She's Out

by La Plante, Lynda

  Susan and the kids left London the next day, after Mike received the formal acceptance of his resignation. It was Wednesday, and he began to wonder if he really was going to do it. Alone in the house, he started to get nervous but it was too late to back out now … He opened a bottle of vodka and had three or four mouthfuls before he calmed down. He had to rent a car, sell his own – there was a lot to get organized and it began to take his mind off just what he had got himself into. There was no getting out of it now unless he made a run for it and joined the kids and Susan in Spain. But, then, if he did that, what was he going to do with the rest of his life? The phone made him jump, his heart beating rapidly.

  ‘Hello, love, it’s me,’ Dolly said softly.

  Mike answered, and she could tell he was having kittens just by the sound of his voice.

  ‘The wife and kids gone, have they?’

  ‘Yes, this morning.’

  ‘Good. Angela will be at your place Thursday with the girls.’

  ‘What?’ He sounded like his wife.

  ‘Two reasons, love. One, you got a nice alibi, just in case you’re ever questioned. She’ll be there all night and will say you was with her. And you will be – well, for part of it. She doesn’t know about the robbery, love. All I’m using her for is to give you a safe alibi if – pray to God you won’t – you need one. Might cause a bit of aggro with your wife but if nothing untoward happens, she won’t know, will she?’

  ‘Angela’s to stay here, in my house?’

  ‘Yes, love, because I don’t want her and the kids around when it goes down. Like I said, she’s not involved in this, she’s caring for the girls. Friday she’ll get the first train out and back here. You just go straight to the airport. All right, love?’

  His voice was even hoarser. ‘Yes.’

  There was a long pause. ‘Well, you get on with your business and keep steady and out of sight. Goodbye.’

  When they drove back after their riding lesson, it became obvious that tension was building because they found it impossible to make any small talk. Only Dolly chattered on.

  ‘Norma home, is she?’ Dolly asked casually.

  ‘You know she isn’t,’ she said flatly.

  ‘Just checking. You got her keys still?’

  Julia sighed. ‘You know I have. We’ve been over and over it, Dolly, and it’s the only place.’

  Ester leaned forward from the back seat. She looked at Dolly and then Julia. ‘I don’t trust that Norma.’

  Dolly paused at the level crossing as the train signals blinked. She pulled on the handbrake as the gates closed. ‘We don’t have to trust her, Ester, just use her. She’s another one. You think her friends at the nick would approve if they found out not only that she was a big dyke but fraternizing with—’

  ‘Shut up,’ Julia said softly.

  ‘It’s true, though, isn’t it? Somewhere in Norma’s head she’s getting a kick out of slobbering over you, and you know it, but you’re going to have to watch her like a hawk because when this goes down, she’ll be the first to point the finger our way. Maybe give her even more of a sexual kick.’

  ‘Leave it out, Dolly.’ It was Ester now, as she saw Julia’s back go rigid.

  ‘No, you leave it out,’ Dolly said, her mouth a tight thin line. ‘We need Norma, we’ve had Julia play her along for enough time. We got to use her place to stash the money, like we used her to get the cop’s hat and cape. Now we use her picturesque little cottage. It’s the only place close enough to us and the only place the cops are unlikely to search. She’s one of them.’

  Ester gave Julia’s shoulder a squeeze. It was funny, really, Julia being such a decent woman that she did not want to involve Norma, and yet prepared to play a major part in the robbery. It really didn’t add up. She felt more love towards her in that moment than she had for a long time, and she liked it when Julia pressed herself closer, their bodies touching in an unspoken embrace.

  Dolly’s beady eyes missed nothing. It was good, she thought, the pair of them backing each other up because, come the night, she reckoned Julia would need a lot of confidence, maybe even need to snort that stuff she used. Dolly knew about it – not much escaped her – but she was clever enough not to mention it.

  Julia fed Helen of Troy, checked on the sacking and bags for the umpteenth time that day. When she came back, Dolly was standing at the kitchen door, throwing half-eaten sandwiches out for the birds.

  ‘You’re something else, you know that, Dolly Rawlins?’ Dolly brushed the crumbs from her hands and then stared at them, palms upwards. They were steady and she smiled. ‘My husband used to say that, only he always called me Doll. Funny, I hated to be called that but I used to let him, nobody else.’

  ‘Gloria sometimes calls you Doll, doesn’t she?’ Dolly looked up into Julia’s face. She was a handsome woman and it was as if only now it struck her just how good-looking she really was. ‘Being in prison I got called a lot of things. Got to the point I didn’t really care any more, but I used to, in the old days.’

  ‘Prison tough for you?’ Julia asked casually.

  Dolly hesitated a moment and then folded her arms. ‘You know, I reckon there were only a few really criminal-minded women in there. Most of them were inside for petty stuff, kiting, fraud, theft, nothing big, nothing that on the outside a few quid wouldn’t have put them right. Everything comes down to money. The rest were poor cows put inside by men, men they’d done something for.’

  ‘That doesn’t include me,’ Julia said softly.

  ‘You were a junkie. That’s what put you inside.’

  ‘No, Dolly, I put myself inside.’

  ‘Because you were a junkie, your guilt put you in there. You tellin’ me you really needed to flog prescriptions? You wanted to be caught for your shame. I mean, you take how many years to qualify? Doctors when I was a kid were like high society, shown into the best room when they came round on a visit. My mum was dying on her feet but she got up, made sure the house was clean before the doctor came.’

  Julia took out her tobacco stash. She began to roll a cigarette, thinking that she had never, in all the weeks she had been living with Dolly, actually talked this way with her.

  ‘Eight years is a long time inside that place, Julia. Maybe I met only four or five of what I’d describe as dangerous women that deserved to be locked up. The rest, they shouldn’t have been there but when most of them were released, they’d been made criminals by the system, humiliated, degraded and defemalized. Is there such a word as that? Defemalized?’

  Julia said nothing, rolling a cigarette, and Dolly continued in a low unemotional voice. The few that were able to take advantage of the education sessions might go out with more than what they come in with but most of them were of below average intelligence, lot of girls couldn’t read or write, some of them didn’t even speak English. Lot of blacks copped with drugs on ’em. They was all herded in together.’

  Julia licked the paper. She found it interesting. The more Dolly talked, the more fascinated she became by her. The woman they all listened to, at times were even a little afraid of, Julia guessed was poorly educated, maybe even self-taught. This was accentuated by her poor vocabulary and her East End accent, which became thicker as she tried to express herself.

  Julia struck a match and lit her cigarette, puffing at it and then spitting out bits of tobacco. ‘Out of all of us here, who would you say was a criminal?’

  Dolly reached out and took Julia’s cigarette, smoking a moment. ‘You want the truth?’

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘Ester was first sent down at seventeen. She’s spent how many years in and out of nick – a lot, right? But as much as I don’t like her, I know there’s a shell around her. Dig deep and you’ll just find a fucked-up kid that stopped crying because there was never anybody there to mop up her tears.’

  Julia was surprised. She took back her cigarette and sat on the step ‘What about Gloria?’

  ‘Well, she’s been in and out like
Ester and, on the surface, you could say she’s a criminal or been made one by her sick choice of men. But again there’s pain inside that brassy exterior, lot of hurt. She’s borne two kids and given them away – you never get over that. You, Julia, have got all this anger inside you, self-hate, hate for your mother.’

  Julia leaned against the doorframe, irritated, wanting to change the subject, but Dolly continued in the same flat voice. ‘Connie’s the same. Few years on she’ll be another Gloria but she’s not as bright. Some man will still screw her up – it’s printed on her forehead. But, you know, we all got one thing in common.’

  Dolly gave that cold smile and Julia lifted her eyebrows in sarcasm. ‘Come on, Dolly, you tell me what I’ve got in common with Connie.’

  ‘Defemalized, Julia. Not one of you could settle down and lead a normal life. Prison done that, it’s wrenched it from our bellies.’

  Julia chuckled. ‘That’s a bit dramatic. Speaking for myself, and being gay, I’m not and never was—’

  ‘You’re still a woman, Julia, no matter who you screw or what you screw. We’re outcasts – that’s what they done to us, made us outcasts of society.’

  ‘You think men feel the same way/’

  ‘I dunno, but when you get to my age there’s not much left a man wants from me – can’t have kids, too old, and when did you ever hear of a fifty-year-old bloke going for a woman the same age?’

  ‘That still doesn’t answer my question. If every woman in our situation turned—’

  ‘Bad?’ Dolly interrupted, and her arms were stiff at her sides. Her voice was low-pitched and angry. ‘They wouldn’t have given me a chance. Whatever good I wanted to do, without money – like I said before – you’re nothing. Not in this day and age. It’s all that counts.’

  Julia persisted, ‘If we’d never tried it on, got you here, how do you think it might have turned out?’

  Dolly’s eyes were so hard and cruel, Julia stepped back, shocked. ‘I reckoned there were only five criminals in the nick with me. Well, I was number six.’

  ‘I don’t believe you, Dolly. You had dreams of opening this place, of doing good, fostering kids, that’s not criminal.’

  Dolly turned away and Julia was sure she had hit the vulnerable target: did Dolly blame them, hate them? Would she in the end betray them because of what they had done? She watched as Dolly relaxed, as if in slow motion, turning her head to face Julia, and smiled, this time with warmth, her eyes bright.

  ‘You telling me with my cut of forty million quid I can’t have this place up and rolling? I can go down Waterloo Bridge, pick them off the street and bring them back. I won’t need any social services, I won’t need anyone telling me what I can and can’t do because with money you can do anything. That’s all it takes, Julia. Money, money, money.’

  Julia grinned. ‘Well, let’s hope we pull it off.’

  ‘We’ll do it, Julia. It’s afterwards we’re going to have to worry about because we’re gonna be hit, and hit hard. We foul up in one area and we will go down. Every cop will come round here, we’ll be searched and the house taken apart. We’ll be questioned and re-questioned, they’ll rip the grounds up … They’ll never leave us alone, for weeks, maybe months.’

  ‘If we pull it off,’ Julia said quietly, and Dolly guffawed, a loud single bellow.

  ‘If we don’t, we don’t. But if we do, nothing will stop me. Every single one of us can go for what we want, do what we want, be what we want.’

  Julia’s heart began to thud in her chest. Dolly’s face was radiant with unabashed excitement. ‘I’m not scared, Julia, not for one second. I’m feeling alive for the first time since I killed him.’ She lifted both her arms skywards, like an opera star taking the adulation of a packed house of applauding fans. With her arms raised, head tilted back, Julia could see the pulse at the side of her neck beating and felt suddenly terrified, as her heart banged in her chest, and certain Dolly Rawlins was insane. As if Dolly read her mind, she lowered her arms and tapped Julia. ‘Don’t think I’m mad, Julia. If we do exactly as we have planned to the letter, we’ll pull it off. But holding them all steady will take the pair of us all our time, so let’s go back inside.’

  She didn’t wait for Julia but walked into the house. Julia, the one she trusted as being steady, had to have a heavy line of coke before she could follow her. It didn’t calm her down, she felt paranoid and sat in the stables, hunched up, her arms clasped round her knees, as her whole body shook with nerves. It was almost ten o’clock and the following night she knew they would be getting ready for the raid. Just thinking about it made it worse.

  Chapter 19

  The day blurred as they went about their business. A taped call from the signal box had verified that the train would be arriving at midnight. It was referred to only as the ‘special’ as Jim checked the alarm and police-station lines.

  Angela left with the children and arrived at Mike’s home at three o’clock, unaware of what was to take place that evening. Mike opened the door, handed her the keys, and said he had to leave but would be back that evening. He didn’t touch her and was distant, even when she tried to reach for his hand. ‘No, just settle the kids in, I’ll be back later.’

  She closed the front door, and went straight to the wall socket receiver as Dolly had instructed her. The girls were playing with Mike’s sons’ toys and Angela had a good nose around before she started to cook spaghetti for them. They had been scared of moving to yet another home but they all called Dolly and said hello to her and were told they would see her the following day. That reassured them and they went back to playing.

  In a hired car, Mike headed for the manor. He had plenty of time so he drove carefully, making sure never to exceed the speed limit. The last thing he wanted was anyone to remember him so he didn’t stop at any petrol station, and just continued slowly, his gut churning, concentrating on the neat list of instructions which gradually calmed him.

  The women checked and rechecked their lists in their minds: Julia the cladding and the bags, and the big machine for clearing up leaves. She tested the engine, the suction hose and the long trail of flex ending at the socket in the stables. The machine would be used to hoover up the money and they had already tested it to be certain that the suction was strong enough for their needs. Julia then went on to check the lime pit. It was ready for the mailbags to be hurled into; the lime would eat away at the thick canvas, which again had been tried and tested. It was also deep enough to accommodate the number of bags they would be bringing from the train. The corrugated iron slats were standing by in position, the builder’s skip was in place and already attached to the truck so it could be towed across the pit opening. She was less tense than she had been the night before but she had a half-bottle of whisky with her. Connie did her jobs. Gloria and Ester headed for the bridge, with a dog’s lead, looking like innocent walkers, calling out for the fictional lost dog. They returned to the house, mission completed. Each reported to Dolly and she ticked and crossed out the jobs as they were done. Gloria collected the shotguns and cleaned and polished them.

  Gloves, hats and boots were laid out in the kitchen. Norma’s police cape and hat were in readiness for Julia. The hours ticked by slowly, every minute seeming to take half an hour, and Connie believed the hands of the clock were not moving, she’d looked at them so many times.

  Dusk came, and Dolly asked if anyone felt hungry. Nobody did. They were still quietly going about their tasks, checking and double-checking everything.

  ‘Keys are in the same place at the stable,’ Connie said, sitting down. She kept coughing as if she had a tickle in her throat and her hands felt icy cold with nerves.

  Mike parked the car and, wearing a black polo-necked sweater, black ski pants and sneakers, a black woollen hat, eased the old rowing boat silently into the water. He had a fishing rod and a bag with him, nothing else. He rowed across the lake to the opposite side. He saw no one, heard not a sound. The lake was black, the bridge in darkness,
lit only by the flash of the signals as a train passed across and on into the distance. He tied up the boat alongside the small wooden jetty and crossed to the anchored speedboat. He pulled back the canopy and climbed inside, checking the ignition and wiring. That accomplished, he went into the woods and searched for the lights. His gloves were sodden but he didn’t remove them. He had to pull away the bracken and twigs hiding the gear and he carried each item to the end of the jetty, where he set up the high-powered spotlight. The silence was unnerving, nothing moved and the lake remained still and dark. He could not risk testing the spotlight, just hoped to God it would work. If it didn’t, there was nothing he could do about it.

  By nine thirty, the women were anxiously waiting for the time to pass. They didn’t speak but the atmosphere was very tense. Connie continued to clear her throat until Gloria said she should have a drink of water as it was getting on her nerves.

  ‘I’m sorry.’

  That’s all right, love. Just a sip, mind – remember what I said about you drinking.’ Dolly was reading a magazine.

  ‘I hope we can trust him,’ Ester said for the umpteenth time. Dolly ignored her but she wasn’t really seeing any of the magazine pages of knit-yourself-a-bolero or the new-fashioned beachwear. She knew Mike had a hell of a lot to lose: two kids, a wife and a future, to put it plainly, but she didn’t bother saying anything to Ester. She’d said it before and knew it was just Ester’s nerves talking.

  Gloria crossed and uncrossed her legs, just as she had for the last half-hour. They were at breaking point.

  ‘Time to get dressed,’ Julia said, and walked out. Connie sprang up and Dolly tossed aside the magazine.

  ‘We’ve got awhile yet, Connie, just relax.’