Never Say Spy (The Never Say Spy Series Book 1)

by Diane Henders

  I revised what I was going to say. “I took a hit and got knocked out for a while, so I was a little out of it. By the time I recovered enough to know what was going on, I was naked and held down on the table, so I was a little distracted...”

  I glanced at his expression and blundered on, completely rattled. “I got suspicious because you... your constructs were acting so... Anyway, Sandler grew this enormous...” I started to gesture with my hands before thinking better of it.

  “He planned for me to bleed to death slowly,” I explained.

  A muscle jumped furiously in Kane’s clenched jaw.

  “So, anyway, I knew it had to be a sim,” I continued hastily. “And then I remembered that you create your own reality in the sim.”

  I bared my teeth. “It turned out my reality had an automatic weapon in it.”

  Spider had crept back to the table, his face ashen. “You shot him?” he quavered.

  “To bleeding, twitching ribbons,” I snarled.

  “And he died in real life,” Spider whispered. “I didn’t think that could happen.”

  “He told me if you die in the sim, it looks like a fatal heart attack in real life. That’s why he planned to kill me in the sim. No evidence. He would have gotten away with it, too, if he’d been smart enough to just shoot me right away. I’d have died without ever knowing it wasn’t real. Lucky for me he decided to play out his elaborate little fantasy.”

  “Lucky,” Kane echoed, his face like granite.

  I dropped my head into my hands again. “I really hope that double-oh-seven license you granted me last night is still in effect,” I mumbled to the table. “Because I just confessed to murder in front of four witnesses.”

  “No,” Kane said. “You described a virtual self-defence simulation. Four witnesses sat in the meeting room with you and watched Sandler keel over of natural causes while you sat unmoving at the opposite end of the table. There’s no stronger alibi than that.”

  I gazed around the table at their grim faces, all nodding agreement. “Thanks,” I said inadequately. “And I’m sorry I freaked out and attacked you when I came out of the network. But why did you hit me?”

  Kane’s brow furrowed. “When? I didn’t hit you.”

  “When I came out of the network. You hit me in the face. And you were winding up for another one when I fell off the chair.”

  He shook his head, still frowning. “I didn’t hit you. Sandler had collapsed a few minutes earlier. Germain was doing CPR. We knew something had gone seriously wrong in the network test. We tried to access the network, but we were locked out, so I was trying to wake you. Usually all it takes is a touch or someone calling your name, but you weren’t coming out. I was just patting your face, trying to wake you up.”

  Understanding dawned. “And I had my usual shot of pain from leaving the network at the same time. So I thought you were beating me.” I met his eyes, embarrassed. “I’m sorry. I should have known better, but I was pretty messed up by then. That’s how the sim started...” I trailed off as his face hardened again.

  “And then you tranked me,” I went on. “I understand now that you didn’t have much choice. But from my standpoint, one second I was in the sim, the next second I was in the warehouse with you hitting me, then you yelled ‘shoot her’ and seconds later I was in the bunker. I didn’t know what was real anymore.”

  “I’m sorry,” Kane said. “You were fighting so hard, I couldn’t hold you without hurting you. And we didn’t know what had killed Sandler. I was afraid you’d snapped because of a problem with the network interface.”

  “Now it makes sense,” Germain said quietly. “You kept screaming ‘I trusted you’, and we couldn’t understand why.”

  “I should have checked the network access,” Spider mumbled. “I should have caught that.” He met my eyes miserably, and then stared down at the tabletop.

  Kane’s face darkened. “And I should have gone in with you,” he added. “I’m sorry. This should never have happened.”

  I knotted my fists in my hair. “Guys. It’s okay. It was just a sim. Forget it.”

  Kane cleared his throat before speaking again. “So the warehouse network was never intended to connect to Sirius.”

  “Not that I could tell,” I replied, grateful for the topic change. “If it was, Sandler didn’t mention it. But I don’t know why the key worked to get me into both networks. And I still don’t understand where it came from, or what good it is if only I can use it.”

  “I might be able to answer that,” Spider spoke up. “Using your timeframe for when the crystal showed up in your back yard, I went back over last October’s records. It seems Fuzzy Bunny was expecting an important delivery around mid-October. One of our agents intercepted the courier.”

  “And get this,” he looked around the table, his eyes sparkling. “Our guy cornered the courier close to Aydan’s neighbourhood. The courier suicided, and nothing was ever recovered from the body, so it was assumed that he hadn’t made the pickup yet. But if the delivery was the crystal, he could have tossed it over your fence, intending to go back and recover it later.”

  I rubbed my aching forehead. “But what good is it if it only worked for me, not for anybody else?”

  “It looks like it was designed to be used along with a brainwave modulator,” Webb explained. “You remember how Smith said earlier that a few people may use the right frequency naturally? Coincidentally, you do. The rest of us don’t.”

  “Oh, so that’s why they were hacking the fob instead.”

  “Right,” Spider agreed. “The key that was inside the crystal can get you into any network invisibly, but it won’t work for most people. The fobs can get anybody in, but they’re coded to individuals, and they’re traceable. We think they were trying to develop a generic fob that wouldn’t have to be coded to an individual.”

  “Making it easy to infiltrate a network, or to send captives into the network without their knowledge,” Kane concluded. “All right, we have a lot of loose ends to tie up. What was the relationship between Sandler and Ramos? Was Fuzzy Bunny really their purchaser for the hacked fob? If so, can we nail them with anything? Who was the supplier of the crystal? Who else knew about Aydan’s ability to access the network, and is she in any further danger now that Sandler’s associates, whoever they are, think she’s dead?”

  “And can I go home and get a change of clothes?” I added. “I realize it’s insignificant in the big picture, but it’d really make me feel better.”

  Kane nodded. “I’ll take you.”

  “I’ll keep digging into the crystal and its suppliers,” Spider volunteered.

  “I’ll start looking into Sandler,” Germain said. “Can I pull in those analysts you requisitioned earlier?”

  “Yours,” Kane agreed.

  Wheeler stood. “I’m going to go and continue questioning the detainees. Now that we know about Sandler’s involvement and the purpose of the warehouse network, I can ask better questions.” He turned and left, followed by Spider. Germain sat down at one of the terminals that lined the walls and started clicking keys.

  Kane turned to me. “Ready to go?”

  “So ready.”

  Chapter 41

  “Stay in the vehicle,” Kane cautioned when we got to the farm. “We’re going to follow the standard clearing procedure.”

  “Do you think it’s still necessary?”

  “Better safe than sorry. I won’t get complacent until we have all the research done and the loose ends are tied up. If we’ve missed a single detail, it could change everything. Slide over and get ready to drive, just in case.”

  He closed the door and I slid over as instructed, watching him circle the house. I didn’t know how he could stay so calm, putting himself in danger over and over. I was vibrating with nerves. Then again, he got to carry a gun. Maybe that helped.

  He waved me the all-clear, and I got out of the SUV to join him on the front step. He opened the door and repeated his systematic
search of the house. When he nodded, I headed for my bedroom, hands shaking.

  “Do I have time to take a shower?” I asked over my shoulder. “Or should I just grab my stuff and go back to your office?”

  “I’d prefer not to stay here too long.”

  I sighed. “Okay.”

  I upended my backpack over the laundry basket before repacking it with several changes of clothes, afraid to assume I might be back anytime soon.

  I stripped off my clothes and dumped them into the laundry, too, regarding my panties with a shudder. I wasn’t ever going to be able to look at them again without seeing Sandler’s dick poking out of them. I picked them up with my fingertips and dropped them into a small paper bag. Then I dressed in fresh clothes and brushed my hair before going out to meet Kane in the living room.

  “Looks like you have messages.” He pointed to the blinking light on my machine.

  When I pressed the button, Cheryl’s worried voice filled the room. “Aydan, it’s Cheryl. Where are you? I’ve been calling and calling your cell. I went to show the house today, and it looked like there had been a break-in. The door to your bedroom was kicked in. Are you okay? Call me.”

  “Shit.” I checked the date. Sunday afternoon. “Shit!”

  Next message. “Aydan, it’s Cheryl again. It’s Tuesday evening. I was over at the house again, and your car’s in the drive, but I couldn’t find you. I’m worried about you. If I don’t hear from you by tomorrow, I’m going to file a missing persons report with the police. Call me. I’ll leave this message on your cell, too.”

  I shot a frown at Kane. “Shit!”

  I pressed the button again. Cheryl sounded tearful. “Aydan, where are you? It’s Wednesday afternoon, and I’m so afraid something bad has happened to you. The police are looking for you. Hang on, wherever you are. Call me if you get this.”

  I flopped into a chair, making fists in my hair. “Son of a bitch! What the fuck am I supposed to do now? Phone her up and say, oh gee, sorry, it was all a misunderstanding, silly me?”

  Kane was already dialling his phone. “The first thing we’re going to do is cancel the missing persons alert. After that, we’ll do damage control.” He made several calls while I perched anxiously on the edge of the chair, racking my brain about how to deal with this latest problem.

  Kane hung up. “That wasn’t as bad as it could have been. When Eddy phoned in the 911 call about you on Wednesday night, they ramped up the search, but then the whole thing got called off when we reported we’d recovered you. We fed the police the stalker-ex-husband story, and they’ve passed it along to Cheryl already. She’ll be upset, but not frantic that you haven’t called her yet.”

  I slumped back in the chair. “Thank God. Poor Cheryl. I guess I’ll just have to tell her I lost my cell phone. That’ll explain why I didn’t return her earlier calls. I’d better call her right now, though.”

  He nodded. “Remember, keep it simple. The more elaborate your explanation, the more complicated things get down the road.”

  I grimaced and dialled Cheryl’s number. She picked up on the first ring, and I spent the next several minutes reassuring her and explaining as little as possible. When I finally hung up, I thudded the handset against my forehead. “I swear, in my next life, I’m going to be a hermit.”

  Kane looked bemused. “Isn’t it a good thing that you have people in your life who care about you?”

  “Yes… I guess. But I wish… I just hate upsetting people. I wish people didn’t care so much about me that they tie themselves in knots like that. I feel so bad.”

  “So you’d rather die a horrible death than upset people.”

  “No!” I yanked a handful of my hair. He clearly wasn’t getting it. Hell, I wasn’t sure I got it myself. “Never mind. Forget it. I’ve just had too much emotional bloodbath lately.”

  I turned away from his scrutiny and made for the kitchen to grab matches and a bottle of fondue fuel before heading out the back door to the firepit. Kane stuck close beside me, scanning the landscape.

  I’d forgotten he’d have to shadow me. Shit. Well, too late now.

  I dropped the small paper bag into the pit and sloshed some fuel over it. “Stand back.” I tossed in a match, and the bag caught with a whoosh.

  The paper burned away first, and we stood in silence watching the flames consume the turquoise lace. I could feel Kane’s eyes on me, and I stared into the firepit.

  “You didn’t tell us the whole story, did you?” he asked quietly.

  “I hit the high points.”

  “The high points. When I cut you loose after you’d been tortured, you said ‘Help me up’, like you’d tripped or something. When you came out of the network, you were hysterical. It must have been bad.”

  I shrugged, watching the flames. “I just freaked out because I was disoriented.”

  “Aydan. I understand you don’t want to talk about this, and I won’t ask you again. I just want you to remember you don’t have to deal with it alone. Don’t try to do it yourself.”

  “I’ll be fine. Dr. Roth gave me the name of a psychologist.”

  He sighed. “I’ve experienced post-traumatic stress first-hand. Don’t wait. It only gets worse.”

  I looked up finally and met his eyes. “I have a bit of experience in that area myself,” I told him gently. “I dealt with it the first time with the help of an excellent psychologist. If my coping skills aren’t up to it this time, I definitely won’t wait. I don’t want to go through that again.”

  He studied my face. “Was that after your divorce?”

  “No. I… had some problems. After the accident. I told you I was pinned…”

  He nodded, his face clearing with comprehension. “Trapped. And you’re claustrophobic.”

  “That was part of it. But… well, we were out in the middle of nowhere. It took a long time for the emergency crews to arrive. I was pinned right in front of the biker. Watching him suffer and not being able to do anything. And those horrible screams. And the smells… His intestines… well, you saw. Anyway.”

  I took a deep breath. “It was more than an hour before they finally took him away. They had to cut the post and take it along with him. When they started with the chainsaw, the screaming was just…”

  He took my hand and held it, and we stood in silence for a few seconds. I shook myself. “Anyway, the psychologist got me over the flashbacks and panic attacks. He was amazing. And I still have the skills he taught me.”

  “I thought you seemed pretty blasé about the screaming nightmares.”

  I gave him a half-smile. “I don’t do that very often any more. I’ve probably got a few more in me after the last twenty-four hours, but it shouldn’t last too long. I usually have a couple of bad nights and then I get over it.”

  His gaze sharpened. “Usually?”

  “I mean, if something scary or stressful is going on in my life. You know. Shit happens to everybody.”

  “Mmm.” He fell silent, staring at the smoking ruin in the firepit. After a moment he turned to me. “Ready to go?”

  “Yeah.”

  We turned back toward the house, and I reached to touch his arm. “Thanks.” I met his eyes, trying to make him see I really meant it, that I wasn’t just blowing him off.

  He smiled. “You’re welcome.”

  Chapter 42

  When we pulled up in front of Kane’s converted office, I slumped in the seat, toying with my seat belt. “Back to the cave, eh?”

  He shot me a sympathetic look and a nod.

  I sighed heavily before straightening in my seat, running a hand over my abs. The pain was beginning to ease. Or maybe the rest of my body just ached so much it was fading in comparison.

  I got out of the SUV and dragged my feet up the walk, already beginning my internal monologue.

  Fine. I’d be fine. So I’d be below ground, so what? No big deal. Lots of ways out. Not trapped.

  Fine. I was fine…

  The stairwell seemed
to shrink around me when the door clicked closed above and I muffled a panicky squeak, my hand clenching on the handrail.

  Get a grip, dammit! Just breathe. Ocean waves. Think ocean waves…

  I successfully held back my shudder at the sight of the big table in the work area and shuffled in the direction of the bathroom, leaving Kane and Germain leaning over one of the computers.

  I stood in the shower for a long time, hoping the hot water would ease the aching tension in my shoulders. Determinedly rerouting my mind, I concentrated on recalling the open fields around my farm. How would they look once winter lost its grip?

  I leaned my forehead against the wall, eyes closed while I visualized sweet, sun-warmed hay under a wide blue sky. The heat of the water warmed my back like summer sunshine, and my tremors gradually diminished while I drew deep breaths of imagined fresh air.

  My serenity was short-lived. Back in the long corridor, the knowledge of the heavy earth above me tightened like a noose around my throat. I shook my head vigorously and headed for the work area, clinging to my vision of summer.

  Claustrophobia was all in my head. I was doing this to myself. I wasn’t trapped, for shit’s sake. Stupid. Just get over it.

  When I rounded the corner, the sight of two smug faces made hope soar in my heart. “What?”

  Kane grinned, the tiredness around his eyes crinkling into those sexy laugh lines. “Sandler was the key. This thing is blowing wide open. We don’t have the whole picture yet, but we will, and soon. Thanks to you.”

  I beamed at him. “Can I request a reward?”

  Wariness crept into his eyes, the cop face closing down his expression. “Maybe. What did you have in mind?”

  “A chance to get out of the bunker for beer and blues at Eddy’s?”

  His face relaxed again and he leaned back in his chair, smiling. “That could be arranged. I think we’re all ready for that kind of reward.”

  I hid my surge of relief in a joke. “Good, ‘cause I’m starving.”

  Germain laughed. “The woman is a bottomless pit. Why don’t you weigh three hundred pounds?”