WOLF (Wolf River Book 1)

by Alaska Angelini

  Watchful eyes followed my every move. The man sat against the far wall, his forearms positioned on his knees. There was an emptiness there—an anger. And sadness. I got that, too, I just wasn’t trained on it. The anger was a trigger I liked. It provoked me, and I wanted to fight if it got me something to eat.

  “I don’t know why I thought you’d be more coherent. Why would you be? Our love doesn’t control our wolves. We’re still killers over everything else. Whether our monsters are mates or not, we’ll still need the hunt that’s programmed into us. It rules over everything. Even love, in this case. That’s heartbreaking. I was hoping… Hell, we can’t even share the same cage to battle this thing together.”

  A big exhale left him and he lowered his head. In circles I paced, scanning over everything. My attention kept getting diverted from my deep concentration to the coughing coming from the corner. The man’s scent was intensifying as he sweated profusely. The agitation within heightened and I rammed into the wall again, hitting it so hard that I actually felt my arm lose feeling. Like dead weight it hung at my side for seconds. My glance down had my eyes settling on the ground.

  “Don’t waste your time,” the man said in a deeper voice. “I’ve dug up the ground so many times it’s not even funny. There’s bars under there, too.”

  I cried out in desperation, attacking the bars to try to get to him. Slowly, he rose, throwing off a scent so familiar that it made my legs go weak. A reverberating from deep inside of him was growing louder by the second. Even the tone was somehow … comforting.

  “Erin, I can’t hold this off much longer. I can’t breathe. You have no idea how hard it is for me to stay away from you right now. God, I just want to…” He groaned, doubling over and holding his stomach. It wasn’t long before he lowered to his knees, still holding around his waist. “Even in this form, your scent still calls to me. It’s funny,” he said, laughing. “Here you are, wanting to kill me, and my wolf is just dying to put you in your God damn place. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do to get in that cage and give you the fight of your life.”

  The fabric of his shirt tore and a painful sound left him. What looked like a ripple raced down his spine and he pushed his palms from the ground, slowly rising to his knees. Muscles bulged, turning massive as long hair pushed from his skin. I stared, fascinated. Limbs grew, adjusting at such a speed that within seconds he was monster peering up, glaring up at me. Deep breaths left his mouth and I couldn’t look away from that transfixed look he had. And it was for me. The scent that masked the room spoke to me more than his words ever could. The perfume promised possession … it clearly defined my place—with him.

  “Mine.”

  It was the first word that vocally broke through my mind since my change. I’d had plenty of thoughts, but never once had I heard my own voice.

  I stepped closer to the bars, narrowing my eyes as he followed my every move. For minutes he didn’t come forward. He stayed crouched—low. My wolf quickly got irritated. Not at him, but that I was trapped here. I turned, heading to the other side when the crash against the bars had me spinning around defensively. He stood, holding to them, still staring. My mind began to calculate. To read his actions and what they meant.

  I moved deeper back, and then left. He followed. Right. He followed. Something fluttered within and I charged at the cage, right for him. The need to attack, to make him prove himself was there. He was so much bigger than I was. But I felt no fear as I reared back. My claws grew the littlest bit and his hand was around my throat and he was squeezing before I could decide where I wanted to strike.

  The lack of air set me into pure survival mode. I tore into his flesh, but he only squeezed tighter, holding me still as he stared into my face. It wasn’t until my arms grew heavy that he let out a grunt. I met his gold eyes and my whole soul melted and purred. What was looking back at me wasn’t trying to kill me. Quite the opposite. And I knew him. Something told me that as he eased his grip and brought me closer.

  For the first time tonight, I went from lost and confused, to a sense of calm. My eyes closed and I breathed through the unexplainable urges to destroy. To kill. I wasn’t getting loose. I knew that. The truth brought a sadness powerful enough to make me want to start going crazy again, but I had him. His touch was enough to soothe, and it did bring a familiarity. If I could only remember what that was…

  Chapter 32

  Alex

  I had secretly feared the fogginess of my change wouldn’t allow me to recognize Erin’s new form when I completed into my wolf. And for a few seconds, I hadn’t. It was the main reason I had made sure we weren’t confined together. It wasn’t until her delicious scent registered that I went from having to have her, to understanding the reason why I needed to. I loved her. Even with as we were, my heart was only hers. But where my adoration soared, my worry did too.

  She was extremely unstable. Not any more than I expected, but close. She didn’t seem to recognize me. Not when I was in human form, and not as a wolf either. The beast she’d become was comforted by me. That was obvious as she let me wrap my hand around the back of her neck and keep her close, but she went through periods of what I assumed were blackouts. She’d stiffen, as if she forgot what was happening or where she was, and it would take her attacking me for me to calm her again. It was violent, and even had become a bit bloody on my behalf. She was getting me good. Not in the sense that she was trying to eat me, but more to test her own dominance. It brought me back to what I’d overheard from Caleb.

  Bad blood.

  Was this how it would be for her? Would she never know anyone but the predator within? It wasn’t a good thing, but it wasn’t something I couldn’t handle. Tonight was only the first night and I was having success, even if it was injuring me. It was more than I could have hoped for when I’d heard him mention her situation. In truth it scared the shit out of me to not know what to expect with her. But, we were just beginning. Would the next change be this way? Worse? Would she try to kill my wolf, just like she’d wanted to do to my human form? It was possible.

  “Erin.”

  Nothing. I’d tried to communicate with her repeatedly over the hours and it was as though she was deaf to communication of our kind. If we could communicate at all ... I wasn’t certain. Never once while I was in form had I tried to talk with another werewolf. Our creatures weren’t meant to mingle. To socialize or mate. At least, I hadn’t thought so. Not before she came along. Now I was more confused than ever about this entire process. I had disassociated myself from everyone for so long, that what I’d seen between Caleb and the other men didn’t make sense. They were killers, but they somehow managed to work together. They had their own system, not only to keep them safe, but our kind as well. They appeared as the enemies, but were they? No one had messed with me through my isolation. Caleb hadn’t tried to kill me even when he suspected that I was the one committing the murders. He may have thought about it or planned for it to happen, but he couldn’t do it himself. He seemed physically unable.

  My only issue with them now was their distrust of Erin. Even if I hated it, I did understand their need to keep us safe. That didn’t mean I wouldn’t kill them if they tried to hurt her.

  “Erin.”

  The grunt had her eyes coming up to mine. She blinked repeatedly and I knew what was coming. I’d seen it so many times that I braced myself as she began to attack again. Fuck, how many more times would I see her go through this tonight?

  I stepped back, pushing away the hunger that had my stomach in knots. To hunt and be beneath the moonlight was testing my patience. For periods I would forget what I was meant to be doing, but in these moments when she fought, it triggered my instincts. I couldn’t stay in this form much longer, but I’d already tried to change once before and it hadn’t worked.

  My eyes closed and I tried pushing my wolf back. He was so hell-bent on having his way that he put every ounce of his fight into making it impossible. Pain tore into my bicep and I growled,
lunging back for the cage. The scent of something in the distance had my head jerking up just in time for her to shred down my cheeks. Bright light burst into my vision and the room wavered through the explosion of rage that associated with the pain. I knew I had Erin pinned to the floor by her throat, but I was listening. Waiting. Someone was above. Or something.

  “Quiet!”

  My command was for nothing. She thrashed under my hold, tearing into my arm. When I gave her a good shake and she realized I wasn’t going to let go, she went still.

  Footsteps sounded in the distance and I held more to Erin as an anchor, than to control her. My wolf wanted to hunt. It wanted to kill whoever was lurking by my home. What if it was Caleb and the sheriff, back to finish Erin off? I couldn’t leave her. Or Morton? I hadn’t heard whether they’d found him yet.

  Panic had me sliding Erin to the edge of the cage. She was already looking at me. Once again under my control. I looked deeply into her eyes, desperately trying to communicate.

  “Why can’t you hear me? Why can’t you speak? Erin, baby, I need you to try. Hear me! I think we’re in trouble.”

  Flickers of emotion drew her features in, but I didn’t think she understood me. My heart sank and stirring above had her eyes jerking to the trap door. My other hand slammed over her mouth as she began to growl. Again her gaze went to my eyes. That’s when I saw it. Fear. She was detecting that something was wrong. She wouldn’t have done that had she not been picking up the threat via the traces of her human self.

  “That’s it. There we go. Remember who you are. Remember what’s happening. Try to listen to me.”

  In wild movements, her stare flicker back and forth from me to the sound of the steps. When her eyes stopped back on mine, my heart nearly stopped.

  “Alex? Alex, I’m scared. Let me out. Let out of here!”

  “There we go, baby. Keep your thoughts where they are so we don’t lose communication. Listen to me, I wish I could let you out. I really do, but I can’t. We have no idea who it is. We’re safer, here.”

  Creaking of the main door to the shed had my wolf flexing his calves, ready to jump up and attack if I had to. Some things were tossed around, banging loudly in the process.

  “Nothing. I told you, they’re not here. I bet you anything they’re out hunting right now. Just like we should be. This is bullshit.”

  The familiar voice wouldn’t register in my clouded thoughts. It wasn’t Caleb or the sheriff. One of the deputies? Fuck, I couldn’t piece together which one was talking.

  “Hurry up, then, and let’s go.” A pause. “Get out of here! Damn wolves. I swear this place creeps me out. What the fuck does he do, feed them to get them to watch over his place?”

  Hesitation above was finally followed by the main door being slammed shut. Footsteps faded and I let go of Erin’s neck as the car’s engine started and then faded into the distance.

  “Alex, what’s happening to me? I can’t think. I don’t feel good.”

  “The night is almost over. Just a few hours to go. Here,” I helped her up to sit and face me. “Tonight has been very hard for you.”

  “Did I do that to your cheek?”

  At my silence, she whimpered, putting her head down.

  “Something’s not right with me. I can feel it. My wolf is … defective. It’s broken or programmed wrong.”

  “No. I don’t believe that. You’re talking to me, now. You’re learning. It takes time. Fear helped in this case. Now you know what you’re doing.”

  “I feel like I keep rebooting. I’m fine, and then I’m lost. By the time I remember you and what I am, I disappear again. It’s so disorienting.”

  Sadness brought my hand to hers. “Sometimes it’s like that for me, too. Let’s take it one day at a time. One full moon at a time. You’ll get better.”

  Erin’s stare told me she wasn’t so sure. Even I wasn’t positive. It was quite possible that all I would ever have were glimpses of the woman I loved during these times. I was afraid that the moment she shut down again, she’d forget this small step. Would her sanity be affected and change in everyday life too? This was only the beginning, and it frightened me more than anything in the world. Her wolf was here for good now, and with it, I could very well lose her in the process.

  A loud crash from above had both of our heads snapping up. A growl exploded from Erin’s throat and she lunged to her feet, slamming into the cage before I could so much as stand. I didn’t have to guess why. I could smell the wolf’s scent engulf the small room. Death and rotting flesh had my nostril’s flaring as I turned and pushed my palm against the dirt floor.

  Light broke through the entrance and the trap door was torn free. I didn’t think as I sprung through the opening with all of my strength. Wild thrashing was immediate from Morton. I crashed into his chest, feeling him hook his claws into my back as we went flying into the shelves that surrounded my shed.

  He was sick. The stench from the infection burned into my lungs, but it didn’t stop the power he harbored in this form.

  We spun, tearing more into each other as bottles and building supplies fell on us. Erin’s threatening snarls sunk deep into my conscious and protecting her was all I knew. She was being too loud. It was driving him to fight me even more so he could get to her. My only security was knowing that even if he did kill me, he’d never be able to break through the cage. Not in his wolf form … but come tomorrow …

  The fear had me biting into his face as I jerked my head back and forth. Claws raked along my sides, shredding my flesh. I managed to wedge my feet between us and send him flying through the side of the shed. Before I could scramble to my feet he was already landing and tearing into the ground to spring forward again. The wildness in his eyes—the nothingness—was all I saw as I righted myself just in time to meet his huge form diving right for me.

  Air was nonexistent as he hit and we slid through the entrance. Fire raced down my neck and I howled, using my size to spin us over. The moment I got on top, I reared back giving each strike along his face everything I had. The need to filet him alive was real. I wanted there to be nothing left of him by the time I was finished. He’d never come after Erin again. He’d never try to hurt her if I could prevent it. And I would. He’d die. Right now.

  Blood poured free of the wounds, soaking my hands while I dug in. Faster, I went, with more strength. Deep groaning came from what was left of his mouth. I lifted enough to spin him on his stomach, wrapping my arm around his jaw. In a quick twist, I felt his neck break. But I didn’t stop. I tugged with all of my strength, going back and forth as I tore through the thick muscle. The gush of hot blood—bad blood—coated into the hair on my forearms and I let his head roll to the ground.

  It was over. At least concerning him.

  ****

  The rebooting continued, as did the lack of communication. The only good thing was, it didn’t take long for Erin to remember to speak after she came around to remembering me. It was a step. And a good one in my opinion. It could have been worse. So much worse. At the end, it even felt like she was remembering me faster. I prayed that was the case, but I just wasn’t sure. She didn’t even remember my fight with Morton until I reminded her. Even then, it was too much of a haze for her to recall much.

  But I could chalk it to what I assumed it was. Exhaustion. And not just for her, but for both of us. With the sun, came aching and pain to the slight cuts that still remained on me. Even in my human form. Erin was deep asleep as I carried her inside and cradled her in the shower. With every shift of her body, she made painful sounds, but she was past the point of being able to wake. By the time I had us in bed, my lids were so heavy that I barely remembered my head hitting the pillow. It felt like I had only just fallen asleep before something caused me to stir. My eyes opened and I growled at Caleb standing over my bed. My hand immediately shot over to Erin … but she was gone.

  “Where is she?” Panic had me throwing the covers back and lunging for him. A strength even with
mine wrestled me as we flipped over the edge of the dresser and rolled to the floor. The scent of blood teased my senses and my fist paused from swinging as it registered whose it was. It didn’t stop Caleb’s first from connecting with my cheek.

  “You temperamental bastard. Calm your ass down.”

  “Where’s Erin?” I yelled.

  “I could ask you the same question,” Caleb said, pushing his body free of mine as I scrambled to stand.

  Fuck, I had to find her. My wolf was panicking and I couldn’t think.

  “I see you took care of Morton,” he ground out.

  “He came after Erin. Of course I took care of him. As I will with anyone who is trying to hurt what’s mine.”

  Caleb threw me a pair of pants. “Don’t threaten me, Alex. If I wanted Erin dead, she would be. I’ve had plenty of opportunities. She’s alive for a reason.”

  The living room was a blur as I raced through, grabbing my jacket. Caleb was following behind, but he wasn’t my focus. The moment I opened my door, I froze. It was dark. Had I slept so long? When had Erin left? She could be anywhere.

  “You need to be aware that I placed the call on Morton. Sheriff wanted to know about Erin. I told him she was out somewhere hunting, that I’d be looking for her. He and his deputies are searching as we speak.”

  I spun around, glaring at him. “I thought you said she was alive for a reason. They want her dead! If they touch her, I’ll kill them. I’ll kill every single one of them.”

  “And you will die.”

  My eyebrows drew in confused while I shook my head. “What do you care? You were ready to let me take the fall for Morton. Bad blood, and all,” I snapped. “Now the woman I love is tainted by that same blood—”

  “No, she’s not. And I wouldn’t have let you take the fall. You have so much to learn.”