Bad Seed

by Rye Hart

  At first, I didn’t hear anything. The lights were on inside, and Julie’s car was parked in the driveway, so I knew she was home. I waited a minute before I rang the bell again. Still, I heard nothing. I frowned and took a step closer to the door. I peered through the window, trying to see if there was movement inside. I couldn’t see anything, so I stepped back and knocked hard.

  Finally, I heard hurried footsteps inside. I smiled when I saw Julie’s face appear behind the glass. She didn’t return the smile. When she opened the door, she was staring at me with disinterest. My smile faltered for a second before I pushed myself forward.

  “Hey,” I said. “How’s it going?”

  “Fine.” Julie lips barely moved when she spoke.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked.

  “I don’t really want to see you right now,” Julie said firmly. “Maybe you should just go.”

  “Go?” I blinked. “Julie, what are you talking about? What’s wrong?”

  Julie shook her head and looked away from me. Her eyes fell on something to my left. She fixed a fake smile on her face and then lifted her hand to wave. I followed her gaze. Her next-door neighbor was sitting on the porch, staring at us with beady eyes. She was clearly trying to eavesdrop on our conversation.

  “Just come inside.” Julie sighed. “I don’t want anyone to hear us.”

  I still didn’t know what was going on, but I followed her inside all the same. The house looked exactly as it did the last time I was there. The only difference was a small tree in the corner of the living room. I smiled when I saw it, thinking about the crystal tree I was holding.

  “Let’s just make this quick,” Julie said. “What do you want, Michael?”

  “To see you,” I said. My confusion was growing by the second. The last time Julie and I spoke, everything was fine. She’d kissed me, had straddled my lap and groaned against me. Now she was completely shut down and I didn’t know why.

  “I don’t want to see you right now,” Julie said again. “In fact, I’m not sure if I’ll ever want to see you again.”

  “What?” I blinked and stared at her. “Julie, what are you talking about? What happened?”

  “What happened?” Julie scoffed. “As if you don’t know.”

  “I thought everything was fine,” I said quickly. “Last time I was here, you kissed me and said we could make this work. You said we wouldn’t let Josh come between us and now—”

  “That was before,” Julie interrupted. She crossed her arms over her chest and turned away from me.

  I still didn’t know what was going on. I watched Julie as she stared into her kitchen, looking anywhere but at me. With a sigh, I set down the gift I’d brought and walked slowly over to her. I was scared to touch her, but I knew I had to try. I couldn’t just leave without understanding what had upset her so much.

  Gently, I ran my fingers down her arms.

  “Julie…”

  She jerked away from me, jumping forward and spinning around to glare at me. I immediately held up my hands and took a step backward. Touching her was obviously a mistake. Her pale blue eyes, usually so soft and kind, flashed with rage.

  “Don’t touch me,” she growled.

  “Okay,” I said, losing my patience now. “What the hell happened?”

  “I had dinner with Joshua,” Julie said.

  When the words left her mouth, my heart stopped. My worst fears had been realized. She went to dinner with Josh. She still cared about him. She still loved him. They were going to get back together.

  “You had dinner with him?” I asked. “Why?”

  “He texted me,” Julie said simply. “Said he wanted to meet up and talk.”

  “And you actually went?” I asked in disbelief. “After everything he put you through?”

  Julie shrugged. “I figured it couldn’t hurt, especially if you and I were going to try and make things work.”

  “What does that have to do with Josh?” I snapped.

  “He’s your brother,” Julie said. “In my head, I thought he and I should smooth things over if we were both going to be in your life.”

  “And?” I asked. “Did you smooth things over?”

  “Well, it was a real eye-opener, that’s for sure,” Julie said.

  I tried to keep my anger in check. I couldn’t believe Julie would have dinner with Josh without telling me, that she would sneak around behind my back with my brother. Still, that didn’t explain why she was acting so cold. Unless she and Josh…

  “Are you getting back together with him?” I asked bluntly. “Is that what this is about?”

  “Are you kidding?” Julie’s eyes flashed. “How the hell could you even ask me something like that?”

  “Well, I don’t know!” I threw my hands up in frustration. “I came over tonight to see you, and you’re practically throwing me out the door. Julie, what’s wrong? What happened at that dinner?”

  “Josh and I talked,” Julie said. Her voice was low. Eerily calm. “He told me he still loves me and that he wants us to try again.”

  Again, my stomach tightened with rage. I knew Josh would pull something like this. I’d never felt so ready to hit someone in my life. If it weren’t for Julie, I would have jumped in my car and driven to Dallas just to take a swing at my brother.

  “Is that what you want?” I asked softly, terrified to hear her answer.

  “No,” Julie said. “Just like I told him, that’s not how it works.”

  “Good,” I said firmly. “He doesn’t deserve you.”

  “Who does?” Julie asked, raising her eyebrows. “You?”

  “No,” I said. I shook my head. “Honestly, I don’t think anyone deserves you.”

  Julie’s face softened for a split second. It didn’t last long, but I saw it. Her eyes unfroze, and her lips went slack. She stared at me closely, and it was like nothing bad ever happened. It was just her and me, standing in her living room, hating the distance that existed between us.

  Then, as suddenly as it came, it disappeared. She hardened again. Her jaw tightened, and her eyes locked. It was like the wall had slammed back in place, and there was nothing I could do to remove it.

  “Julie,” I said. “If you’re not getting back together with him, then please, just tell me what’s wrong.”

  As I begged, I already knew the answer. Julie wasn’t the kind of person to just turn off her emotions. She couldn’t just stop caring about someone unless she was given a damn good reason to do so. Before she even opened her mouth, I knew what she would say.

  “Josh told me everything,” she said. “About how you knew who I was all along. He said he told you my name years ago. That you even looked me up on Facebook once or twice. He said there was no way you didn’t know exactly who I was when you saw me in the café that day.”

  My entire world was crashing down around me. I never wanted Julie to find out the truth this way, not from Josh. Part of me always intended to tell her, but I didn’t know how. I was terrified that she would find out everything and run in the opposite direction.

  “Is it true?” she asked.

  “Julie…” I began, but she cut me off with a look.

  “Just answer the question,” she said. “Is it true?”

  “Julie…”

  “Did you know who I was?” she demanded. “That day in the café, when you first spoke to me, did you know who I was?”

  “Yes.”

  Julie’s eyes closed, and her hands slowly moved to cover her mouth. She shook her head from side to side, pain etched in every line of her face. In that moment, I realized she was hoping for a different answer. She wanted Josh to be lying. She wanted to believe I would never deceive her. She wanted to trust me.

  My heart felt like it was being stomped on. I took a small step forward and reached out to Julie. The second her eyes flew open, she jumped backward and glared at me with renewed anger.

  “Get the hell out of my house,” she snapped.

  “Please, just hear
me out first,” I said. “Please.”

  “There’s nothing left to say.” Julie’s voice was tight. Her eyes were swimming with the tears she’d been holding back.

  “There is,” I said. My voice was weak. I could feel my eyes start to burn. “Please. There are things you don’t know, things you don’t understand.”

  “Did you know I was Julie Black?” she asked.

  “Yes.”

  “Did you know I was your brother’s ex-girlfriend?” she asked.

  “Yes.”

  “And you didn’t say anything,” she said weakly. “You just let me… You let me sleep with you… Fall for you… You…”

  Words were starting to fail her. She glared at me, her eyes flashing dangerously, and I knew the conversation was over. There was nothing I could say to make things right. Not anymore.

  “I can’t just leave,” I said. “Not without explaining myself.”

  “I don’t want to hear it,” Julie said. “Leave.”

  “No,” I began, but Julie’s answering glare was enough to make me stagger backward. I’d never seen anyone look so hurt, so broken.

  “Get out.”

  I stood there for another few seconds, just staring into her eyes and silently begging her to understand. She didn’t. Instead, she looked away, and I crumbled.

  With a nod, I turned toward the door. My heart felt heavy as I took my first step forward.

  “Take that with you,” Julie said firmly. “Whatever it is.”

  When I turned around, she was pointing at the box I’d laid down earlier. I’d all but forgotten about that damn Christmas tree. I hurried over to pick it up, and then I practically ran out of the front door without a word.

  I couldn’t have said anything if I’d wanted to. My throat was tight, and my eyes burned with repressed tears. As I drove home, I finally let the first one fall. I’d never hated myself more than I did right then.

  CHAPTER 23

  JULIE

  The second Michael walked out the door, I collapsed in a heap on the floor. All my strength was sapped from my body as tears finally fell from my eyes. I’d been holding them back, determined not to cry in front of Michael. But once he was gone, I couldn’t hold myself together for another second. I sobbed as I hit the floor, a pitiful cry ripped itself free from my chest, and Andrea rushed out of my bedroom.

  “Is he gone?” she asked, looking around the room frantically.

  All I could do was nod. Andrea ran to me and sat down on the floor beside me. Her arms were around me in an instant, holding me together while I let myself cry everything out. I sobbed and rocked, holding onto Andrea for dear life.

  I needed something solid to focus on, something that would keep me grounded while my heart shattered. Andrea was that something. I clung to her arms like they were my own personal lifeline. She held me just as tightly, her head resting gently against my own. She didn’t move an inch as I sobbed, tears pouring uncontrollably down my cheeks.

  When Michael first showed up at my door, I couldn’t believe he was there. I was livid. Furious. Then, I remembered that he didn’t know anything. He had no idea about my dinner with Joshua, so he didn’t yet know that I’d found out the truth. He looked so excited when I opened the door. His dark blue eyes were lit up with the smile I knew all too well. My heart ached when I saw him.

  It took all my strength not to give in to my feelings. Just looking at him was enough to shake my resolve. I wanted to believe Joshua was lying. I spent all day telling myself it couldn’t be true, that Joshua was just trying to weasel his way back into my life. Deep down, I knew I was lying to myself. Joshua wasn’t lying. Everything he said at dinner was the truth.

  Still, when Michael finally admitted it, I was crushed. A part of me had been clinging to the slim possibility that it was all a lie. I was desperate to believe Michael was a good man, the perfect man. I was wrong. Horribly wrong. And for what? What was his end game? Was he trying to humiliate me? Was he using me to get at his brother for something? I just didn’t know. All I knew was that it hurt like hell.

  Andrea tightened her grip on me as the sobs finally started to subside. My throat was sore, and my nose was dripping, but I didn’t care. I wanted to get everything out so I could start to make sense of my new situation. If I let my emotions control me, I knew I would never pick myself back up again.

  I pulled away from Andrea and sniffed. My face felt disgusting, so I hurried into the bathroom and cleaned myself up. As I stared into the mirror, I told myself to pull it together. I cried. I broke down. Now, I needed to move on. I needed to pick myself up and figure out a way to let go of both Michael and Joshua. For good.

  When I walked back out to the living room, Andrea was sitting on the couch. She smiled when she saw me and patted the cushion beside her. I sighed and sank down, letting my head fall back. My entire body felt weak with exhaustion. If it wasn’t for the dull ache in my chest, I could have fallen asleep right there.

  “Are you ready to talk about it?” Andrea asked softly.

  “How much did you hear?” I asked.

  “Pretty much everything,” Andrea said.

  I nodded. I knew that would be her answer. When we saw that it was Michael at the door, I ushered Andrea out of the room. She hid in my bedroom to give Michael and me some space, but I knew it killed her to not be right beside me. If I knew my best friend, she had her ear pressed against the door until the minute Michael left.

  “I can’t believe this is happening,” I said, speaking more to myself than to Andrea.

  “I’m so sorry,” Andrea said. She put her hand on top of mine and squeezed my fingers. I tried to smile at her, to show how grateful I was that she was there, but I couldn’t. Even my face was exhausted.

  “This is insane,” I said. “How did this happen?”

  “I don’t know.” Andrea shook her head. “It does seem surreal.”

  “It’s beyond surreal,” I said.

  “Fucked up,” Andrea said. “Fucked up is the best way to describe this.”

  “How could he lie to me?” I asked. My eyes burned with fresh tears, but I blinked them away impatiently. I didn’t want to cry anymore. Not tonight.

  “Maybe he thought he was doing the right thing,” Andrea said softly.

  I jerked my head up to stare at her. I thought for sure I’d misheard her. For a second, it sounded as if Andrea was going to defend Michael.

  “What?” I asked.

  “I don’t know,” Andrea said quickly. “But, it just… He really seemed to like you. I can’t imagine he would do something like this just to hurt you. It doesn’t make sense.”

  “It does if it was some sort of game,” I said. “If he and Joshua cooked up a scheme or something.”

  “Do you really think that’s what happened?” Andrea asked doubtfully. “I mean, you said yourself that Joshua was shocked when he saw you with Michael.”

  “It could have been an act,” I said.

  “And the whole ‘I still love you’ thing?” Andrea pressed. “Was that part of their game?”

  “Maybe.” I shrugged. “Don’t ask me to understand how their minds work.”

  “It just doesn’t add up, Julie,” Andrea said. “It doesn’t make sense for Joshua and Michael to plan this whole thing out just to screw with you.”

  I shook my head and looked away. The last thing I needed was for my best friend to defend Michael and, yet, I knew she was right. It didn’t make sense. Joshua was way too surprised to see me with Michael. He was shocked. Livid. There was no way he knew about us until we showed up for dinner.

  Still, Michael knew the truth the whole time. That first day in the café, he knew who I was. He knew all about my relationship with Joshua, and he never said anything.

  “How could Michael lie?” I asked again. “And why? What was the point?”

  “I don’t know,” Andrea said. “That part really doesn’t make sense.”

  “I mean, he could have just told me who he was,” I sai
d. “He could have said, ‘Hey, I’m Joshua’s brother, and I recognized you from Facebook. You’re Julie, right?’ It would have been that simple.”

  “Maybe.” Andrea shrugged. “Or maybe not.”

  I frowned and stared at her. Andrea was usually the first person to man-bash. Every time either one of us went through a breakup, she was vicious with her insults. It always helped us move on, but now, she was only confusing me more.

  “What’s going on with you?” I demanded. “I thought for sure you would hate Michael for what he did to me.”

  “I do!” Andrea said quickly. “Julie, trust me. I’m pissed as hell right now.”

  “Then, why are you defending him?” I asked.

  “Because he doesn’t seem like a jerk,” Andrea said simply. “Joshua always seemed like a total tool. From the first time I met him, I hated him. But Michael, not so much.”

  “You’ve never actually met him,” I said.

  “You’re right,” she said with a nod. “But the way he was talking to you, it’s obvious that he really cares about you, Julie.”

  “If you care about someone, you don’t lie to them.”

  “Maybe he didn’t know how to tell you,” Andrea said softly. “Maybe he saw you in the café and wanted to talk to you, but he was afraid you’d run away if you knew who he was. Then, he really started to like you, and the closer you two became, the harder it was to tell you the truth. Maybe, he just wanted to see if things could work out between you guys before he dropped the bomb about being Joshua’s brother.”

  I shook my head. “That doesn’t make sense. Besides, even if it’s true, it’s a shitty reason to lie to someone.”

  “I agree,” Andrea said. “But it makes sense, doesn’t it?”

  I just shook my head again and turned away. I didn’t want things to make sense yet. I just wanted to be angry, to silently curse Michael for making me fall for him. I hated him for breaking my heart when it was already in a shambles over Joshua.

  “I wish I’d never met him,” I said softly. “Him or Joshua. They’ve only brought me grief.”

  “I know.” Andrea sighed and sank down closer to me.