I Don't Regret You

by Larson, Jodie

  “Go grab your coats before it gets too late.”

  They don’t say anything, just excited squeals as they tear through the front closet, pulling on their shoes and coats in record time. I purposely take my time, which only makes them bounce on their heels even more.

  “Come on, Mom! We’re going to be late.”

  I laugh. “We won’t be late.” Grabbing my keys and purse, we walk out of the house and head straight for the car.

  The cold air blasts us at first, but within a couple miles down the road, it’s wonderfully warm and cozy in the car. Cassie and Jacob buzz in the backseat, excited for their excursion. They deserve a little happiness in their life, considering I’m going to destroy it on Thursday when I inform them their dad won’t be joining us and it’ll be a long time before he will.

  The half hour drive goes by quickly as we exit the car. Not too many cars fill the lot, which is good and yet not too surprising. It is a weekday and most normal people have to work tomorrow. Perhaps there are the select few like me who took the week off to spend with their kids.

  We purchase the tickets and wait in line for our popcorn. They run off to the video games while I shuffle from foot to foot, looking around. Upcoming movie posters dot the walls, along with several life-size cutouts from whatever Marvel superhero movie is currently releasing. I can’t keep up with all of their movies since a new one releases every couple months. I see a poster for the new Amy Adams movie and make a mental note to keep it in mind a few months from now when it’ll be available on Netflix.

  “Jocelyn?” a voice calls behind me. I turn around to find Henry’s smiling face a few people behind me in line. Rather than get the people between us angry, I move to him. I don’t know whether it’s appropriate to hug him or shake his hand. Sure, we’ve been talking more often and every time we learn more tidbits about the other. Like he can’t stand cauliflower, to which I called him weird. He laughed and said he must be clinical if I think he’s strange. I side-eyed him, which earned me another of his smiles. They’re what I live for at this point.

  “You here alone?” I look around and don’t see the kids, not right away. Then their excited voices filter above the hum of the machines as they find Jacob and Cassie. I laugh and shake my head. “Never mind. I hear they found each other.”

  “You seeing Trolls?” He hooks his thumb over his shoulder to the life-like cut out near the theater entrance.

  I nod. “They’ve been begging me for weeks to go, so I caved. It’s not like I have to work this week at my normal job. You know what that means?”

  “You can spend more time at the restaurant with me?” His voice is mocking and hopeful at the same time.

  “Not quite.” I shove at his shoulder. “It means we can sleep in tomorrow if it gets too late. Which I anticipate since the movie doesn’t start until seven.” Not that I’m worried about the kids. They’ve gotten used to staying up on the nights they come to the restaurant with me. I’m more worried about me not making it through the movie because it’s quiet and dark. The perfect combination for nap time.

  Henry shoves his hands into his pockets. “Yeah, me too.”

  “What about you? Don’t you have to work early tomorrow?”

  He adjusts his hat, letting a few dark tufts of hair to peek out. “The beauty of being the boss is I can come in whenever I want.” I raise a brow. “Fine, I might be a little late, but Greg can handle it. It’s why he’s my Sous Chef.”

  “You’ll have to explain to me what these titles mean one day.” He tried one night but I think I had a stroke, or suddenly rocketed into space because I didn’t hear a word he said. Watching his lips move instead while trying not to think of what they could do was a better option.

  Henry only shakes his head. “You’re still not paying attention, are you?”

  “Huh?” Busted.

  “Thought so. Where do you go in that mind of yours?” He taps my temple gently.

  I can feel the blush creeping up my cheeks. “Nowhere you want to be. It’s a dark and scary place inside my brain.”

  We move up the line. He’s faster and is standing right next to me. Our hands brush against each other and I resist the urge to latch on. It doesn’t stop the tingle shooting up my arm from the brief accidental contact. I wrap my arms around my middle to quiet the butterflies swarming within.

  “No Mike tonight?” His voice is flat, like he struggled to get the question out.

  I shake my head. “He’s occupied.”

  “Been occupied a lot these days.” His snide comment threatens to pull a smile to my face. No one knows my situation yet, and I’d like to keep it that way for a while. It’s easier to keep the lie than face a truth I haven’t said aloud yet.

  When our turn comes, I order the kiddie combo after searching through my wallet. Not as much money as I thought I had. The ticket prices hit me hard.

  “Cancel that. We’ll have two large combos,” Henry says, pulling his wallet out.

  I look in disbelief. “No, you don’t have to do that.”

  He shrugs. “If we’re going to be sitting next to each other, it makes the most sense. Two popcorns, two sodas for six people. As long as we all don’t mind sharing, that is.”

  “No, we don’t mind it.”

  “Good, then it’s settled.” The woman behind the counter waits patiently–sort of–and asks if we want butter for our popcorn. Henry turns to me with a shrug.

  “I prefer it, but if you don’t like it, we don’t have to.”

  She looks between the two of us. “Is that a yes?”

  “Load it up.” Henry grins and gives his card to the woman after she hands us two enormous tubs of popcorn. I call the kids over and give them the two cups.

  “No caffeine.” All four groan and trudge to the machine. One cup gets filled with Sprite while the other with root beer. I can live with those choices.

  I hand Jacob the tickets as we enter the theater. It’s empty, which isn’t surprising since there was a lack of kids in the lobby. We head to the middle aisles and occupy six seats next to the edge.

  “If anyone needs to use the bathroom, do it now before the movie starts.” I look between all the kids. Without fail, the girls raise their hands. Just as I figured. Cassie’s always good for a small bladder. If we can make it through the whole movie, it’d be a miracle.

  “We can go ourselves,” Lauren says.

  Henry shakes his head then looks to me. “I can take them.”

  He gives me an appreciative smile. “You two go with Jocelyn. It’s too late and you don’t know who all is out there.”

  My heart kicks up a notch. The same things go through my mind every time Cassie asks the same question. Without another word, both girls grab my hand and we duck out as the previews get started.

  “Quick, we don’t want to miss anything.” We practically run down the hallway, the girls giggling as they hold hands. I wait near the sinks as they take two stalls next to each other. They don’t stop talking, not even while they’re washing their hands.

  When we rejoin the guys, the last preview is playing. Jacob has moved next to Luke, so Cassie and Lauren sit to my right. Which means Henry and I are to police the middle.

  “If it gets too scary, you can use my shoulder.” A regular comedian. Even in the muted light, his blue eyes shine.

  I lean closer to whisper in his ear. “If this scares me, we’ll have bigger issues.”

  He snorts, trying to hold it back but failing miserably. I shush him as the movie starts. The kids all settle down into their chairs, their attention rapt to the screen.

  Before long, one of the buckets ends up in my lap. The girls had enough of popcorn apparently. I reach my hand in to grab some kernels, only to have my fingers wrap around another set instead. Turning my head, I meet Henry’s gaze. The air around us heats as we stare at each other, forgetting the movie completely.

  I wipe the buttery sludge off my hand. “Want any more?” I whisper in his direction.


  Henry shakes his head, never taking his eyes off mine. Setting the bucket on the floor, I place my arm on the armrest between us. Henry does the same, connecting us at the forearm as we share the space.

  Everything tingles around the slight contact, sending small shockwaves through my body. I know this doesn’t mean anything, but neither of us is moving away. It’s like we’re perfectly content with being this close to one another.

  The last time I tried this with Mike, he pulled his arm away so fast you’d swore it was on fire.

  And in this darkness, I recognize what I’ve been missing: a connection with someone who doesn’t think being with me is poisonous or a sense of duty. Our simple contact doesn’t mean much. It’s accidental at best. But through the space, I could feel his heat permeating the fabric of the sweater, warming my skin. All he did was smile and I swore he leaned in toward me. I want this moment to stretch on, but the house lights brighten the room as the closing credits roll across the screen. Luke and Jacob yawn while Cassie and Lauren are busy analyzing the movie. The difference between boys and girls.

  “Time to head back.” I don’t get the pushback I’m expecting, probably because they’re walking like zombies to the lobby area.

  Henry leans down to pick up Luke, who clings to his neck as his eyes drift shut. I help cover him up before heading to the parking lot.

  “See you tomorrow,” I call out as Henry gently sets Luke in his seat. Cassie and Jacob crawl in, both yawning loudly.

  When I look back, he’s leaning against his car door, only a few spots away. “I’ll be there.”

  He smiles once more before climbing into his car. I follow suit and crank the heat to high. A few miles down the road, Jacob yawns again.

  “Does this mean we’ll see Henry again tomorrow?” Hope twinkles in his half-closed lids. At the thought, my heart does a weird little flutter in my chest while my stomach does the same thing. It’s like riding a rollercoaster and hit the part of the hill that has you lifting off your seat. Like my insides are defying gravity. I clear my throat.

  “Yes, it does.”

  A smile lifts his lips. “He’s super cool. And his food is awesome. Plus, we promised Luke and Lauren we’d play Heads Up with them.”

  “I’m glad you four are getting along so well.”

  Cassie snores lightly next to Jacob, who settles back into his seat and succumbs to the sleep he’s trying to fight.

  Tonight was a good night. Knowing I can make my kids happy and keep their lives relatively normal, it solidifies my resolve to move past the pain in my heart and make an attempt to heal it.

  I still need to guard my heart because the next person who comes along isn’t just vying for mine. There are two others that need to be considered. He needs to be worthy of us. And I’ll make sure of it.

  “You’ve been overly cheery the last couple days,” Brenda says as she shuts down her computer. I can’t help the smile on my face as I finish the claim I’m working on.

  “What do you mean?” I spin in my chair to face her as she does the same.

  Brenda takes a long, hard look, scanning my face while narrowing her eyes. “I can’t place it, but something’s changed. You’re…happy.”

  I shrug. “Don’t know. Maybe it’s because it’s getting close to Christmas and we get a few days off?”

  Christmas has been one of the last things on my mind the past few days. Thank God for online shopping.

  Brenda takes another sweep over my face. “Whatever it is, it looks good on you.” I beam at her compliment. “There are a few of us going out Friday night. Want to come with?”

  My first reaction is to say no. Something stops me before I have the chance to utter that one-syllable word. No one has ever invited me to a girl’s night before. Screw it. “You know what? Yes. I’d love to go.”

  “Really? That’s great. I’ll pick you up around nine. That work for you?”

  I nod. “Yep.”

  Brenda runs down the list of people coming with, all of whom I know but have never hung out with before. It could be fun. And if not, that’s what alcohol is for.

  Mr. Davenport stops by as I grab my purse from the bottom drawer of my desk. “Jocelyn, a word?”

  I gulp and tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. Brenda looks over and mouths ‘don’t worry’ as she sneaks away behind him. Horrible images of Office Space come to mind where Lumbergh asks Peter to work overtime, which causes him to have a meltdown of epic proportions.

  “Anything wrong?” I can’t keep the nerves out of my voice as I follow him back to his office.

  Then, he smiles. I look around quickly, wondering if someone is playing a joke on me.

  “Nothing like that.” He leans back in his chair. “As you know, we’re opening up another technical specialist position and after speaking with some of the other supervisors, your name came up as the perfect candidate.”

  I blink, slowly. Is he…is he saying what I think he’s saying? A promotion? “Um, yes, I heard about the position.”

  He leans against the corner of his desk and folds his hands in his lap. “We’d like to offer you the position. Your hard work and dedication has really shown over the last few years. Not to mention you process every type of claim we have. You’re the perfect employee to fill the position.”

  I’m half tempted to pinch myself to make sure I’m not dreaming. “I-I don’t know what to say?”

  Mr. Davenport smiles. “Why you say yes, of course.”

  “Yes,” I say, emphatically. “Yes. Oh my gosh, thank you so much.”

  We go over the details of my promotion, which won’t start until the new year. Makes sense. That gives them time to hire a few new people and rearrange the lists so I can have my own group of people. He did, however, put an emphasis on arriving on time. For a promotion, I think I can make it work.

  Whatever guardian angel is looking over me, I need to find a way to thank them. For once, things seem to be going my way.

  After picking up the kids from school, we head straight to the restaurant.

  “Who has homework?” I ask while parking the car in the lot. Both kids raise their hands. “Remember, work first, then games.”

  “Lauren said she’s excited to play with us tonight,” Cassie says, slinging her backpack over her shoulder.

  “Yeah, I downloaded the game onto my iPod last night so we’re all set,” Jacob adds.

  We walk through the employee entrance and into the office, where Lauren and Luke are waiting. They both leap from their chairs and hug Cassie and Jacob. All four begin speaking at once, allowing me to sneak away after closing the door behind me.

  Troy greets me first, giving me a toothy smile. “Busy night. Hope you brought your A- game.”

  Oh perfect. But, busy night means more tips, which means I can probably pay off the last of the car bill. Maybe even have extra to give the kids the Christmas they deserve.

  “You know it.” Troy gives me a wink before heading back to the floor. Stacy comes whirling by, darting straight to the computer.

  “Tables fourteen and sixteen just sat down and need to be greeted. Can you take them?” She works on the orders from her notepad, not even looking my way. I tie my apron on and grab menus and water.

  “I’ve got them.”

  Two tables turn into four, keeping a steady flow right through the dinner rush. Every time I think I’m able to catch my breath, the door opens again and I’m right back to square one. By nine o’clock, I’m dead tired and sore. But can’t complain. Every table was completely satisfied with their meals and tipped me extremely well. Enough so I can pay off the rest of my auto bill and have enough left over to take the kids out for something fun.

  As I’m resetting the tables, someone clears their throat behind me. “Hey.”

  I turn and smile. The familiar hat greeting me first, then lowering my gaze to his eyes, finally resting on his smile. “Hey, yourself.”

  “Crazy night, huh?”

  I wipe a hand across
my brow. “I’ll say. Where’d they all come from?”

  Henry leans against a table, crossing his feet at the ankle. “It’s the holiday season. Everyone’s out shopping, building up an appetite.”

  “Or it’s because of your superior food choices.”

  He cracks a smile. “That too.” We both laugh, a nervous one. How is it I can joke around with Troy and not be as flustered as I am when I’m around Henry?

  We stare at each other for a second. Wild butterflies flutter through my veins, making me feel more alive than I have in the past few days. I can’t pull myself away from Henry’s eyes. They speak more words than anything that could come from his mouth.

  “Joss? Can I get your help?” Samantha calls from the front of the restaurant, effectively breaking the trance I was in.

  “Guess I better go see what she needs.” I hook a thumb over my shoulder.

  Henry nods. “Yeah, I need to do inventory tonight anyway.”

  Before he gets too far away, I call out his name. “I thought you took Tuesdays off?”

  “I decided that was a horrible idea.” The smile on his face brightens up the room. He keeps my gaze as he shrugs. “I switched.”

  Something tells me there’s a chance it’s because of me. I shake off the thought, telling myself it’s crazy. We’re friends. Nothing more.

  Samantha is carrying a giant stack of menus, slamming them onto the countertop of the bar. “We need to stuff these with the new winter inserts. Can you help me?” She’s well versed in the puppy dog eyes, making it hard to say no.

  Just as I’m about to agree, a tingle runs up my spine before a hand lands on my shoulder. “You don’t have to worry about it. We’ll take care of it later. It’s a good project for the kids,” Henry says behind me. The smile he gives makes me feel as if we’re the only two in the room. Everything else drops away. It’s like amnesia has hit and I’m starting over from scratch.

  Samantha nods, abandoning the project to finish her other duties. I turn to face Henry, who hasn’t moved an inch. He smells good. Not like restaurant food, as I would expect. Something else is wafting in the air. Clean, crisp, almost citrusy, yet masculine.