Even Angels Fall

by Fay Darbyshire

  Mr Harper is leaning casually against the doorway that leads to the main reception area with a cup of coffee in his hand. The top button of his shirt is undone and his tie hangs loose around his neck. Abbey catches his eye as she approaches and sees a genuine look of concern on his face.

  “Are you alright?” He asks.

  “Me? Never better…!” She retorts sarcastically, striding past him as she leaves Eden Comprehensive for quite possibly the last time.

  When Abbey reaches the car park she half expects to find Janet has sped off and left her there, but she is sat perfectly still once again, gripping onto the wheel with her perfectly manicured hands. The journey home is awkwardness personified. They don’t speak a single word to each other and as they pull up in the driveway, Janet has barely secured the hand brake before she storms dramatically into the house. This isn’t going to be in any way pleasant but Abbey, to her own surprise, really doesn’t care. She feels nothing; no remorse, no guilt, just agitated by the whole stupid, messed up situation. It has finally all come to a head with Natalie and with her family. She has tried so hard to fix things, tried to get her family to talk to her, to open up and let her in, but they have fought her back every time. They have distanced themselves from her, but then they still feel as though they can wade into her life and throw around judgement whenever they feel like it? She is sick of it and as a result she has absolutely no fight left in her anymore.

  “Get upstairs…” Janet commands, without even looking at Abbey, and she doesn’t argue. She trudges wearily up to her room and throws herself onto her bed, exhausted from her rather eventful day and wincing slightly at the pain in her ribs. She shuffles over to the mirror to assess her battered appearance and sees a dark purple bruise beginning to form under her left eye.

  “Damn it…” She sighs, pressing her cheek bone with her finger to see how much it has swollen. As she reaches for her make up in a vague attempt to cover it up, her mobile rings.

  “Hello?”

  “Oh. My. GOD… Abbey are you OK? How are you feeling? Are you hurt?!” Lucy fires off her questions without waiting for Abbey to answer, her voice littered with worry.

  “I’m fine, don’t panic…” Abbey assures her.

  “I can’t BELIEVE you did that, I mean you just went for her!”

  “I know Luc, I was there remember…” She laughs. There is a lot of background noise and Abbey strains to hear as the phone crackles with static, “Where are you? You keep breaking up…”

  “We’re at The Locke…”

  “ABBEY YOU ABSOLUTE LEGEND!” Liam shouts down the phone cutting Lucy off mid-sentence and Abbey can hear her whack him while muttering something inaudible.

  “Liam’s so pissed that he left just before he’s gutted he missed it! So are you coming to meet us?”

  “Yeah sure. I’ll be there in half an hour…”

  “Cool, see you soon…”

  Abbey hangs up the phone and throws it into her bag along with her keys and her purse. There is no way she is staying in her room and moping. It is starting to get old, this whole ‘prisoner’ routine.

  She quickly changes into a black off the shoulder jumper, her tight blue jeans and black buckled ankle boots, but her make-up she unfortunately can’t rush. It takes a bit more time than usual as she has to layer on her foundation to cover up the bruising, but once she has finished she doesn’t look half bad, better than before at least. After pulling a brush through her hair and a quick spray of perfume, she grabs her bag and skips down the stairs, pausing briefly in the doorway.

  “I’m going out…” She shouts and there is a loud clatter as a dish hits the kitchen floor and Janet appears in the hallway.

  “I beg your pardon?!” She asks, slowly. Pronouncing each word with added emphasis.

  “I’ll be back late…” Abbey turns and closes the door swiftly behind her, but half way down the driveway she can still hear Janet cursing and shouting for her to get back inside. Worried that she might follow, Abbey breaks into a sprint, ducking into a cut through at the bottom of the road before running down a muddy path between two houses, checking behind her once more as she heads out onto the main road.

  The Locke pub is absolutely packed and Abbey has to literally fight her way through the door, dodging people the best she can while trying to avoid knocking her increasingly sore ribs. A local rock band is playing on a small stage by the bar and the room is full of people crowding around to watch them, despite the nice weather outside.

  After a quick scan of the room Abbey weaves her way to the back door and out into the beer garden where she spots her friends straight away. Liam is attempting to balance a pint glass on his forehead - most likely for a bet or in an attempt to prove Nathan wrong - and the others are goading him, throwing beer mats at his face and trying to make him laugh. As Abbey approaches the table, Darren glances over in her direction.

  “Well, well here she is… the woman of the hour…!” He shouts, and Lucy is already on her feet, greeting Abbey with a gentle hug.

  “Are you alright?”

  “Yeah, I told you I’m fine, really…” Abbey smiles.

  “I’m so glad you’re here! We didn’t think your Mum would let you out like, ever again…!” Abbey shrugs at Lucy’s comment, not quite knowing what to say. Her mum does feel that way but she isn’t about to be grounded again for something that isn’t her fault - and especially not for something that she feels was perfectly justified.

  “You are a complete fucking legend girl, she has had that coming for a long time!” Liam high fives Abbey as she reaches the table and she greets the others with a shy wave. It feels strange to be the centre of attention and it makes her a little uncomfortable.

  “Too right…” Sophie agrees.

  “She’s fucking horrible; it’s about time someone stood up to her. Who knew you had it in you Abs?!” Nathan smiles.

  “Not me…” she answers, honestly.

  “Jesus, that’s a shiner…” Abbey’s heart lurches in her chest and a warm shiver runs down the back of her neck, as her body reacts instinctively to Alex’s voice. She turns to face him, blushing slightly.

  “Hey…” She smiles as he tucks a strand of hair gently behind her ear, tracing his finger lightly under her swollen eye.

  “Are you alright?” He asks, staring at her with concern.

  “I’ll live…” She sighs; wishing in that moment that it was just the two of them and that she could be alone with him. Content, safe and protected from everything.

  “Natalie came off worse trust me…!” Lucy gloats, “You should have seen her face when Abbey went for her, it was priceless!”

  “She sounds like a total bitch, I’m surprised no one has hit her before now…” Gemma adds, lighting a cigarette and looking as gorgeous as ever. She winks reassuringly at Abbey.

  “Like I said she had it coming…” Liam reiterates.

  “Well, maybe she’ll be more careful who she pisses off in future…?” Tom declares, “what with our Abbey on the scene…” He drapes his arm over her shoulder and squeezes it affectionately, swaying slightly as he takes a swig of his pint.

  “Can we drop it now?!” Abbey pleads, embarrassed by all the attention.

  “Oh never…” Darren laughs, “We’ll be talking about this for at least the rest of the night…!” Abbey rolls her eyes at him and Alex laughs quietly. Sensing her discomfort, he gently snakes his arm around her waist and pulls her closer to his side and Abbey’s breath catches in her throat as she reacts to his touch.

  “Would you like a drink?” He whispers in her ear.

  “Yes. Please!” A drink is exactly what she needs after the stress of today, “Make it a double…!” She jokes.

  “No problem…” Alex grins, “Anything for my ‘Million Dollar Baby’…”

  “Alex!” Abbey digs her elbow into his stomach as she frowns disapprovingly and the others burst out laughing.

  “It’s my round, what you drinking Rocky?!” Tom shouts
across the table with that ever present mischievous glint in his eye.

  “Guys… shut up!”

  “Whoa, steady on boys…” Darren laughs, holding his hands up in a defensive gesture, “I wouldn’t push it if I were you, you don’t want to make her angry…”

  “You wouldn’t like her when she’s angry…” Nathan quotes ‘The Hulk’ in a deep, throaty voice and the lads roar with laughter again as Liam suddenly slams his hands down on the table - drumming repeatedly while chanting the ‘Rocky’ theme tune. Sophie, Gemma and Lucy smile sympathetically at Abbey as Nathan and Darren join in and Tom jumps up onto the bench, knocking over a few empty beer glasses and staggering slightly as he starts ducking and weaving, punching the air in time to the tune. Abbey groans and turns towards Alex, disappearing under his arm in an attempt to hide herself away, but she is still unable to keep from smiling at her crazy, ridiculous friends.

  A drunken night at the pub is exactly what Abbey needed. It is so easy to shut everything else away and completely switch off when she is with Alex and the others. There were of course endless comments and the odd joke thrown in her direction - and after Tom accidentally spilt his pint over her he spent the rest of the evening cowering dramatically every time she approached him - but a bit of banter was always to be expected.

  Abbey had been enjoying herself so much that time has passed far too quickly and the landlord is soon rounding everybody up, collecting glasses and wiping down tables in a subtle attempt to get people out of the door. As much as she wants to stay here, laughing and joking with her friends while wrapped up in Alex’s arms, she knows that it is time to face the music. She hopes that her family will be in bed seen as it is gone midnight, but deep down she knows that scenario is extremely unlikely. There is no way she can avoid this, she just has to get it over and done with.

  As Abbey climbs out of the taxi at the bottom of her drive she wonders whether she assumed wrong, as the entire house is in complete darkness. She creeps up to the front door and carefully turns the key in the lock, slipping inside as quietly as possible, while taking off her boots and placing them at the foot of the stairs. There is nothing but silence as she tiptoes through the pitch black hallway and into the kitchen, reaching for a glass and filling it with water. She gulps it down; quenching her thirst. Drinking vodka always seems to make her dehydrated. She carefully places the glass by the sink and gets ready to sneak upstairs when a voice in the dark suddenly startles her, making her jump so badly she almost screams out loud.

  “You’re late…” Janet is sat in the far corner of the room at the head of the dining table with a half empty bottle of whiskey in front of her. She stares at the glass in her hand, swilling the last drop round and round before downing it in one mouthful. Abbey holds her hands to her chest, waiting for her breathing to return to normal.

  “Shit… you scared me…” Janet tops up her glass and takes another large sip as Abbey assesses her closely, “You’re drunk…” It isn’t a question. Abbey has seen her mum in this state many times before, although admittedly not for a while. Janet looks up at Abbey and unexpectedly bursts out laughing, shaking her head and blinking rapidly, trying to get her eyes to focus.

  “Very perceptive darling…” She slurs.

  Abbey hates seeing her mum like this. It brings back too many painful memories of how she was when Ryan first died, drinking herself into oblivion every night before she completely lost her mind and was committed. It had been her way of coping when things got too difficult, a way to shut out the world and avoid reality. Abbey feels a wave of guilt, knowing that her behaviour has clearly pushed Janet to the brink again but she quickly dispels it. She is a grown woman, capable of making her own decisions. Abbey hasn’t forced her to pick up that bottle, not physically at least.

  “I’m going to bed…” She sighs, wearily.

  “No. We need to talk…”

  “I’m not wasting my time trying to have a conversation with you when you’re like this…”

  “We need to talk. So we are going to talk…” Janet speaks firmly through gritted teeth, as she tops up her glass again.

  “I think you’ve had enough…” Abbey snaps.

  “Oh you’re right about that. I have had enough; I have most definitely had enough…” Janet’s eyes are red raw and she runs her hands through her hair before holding her arms out to the side in exasperation, “I mean what the hell is going on Abbey. You’re leaving the house at all hours, fighting, getting kicked out of school… where the hell has my daughter gone?!”

  “Look, I’m trying OK?”

  “Oh really?” Janet gasps, “You’re trying? Because it seems to me like you aren’t trying at all. It seems to me that you don’t care about anyone or anything but yourself…”

  “God… you just don’t get it do you?” Abbey’s whispered voice becomes much louder as she tries to fight back her anger without success.

  “Oh here we go… you know what, why don’t you explain it to me Abbey? Why don’t you tell me what it is I’m NOT getting?” Janet leans across the table, waving her glass of whiskey around while gesturing dramatically.

  “You don’t see what’s right in front of you, do you…?”

  “Oh I should have known it would be my fault…”

  “Of course it’s your fault Mum, it’s never Abbey’s fault is it?” Both Janet and Abbey turn in unison towards the doorway where Peter has appeared. He is wearing a t-shirt and joggers and looks very tired, as if he has just woken up. He rubs his face with his hands and folds his arms across his chest, glaring at Abbey.

  “Go back upstairs Peter this is between me and your sister…” Peter ignores Janet’s request and Abbey starts to laugh cynically, throwing her head back while rolling her eyes at the ceiling.

  “No it’s OK let him stay, I mean you need more people to gang up on me don’t you? Why don’t we give Anna a call, get her involved too…? Because it’s all my fault isn’t it? It’s all down to me and what a complete and utter failure I am…”

  “Oh for god sake…” Peter scoffs.

  “Why are you doing this? Why are you behaving so selfishly?”

  “I’m being selfish?!” Abbey gasps, smarting at her mother’s accusation, and Janet stands up, leaning on the table to steady herself.

  “Just tell me… tell me why the hell you are acting this way?!”

  “BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE I CAN’T BREATHE!” Abbey finally snaps, shouting at the top of her lungs, so angry that she can no longer hold back her pain or keep her frustrations at bay, “I feel like I’m suffocating living in this house…”

  Usually Janet would try to calm the situation down, or at least respond in a quieter, muted voice while panicking about what the neighbours must think, but she is too drunk and too involved in the argument to care - and she shouts back, just as loud.

  “Everyone is suffering Abbey… everyone in this family feels the way you do but nobody else is acting out because it is irresponsible. I mean what gives you the right to behave this way? As if you’re suffering is worse…”

  “It is worse…” Abbey yells in exasperation as her tears spill down her cheeks and she quickly wipes them away.

  “Oh you think so do you?!” Janet asks, incredulous, “How the hell do you think I feel every day when I wake up? I lost a son for god sake…”

  “AND HE WAS MY BROTHER…” Abbey screams - and in one swift movement she picks up the glass from the kitchen unit and throws it at the wall behind Janet. It smashes into pieces and scatters the room with tiny fragments of glass, causing both Peter and Janet to shield themselves, “He was my twin brother, he was everything to me. He was with me every single day of my life and now he’s gone and I can’t do this anymore…” An empty sob breaks out from Abbey’s chest and she places her hand over her mouth, trying desperately to keep from collapsing.

  “Abbey…” Peter gasps, instinctively reaching out as he steps towards her but she backs away, holding up her hand to stop him.

  “
Don’t. Don’t you dare, it’s too late for that.” She snaps, with a distinct warning in her voice.

  “Abbey please…” He begs, looking suddenly frightened.

  “I didn’t just lose Ryan the day he died; I lost all of you…” She states, as her voice breaks again. The truth is finally coming out. The flood gates are wide open and there is no way Abbey can prevent the words from flowing, even if she wanted to.

  “What are you talking about…?”

  “I told you…! I told you before but you still wouldn’t listen!”

  “Told me what?” Peters asks, confused, and Abbey takes a long, deep breath, speaking as calmly as she can manage, but her hands are still shaking wildly after her aggressive outburst.

  “I remind you too much of him… so you shut me out….” There is a brief pause as both Peter and Janet display a series of emotion on their faces. First shock, horror, guilt and then a slow and painful realisation.

  “That isn’t true.” Janet whispers, unconvincingly.

  “You’re lying…”

  “We tried… we tried to…”

  “No just STOP… STOP LYING TO ME…” Abbey screams and neither Peter nor Janet react this time. There is no come back remark or argument, no eye rolling. Both of them simply stare at Abbey as she speaks, “He was my twin. We were so much alike and I know that being around me only reminds you of Ryan and what you lost. It’s too hard for you… so you shut me out. You pushed me away and put up a wall and you did it because it made things easier, for you. That’s the truth…”

  “Oh god Abbey… I didn’t… we didn’t mean…” Janet struggles to find the right words as Peter stands quietly with tears now falling, and Abbey blinks once, composing herself as her expression becomes eerily blank and she looks her mum square in the eyes.

  “Now ask yourself who’s selfish…”

  Janet slumps back into her chair as Abbey pushes past a motionless Peter and races up the stairs. No longer able to hold herself together, she completely falls apart, sobbing uncontrollably as she bursts into her bedroom. Without pausing to think she grabs her travel bag from the top of her wardrobe and frantically throws in all the clothes she can get her hands on, struggling with the zip as she grabs her phone with her free hand and dials for a taxi.