Eyes Wide Open (Healing Hearts #2)

by Renee Dyer

  I’m placing a kiss to Adriana’s cheek while she snaps a picture of us when we hear people talking behind us. Both of us turn around to see a couple, around the same age as us, staring back. The smirk the guy gives me tells me he heard everything. Adriana catches it. The blush in her cheeks darkens and she looks down at her feet. He looks at the woman with him and they smile. I have a feeling they’ve been talking extensively about the crazy couple shagging on the mountain. My stomach knots and drops into my toes as realization dawns in her eyes. I see it the second she recognizes who I am.

  “We should start heading back now, sweetness. Your friends are meeting us for lunch.” She stares at me quizzically, but doesn’t say anything about the fact that I told her before that her friends were meeting us for supper. She must sense that something’s wrong. She gives the couple a smile, walks to her bag, stows her camera, and expertly slips into her gear. We simply tell them to have a nice day and start the descent.

  Relief washes over me as soon as we’re off the granite face of the mountain and into the tree line. I feel protected by the trees, like they can somehow stop the prying eyes of people who don’t know me. I hate that that woman made me feel like I had to run away with Adriana before she had to witness a fan moment, but this weekend is all about her. I don’t want anything to ruin it.

  “Want to tell me what happened back there?” Adriana stops walking and turns, her hazel eyes locking on mine. There’s no judgment in them, only concern.

  “I could tell the woman recognized me. I didn’t know what she would do. People vary. Some are okay, polite, but others get out of control and that can make their partner act crazy. I didn’t want that around you.” I feel ashamed for reasons I can’t explain. She knows this is my life, but spelling it out, telling her why we left, makes me sound like a coward. I can’t hold her gaze, finding that my hiking boots are really interesting. They’ve picked up some mud along the way and I have a small twig stuck in the laces of one.

  “Tucker,” she says, taking a step closer to me. “You need to stop trying to protect me from your life. I accept you for who you are and what you do. Do you remember when you told me that you were walking into this thing between us with your eyes wide open? Well, I’m doing the same thing.” She takes my hand and places it over her heart.

  “Feel my heart beating?” I nod my head yes, my mouth too dry to answer. “I promise you, with this very heart, that I see you for who you are and I like what I see. All of what I see, Tucker. I want all of you—the protector, the honest man, the man who wears no underwear.” I chuckle at that last one even though I still can’t bring myself to look up at her. “I want the man who tells me things I don’t want to hear and the man who’s broken and trying to find his way. I want the man who’s trying to find the child that’s lost in him and I want the man who’s larger than life on the screen. All of that makes up the man standing before me and I’m really happy to call him my boyfriend.”

  I do look at her now and the smile on her face mends something. I can’t explain it, but I swear I can literally feel some of my broken pieces fusing back together. This angel of mercy or healing or love or whatever kind of angel she is, she’s putting me back together one piece at a time.

  I can’t find the words to tell her what her words mean to me so I bend forward and gently press my lips to hers. I pour my heart into those couple of seconds that we stand in silence, trying to convey to her everything I can’t find the words to express. My hand still sits over her heart. I feel it beating and as it beats, all I can think is how much she owns mine. This angel before me has my heart and I’m helpless to ever get it back.

  We both step back. It’s like there’s a magical force that tells us it’s time to start moving again. There are no words spoken. They aren’t needed. We work our way down the mountain in happy silence. Adriana takes more pictures, here and there, and a few more together. I think one of my favorites will be the one of me giving her a piggyback ride. I don’t know why we thought to take that picture, but I’m glad we did and I can’t wait to see it. I never knew hiking a mountain could be so much fun.

  I didn’t expect it to piece me together either.

  Back at the cabin, we unpack and Adriana heads for the shower. I had a message on my phone from Eddie that sounded important, but turned out to be nothing. He mixed up the password to my garage in L.A., but he had already figured it out and didn’t need my help anymore. I think the jackass knew I wanted to get back to my girl, but kept rambling on to me anyways. I had to finally hang up on him because Adriana, naked and wet in the shower, was beckoning me.

  Steam rolls through the air and moisture sticks to my skin. Adriana is softly humming, but I can’t tell what the song is. My clothes are far too restricting, the sweat and steam making them feel wet. I peel them off and drop them haphazardly as I make my way toward the sound of her voice. As much as I want to jump into the shower and plunge into her, show her how crazy she makes me, I force myself to inch the shower curtain back and what I see takes my breath away.

  Adriana has one leg up on the side of the tub and she is fully concentrating, with a razor in hand, on the center of my sexual universe. I know she shaves, I see it every time I get her naked, but knowing it and actually seeing her doing it are two very different things. I don’t know whether to be intrigued by the process or aroused that her hand is so close to where she can pleasure herself.

  “Are you going to keep watching or are you going to join me in here?” Her voice jolts me out of the stare down I was having with that delectable V between her legs. I look up into her amused eyes as I step into the shower with her, never breaking eye contact. Her head tilts up as I walk in so she can continue the eye fuck we’re giving each other. In this moment, I know that I’ve met my match in this woman who’s less than a foot shorter than I am. She doesn’t back down. She’s not scared of my past. And she’s looking at me like I’m a fucking tootsie pop.

  I step under the spray, let it rinse the grime off my body before touching her. I love how her eyes stay on mine the entire time, how she licks her lips. She anticipates me starting something. Showers are kind of our thing.

  With her bottom lip between her teeth, she breaks eye contact and focuses again on shaving herself smooth. The act is both erotic and intimate. I need to be closer to it. Stepping into her personal space, I place my hand over hers, stilling the movement of her hand. “May I?” I ask.

  There’s no thought behind it, not even one second to stop and think if she should trust me. She pulls my hand away and puts the razor in my hand. My heart slams into my chest at the level of trust she just bestowed upon me. I have a sharp object at her most sensitive area and she isn’t giving off any sign that she’s afraid or worried that I’ll hurt her.

  I drop to my knees and push her leg a little wider open. I inspect before running the razor over her the first time. My heart pounds so loudly, I’m surprised she can’t hear it. It sounds like a jackhammer to me. I can hear it over the water falling around me. I may be sweating, but I’m not sure with the cascading water surrounding me. I manage to keep my hand steady. I pause, only long enough to glance up at Adriana who’s smiling down at me. I think she knows what this means to me; what her trust means to me.

  “Did Alex do this for you?” I blurt out. I’m not sure where the question came from or why I ask. I don’t look at her while I ask. I keep my eyes trained on the center of her and the job I’m doing.

  “No. He never asked to,” she says gently.

  “Would you have let him?” Why won’t my mouth stop asking questions?

  “Do you really want me to answer that, Tucker? I will be honest with you. I always want to be honest with you.”

  “Um yeah, I think I want you to answer.” I don’t really think I do because I’m sure I know the answer and the answer sucks. Why am I torturing myself like this?

  “If he had asked, I’m sure I would have let him. I trusted him. Why are you asking, Tucker?” I can’t look up
still. I know she wants me to. I continue to shave her as my reasoning for not meeting her eyes and I shrug. I’m focusing so intently, I tell myself I can hear the metal slide across her skin. I part her delicate, silky skin and slide the blade again. I listen intently, trying to see if it’s a figment of my imagination or if I really hear the swish of the blade. I think I need to hear it instead of the fucked up thoughts rolling through my mind. Her hand rubs along my shoulder, but instead of comfort, it brings pain. I feel like she’s pitying me and I hate that. She can feel my insecurity and now she has to make it better. Fuck!

  “Alex isn’t here anymore. You made me see that. You aren’t competing with him.” Her words shock me; make me stop breathing for a second. Still, I focus my eyes between her legs. My hand is moving much slower now. I’m finding it harder to concentrate having this conversation. “I know you’re having this insecurity because of how I’ve treated you in the past and I want to fix that. How about after we get out of here, we get comfy and you can ask me anything you want about Alex. I want you to know everything you need to know so you can feel comfortable about us.”

  She reaches down and lifts my face until I have no choice but to look at her. “Does that sound like an okay plan to you?”

  “Yeah, I think I’d like that,” I say, my voice raw with emotions I’m trying to keep in check.

  “Well, okay then. I bet after we talk, you’ll see it was silly for you to feel insecure at all. There’s nobody occupying space in my life, but you.” She gives me one of her angelic, heaven sent smiles, the ones that make me think I could die a happy man right now, but it does nothing to ease the pain I’m feeling. I know it’s stupid. She didn’t bring Alex up. I did. In fact, she seems to be truly moving on.

  Why am I not letting her?

  I finish getting her smooth and rinse her clean. Needing to take control and show her one way I’m not insecure, I wrap my mouth around her freshly shaved lips and suck until she’s calling out my name; her screams echoing back to me, bouncing off the showers walls. Her nails dig into my shoulders. I don’t let up until she’s writhing and she’s come apart all over my tongue. I lap up every drop, ride out every wave, and take her like this is the last time I’ll ever be able to touch her.

  She may have said that I’m not competing with him, but I know he still owns part of her heart and he always will. I can win her heart. She can fall in love with me, but there will be a piece of her that will always belong to him. I just need to find a way to accept that. Maybe her idea of talking about Alex will help; maybe it will make it worse. I don’t know. What I do know, is this insecurity snuck up on me and punched me in the nuts while I wasn’t looking. Now, I’m struggling to breathe. She’s finally at a point where she can give me her all and try like I asked her to and I feel like stepping back a few steps until I can get my head straight.

  What the fuck is wrong with me? I’m not Mikos. I can’t be. I don’t run away from the people I care about.

  With my mind set and my gut on fire, not sure I really want to hear about the only man she ever truly loved, I sit down on the couch and settle in for the pain. The clock tells me that we still have a few hours before her friends will arrive and I can escape from this nightmare. I blow out a sigh and brace myself for the worst.

  The worst never comes. Hearing about Alex isn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Yeah, it sucks having her light up at his name, but she doesn’t get lost in herself anymore. She smiles and laughs, telling me stories about them. I thought that would hurt to hear, but seeing her happy instead of lost makes me see that she’s healing and that’s what I want for her. If she doesn’t heal, then she can never move forward in her life. She talks about their childhood, their families, and friends. So many of the stories involve other people. It’s not lost on me that she steers away from stories that are about her and Alex alone. She doesn’t need to do that for me, but I know that’s how she is. Always thinking of others.

  My angel.

  Minutes turn into hours and I can’t tell you how many stories I’ve heard. I want to keep hearing them because the smile hasn’t left Adriana’s face. I can see why she and Alex were best friends. They complemented each other. It raises new insecurities for me as to whether I’ll be enough for her. Where Alex was soft spoken, I’m brass. Where he went out of his way for everyone no matter how busy he was, I am so busy that I find it hard to do anything. He had a slew of friends and family surrounding him, loving him, and I’ve only ever had just a couple of people that mattered to me. I’m polar opposite of what she’s used to and I’m afraid when she realizes that, she’ll also realize I’m not good enough.

  Just like everybody else.

  I never let her see the turmoil raging inside of me. I let her talk and talk, telling me all the tales she can think of. Her laughter tinkles through the cabin, bringing me small amounts of peace like nothing else can. Every so often, I sneak small pecks in or run my fingers over the tops of her hands. I need the connection that I feel I’m missing in life. I don’t know how to tell her just how broken I truly am. She’s starting to get herself back together and I’m still the mess I always was.

  A knock sounds at the door and all my thoughts stop. I need to bury my negative thoughts deep. It’s time to put a smile on my face and show them the smile the world is used to seeing.

  The world knows this Tucker.

  Chapter Thirty Three

  Mickayla

  When I walk in, I can see a shift has taken place. Adri is relaxed. I would even use the term happy. Her smile is genuine. It lights up her entire face and touches her eyes. I don’t know when I last saw her smile this way. I have to stop just to admire how beautiful my friend is. When someone has been sad for so long, you can sometimes forget how stunning they are when they find something to bring them joy.

  Tucker touches her arm and I watch her eyes track his hand and go to his face. I see how she can’t stop beaming. She could care less that we’re all here. Her whole world revolves around that man. Not that I blame my girl or anything. If women could get hard-ons, I don’t know one that would be immune while just looking at him. He oozes sex out his pores and demands attention. But, watching him, I can see he’s as smitten with Adri as she is with him.

  We get our niceties out of the way. Everyone hugs and says hello. The guys give pats on the backs and handshakes, all the normal shit we do. It wouldn’t be a group gathering if food isn’t involved. Tucker heads out to start the grill while we ladies get the bags of food ready. Adri pouts that she didn’t have a hand in helping with dinner, but this is for her birthday so she needs to deal with being pampered for a night. Little Ms. Chef does follow us around the kitchen, butting her nose into the little bit of prep to be done, making sure we do it right and I chuckle at how much she has to control meal times.

  We’re all joking when Tucker walks back in. He has a smile on his face, but something about him is off. Adri is on cloud fucking nine, but Tucker, I can’t put my finger on it. He seems distant even though he’s standing right here, joining in on the conversation. He’s not vacant like Adri was after we lost Alex, but I wouldn’t say he’s totally with us either.

  Maybe I need to stir things up a little.

  “So, Hot Stuff, glad you’re going to be sticking around for a while.” He tips his beer at me and gives me his big smile, the one that brings his dimples out. Most women would totally fall prey to him right now, but I can see right through him. He’s covering something.

  I tilt my head in Adri’s direction and give her a smirk. She smiles at me, unaware of what I have planned. I feel a teensy bit bad, but sometimes you have to have that friend who’s not afraid to be the asshole in the room because the asshole typically gets the party started. Giddy up, baby. “Well, I guess there’s no need for Adri to keep B.O.B. around on the side now for when she’s lonely and needy.”

  I hear the gasps go around the room; see Adri’s head whip around and the glare on her face. Tucker spits his beer out, earning a grin fr
om me. “Who the fuck is Bob?” he barks at me.

  I actually snort like Adri, I laugh so hard at his little outburst, but the glares I’m getting from everyone around me sobers me up fast. “Whoa there, caveman. Calm down. I never said Bob, as in a name. I said B.O.B.” I take my time enunciating each letter. “You know, as in battery operated boyfriend. I’m sure from the smile on my girl’s face you can take care of all her needs now, but poor B.O.B. might get lonely. I suggest though, that you bring him out every now and again. You could have a hell of a time together.”

  Tucker stares at me, mouth wide open. I can see him thinking of how to respond to me and I admit, I like to put him on edge. He’s witty. I think he sometimes just needs a little push to show him that.

  I throw my hand on my hip and raise my eyebrow at him. Challenge is clear on my face. I smirk at him and he knows I’m goading him. The silence all around us only humors me more. I’m sure they all think Tucker is offended. What they don’t know is we’ve become pretty good friends. We talk a few times a week. He’s not conservative like they see him. He’s a jokester and I know he’s trying to think of how to one up me.

  “Adriana had friends before me, so if she wants B.O.B. hanging around, who am I to say anything? The only decent thing for me to do is ask her to introduce us, right?” Adri’s choking sounds has me cracking up. Tucker winks in my direction, which only makes me laugh more. He is just what my Adri needs.

  “Well played, Hot Stuff,” I get out between giggles. “Well played.” The others join in on my and Tucker’s laughter, some of the guys give him claps on the shoulder. Tucker has become part of this group. Blake asks him for some pointers on how to deal with me that efficiently ends the tension and I laugh some more. This is how all our parties should start.

  I look over to Adri, who is watching Tucker with pride in her eyes. She confided in me last week that Tucker has a problem letting people in and making friends. She was concerned over his lack of being able to trust people and connect to others. I’m not sure what it is about this group of people, maybe it’s because he wants to be with Adri and he knows we’re part of the package, but he is forming bonds with each of us. I see him searching for acceptance and I see him accepting us into his life. There’s love in his eyes when he looks around at us. At the very least, a strong like. I’m not sure Tucker understands how love works, but I think he’s figuring it out. He and Adri are good for each other.