him, or anything revolved around him. Plus, I was hurting from the neck down. I felt agitated again, and that part was coming from her. She hadn’t wanted to leave Alex, and she sure as hell didn’t like seeing him so upset. It was a transition within me concerning her. She knew if I let him go, she’d lose the part of him she actually did like. This was my fault. That’s what she’d said. Idiot wolf.

  My door slammed behind my push and I tugged at the black turtleneck as I held tightly to my purse. Mr. Morrison opened the door just as I was coming up the porch. I forced a small grin as I stepped inside. It quickly faded as I was noticed Caleb, the sheriff, and two off-duty deputies standing in the back of the living room. One I remembered from my accident. He was the first to arrive on scene.

  “Good afternoon,” I said, walking toward them.

  “Is it good?” The sheriff glanced at Caleb.

  “Not for me.” The detective’s eyebrow rose as his stare pierced into me. Their energy slowed my steps more than their demeanor did. Something wasn’t right. My wolf didn’t want to be here.

  “I’m sorry, you know what, I forgot my folder in the car. I’ll just be a few seconds.” I turned to leave when another deputy appear from the kitchen, cutting off my path.

  “No need for folders. Just a meeting of sorts. We thought we’d attend in case you came across any new evidence on little James.”

  My breathing increased and I tried to slow both it and my pulse, but I didn’t like being trapped, and that’s exactly what was happening.

  “I would have reported it to Detective Perkins. He knows that.”

  “So you found nothing new?” Gregory came forward, sadness on his face. I pressed my lips together, pushing back the guilt as I shook my head.

  “I’m sorry, Mr. Morrison. I’m afraid not. I’ve gone over my findings and recollections that night a thousand times. I’m afraid the Sheriff’s Department did well in their assessment of what they believe it may have been. Not that I’m—”

  “You can’t mean that,” he rushed out. “You saw it. You know what it is.”

  “You didn’t let me finish. I was going to say, not that I’m going to give up my search. When I look back on that night, yes, I saw something … different. But the more I think on it, and the more I imagine what it looked like, it very well could have been a bear. I’ve talked with my expert about this multiple times and—”

  Dr. Chan stepped from the hallway and I couldn’t finish. The words wouldn’t come.

  “Erin, good to see you.”

  My stare moved from him to the men who were here to end this. Caleb had made it clear their secret wouldn’t get out and now I very well may have exposed more than I could talk myself out of.

  “Where were we? Sorry, had to take a quick bathroom break.” Chan walked in my direction and it took everything I had to tear my stare off the officers.

  “I was just telling Mr. Morrison on how I believe I may have made a mistake. I believe what I saw was a bear. The more I think back on that night, the more obvious it is. I was also telling him that I wasn’t going to stop looking for what did this. I think that’s the most important part.”

  “I don’t need an investigator for a fucking bear,” Gregory snapped. “I could take care of one of those myself. We’re talking werewolves here! Finishing telling the officers what Investigator Billings told you, Doctor. Tell them what she saw!”

  He was facing Dr. Chan, but the sheriff’s loud laugh drew in all of our attention. My heart was racing. I was busted and I knew this wasn’t going to end well.

  “I don’t care what anyone says. There ain’t no werewolves, Gregory. We’ve gone over this time and time again. Now, I think you need to just let this go and mourn your family. Focus on what you have left. These stories have you so distracted that you’ve lost sight of what matters the most here.

  “Don’t you tell me what to focus on, Pete. My family, my business.”

  “Not when they’re gallivanting through the woods getting attacked by animals it’s not.”

  “That thing isn’t an animal, it’s a Goddamn demon beast from hell! And I’m going to kill it. You watch and see,” he said, pointing his finger. “I’m going to—”

  Blood oozed from the middle of Gregory’s forehead and his knees buckled just before he fell forward. Dr. Chan’s collapse was almost simultaneous. The shots had been so silent that I didn’t understand what was happening until I saw Caleb lower the gun with the silencer.


  “That’s enough of that. Now we continue our hunt for Morton.” Caleb glared toward the sheriff. “The idiot kid has caused us enough problems—eating off his family like they were a goddamn buffet. Bad blood will do that to you.”

  Caleb turned his attention back to me and I battled whether to run. Was he going to kill me, too?

  “When I first heard Gregory Morrison mention he was bringing in an investigator to look into his daughter’s death, I wondered, why not his son, too? Toby had been a good kid. Good friend to my brother anyway. It was odd to me that Mr. Morrison didn’t measure the two deaths on the same scale of importance as I did. But then again, why would he? Toby wasn’t his biological kid.” He shook his head. “Odd to me how people think that way. How they’ll raise a child from infant size until they’re grown, but then when the shit gets real …. poof. Their emotions cut off and their true colors show.”

  My head shook, confused. “I don’t understand.”

  He inhaled deeply, closing his eyes and smiling. “It’s different with us wolves. Sometimes we make mistakes. It’s known to happen. Take Alex for example. Take you,” he said, gesturing. “When we create someone, we might not have given birth to them, but the bond is the same. We harbor a deep connection, us wolves. Generally, it’s one we don’t even understand, but we’re usually honorable enough not to break it. Tonight … well, it saddens me that I’m going to have to do just that.”

  “Morton?” My voice was low as I took another step back.

  “Oh, Morton wasn’t mine. He belongs to the sheriff. Like I said, bad blood.”

  “What’d I tell you about that,” the sheriff snapped. “I don’t have bad blood.”

  A nearly silent laugh followed Caleb as he came forward. “Oh, he does, he just doesn’t want to admit it. You see, Sheriff has a tendency to attack, but not always kill. Every person he’s turned ends up going crazy. Four we’ve had to kill so far. It’ll be five, counting poor Morton. Guy never stood a chance. He came to me this morning, looking for you, Erin. He was a mess, still injured from our shots, talking in circles about needing to find you. I could barely understand his slurred words. That’s when I knew—we’re a week away from a full moon. And here he was, so deranged from his bad blood that he was more wolf than human. Everything in that moment made sense. Our good ol’ sheriff struck again. I should have never trusted him to pick up Morton. Damn bonds. Where’s he now, sheriff?”