Nice and Easy: Boys of the Big Easy book three

by Erin Nicholas

  Lexi nodded, feeling a cold ball of emotion settle in her stomach. It was a combination of anger and confusion and hurt and…a realization that she almost didn’t want to look at too closely.

  But she had to.

  “I wanted to have as many answers as I could before I started talking about it,” he said. “I wanted to have a plan.”

  That sounded like Caleb. He was a problem solver. Especially in her life. And Shay’s, obviously. “You had to know that it would take a long time to actually have those answers and a plan.”

  “I didn’t really know anything,” he said. But then he admitted, “But yeah, I knew it was going to be a process.”

  “So you weren’t actually planning to tell me about this tonight, were you?” she asked.

  He took a deep breath. And shook his head.

  “So why are you telling me now?” she asked. “What changed?”

  “They want to put a brace on her left foot,” he said. “They think it will help her walking and running. Make her safer. And they did the mold for it today.”

  “And I would obviously have noticed that,” she said.

  “Right.”

  So he’d let her in on this because he didn’t have a choice.

  Well…fuck.

  “It’s no coincidence that the same day you moved Jack and me in here was the day you saw the doctor, is it?” she asked quietly.

  Caleb looked at her with a frown. “What do you mean?”

  “You overreacted about me and Jack living in Trahan’s apartment because you were upset about Shay,” she said, her thoughts forming as she spoke. “You were feeling confused and guilty and…helpless. So you did something that would make you feel in control again.”

  He didn’t immediately reject that idea. He took a breath. “I would have wanted you and Jack out of that apartment no matter when I’d found out about it.”

  She knew that. She nodded. “I know. But if it wasn’t for what had happened with Shay, you would have given us a place to stay for a few days while you helped me look for a new apartment. You probably would have even paid the deposit or first month for me. You wouldn’t have immediately insisted on us living here permanently.” She sucked in a breath as another thought occurred to her. “And you wouldn’t have rushed right into changing things between us.”

  Her stomach sank. Caleb had been feeling out of control with Shay’s situation so he’d turned his energy and attention on the other person in his life that needed him most—her. And he’d changed things, deepened things, done exactly what he knew she wanted him to do—make them into a family—because he was feeling helpless to do what Shay needed him to. He couldn’t fix Shay’s brain, so he fixed Lexi’s need for a family. Her need for him.

  Her face flushed with heat as she realized that he really had known how she felt about him, and it was what he’d used to feel important and in charge again.

  She started to stand but, almost as if he’d sensed her intention before she moved, Caleb reached out and clamped a hand around her wrist. “Lex, I love you. I want all of this.”

  Lexi looked at him, feeling her eyes stinging. “You moved me in here so you’d have something you had control over. Then, I told you about my…kink…and that made it even better for you. I basically begged you to take that control.” Her throat felt tight and she stood.

  This time he let her.

  “With what’s going on with Shay, you have to face that you won’t—can’t—always be the one who does it all. For any of us. You have to accept that sometimes other people are better at taking care of things that you are. Until you do that, you won’t be a partner to anyone. To me.” She lifted her chin. “And I deserve someone who sees me as a partner. Someone who needs me, too. You can’t control everything and you have to stop trying to.”

  Caleb thought that he couldn’t feel worse than he had when he’d heard that Shay had a brain injury and he’d missed the signs.

  He’d been wrong.

  Looking at the hurt on Lexi’s face now was way worse.

  Because he was the cause of this.

  He’d never hurt Lexi before. He’d very purposefully and consciously never hurt her. Making sure she was protected and happy had been one of his main focuses for two years.

  Yes, he’d missed the indications that something was going on with Shay. No, he hadn’t known the milestones she should be hitting, and wasn’t. But her injury was not his fault.

  Lexi’s hurt was his fault.

  He got to his feet, facing her, determined to make this right.

  He reached out and she let him take her hand. “I’m very sorry, Lex. I was going to tell you. I just didn’t know how, really. I wanted to reassure you. Maybe I shouldn’t have, but that’s my instinct. And I know this is all a shock. And there are a lot of questions about Shay and her future. And I don’t have all the answers. But I can tell you that I’m trying. I’m reading. I’m—”

  “Stop it.” Her voice was quiet. And it sounded rough.

  He realized her eyes were shimmering with tears.

  He tugged her forward. “It will be ok—”

  Lexi stiffened in his arms and put a hand on his chest, preventing him from hugging her. “Stop, Caleb.”

  He frowned. “Stop what?”

  “Stop trying to make me feel better about Shay.”

  “But I want—”

  “Making me feel better is not always your job.” She narrowed her eyes. “And sometimes you can’t do it. No matter how much you want to.”

  Caleb scowled. “I’ve always been able to before.” God, he hoped that was true. That needed to be true.

  She nodded. The rush of relief was ridiculously strong.

  “But that’s not always going to be the case. You need to come to terms with that.”

  The relief dried up instantly.

  “Lex—”

  She held up her hand, stopping him. “I’m not upset about Shay. Because she is exactly the same person she was yesterday, and last month, and when I met her. We already knew she had some trouble on that side. We already knew that she wasn’t the most graceful child in the world. We already knew that she probably wasn’t going to be a professional ballerina. Now we know why. But it doesn’t really change anything. Except, because we know what’s going on, we can also find things that might help her.”

  He stared at her. His heart was pounding and he felt a surge of hope warm his chest. “I guess that’s true.”

  “And you can’t focus on making me feel better because making me happy makes you happy. You have to let me…not be happy all the time. And you need to let yourself not always be the guy with the answers.”

  Caleb blinked at her. Lexi was disappointed in him. That thought wasn’t exactly a revelation but it was something new. There had been very few times, if any really, when he could remember that being the case. He was a problem solver in her life. She looked up to him. But she thought he was handling this badly.

  And she was probably right.

  Had he moved her in here so he’d feel in charge of something? Yeah, kind of. He was thrilled she and Jack were here but yes, he’d overreacted that first night because of Shay. Had he pushed their relationship to the next level because he was entirely focused on making her happy and fulfilled because he needed someone to be happy and fulfilled because of him? Yeah, maybe.

  It didn’t change how he felt now. How great they were. How much he loved everything about their situation. How much he wanted it to keep going. Forever.

  But maybe it hadn’t started for the right reasons. He had a tendency to overreact when it came to his girls. He didn’t regret it. But he could acknowledge it.

  “I’m sorry, Lex,” he finally said huskily. “I should have done it all differently.”

  “You said you trusted me to know what I could and couldn’t handle. And to tell you if I got to that limit,” she finally said. “I trusted you for that, too. You have to be able to tell me when you can’t handle something.”
r />   “I’ve been in mourning, okay?” he finally snapped. He drew in a breath and shoved a hand through his hair. “I was dealing with the…loss.” He blew out a breath. “I know that sounds horrible. But it was like when I heard”—he lowered his voice—“‘brain injury’, it was suddenly for sure, it was confirmed. She’s going to have issues, Lex,” he said, his voice raspy. “She’s going to have trouble keeping up with the other kids, physically and in the classroom. And—” his chest was aching, “—I just want things to be easy for her. I just want things to be happy and good and perfect, and it seems like every time I go in to talk about answers and solutions, they tell me about a bunch more problems.”

  Lexi’s expression didn’t soften. “Your idea of happy and good and perfect isn’t the only one, Caleb.”

  Suddenly he felt a jolt of anger. Dammit. He’d been trying to do right. He’d been dealing with something unlike anything he’d been through before. And Lexi clearly had no sympathy for that.

  “So, I’m an asshole because I wish things were better for her? Because I’m sad about the things that she’ll have to give up and struggle with?”

  “This isn’t about you,” Lexi informed him. “You’re feeling bad because someone else is working to fix this. The therapists, the doctors. There is a plan now but it’s someone else’s plan, not yours. You’re going to need to trust that. Trust them. You’re not in the driver’s seat now. You now need to let someone else help her in a way that you can’t.”

  In the back of his mind, Caleb recognized that not only was Lexi right, it was probably a good moment for growth of character for him, or some damned thing. But in the front of his mind was an instinct to resist all of it and insist he still knew best.

  Which he very clearly did not.

  “You hated therapy today because someone else was not only in charge, but because their plan included things that upset Shay. All of that goes against your view of the world where you are in charge and everything is nice and easy for her. But,” Lexi added, her voice getting firmer, “she needs this. So you can handle it. You were able to handle doing things to me that went against your worldview, too. Because you realized it was good for me. That I needed it. This will be the same.”

  In the midst of her anger and hurt, she was still encouraging him.

  The thought hit him square between the eyes. He loved her so fucking much.

  “You’re comparing her therapy with your kinks?” he asked.

  “I’m comparing how you’re handling those things,” she said, refusing to let him lighten the tone. “Just because it’s not something you came up with, doesn’t mean that you can’t be a big part of it. You can adjust how you think about what’s good for Shay. And me.”

  He took a deep breath. And nodded. “I love you, Lex.”

  She gave him a look and said, “I love you, too. But I don’t like you right now.”

  He deserved that. But his relief at her I love you was immense. He knew that arguments and disagreements and even hurting the other person’s feelings didn’t cancel love out. But he still loved hearing it. “We’re okay then?”

  She paused, then shook her head. “Not completely.”

  Caleb braced himself.

  “We have to figure this out. For now, we need to go back to how things were before—our work schedules and sharing chores and stuff. And I’m going to start looking for an apartment.”

  “No.”

  “Yes.”

  He sucked in a breath. “I get to vet all apartments. If I don’t like it, you don’t move into it.”

  “And you think you’re going to just say no on everything.”

  “Maybe.”

  “This isn’t the way to convince me that you’re serious about being partners and not always in charge.”

  He knew she loved him, but her being upset and disappointed in him was new. And he realized he could lose her.

  “Lexi,” he said, his voice low.

  “Yes?”

  “Take your clothes off.”

  She rolled her eyes.

  He lifted a brow. “I have nipple clamps.”

  She gave him a look. “Caleb?”

  “Yes?”

  “Red.”

  Dammit.

  He sat silently, watching as she moved toward the staircase. But at the bottom step she paused.

  She looked over at him. “Did you know that Greg is a mechanic?”

  Caleb frowned. “Your step-dad is a mechanic?”

  She nodded. “Worked for a friend here and now has his own garage in Shreveport.”

  Caleb hadn’t known that and he wasn’t sure why she was telling him this now.

  “When you first started fixing my car it was because I needed you to. I didn’t have another option. But after Mom met Greg, he could have done it. I still kept asking you. Not because I needed it to be you, but because I wanted it to be you.”

  Caleb watched her ascend the stairs then, without waiting for him to respond.

  Which was probably a good thing, considering he couldn’t even take a deep breath after that.

  12

  “Well, you look like shit,” Josh informed Caleb when he took a seat on one of the barstools at Trahan’s.

  “Don’t Gabe and Logan ever work anymore?” Caleb groused.

  Josh pushed a beer across the bar and grinned. “They’ve got hot girls at home to keep happy.”

  “I thought you had a hot girl at home to keep happy,” Sawyer said.

  Oh, great, this was just what he needed—to talk about all the ways he was not keeping Lexi happy.

  He didn’t want to talk about it. He was here only because he’d needed to get out of the house once Lexi went upstairs and got into the bathtub. At this very moment she was probably using the bubblegum shampoo that made him crazy. And she had specifically not invited him in to join her. But maybe these guys would have some advice.

  She’d safe-worded him, for fuck’s sake.

  Dammit. He’d messed this all up so badly.

  And yet, nothing was really messed up. Lexi was fine. She loved him. She was asking for a partnership, not a breakup. And Shay would be fine, too. Because she had a whole team of specialists working on a plan for her. A plan that he could be a part of and trust. With some help from Lexi.

  He blew out a breath and took a drink of beer. “What are you doing here again?” he asked Sawyer.

  Sawyer was nowhere near the regular that Owen was at Trahan’s, but Caleb suspected that Sawyer got the same beer discount from Josh.

  “Came to find out who told Stella that we hunt alligators.”

  Caleb’s eyebrows rose and he swiveled toward the other man. “What?”

  Sawyer nodded and pulled a new piece of paper out of his pocket. It was a hand-drawn picture of an alligator. A very angry-looking alligator. At the bottom was written I don’t want to marry you. Sincerely, Stella Ann Trahan.

  Caleb looked back up at Sawyer. “Sincerely, huh? Damn, you’re in trouble.”

  Sawyer sighed. “Yep.”

  “Well, probably for the best. What with the whole twenty-four-year age difference and all.”

  “Not to mention that she really only wanted you for your airboat,” Josh added.

  Sawyer rolled his eyes. “Yeah.”

  Caleb narrowed his eyes at the other man. “But you’re actually a little upset?”

  Sawyer took a draw of his beer, then looked at Caleb. “There’s just something about having a fan, you know? Kind of hurts falling off that pedestal.”

  Caleb felt a job in his chest. Damn. That was a little close to home. “Yeah, man, I get it.”

  “I know it’s silly, but I feel like shit thinking that Stella is mad or disappointed in me.” He tucked the note from Stella back in his pocket.

  “For what it’s worth, Gabe didn’t tell her about the hunting trips,” Josh told his brother. “Stella found it on our website. Gabe was talking about it yesterday. She was really upset.”

  Sawyer blew out a
breath and lifted his beer again.

  “What are you gonna do about it?” Caleb asked. What was a guy supposed to do when a girl had found out the guy wasn’t as amazing as she’s believed?

  “Well, I don’t have a lot of choices here,” Sawyer said. “I have hunted alligators and I’m going to keep taking people out on hunting trips. I guess either Stella accepts me for who I am, or I accept that someone else is going to have to be Stella’s hero.”

  Well, no one else was going to be Lexi’s hero, Caleb thought immediately. But then he blew out a breath. What if Lexi couldn’t accept him the way he was? Every overprotective, over-reactive, always-had-to-be-the-fixer inch of him?

  He looked over at Sawyer. “I think there’s another option.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Yeah,” Caleb said. “Compromise. Try to do what she needs you to do. At least some of the time.” He wasn’t going to be able to shut all of his protective instincts down. He would always want to do everything he could to keep Shay and Lexi and Jack safe and happy. But he could let Lexi in more often. And not always insist on doing things his way. She’d made up the bridge game. She’d come up with the memory exercises. He really should let her be a part of things. All the things.

  Sawyer lifted a brow. “Uh, yeah. Okay. I could try to compromise to make Stella happy. Or,” he added, with a shrug, “I could also remember that she’s seven and not actually my fiancée. Or my boss.”

  “Yet, anyway,” Josh added.

  Sawyer lifted his glass in agreement. “Yet.”

  Okay, so Stella was seven and Sawyer didn’t really owe her anything.

  But Caleb owed Lexi…everything.

  He set his beer down and looked at Sawyer. “Thanks, man.”

  “Glad I could help,” Sawyer said dryly.

  “And take pictures for me, okay?” Caleb asked, tossing a few bills on the bar for Josh.

  “Pictures of what?”

  “Stella protesting at Boys of the Bayou. I can already imagine her with her signs, marching up and down your dock.”