A Love Worth Waiting For and Heaven Knows

by Jillian Hart

  “That about sums it up,” answered a deep rumbling voice.

  John. Alexandra felt his presence even before she heard the first pad of his footstep. Even before she caught the faint scent of pine-scented aftershave on the sweet morning breeze. The sun rising in the great sky behind him shot long spears of golden light, casting him in shadow as he strode closer. His broad shoulders were set, his Stetson tipped at an uncompromising angle, his gait slow and steady. Confident.

  He looked like a hero out of a movie, the tall, dark silent warrior too good to be real. He strolled into the shadows, the change of light transforming him from shadow to flesh-and-blood man. He looked different today in his Sunday best, still rock solid and powerful, but remote. For the moment, unreachable.

  Alexandra’s breath caught, and she was very aware of her long hair wet from the shower and tousled by the wind. She’d run a comb through it once. Who knew what she looked like? She was wearing her favorite pair of gray sweats, of course, the old ones that were baggy and had holes in both knees.

  It doesn’t matter, she told herself. It certainly wasn’t as if John Corey was looking at her like a man interested. And shouldn’t she be panicking instead of hoping he did like her?

  Right. Except she knew there was no danger here. John was a widower with Hands Off practically pasted to his forehead.

  “How about it, Alexandra? Seems we owe you for treating us to ice cream, and Coreys always make good on their debts. We can’t let this favor you did us go unpaid, so here we are, asking you to ease my conscience and let us take you to church with us.”

  “It was only ice cream, John. Not a debt to be paid.”

  “That’s a matter of opinion. Come to the service with us. You would make Mom happy. She loves to fuss over everyone. It gets tough on a guy. Think of it this way. You would be doing me a favor.”

  “Oh? A favor now? I thought you said it was a debt!”

  “Semantics.” It was easy to see the good in him, the easy charm that he kept rigidly veiled, but it was there, lurking in the friendly grin that would put Robert Redford to shame. “If you came along, then Mom would fuss over you instead of me and Hailey. Believe me, it’s a lot to endure, and we need a break. Isn’t that right, kid?”

  “Yep.” Hailey bobbed onto her tiptoes. “Grammy’s real mushy. She says it’s ’cuz all her kids are all grown-up. And I get too much fussin’. Are you really gonna come, Alexandra? Please? I can show you my horse.”

  “Well, I’m not sure—”

  Hailey’s face fell. “You don’t wanna see my horse?”

  Now what did she do? “Well, sure, but—”

  “Don’t bother to fight it, Alexandra.” Amused, John eased closer. “It’s best just to give in. Mom and Hailey together are a powerful force. They scare tornados away. It’s best to do what they want.”

  “And I don’t get any say in this?”

  “Nope.”

  It would be easier to say yes if he didn’t look so strong and dependable. She wasn’t sure she liked how she felt when she was around him. She certainly noticed he was a man. The trouble was, she hadn’t planned on making connections of any kind. The fewer people who remembered her, the less chance Patrick had of finding her. “I’ll come on one condition.”

  John lifted one brow, as if intrigued, leaning a fraction of an inch closer. “Name it.”

  “This settles the score. There’s no more debts, no more favors. I don’t need any charity.”

  “Good, because I’m not giving out any.”

  She couldn’t imagine a man as polished and probably as financially sound as John Corey would know much about camping. Or about getting by. Nor could he possibly understand how she felt, that she didn’t need help the way he thought.

  She could stand on her own two feet, on the path God had made for her. And she ought to tell him so, but she didn’t. She was tired of feeling so lonely.

  For a handful of hours this Sunday morning, she wouldn’t be alone. That was blessing enough. A special gift on the Lord’s day.

  The church parking lot was full by the time Alexandra made it back to the small neighboring town, nestled in the rolling foothills of the Rocky Mountains. The day was dazzling, and the sky endless. The sunshine smiled over her as she squeezed into a space along a tree-lined curb, shaded gently by the first buds of an ancient, sprawling chestnut tree.

  “Alexandra!” Hailey dashed across the street, all long limbs and swishing skirts and brilliance. An equally coltish little girl ran at her side, in a white pinafore dress that was every bit as nice as Hailey’s high-end department-store jumper. “You made it! You made it! Grammy was afraid you’d get lost.”

  How wonderful it was to be welcomed! “Me? Get lost? No way. Is this your friend Stephanie? The one with the puppy?”

  “That’s her!” Hailey bounced to a stop.

  “That’s me,” the girl agreed easily. “You have really pretty hair. Can you do mine like that?”

  “Yeah, mine, too?” Hailey begged.

  “No problem. It’s just a French braid. It’s a cinch to do.”

  “Cool!”

  Hailey grabbed one hand and Stephanie grabbed the other, and Alexandra found herself tugged across the street. The two girls began skipping.

  “C’mon, Alexandra!” Hailey urged. “We’re in a hurry.”

  “I don’t think I can go any faster.” Her heels were a little rickety, and her right ankle wobbled. But sandwiched between the kids, she gave it a try.

  She hadn’t skipped since she was a child. Her feet felt so light. And her hair bobbed up and down with her gait. She felt fantastic, like singing, and she hardly realized she was laughing until she leaped onto the sidewalk with the little girls and skidded to a stop in front of John Corey.

  Oh, no. He was squinting at her, and he probably thought that was no way for an adult woman to act, skipping like a child right there in the church parking lot. She was a guest of his, too. She hadn’t meant to forget herself like that.

  Feeling a little embarrassed, she swiped a lock of escaped hair behind her ear. “Thanks for the escort, girls.”

  “Guess what, Daddy? Alexandra’s gonna make my hair like hers.” Hailey bounded over to tug on his hand. “Can Stephanie sit with us? Can she, please?”

  “As long as it’s fine with her parents.” John watched as the girls dashed off, in search of Stephanie’s family, skipping hand in hand, leaving them alone.

  The wind gusted, cool and strong, and Alexandra shivered. Her feet felt heavy again as she took a step toward the church, where families grouped together in conversation. She was sharply aware of being alone and a stranger. On the outside, just as she’d been as a child.

  And as an adult, keeping a firm distance away from men. From John as he swept off his Stetson and raked his fingers through his dark hair. A contemplative gesture as he watched the other families, his face an unreadable mask.

  Not that whatever he was thinking was any of her business, but she wondered. Several people shouted out greetings to him as they passed. Apparently John was well woven into the fabric of this community, where everyone knew him by name and reputation, and welcomed him with looks that said John Corey is a good man.

  “Alexandra? Ready to head inside? It’s got to be better than standing around here. I feel like I’m in the way.”

  “Sure. Hailey told me Bev will be singing in the choir this morning.”

  “Yep, she is. We tried to stop her, but she’s stubborn. It’s a shame, too.” His dark eyes twinkled with a hint of trouble.

  What was it about this man? She hardly knew him, but he could make her laugh. She didn’t feel as alone as she kept up with John’s long-legged stride, which he kept shortening to accommodate her gait.

  She wished she could stop wondering about him. He’d been a widower for a long time. Out of deep love for his lost wife, maybe? That would explain the distance she felt, just beyond his polite friendliness and warm humor. As if he’d closed off a part of himse
lf long ago, barricaded it well and hidden the key.

  When the line moved, John motioned for her to take the step ahead of him. He was so close. Too close. The woodsy scent of his aftershave, the faint aroma of fabric softener on his jacket, the faint heat from him made her acutely aware of the six feet of male so close, if she leaned back a fraction of an inch, they would be touching.

  That couldn’t be good. Alexandra leaned forward as far as she could, creating distance. Still, the feeling, the sensation of closeness, remained.

  “I bet you’ll like Pastor Bill.” John’s warm breath fanned the shell of her ear. “He leans toward meaningful but short sermons. Mercifully short. You can’t find that just anywhere.”

  “Then I guess I’m lucky that you and Hailey hunted me down this morning.”

  “That’s right. Afterward, there’s Sunday brunch at my house. You’re invited.”

  She had miles to cover, laundry to do and a future to find. Gazing up at John, seeing the strength and male vitality of him as he towered over her, blocking the sun, every cell within her seemed to take notice.

  One thing was for certain—John Corey was not her future. She should say no.

  “Come join us. We have plenty to share, and this is the Lord’s day. If you don’t, my mother will hurt me.”

  “Sure, like I believe that.”

  “You should. She’s a formidable woman. You should know that by now.” He winked in a friendly way. “Just be prepared, that’s all I’m trying to tell you. She’s going to insist. Personally, I think she’s just looking for someone new to impress since we’re all tired of complimenting her cooking. She needs you.”

  “What can I say? I’m in demand. I guess I’d better stay for a little while.”

  “You’ve got places to go and people to meet?” he asked, his gaze narrowing, as if he were measuring the truth of her.

  “Something like that. I might hop down to Yellowstone. I’ve never been, and it’s only a few hours away.”

  “You’ll be glad you did.” He paused while they moved a step closer to the minister. “I’ve got some old guidebooks for the park. I don’t need them anymore, but they have campsites and information. Might come in handy.”

  “Has anyone ever told you that you are too helpful?” Alexandra twisted around to look at him, the wind tangling the cinnamon-brown wisps framing her pretty, heart-shaped face, making her look vulnerable. Her slim brows arched over her luminous dark eyes in a playful frown. “There has to be something wrong with someone who’s too nice.”

  “I toss my dirty socks on the floor just like any man,” he quipped, keeping her away from the truth. She had no idea what she’d said, or what her innocent, light comment made resonate deep down in his soul.

  The family on the steps ahead of them moved away, saving him from trying to come up with an easy answer, one that wouldn’t reveal the pain deep within. His problems weren’t anyone else’s, and Alexandra looked down enough on her luck that the last thing she needed was to have to listen to his troubles. A wrong he could blame on no one else but himself.

  “Pastor Bill.” John offered his hand, clasping the older man’s warmly. “I’d like you to meet Alexandra.”

  “What a pleasure.” Pastor Bill took Alexandra’s slim hand, welcoming and warm. “I hope you enjoy our humble service this morning. We’re short a singer in the alto section, if you happen to be willing to join the choir.”

  “Me? No, but thank you.” Alexandra spoke as gently as lark song, her grace unmistakable.

  John didn’t feel it was good to notice that.

  “Daddy!” Hailey called out, as she and Stephanie crowded their way onto the top step.

  The girls were laughing, making Alexandra laugh and the minister chuckle fondly. It was a beautiful morning, this day a gift from the Father above, as were the people surrounding him. The girls who tugged on Alexandra’s hand, eager to sit next to her in the church, and Hailey calling to him again to get his attention.

  He had more blessings than most. More than he deserved.

  “Daddy, Alexandra’s gonna braid our hair, so we’ve gotta hurry. There’s Grammy in the front! They’re gonna start singing. Hurry! Please!” Hailey’s fingers curled around his own, holding on tightly. So very tightly.

  Take care of our baby, Bobbie had begged. Promise me, John. Promise me.

  Pushing down the guilt and a sorrow that had no end, he carefully tucked it away, down in his soul where it belonged.

  Steadied, once again back to himself, he managed a smile and squeezed his daughter’s hand. Trust glittered in her eyes.

  Her hand in his gave him strength as he followed her down the aisle and into the row where Stephanie and Alexandra were already settled.

  “Me, first!” Hailey collapsed onto the wooden pew. “Right, Alexandra?”

  “Right.” She dug through her shoulder bag, bowing her head as she pulled out a comb. Cinnamon-brown wisps, silken and glossy, had escaped from her braid, brushing the soft curve of her cheek.

  She’s a beautiful woman. The trouble was that he kept noticing that. Over and over again. He found the edge of the bench by feel and dropped onto it. The faint scent of her shampoo—something that smelled like apples and spring—made him dizzy with yearning.

  With the wish for a woman to love. Alexandra was so incredibly soft and graceful and everything missing in his life, everything he’d been without for so long. It overwhelmed him. Sharpened the edge of a longing he hadn’t felt since Bobbie’s death.

  The longing for companionship. For the deep, abiding connection of love and intimacy. For that incredibly strange and wonderful way of a woman, of her brightness, of her smile, of her magical softness in his life.

  And it was wrong. He squeezed his eyes shut, willing away the longing, just as he’d forced away every other emotion. He tried to focus on the sounds around him—the familiar rise and fall of voices as families settled down into the pews, the strike of heels against the wood floor and the clatter of shoes as the children followed their mothers into the rows.

  Hailey’s elbow bumped him, bringing him back. He turned toward her, and there was Alexandra. Right there, in his peripheral vision, impossible to miss. She could be an angel, with the colorful light from the stained-glass windows washing over her like grace.

  Her slim fingers held and twisted and folded locks of Hailey’s sunny-blond hair with deft confidence, fingers that were long and well shaped, feminine and hugged by several silver rings. Nothing fancy or expensive, just artful, and somehow like her.

  Her fingernails were short and painted a light pink, hardly noticeable except that he couldn’t seem to tear his gaze from the nimble way her hands worked, tucking and folding, and then winding a small lime-green elastic band around the end of a perfect braid.

  “Cool! Thanks, Alexandra.” Hailey touched her new do, shimmering with happiness. “See, Daddy? I think you gotta hire her now ’cuz not even Grammy can do braids like this.”

  “They aren’t hard to do, not at all,” Alexandra argued, stepping in as if to save him from having to answer. “Let me grab one of these hymnals. I don’t want to be flipping pages when the choir starts.”

  Hailey jumped to help, and so did Stephanie on Alexandra’s other side, as the organ music crescendoed, and Pastor Bill approached the altar.

  With Hailey between them, it wasn’t as if Alexandra was close to him. But she was. The apple scent of her shampoo seemed to fill the air. He couldn’t stop noticing her. The way she crossed her ankles, the left over the right. He saw that her left shoe strap was held together by one of those tiny brass-colored safety pins.

  He ought to feel sorry for her, a woman alone, without family, without means, practically living out of her car. That’s what he ought to feel. Obligation, duty and a sense of purpose in the chance to help, to right some wrong, since he had so much on his soul to make right.

  But what he felt wasn’t pity at all. Or charity. Or the sense of accomplishment that came from helpi
ng others. He felt…aware of her as a woman. In a way he hadn’t taken notice of any woman since he’d met Bobbie. Shame pounded through him, like wind-driven hail, leaving him icy cold and stinging.

  Stunned, he rubbed his hand over his face. This isn’t good. It isn’t right. He had no business feeling anything but duty toward anyone, much less another beautiful woman. He’d messed up his one chance at love, the beautiful blessing of marriage the good Lord had given him. He had no right to even notice another woman’s beauty.

  The congregation rose with a resounding rustle that echoed throughout the sanctuary. His cue to stand, too. He held the hymnal and tried to follow the hymn he knew so well. But couldn’t seem to remember the words because he heard Alexandra’s sweet soprano, so quiet it was barely discernible, but to him, he heard only her.

  This strange, warm flutter of emotion…it was something he had to control. Tamp down and extinguish, because he didn’t deserve it. He didn’t deserve her.

  Pastor Bill began the prayer. Bowing his head, John pushed away all thoughts of Alexandra and, with all his heart, concentrated on the minister’s words.

  Chapter Five

  Was this the right place? Alexandra pulled into the long curve of gravel driveway that climbed lush rolling fields, and disappeared out of sight. Her tires crunched in the thick, soft gravel as she drove up the incline.

  The house swept into view around a slow curve, a two-story log structure with a gray stone chimney rising up into the sky. Smoke puffed from the chimney, and every window facing her sparkled clean and pure with the sun’s light. John’s house, just as Bev had described it.

  At least she was in the right place, although she wanted to turn the car around and speed straight to the freeway. Why? Because she was insane, that’s why. She was attracted to John. Attracted—as in liking. As in noticing a man the way a woman noticed a man.

  Warning. Danger. Didn’t she know better? Remember what happened the last time she felt this way?

  She shivered, despite the warm air breezing in through the open window. Trembled all the way down to her soul. If she closed her eyes and looked inside herself, she knew the memories of Patrick would be right there, close to the surface, frightening as he grew angrier and more threatening, his fist raised….