A Love Worth Waiting For and Heaven Knows

by Jillian Hart

  She set her plate on the coffee table. “Going back home tomorrow?”

  “Yep. I’ve got a meeting that I’ll do by telephone. Probably on the jet on my way home.”

  “I always do tons of phone calls on my Learjet, too. It’s a time-saver.”

  The tiniest hint of a grin tugged at the corner of his mouth. “I’ve always thought so.”

  “If the doctor does get ahold of you on your plane, then you’ll be alone. You need your family with you, or your friends.”

  He relaxed a little, trouble starting to twinkle in his eyes. “I prefer being alone. It’s easier than having women get mad at you right and left.”

  “That’s your own fault, buster. Why haven’t you told your grandmother? She would want to be there for you.”

  “Because there’s nothing really wrong, that’s why. I’m not going to upset her for no reason.”

  He seemed so sure of himself, but Julie wasn’t fooled. Not by a long shot. She’d seen his face change. He didn’t like being alone any more than she did. Most of all, he didn’t want to be seriously ill and alone.

  “I saw you in the emergency room. I witnessed how much pain you were in—”

  “It was nothing,” he interrupted, holding up one hand to stop her. “Look how good I’m doing. I feel great. My chest hasn’t hurt since we went skiing. If something were really wrong, it wouldn’t have vanished like that. I had fun, exercised and, surprise, no pain.”

  “Have you ever heard of a fool’s paradise? Of the ignorant’s bliss? You should tell your grandmother and stay here until you hear from the doctor.”

  “Why? I think those tests are going to come up negative, for whatever it is the doctors are looking for. I live a stressful life. Stressful enough that it’s made me unhappy for a long time. I just need to make some changes, that’s all. The attack I had was some sort of wake-up call.”

  “I hope so.” She truly did, but she couldn’t shake the bad feeling deep inside. “I hope you’re never in that kind of pain again.”

  “You care about me, huh?”

  “I thought we were friends.”

  “We are.” His hand covered hers. “A lot of people I know want something from me. A job, a better job, a loan, a wedding ring and no prenuptial. I learned to keep to myself. It’s easier on the heart.”

  “I know what you mean, about protecting your heart.” Her confession came rough as she twined her fingers through his bigger ones, holding on. “That’s the reason I’ve vowed never to let myself think about finding a man to love me. It only leads to disaster, and my heart can’t take much more breaking.”

  “I heard about the ring you returned,” he confessed.

  “Everyone knows. That’s the problem with being left at the altar. The church is full of people who can’t help but notice the groom’s missing.” She tried to make light of it.

  He heard the pain anyway. “What kind of man would leave you at the altar?”

  “He was a fertilizer salesman.”

  “You dated a man who sold fertilizer? I’m not even going to comment on that.”

  “He was nice to me. I thought that was enough. I just thought…” She looked so vulnerable and alone. Her ponytail brushed the slender column of her neck, so dark against her soft skin. “He didn’t love me, and his best man told me so. In front of half the town.”

  Noah gently squeezed her fingers, offering her comfort. “What kind of man couldn’t love you? Wait, don’t answer that.”

  “A fertilizer salesman.” She swiped dark tendrils out of her eyes, sad and trying not to be. “It still hurts. Maybe worse because it wasn’t the first time.”

  “Someone else jilted you at the altar?”

  “No, but I did have two other broken engagements, and I don’t want to talk about them.” Her eyes were glassy, as if she were holding back tears. She yanked her fingers from his and leaned forward and away, breaking contact and all the connection between them. She grabbed his plate and thrust it at him.

  Heartbreak. He knew how deep it cut, how much it hurt. He could imagine her in a pretty white gown of satin and lace, alone in that crowded church. Abandoned by the man who’d said he loved her. She didn’t deserve that.

  “What about you?” Her silver fork scraped on the china.

  “Love and I don’t mix.”

  “Ever?”

  “I tried it once, but I didn’t have any better luck than you did.” He speared a piece of frosted cake and chewed. He refused to discuss what had happened the one time he’d been weak enough, and foolish, to fall in love.

  “Hey, I told you my heartache. You ought to be as brave.”

  “It’s not a matter of courage. It just doesn’t matter.”

  “If it hurt you, it matters.”

  She meant it. It was there in her eyes. “I came out all right, so don’t worry about me.”

  “I don’t like the way that sounds.” She licked the frosting off her fork. “What are you? In your mid-thirties, and you’ve never been married. Do you have that fear of commitment thing?”

  “Not me. I’m about as committed as a man can get. I work twenty-hour days, six days a week. Just about every day of the year. That’s responsibility.”

  “You’re rich. Why do you work so much? I mean, you could retire. Then you’d have lots of time to spend with your girlfriends. You know, the ones you’ve got dangling on a string, pining away for you.”

  “Is this your roundabout way of asking if I do a lot of dating?”

  “Your social life is none of my business. I’m just saying…” Her face was burning hot. She didn’t want to think about Noah and dating. He’d go for a wealthy, sophisticated woman. The sort who wore designer labels and who wouldn’t be caught dead in a pair of department store sneakers.

  “I saw the way the women at the party were ogling you. You were magnetic.”

  “It had nothing to do with me and everything to do with my bank account. As nice as your friends are, they don’t see me. Who I am. What I stand for. If I were a poor man, they’d never look at me twice.”

  His sadness touched her. “Some woman really hurt you, didn’t she?”

  “I’m not going to talk about it.”

  Whatever happened, she sensed he had been hurt worse than she had in life. Tenderness filled her up, tenderness she didn’t have the right to feel. Tomorrow he’d be jetting away in his plane to the East Coast, where he ran one of the most successful companies in the country.

  And she’d return to her classroom that smelled of crayons and finger paint and chocolate chip cookies.

  A teapot whistled in the kitchen down the hall, and Julie could just make out the low rumble of her grandfather’s chuckle.

  “They’re so happy,” she whispered. “It’s adorable.”

  Noah didn’t answer. “You have faith in marriage, do you?”

  “Marriage is no different from life, I figure. It’s what you make of it. Are you worried that your grandmother is going to be unhappy? My granddad will do anything it takes to make her happy.”

  “She’s had one good marriage. I guess that means she knows how to make another good one. Marriage seems perilous to me.”

  “Me, too, and I’ve only been as far as the altar,” she quipped, making light of the feelings she was too afraid to acknowledge.

  Two sets of footsteps padded down the hall and into the dining room. The faint creak of a chair told her the happy couple was sitting down to enjoy their tea and conversation. The low, contented buzz of their conversation filled the house with their happiness.

  Noah put his empty plate on the coffee table. The clink of the silverware on china echoed in the quiet. He looked weary as he climbed to his feet and paced to the fire. “Want to know why I really hired that detective?”

  She set her plate aside and moved close, so they could keep their voices low. “Does this have to do with the woman who broke your heart?”

  “She did more than that.” He crouched in front of the fire, sta
ring into the flames.

  Why would anyone hurt this man? Julie hunkered down on the floor and waited for Noah to say more.

  “Her name was Vanessa and she went to my church. Still does, actually.” He curled up next to her. “Sure you want to hear this?”

  “Do you want to talk about it?”

  “I never talk about it.” He hung his head, dark shocks tumbling forward to hide his face. “But I need you to understand. I’m a man who would never mean to hurt anyone, and I feel bad about the P.I.”

  “I’m beginning to know that about you.”

  “Good. I hired the detective because that’s what I should have done for myself, about five years ago. I trusted someone I shouldn’t. Vanessa was kind and beautiful and seemed to understand me. I was lonely, and many of my friends were married, some happily. I thought, maybe that could be me, with a gentle wife who loved me. I really wanted someone to love me. Foolish, I guess.”

  “What’s wrong with wanting to love and be loved?” Julie took his bigger hand in hers. Held him tight, so he would know that he wasn’t alone.

  He slipped his arm around her shoulders, drawing her close. Tenderly, sweetly.

  How could anyone not love this man?

  “Your parents divorced, as mine did. You have to know what it’s like. The fighting. The conflict. The constant hurting. Words become weapons that hurt more than fists.”

  “Yes.” She knew exactly what he meant. “But not every marriage is like that.”

  “That’s what I told myself. I figured Vanessa was as nice as could be. Soft-spoken. Gentle. She never had an unkind word to say to me. Unlike you, she never showed her anger with me. That should have been a clue, in retrospect.”

  “What does that mean? You liked that I became angry with you?”

  “You were honest with me. You were angry. There’s nothing wrong with that. She hid every honest emotion from me, and I didn’t know it. I thought no discord, no problems. I couldn’t have been more wrong. She was sleeping with another man—my best friend.”

  “Noah, I’m sorry she betrayed you.”

  “I’m a Christian. I respect my faith. I wasn’t sleeping with her. I guess that made it easier for her to pretend to be in love with me. When I proposed, I gave her a five-carat flawless diamond for an engagement ring and pledged to her my undying love. I was a fool.” He’d lost more than his heart that day.

  “I’m so sorry. You didn’t deserve that.” Julie wrapped her arms around him, in comfort and friendship.

  He buried his face in her shoulder, her sweater soft against his skin, and held her. Held her, gently and gratefully, until the hurt deep in his soul ebbed away.

  Chapter Nine

  Noah padded down the hallway, following the single light shining in the dark house. “Nanna? Are you down here?”

  “Just finishing up my reading.” Nanna glanced over the top of her bifocals at him, from her place at the small kitchen table. Her Bible was open before her. “I thought I told you to get to bed early, young man.”

  “I was on my computer. Lost track of time.” Noah turned a wood chair around and swung onto the seat. Getting comfortable, he leaned his forearms on the chair back. “Aren’t you up pretty late?”

  “Seems I have too much on my mind to fall asleep easy these days.” Nanna swiped her hands over her face, looking weary. So very weary. “Between the wedding and the new house. It’s a balancing act, I tell you. Hope and Julie are helping me with everything, but some days I can’t stop worrying if my dress will arrive on time. Oh, and now the meeting with the builder.”

  “I’ll be there, Nanna. I’ll help you as much as I can.”

  “I know you will. Oh, I’m not complaining. I just need another cup of chamomile tea and to spend a few more peaceful moments with my reading.” She touched her Bible. “What about you? Will you be flying off in that jet of yours the moment our little meeting is over?”

  “You know I have to get back to work. If there’s anything more I can do while I’m here, I’ll do it.”

  “My dear boy, one day, you are going to realize what you’re missing in life. Then you’ll stop working every waking hour of the day. You’ll be running to your family instead of away.”

  Her words hit their mark. Noah looked away. It was easier to stare at the floor than at the understanding on his grandmother’s face. “I’ve been the cause of this discord between you and Harold. I should have been more welcoming to him.”

  “You were polite.”

  “You’re defending me, and I love you for it. But you’re right. We both know it.”

  He thought of the story he’d told Julie tonight. The truth he’d never told anyone else, except for his attorney. Not even Nanna understood the true reason why he couldn’t stomach the idea of marrying.

  He’d closed off his heart so completely, he couldn’t let himself trust the people he loved. People who had never let him down.

  He should confess. He should tell her about the stress attacks. They were over now, and he’d make sure it stayed that way. Nothing would cast a shadow over her upcoming wedding….

  “You’re the sunshine of my life.” Nanna caught hold of his hand, her grip strong and faithful, loving and loyal. “It would be a great help to me if you’d give me your opinion of the construction bid. You and Harold could look it over together. Why, it would give you the perfect chance to get to know one another.”

  “So, everything really is all right?” He worried about her. He couldn’t help it. “You were pretty upset.”

  “I know, but Harold gave me his word that he’d try harder. Now I’ll need the same from you.”

  “Ah, you know I will.”

  “Fine, then, enough said. The meeting with the builder is at nine sharp. I know I’ll make the right decision with my two favorite men to help me. I’m so pleased that you decided to change your plans out of your love for me.”

  “Bribery. Guilt. Manipulation.” He kissed her cheek. “I didn’t have any choice, but I don’t mind.”

  “That’s my dear boy.” She caught his cheek and gave him a pinch. “Now off to bed with you. It’s far too late as it is. Go. Scoot.”

  He stood and swung the chair into place. How could he tell her about those stress attacks, or whatever they were? She’d be worrying about the doctor and when he’d be calling and what he might say, during her meeting with the builder. A woman didn’t get a new house, custom-built, every day.

  It was only a stress attack. It wasn’t as if it would be happening again. There was no need to tell her. Problem solved.

  Noah’s story troubled Julie most of the night. She woke up thinking about him, as the morning dawned bitterly cold. She had failed relationships that hurt to this day, but nothing like that. No wonder he’d given up trusting in people.

  Well, he could trust her.

  She added him to her morning prayers, hoping for a good answer from the doctor. He had looked healthier last night, almost as if the painful attack had never happened. Maybe Noah was right—it was stress. He certainly had a stressful lifestyle.

  Snow began falling on the way to school. By the time she reached town to grab her morning latte at the coffee shop, the roads were slick. School buses with chains on their tires clunked down the main street, heading out on their routes.

  “Hey!” Susan popped into Julie’s classroom, her own latte in hand. “How was Sunday dinner with Mr. Billionaire?”

  It felt private, all that had happened between her and Noah. “Fine.”

  “Fine? Misty and I have a theory.” She tapped into the room with complete confidence. “Mr. Ashton the Third is sweet on you.”

  “On me? No, we’re friends. And before you say one more word, remember that he lives in New York City. I live in Montana. And it’s not only the miles that separate us.”

  “Aha! I knew it. You like him, too, or you wouldn’t have thought this out so much. Admit it.”

  “His grandmother is marrying my grandfather. We have to be ni
ce to each other. It’s like a rule.” Julie searched through the file folder open on her desk for the bright red H. “I’m a potato farmer’s daughter. I have nothing but a string of failed relationships, so I don’t think that makes me a prime candidate for a relationship with a wealthy, handsome and perfect man like Noah.”

  Susan nodded sagely. “Perfect, huh? Well, I guess that means he’s available, after all. You don’t mind if Misty or I try to charm him the next time he’s in town.”

  “Go right ahead. Neither of you are victims of romantic doom.” She grabbed the stapler and attached the A in place above the friendly-looking snowman.

  “Sure that you’re not feeling a little jealous? A little possessive?”

  “No, why should I?” Julie stapled a P next to the A.

  “Can we say the word denial? C’mon, Julie. You forget who you’re talking to. I was standing right beside you when Keith told us that Chet decided not to marry you. I stayed with you when you cried long into the night. I sent back the wedding gifts for you, so you wouldn’t have to face doing it. I know how much that hurt.”

  “You’re a great friend, Susan. The best.” Julie stared at the stapler in her hand, feeling lost and confused. “I know what you’re going to say. You’re going to tell me that I should take a risk again. That being jilted once doesn’t guarantee it will happen again.”

  “So? What’s holding you back?”

  Julie thought of Noah. Of all the wonderful things he was. How he treated her. How much fun they’d had together skiing. How he’d apologized to her when he was wrong, and he opened up to her later. He told her his most painful secret. He held her in his arms, just held her.

  “Noah is not the right man for me.” She couldn’t afford to let him be.

  But that didn’t stop her from thinking about him after school, when her room was quiet and silence echoed in the hallway as she closed her classroom door behind her. Had he heard from the doctor? Was he back home in New York by now and going about his normal life?

  “Julie, I sure enjoyed the engagement party,” the principal’s secretary called the minute Julie stepped foot inside the front office. “I haven’t had that much fun in ages. Your granddad sure looked happy.”