by Renee Dyer
“Mikos.”
“Mr. Stavros, you were a coward all those years ago. I’m sorry to say this, but it’s the truth. Rose explained your story to me and I’m sorry for the loss you suffered, but you were still a father. You had no right to check out on your son. He was just a boy. A boy who had lost his mom and a boy who needed his dad. There is no excuse that makes what you did acceptable and I want you to know that. I do want Tucker to be able to move on and live a happy life, but I also want to break a promise I made to my brother and drop kick you in the nuts to show you even a little of the pain your son has lived with. Sorry, Rose, for speaking so disrespectfully in your house.”
I wave her off because all I see is an angel of mercy. My boys are no longer screaming at each other. In fact, they’re both staring at her, one in amazement, one in anger. I can see another fight will start soon, but I’m too tired to withstand that.
“Adriana, please take Tucker back to your hotel tonight while I play catch up with my son. I know he’s just back from Greece and I want to hear stories from my homeland.”
“I’m not leaving you with him, Grams,” Tucker protests.
“Tucker, please,” I say. “I’m tired. I need to rest and I want to hear about the vineyard first.” Hurt crashes over his face and I feel awful for being the source of that.
“Fine.” He turns away from everyone and slams out of the house. Adriana stares after him. I can see the indecision all over her face and it makes me love her more. She’s my Tucker’s one. I only hope he doesn’t screw things up by letting his anger get the best of him.
“Why don’t you come say goodnight to this old lady?” I say, opening my arms for a hug. Her immediate smile warms my heart. When she bends down into my embrace, I take the opportunity to warn her. “I’m sorry about what you’ll be dealing with tonight, but please try to see past the anger. He’s going to lash out at you. It’s not your fault, dear.” She looks at me with a sad smile before turning and walking away. I give a weak smile when she blows off Mikos’ attempts at saying goodbye to her. She loves my Tucker.
I only hope that’s enough.
Chapter Sixteen
Adriana
The car ride to the hotel is tense. Tucker doesn’t say a word to me. Several times I start to say something to him, but I stop myself. The anger emanating from him is suffocating me. If Mikos weren’t at his Grams’ house, I would ask him to drop me off and let him take my rental back with him for the night. I’m dreading spending time with him. I never thought I’d feel that way, but watching him grip the steering wheel so tightly I fear the cloth will rip off, the last place I want to be tonight is with him.
When he parks at the hotel, I don’t wait for him to come around to open my door. I don’t want him to fake niceties on my behalf. The annoyed grunt he throws my way fires up my annoyance. I’m not sure why he’s pissed off at me, but I intend to find out. With a sense of urgency now, I quicken my pace toward the elevator. I may not have a choice about spending the night with him, but I do have a choice about what happens. I threatened to drop kick his father in the nuts. He should be happy with me, not scowling at me and making me feel like shit.
We continue through the lobby, into the elevator, down the hallway, and all the way into my room in silence. I walk into the room, straight over to the little table near the refrigerator, and slam my purse down, suddenly feeling the need to let out some irritation of my own. I know I need to calm down because both of us being this worked up is not good.
“How could you defend him?” I jump at the hatred and the hardness in his tone, but I don’t turn around. I can’t be hearing him correctly. Defend him? How the hell did I defend Mikos? I told him he was a coward. I told him nothing he could do would make him walking out on his son acceptable. Hell, I told him I wanted to drop kick him in the nuts. In front of Rose. How in the hell did he think I was defending him?
“The least you can do is look at me when I’m talking to you!” His strong hand wrapped around my arm whips me around to face him. A squeak of surprise falls from my lips. “I asked you a question dammit!” The hatred in his eyes scares me. His face has morphed into something I don’t recognize. It’s worse than the anger I saw when Victoria called the paparazzi and I don’t know what to say. His hand is still holding my arm. It’s weird because he’s not squeezing me, not causing me pain. He’s just holding me there so I have to look at him; look into eyes that look like they’ve been taken over by the devil. I don’t see my Tucker in there anymore. I don’t know who I see and I’m frightened.
“Tucker,” I whisper. I’m afraid to raise my voice any higher. I’m afraid he’ll lose control of whatever sanity he may have left. From the few stories he’s shared with me of Mikos, I know his father scarred him in ways I can’t even begin to imagine, but I never thought he would take it out on me. Now, I’m wondering if I ever knew him at all.
“How could you defend him, Adriana? You know he left me. You know he pulled me from my home and I lived in fear of him taking me from Grams. I lost my entire childhood because of that motherfucker and YOU defended him,” he roars at me, his face contorted in a snarl that has my blood running cold. “Every part of my childhood and teenage years was tormented by that piece of shit and you, Adriana, the person who I thought was my angel, defended him. How could you?”
His head drops and I want to reach out to him, but fear keeps me planted in place. I don’t know what to do or say and the only word I can get out of my mouth is, “Tucker.” It seems so silly to me that all I keep saying is his name, but he’s still holding me by my arm. His face is still contorted in rage. I can see it even though he isn’t looking directly at me. Every word he’s said he’s either screamed or dripping with hate. I’m not sure how to console him and I fear my touch will only burn him.
When he lifts his head to me again, my heart drops out of my chest. The tears I see from this powerful man are enough to break even the strongest person, but I’m not that strong. “How could you?” he says, so much more quietly than before. I know I have to say something now, but what can I say to this broken man before me.
“Tucker, please.” I’m not sure what I’m asking him for. Maybe it’s for him to hear me out. Maybe it’s for him to let go of my arm. I don’t know. I just need a little more time to figure out what to say.
His blue eyes misting over, pain radiating through them, lock on mine and I know I have to just tell him the truth. “I wasn’t defending him, Tucker. I was trying to help you move on from the pain he’s caused you. I’m so sorry if you thought it was anything other than that. I would never—”
“Bullshit! I heard what you said. You said you wished your dad was back so you could tell him you loved him and not to waste life because it’s precious. You were basically telling me not to waste any more time that I could have with him. You made it okay that he walked away from me.” I watch the tears streaming down his cheeks and I’m shaking my head no. He misunderstood what I said. In his rage and pain, he didn’t understand what I meant at all. “Did you see the smirk on his face? Did you? That son of a bitch was smirking while you were speaking.”
“No, no, that wasn’t what I was saying at all.” I try to move toward him, but the hold he has on my arm restricts my movement. I want him to let go of me, but I’m afraid to draw attention to it. I’ve never seen him like this. “Please, listen to me. I hate to see you suffering because of him. All I was trying to say was that I want you to be able to move on with your life and be happy. I would never choose him over you. You have to know that. Tucker, I told him he is a coward. Did you listen to what I said to him?”
I do reach out and touch his face now, wipe away some of his tears. I want to cry myself when he flinches at my touch. “Tucker, you know I would never choose him over you, right?” I see the war raging in his eyes, the part of him that wants to believe me and the broken part that is still too angry to come to grips with what I’m saying. I continue to stroke his cheek, trying to calm him.
/> I notice the second his eyes start to change. He’s still angry, but his face loses some of the hostility. He starts to look more like the man I know and care about. I feel like I can breathe easier. His mouth eases out of the rigid line it was set in and his cheeks start to relax. I see his shoulders start to drop and feel his fingers start to loosen around my arm. He still doesn’t let go, but he never hurt me either.
“Tucker, can you let go of my arm now?”
His eyes roam from my face to his fingers wrapped around my arm a few times. Horror crosses his face. “What have I done?” He drops my arms like he’s been holding a hot poker and starts to step back away from me. He’s not speaking, but the look of devastation on his face says it all. He’s going to walk away from me and that’s the last thing I want.
“It’s alright. You didn’t hurt me.” There are faint red lines on my arm, but I know they’ll be gone shortly. He hadn’t been holding me hard enough to hurt me, let alone leave bruises. “Please sit down so we can talk, baby.” I only use those terms of endearment when he’s upset like this. It usually calms him, but he continues to back away from me, shaking his head as he moves away.
“Tucker, we can work this out. Please just sit down,” I plead with him. I’m afraid what will happen if he walks out that door. “Please don’t go.”
He stops moving, only for a moment and stares at me with such an intense pain in his eyes that I’m afraid it will shatter my soul. “I can’t be here right now, sweetness.” That’s all he says before he turns and walks out the door.
I stand there, my heart shattered into a million pieces, staring at the closed door, praying for God to watch over him. I have no idea where he’ll go. Even knowing he grew up here does nothing to ease my worry. He had no friends. Well, he had one, but I don’t know if that person still lives around here or if he’s still in contact with him. I should have chased after him.
A few hours later, I’m just as restless as I was when Tucker left. The walls of the hotel room feel like they’re closing in on me. I tried reading for a little while, but I couldn’t tear my thoughts from Tucker and where he may be. What if he got himself into trouble?
I finally can’t take it anymore and decide I need out of this room. I don’t even care that I’ve already washed my make up off and my hair is thrown up in a messy bun. I don’t know anyone in this city, but if they have a problem with yoga pants and tank tops then they can shove my flip-flops up their ass.
I have no plans as to where I’m going. All I know is I need fresh air. I roll the window down and start driving, hoping to relieve some of the tension rolling through my body. It’s only a little after ten o’clock, but everything looks to be shut down and things are dark. The darkness fits my mood. I continue driving, street after street, not really paying attention to what I see or where I am. I simply drive, enjoying the wind trying to pull my hair from the bun it’s in. I have the music down low; enough that I know it’s on, but not enough that I can hear the songs. I don’t want any songs to remind me of him, but I want some sound. I’m missing him already and it’s only been a few hours. How will I handle going back home without him in my life?
After driving for about forty-five minutes, I come to an area that looks familiar. I know Tucker brought me through this area this morning. My heart stops as I recognize the cemetery before me. It looks different in the dark. A couple of street lights glow in front of it and a few lights inside the cemetery light the paths. Ironic that I would end up in the place that means so much to him after he walked away from me. I slow the car as I drive by and stop when I see a silhouette of a man kneeling in front a headstone.
I would know that silhouette anywhere. I can’t help but wonder if he’s been here since he left my room. I park the car and make my way to him. I’d like to say I thought about it before going to him, but I didn’t. I was drawn to him, knew I needed to go to him, so I did.
I approach him slowly, though the closer I get to him, I’m not sure if he’s awake. His head is dropped down and his eyes are closed. The pinched look on his face is a look of pain though, not the peaceful look he gets when he’s sleeping. It’s the only reason I know he’s awake. Again, I wonder how long he’s been here. I drop to my knees and wrap my arms around him, feeling the startled jump from his body and all the tension he’s carrying. “Come back with me, Tucker.”
He turns and wraps his arms around me, buries his face in my neck, and I feel his body start to shudder in sobs. I hold onto him as tight as I can, offering him all the comfort I have. “Shh, baby, I’ve got you.” I use the line he’s used on me during the times I needed to know someone was there for me. I keep repeating it as I hold him. I let him cry and squeeze me as tight as he needs to. Over and over, I repeat that line, needing him to know that I’m here for him. I hold him as tight as I can while his body shakes and his tears soak my bare shoulder. His sobs echo through the stillness off the night, adding to the sadness of the moment and I can’t help but want to find Mikos and do unmentionable things to him. He is responsible for Tucker being this broken. I hadn’t realized just how lost Tucker was until tonight, but I plan to help him find his way.
“I’m so sorry, sweetness. So sorry,” he sobs out. “I promise you, I’ve never laid my hands on a woman before.”
“Tucker, look at me,” I say gently. I can feel him resist, but I pull back slightly. “Look at my arm. See? No marks. You didn’t hurt me, baby, and I don’t think you ever would.”
He grabs both my arms with the lightest touch, so light it’s like he’s barely touching me, and inspects both my arms. I just sit there and let him. He obviously needs to be sure that he didn’t hurt me and I want him to see that I’m fine. When his eyes come back to mine, I lose my breath again at the pain that is still radiating from him. I wish I knew how to take it all away. I wish I had a magic wand I could wave and poof; everything would be rainbows and sunshine in his world. Unfortunately, life doesn’t work that way.
“I just lost it. I thought you took his side and I lost it. I saw red and I forgot what I was doing.” He starts shifting around and I can see the discomfort on his face. I grab one of his hands and I rub his cheek with my other hand. I offer him a smile, encouraging him to tell me whatever is on his mind. He lets out a sigh and settles back on his ass before looking at me again. “This has happened since I was a kid. I call it the red haze. I stop thinking and just let it take over. That’s what happened all those times I beat up kids in school. But, I never… never lost it on a woman. I don’t know what I would do if I had hurt you.”
I watch another tear fall down his face and shame cloud his features. How do I make him understand that I know he won’t ever hurt me? Yes, he scared me. I won’t tell him that right now because it won’t help anything, but he never squeezed my arm. No matter how upset he was, he never squeezed me. He must have been aware, somewhere in there, that it was me he was holding on to.
“Tucker, you were blindsided by seeing someone who has been your biggest nightmare for years. I think that, under the circumstances, you should cut yourself some slack. The last couple days have been highly stressful. Add the fact that you and I just reconnected and I’m surprised you didn’t blow up sooner.”
“Don’t you dare blame yourself for this. I grabbed you.”
“Shh. Please listen. I’m alright. Your Grams had a heart attack. She’s the most important person in the world to you and I can’t even begin to imagine what that has been putting you through emotionally. Then you show up to her room to see me there. After how things ended with us—and please don’t try to cut me off. I can see that you want to jump in and try to stop me, but let me just get this out. After how I ended things with us and then you not having any warning that I was there, it must have only added to the emotions you already were dealing with. Seeing Mikos on top of that… Tucker, I don’t know anyone who would keep their calm after that. So, please, stop apologizing to me. Right now, all I want is for you to get in the car with me and to go back to
my room. Is that okay?”
So many emotions cross his face: doubt, happiness, pain, fear, and maybe even acceptance. I sit there a few minutes more and let him take in all that I had to say. I never let go of his hand or stop rubbing his cheek. This man is mine and I want him to know that. He finally nods his head yes and I breathe a sigh of relief. Standing up, he helps me to my feet and pulls me into his arms whispering, “Thank you,” into my ear. I smile even though he can’t see it.
In the car, he holds my hand the entire way back, running circles with his thumb over the top of my hand. I have to smile. Although it makes me think of Alex, it makes me happy. I loved when he held my hand like this too. It was being with Alex that I learned how important holding hands are to a relationship. To me, handholding is one of the most intimate displays of affection two people can share and in this moment with Tucker, it feels more important than I can find words for. I need to give him this connection. With joy in my heart and a smile on my face, I drive us back to the hotel.
I close the door behind me and turn around to find Tucker in my personal space. Oh, how I love when he invades me like this. When I can feel the heat from his body and I can feel the breath from us mingling in the air. It shoots off sparks, has them igniting when he isn’t even touching me. I slowly trail my eyes up the length of him, starting at his groin, which I can see is thickening with arousal. Knowing he is feeling the tension in the air too has me pooling at my core. I can see his well-defined stomach through his t-shirt and have the urge to nip every last ripple of muscle, lick around each line of his tattoos. Christ, he has far too much clothing on.
“If you keep eye fucking me like that, sweetness, I’m going to take you hard and I really just need to be with you tonight.”
Hard, oh yes. I want him to take me hard. I lick my dry lips. Shit, what did he say? He just needs to be with me tonight. What the fuck does that mean? I look up into his eyes and see hunger there. I know if I pushed a little, he’d have me against the wall or bent over the table, slamming into me, bringing me to the edge in no time, but he had to say that he just needs to be with me tonight. Dammit! Trying to breathe for a second and calm my overly horned up center, I finally make an attempt to speak.
