A Love Worth Waiting For and Heaven Knows

by Jillian Hart

  “This little guy’s great, but you know good and well that I’m not going to marry again.”

  “You never know what God has in store for you,” Tom reminded him.

  “Broken hearts do mend, John,” Nina, Tom’s wife, reminded kindly as she took her son into her arms.

  They were ganging up on him again. Hurt, he kept quiet. Tom and Nina had everything. They didn’t understand. Broken hearts did mend, but not broken souls. Not easily, anyway. John smoothed the palm of his hand over little David’s head, the finest silk of baby hair like a blessing against his skin. He and Bobbie had always wanted a big family. It was his fault they’d never gotten the chance.

  Closing down the guilt and regret that raged like a century’s storm, John turned away, making his excuses, but before he left he caught the look of pity on his sister-in-law’s face. The sorrow on his brother’s.

  John, you still have a life, Tom had said on more than one occasion, and it was as if he was saying it now. John could feel it. He was ashamed, because no one in his family knew what had really happened. He’d tried to tell them at the time, but they’d made excuses. Hadn’t wanted to see his failures. Not their oldest son, who’d never failed them. They couldn’t believe he was responsible for his wife’s death. And couldn’t understand why he never deserved another chance at love.

  That’s the reason he tried to keep his gaze firmly fixed on the floor ahead of him and not straying toward the kitchen. Alexandra was wiping down the counters with an efficient swipe of her slender arm, her chestnut-brown braid bobbing between her shoulder blades as she worked. She looked young and vulnerable. Wisps of escaped hair curled around the faint bumps of vertebrae in her neck. Look how fragile she was.

  Hadn’t he vowed not to look at her? Angry with himself, John stormed through the family room and up the stairs, taking refuge as the silence of the second story closed around him. Sunlight streamed into the stained-glass windows at the end of the hallway, staining him with green and blue light as he stood gripping his forehead. What on earth was wrong with him?

  He hadn’t been able to stop noticing Alexandra across the table during the meal. The way she broke her biscuit into small bite-size pieces with her long, delicate fingers, those slim silver rings catching the light, as if to draw his gaze. The way she watched his family talk and banter and even argue over a meal, while her food went mostly untouched. As if a happy, extended family gathered together was a new experience for her.

  That made him wonder more about her. What kind of family did she grow up in? Why wasn’t she married? What had she left behind her? Where was she from?

  Not his business. Still, it troubled him as he dug through the shelves in the extra room. Troubled him because he’d had his chance and blown it. He had no one to blame but himself. God wasn’t going to trust him with anything so precious and sacred—not again. Nor would he trust himself.

  There it is. He grabbed the battered copy of the travel guide and dusted it off with his sleeve. He stepped over a pile of magazines on the floor, cornered a toppling stack of newspapers and closed the door behind him. He was thinking about Alexandra way too much. Not a good sign. He would work harder to keep his mind where it belonged, give her the book and wave when she drove away.

  A part of him didn’t want her to drive away. What would it be like if she did stay?

  Disaster. Don’t even think like that, John. He grimaced, taking the stairs two at a time.

  There, washed in sunlight and tousled by a gentle wind, Alexandra was laughing, with Hailey wrapped around her waist in a hug. He skidded to a stop in his tracks, right in the middle of the doorway. Hailey released her, hopping up and down as she always did, taking Alexandra by the hand and tugging her along the deck railing toward the back steps.

  Alexandra was protesting, but not really meaning it. Hailey hauled her over to the lawn, where Bandit was waiting, reins dragging, ears pricked, long tail twitching.

  “I really can’t ride,” Alexandra was saying. “I never had a pony when I was a little girl. I’d fall right off.”

  “You just gotta sit up straight. Don’t worry. I’ll show ya!” Hailey grabbed the stirrup. “See? It’s easy. Just put your foot right in here.”

  “Why don’t you get up and show me first?” Alexandra couldn’t hide the quiver of panic in her voice.

  Full of grace, she was, and all beauty. The wholesome kind, the way a sun rose over the Bridger Range. The kind of beauty that gave rest to a man’s soul.

  The man who wound up with Alexandra for his wife would sure be lucky.

  “See?” Hailey stretched on tiptoe to grab the saddle horn. “You just do this, and then hop real high. See? I’m up.” Hailey eased into the saddle. “Wanna try?”

  “Show me how you steer, first.” Alexandra crossed her arms around her middle, the fear retreating. Maybe she figured once Hailey was on her horse she would stay there and forget about teaching Alexandra.

  Wrong. Amused, John watched as Hailey rolled her eyes. “You don’t steer a horse like a car. You guide him. Like this.”

  It was evident that Alexandra liked children. A lot. There was no hiding it on her face or the mirth that made her dark eyes twinkle. She’d be good for Hailey. The thought whispered through his mind, as if born on the breeze, carried straight from heaven. Hire her.

  Well, that would be a mistake. Right?

  “Well, son.” Mom planted her elbows on the rail beside him. “How are we going to get her to change her mind?”

  “We aren’t.” John figured God knew what He was doing. “She’s made her decision.”

  “Yes, but look how Hailey adores her. Alexandra’s good with children, with that gentle nature of hers.” Bev fell silent.

  Alexandra’s gentle nature. That’s all John saw. The quiet murmur of her laughter as she failed to hop high enough to climb into the saddle and slid back down to the ground. The veiled look of panic she tried to hide when she finally sat awkwardly in the saddle, staring at the ground in horror. The tranquil music of her voice as she commented, “Boy, that’s a long way to fall. It’s higher up here than I thought it would be.”

  Is this a sign, Lord? In one glance John took it all in—his precious daughter and Alexandra astride the little pinto. The rich land that rolled gently out of sight, the beauty of the mountains rimming the valley in all directions. The big house he could afford, and a loving extended family.

  Why he’d been blessed so much, he didn’t know, but one thing was for sure. Alexandra wasn’t as fortunate in life. She was alone, and hurt shone in her eyes. A hurt he understood.

  He had great debts to pay, and not of the financial kind. So what if he was attracted to Alexandra—nothing would come of it. The important thing was that the Lord had brought her to his doorstep, a vulnerable young woman in need. This was his chance to make another payment on the enormous debt he owed God. The answer to the same prayer he prayed every night.

  The chance to make amends. To earn forgiveness for the unforgivable.

  John knew exactly what he had to do.

  Chapter Six

  “Don’t forget this.” John’s voice rumbled in Alexandra’s ear as he dropped a battered book on the kitchen counter. “What are you gonna do? Just sneak off without saying goodbye?”

  “No.” Although she wanted to. It would sure be easier. “Your mom doesn’t seem to want me to leave. And Hailey. She thinks I’m going to stay and take care of her. I’m not naming names, but I suspect someone is hoping that will change my mind.”

  “Hey, don’t look at me. Hailey eavesdrops. It’s terrible.”

  “But you’re not, of course.”

  “Of course not. I would never try to use my daughter’s affections to influence your decision.” But his look said everything. “I pay well.”

  As if that were the only objection. Alexandra gazed around the kitchen, large and friendly and gorgeous. It sure would be a pleasure to cook in this kitchen. To spend her days looking after Hailey. “I do li
ke your daughter.”

  “Ha! A victory. Does this mean you’ll do it?”

  “No. It means I’d love to, but I can’t.” Forget that one of the biggest reasons she couldn’t accept was standing in front of her in living color, flesh and blood, too good to be true. “I wish it could be different.”

  “You’d like to stay?”

  “Like to stay? I’d love to. Your family has been great to me. I can’t remember the last time I felt so welcome anywhere.”

  “Then it’s a sign from above.” John smiled at her in that easy way he had, not flirtatious or coy, as he yanked open the refrigerator door. “Just say yes.”

  “I can’t.” She took a deep breath. Did she risk telling him?

  “Okay, then what will make it easier for you to say yes? How about free room and board?” An ice-cream carton thunked to the countertop next to her. “Think about all that means. Free ice cream.”

  He lifted the lid, revealing rich chocolate, gooey fudge and fluffy marshmallow.

  “Tempting.”

  “Bribery by chocolate. I knew it would work.” He dug a scoop out of a drawer. “How about a sundae to celebrate your new job?”

  “Hold the chocolate sauce. I haven’t accepted yet.” Alexandra took a deep breath. Did she trust John with the truth? Or did she run out of here the way she’d left Seattle, determined never to look back?

  “Alexandra!” Hailey rushed in, cowboy hat hanging down her back. “I heard! You’re gonna take care of me. I knew it!”

  Reed-thin arms flung around Alexandra’s midsection and squeezed so tight. Innocent and vibrant and so incredibly sweet. What a treat to be able to take care of Hailey as a job. She couldn’t think of a nicer way to spend her days.

  There were more reasons to leave than to stay. Patrick was one of them.

  John was another. What was she going to do about the fact that she was attracted to him? Well, she could keep her distance. If she worked for him, then she was bound to be alone with him eventually.

  Hailey grabbed a cookie and skipped out the door, chanting “yippee-skippy” over and over until she was out of sight, and out of hearing range.

  John scooped fat rounds of ice cream into a half dozen bowls. “Want to start negotiating your wage?”

  “Not yet.” She took a deep breath, unable to put it off any longer. John had to know the truth before he hired her. “I have something to tell you first. Listen, and then you decide.”

  “Go on. I’m listening.”

  “A week ago I packed my camping gear and two bags of clothes in the dead of night and drove away from my apartment and my job and everybody I knew. I’m not aimlessly looking for work. I’m running for my life.”

  Running for her life? Was she in danger? There was no way she was in trouble with the law. It wasn’t that kind of trouble.

  He hazarded a guess. “Are you married?”

  “No.” She shook her head hard enough so the cinnamon-brown braid of hair slipped like silk over her delicate shoulders. “He was my fiancé.”

  “Was he violent? Did he hurt you?”

  Alexandra didn’t answer. She didn’t have to.

  She bowed her head. The silken wisps escaped from her braid fell forward, hiding her face, caressing the curve of her cheek. Her silence was more telling than a thousand words could.

  Fury punched through him, and he shoved away from the counter, pacing hard, hands fisted. Seeing red, it was all he could do to control his anger. What kind of man hurt a woman? What sort of coward would terrorize someone half his size?

  It was no Christian way to think, but he couldn’t stop the wild surge of protective fury that tore through him like a rampaging flood. Drowning him so that he was sputtering for air, for control. No man had the right to do that to a woman. Especially one as good and gentle as Alexandra.

  For her sake, he reined in his anger. He still shook with it, but raging at a faceless coward who wasn’t even in this room wasn’t going to help the ashen-faced, lost-looking woman who was staring at him with wide, worried eyes.

  “You don’t have to run another step. You’ll be safe here.” That was a promise he meant all the way to his soul. He knew it. God knew it. Alexandra would know it.

  “He could be following me. He made threats.”

  “He won’t find you. And if he does, I’m good friends with the town sheriff.” John would talk to Cameron Brisbane first thing tomorrow. Cam was a good man. He’d be more than happy to help. With two of them keeping an eye out, Alexandra would be sure to be safe.

  “But if Patrick found me, I could be putting Hailey in danger without knowing it. Or you.” She held her chin up, a little wobbly, betraying her fear. “Maybe staying isn’t the best idea. I had planned to get as far away as I could. Maybe go back East. I don’t know.”

  “Thousands of miles won’t keep you safe, not if he wants to find you.” John uncurled his hands. Forced the rest of his muscles to relax. He’d seen enough as a member of the rescue team that he knew exactly what Alexandra was running from. He remembered a local domestic violence situation two years ago. He’d been called in to help find the missing wife.

  And had found her body instead.

  “It’s not right to involve you by staying.” Her chin lifted a notch higher. All strength and pride and courage. “This is my problem.”

  “Now it’s mine, too. If two friends share a problem, then it’s half the trouble.”

  She tried to frown at him, but ended up almost smiling instead. “Your ice cream is melting.”

  “Trying to divert me from the truth.” He grabbed the carton and snapped the lid into place. “Too bad. It won’t work. You’re staying.”

  “Playing the boss already, are you?”

  “Sure, why not? Just as long as you don’t go running off alone. You have friends here.” He shoved the carton blindly into the freezer compartment, hoping there was enough room on the rack. He knew what he had to do. “You don’t need to be alone.”

  “You hardly know me. I hardly know you.”

  “I’m at the store all day, while you’d be here with Hailey. You’d be answering to my mom, mostly.”

  “Really?” She sounded cautious, but he could read her interest. She had an open heart that was easy to read and with hurt that was easy to see.

  He hated that she was hurting so much down deep. Hated the horrible man who’d done this to her, made her feel unsafe and unable to trust a Christian man offering her a job—just a job. And nothing more.

  The anger returned, but he forced it away. She surprised him by reaching out. The soft warm brush of her fingertips against his rough, sun-browned fingers unnerved him. Knocked him off balance and made him forget how to speak. She twisted the jar from his grip, sauntering away with a feminine gait that was simple and innocent and so womanly, he could only stare.

  Lord, You’ve given me a woman to protect and defend. I’m up to this challenge. Really. John knew in his heart it wasn’t going to be easy.

  He was attracted to her. It was the plain and simple truth. He was a man. One day a woman was bound to come along and stir up feelings. It was only natural. That didn’t mean he needed to acknowledge those feelings. Or act on them. Or give them a fraction of control over his life.

  He had self-control. That’s what mattered. The trouble was, he was going to have to stop noticing she was so beautiful and vulnerable and amazing.

  No problem there. He wouldn’t look at her.

  Averting his gaze, he grabbed the butterscotch chips from the pantry. He could hear the rasp of the silverware drawer, the tinkle of flatware, the metallic twist of a metal lid coming away from the jar.

  Having Alexandra in his kitchen was going to take some getting used to. He unwound the twist tie from the bag and laid it on the counter.

  She dolloped a meager amount of chocolate topping over the first bowl of ice cream. “Is this enough?”

  “We don’t do anything halfway here. We go for the gusto.” He took the jar and
upended it. The thick syrup sluiced over the ice cream to form a thick, delicious glacier of chocolate. “Anything less than that, and the crowd gets cranky. My mild-mannered dad will throw his shoe at you.”

  “Then I’d better put on a lot of chips, right?” She reached across him for the bag, bringing with her the scent of sweet green apples.

  Not that he was about to notice. “If there’s not enough chips, Mom will refuse to bring potato salad next Sunday. She’s tough when it comes to punishment.”

  “I’d hate to get you in trouble. Is this enough?”

  “Wow, you’re generous with the butterscotch.” He poured syrup over the last bowl. “You fit in here. You oughta stay. You seem to like being here so far, and we like having you. ‘Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by doing so some people have entertained angels without knowing it.’”

  Why did her heart crumple like that? “I’m no angel, John.”

  “Close enough.”

  She wasn’t going to be tempted. But she knew, as he handed her a bowl with a long-handled spoon in it, that it was already too late.

  Staying here had to be a big mistake. Alexandra could feel it. She could admit it—she liked being needed. Even if it was for a job and nothing more.

  She’d have to examine her motives later. But for now, as she dug into the depths of her purse for her car keys, she had enough to keep her busy. Hailey was chattering away, telling her exactly when the school bus came in the afternoons and exactly where it dropped her off. Alexandra would be waiting, right?

  “Absolutely. I wouldn’t forget you.” Alexandra found her keys and slung the leather purse strap over her shoulder. “What do you want to do first when you get home tomorrow?”

  “Ride Bandit. You can come, too.” Hailey clasped her hands in sheer delight. “You did real good for a first-time rider. Well, not really, but you tried real hard.”

  “Are you kidding? It was a disaster. Maybe I’ll do better next time.” Trying to forget the way she kept sliding off the saddle, Alexandra grabbed the grocery sack of leftovers from the counter. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”