Even Angels Fall

by Fay Darbyshire

  Darren drives as fast as he can within the speed limit while trying desperately to hold himself together, but his breathing is rapid and his hands are shaking on the wheel. Alex rocks slowly back and forth, staring down at his bloodied clothing, lost in a trance like state and struggling to process what has just happened. His phone starts to ring in his pocket and he blinks hard, unable to function as tears stream down his cheeks and drop into his blood stained hands.

  “Answer it…” Darren stares at Alex’s vacant expression in the rear view mirror, “ALEX…”

  He looks up in response, temporarily snapping back to reality and out of his extreme state of shock as he lifts the phone to his ear, managing to connect the call just before it rings out.

  “Head back to the flat…” He whispers after a long moment. Darren can hear Liam’s frantic voice on the other end of the line but can’t quite make out what he is saying. He sounds panicked, and he has a right to be, “We need to get rid of the car. Just go back to the flat, we’ll see you there…”

  Liam continues to shout anxiously down the phone, screaming at Alex to tell him what is wrong and what has happened, but he doesn’t answer. Instead he cuts him off and hangs up, dropping the phone into his lap as he cries silently, shaking with utter disbelief.

  The kitchen door bursts open and Lucy, Sophie, Abbey and Gemma all turn expectantly, their hopeful smiles quickly vanishing as they see the fear and anguish in Liam and Nathan’s eyes.

  “Are they back yet?” Liam asks.

  “What? No. I thought you were waiting for them at the warehouse, you all came back together last time…?” Lucy frowns, alarmed at their apparent urgency and she stares quizzically at Nathan. He says nothing as he slowly crosses the room and pulls her into a gentle embrace.

  “What’s going on?” Abbey asks, breathless. She can barely speak. Her face flushes and she feels light headed and nauseous as a deep sense of dread washes over her.

  “Something went wrong…” Nathan whispers, “We don’t know what, they just told us to come back here…”

  “Where are they?” Sophie yells, looking frantically between Liam and Nathan, “Where the fuck are they…?!”

  “We don’t know Soph. They were taking a while so we called Alex… he answered, but…”

  “But what…?” Abbey prompts and Liam shakes his head.

  “Something was wrong with him…”

  “What, what do you mean wrong? Wrong how…?”

  “He wouldn’t tell me. But he sounded, strange… like he wasn’t quite with it. I asked him what had happened but he hung up on me…”

  “But he answered…” Gemma points out, “if he answered that means they’re OK and they’re on their way back here, right?”

  “It sounded like they were in the car, yeah…” Liam adds, un- reassured by her optimism.

  “We need to ring them…” Sophie hastily retrieves her phone from her bag but before she has chance to dial, Nathan steps forward and grabs it out of her hand, while still holding on tight to a very pale looking Lucy.

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea…”

  “They might need help? They could be hurt…” Sophie shouts, snatching it back.

  “Alex hung up on us Soph, he told us to come back here and wait…”

  “So that’s it? We just wait?!”

  “I don’t know what else we can do…?”

  “Oh my god…” She gasps, “Anything could have happened to them. They could have crashed the car or been caught by the police. How the fuck would we know?!” She screams again, trying hard not to cry but unable to stop herself. Gemma pulls her into a hug and she begins to sob as the others look on, all struggling with their own fears and rapidly increasing worry.

  Nobody speaks as they sit in a subdued silence around the long glass table adjacent to the kitchen. Another half an hour passes slowly, and the waiting becomes almost intolerable. Abbey feels physically sick. One minute she wants to throw up the next she just wants to scream as loud as she can at the top of her lungs. It is absolute torture, knowing that something is wrong but not knowing exactly what. She is petrified to find out, but desperate for the agony to be over. Just when she feels like she can’t stand it any longer, the key turns in the lock and the door opens.

  They all rise to their feet in anticipation and Darren walks in, seemingly unscathed but looking pale, tired and incredibly sombre. It is obvious he has been crying. Sophie takes a careful step towards him, hesitating slightly before she reaches up and holds his face between her hands.

  “What happened…?” She asks softly, but all he can do is shake his head as his lip begins to tremble. A few moments later, Alex enters the flat in a complete daze and everybody stares at him in absolute horror. He has blood on his hands, on his face and down his neck and although his clothes are black, it is clear to see that they are saturated. Gemma steadies herself against one of the chairs looking like she is about to collapse, and asks the question that no one wants to hear the answer to.

  “Where’s Tom?” Her breath catches in her throat and Alex stares at her with a haunted expression on his face as a single tear escapes from the corner of his eye, creating a track in the blood on his cheek as it falls.

  “I am so sorry Gem…” He whispers, barely audible.

  “No…” She cries, shaking her head, “No, don’t you dare… don’t you fucking dare…”

  Alex approaches Gemma and tries to reach out to her but she slaps him hard across the face, lunging at him again before Liam pulls her away and she collapses into his arms.

  Alex slumps into one of the chairs and rests his head on the table, trying to block out reality and the sound of Gemma screaming as the others look on in shock. This can’t be happening. This can’t be real. Everything seems distant and dreamlike as if reality has shifted and they are suddenly trapped in a living nightmare with no escape.

  Abbey leans back on the wall and slides down to the floor, clutching her knees to her chest as she tries to fight off the horror and despair, but she can’t. This is real. Tom has been shot and the only reason he agreed to do the raid in the first place is because she convinced him.

  Now he might be dead… and it is all her fault.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  PAYBACK

  Nearly a week has passed since Tom was injured in the attempted raid and the rain hasn’t stopped once. It is very befitting of everyone’s sombre, forlorn mood and it shows no signs of waning. Tom is still unconscious in a coma in intensive care and with Sophie by her side for moral support, Gemma finally found the courage to visit him yesterday morning. She hasn’t stopped crying since.

  Abbey is still struggling with her conscience and the part she has played in all of this. Tom probably wouldn’t have changed his mind about the raid if she hadn’t pushed him into it; guilt tripped him and emotionally backed him into a corner. But all she could think about was Alex. All she wanted to do was protect him and now he is hurting more than ever. They all are.

  The irony of what Abbey said to Tom that afternoon on the balcony certainly isn’t lost on her now. She told him the guilt he would feel if something happened to his best friend would never leave him, would eat away at him and now she can see it destroying Alex in the same way.

  He has hardly left his room since the bungled robbery, unable to face his friends or look them in the eye, knowing that they blame him - at least partly - for everything that has happened. No one blames Alex more than he blames himself and Abbey is battling to get through to him, but she can’t ease his pain, no matter how much she wants to help. All they can do now is hope and pray that Tom pulls through. Thankfully, he has already started to show signs of improvement, but the comfort that brings is tainted by the knowledge of what is waiting for him when he wakes up. The police have already been to the hospital and are keen to ask Tom a number of questions as soon as he is well enough. They know he was at the raid, they know it was him who was shot and almost killed by the night manager. There is no
denying it; so even if he does make a full recovery, he is looking at a long stretch in prison.

  The flat is dark, empty and eerily quiet and has been for most of the day. Darren and Sophie are staying with Gemma so that they can keep an eye on her and Liam, Nathan and Lucy have kept their distance for the last couple of days in order to give Abbey some space to talk to Alex. They are all worried about him. None of them have ever seen him like this before and he is starting to frighten them. He has completely shut himself off and is letting his anger and self-loathing totally consume him. It isn’t healthy, and it certainly isn’t helping Tom, or the situation.

  Abbey hesitates slightly as she approaches the bed where Alex is sitting. He has his back to her and is staring out of the window at the early evening sky, with a cigarette in his right hand and an overflowing ashtray at his feet. He tilts his head slightly and smiles a weak smile as Abbey perches next to him. His hair is unkempt, his stubble overgrown and his eyes are red raw. He hasn’t slept for days and he looks exhausted.

  Abbey reaches up and strokes her hand down the side of his face, gently caressing the now faded bruise. He shuts his eyes and leans into her touch, grasping her hand as she moves it away before pulling it into his lap and staring down at their entwined fingers.

  “You need to eat something…” Abbey states, softly, and he shakes his head and smiles meekly again.

  “Thank you…” He whispers, “For staying with me…”

  “Where else would I be?”

  “Anywhere but here, like the others…” Alex flinches as he docks out his cigarette and rubs his face with his hands, feeling jaded and utterly defeated. Abbey’s heart sinks and she swallows hard. She can’t stand to see him like this. She can’t bear to see the pain in his eyes and how much he is hurting. She cautiously wraps her arms around him and to her surprise he lifts his feet onto the bed and rests his head in her lap, pulling the sleeves of his hoody down before clutching his arms, tightly to his chest. They stay there for the longest time as Abbey runs her fingers softly through Alex’s hair, returning the comfort he had shown her when she turned up on his doorstep, lost and completely distraught. She wishes he would cry. She wants him to scream and shout and react to what he is feeling on the inside. He knows that holding it all in is unhealthy and not to mention dangerous, so why won’t he open up?

  “They’re worried about you. They don’t think you’re coping…”

  “They don’t need to waste their time worrying about me…” He frowns.

  “Stop it. Don’t do this to yourself Alex. They’re your family and they love you. I love you. Please don’t push everyone away…”

  “I don’t deserve anyone’s pity. This is all my fault, Abbey. What happened to Tom, it’s on me, I did that, to my best friend…” Abbey grabs hold of Alex’s shoulders and forces him upright, dropping to the floor and twisting her body so that she is kneeling in front of him, her face level with his.

  “You didn’t cause this to happen, Alex. You didn’t know Marcus was going to come after you again and there’s no way that you could have known what would happen on that raid…”

  “Tom knew…” He argues back, his face twisted in anguish, “He knew it was a risk. He knew something like this was bound to fucking happen…”

  “You all decided to do that job…” Abbey maintains her point, but her voice is flat and her tone unconvincing.

  “He put himself at risk for me. He did this for me… and I let him. I can’t ever take that back. I can’t ever make this right. I fucked up, Abbey… I really fucked up…” His voice begins to crack and he fists his hands roughly in his hair, hating himself, unable to escape the truth.

  “It isn’t just on you…” She breathes, “I talked to him…”

  Alex looks up and holds Abbey’s gaze, confused and caught off-guard by her sudden confession.

  “When?”

  “The same day he changed his mind and told you he’d help. I was so scared Alex, scared of losing you. I could see he was doubting his decision, so I spoke to him about it… and I convinced him to help…” Alex’s face displays a varied range of emotion, quickly flitting between shock, hurt and disappointment in a matter of seconds yet his anger fades almost as quickly as it flares and the sorrowful resignation slowly creeps back in.

  “It isn’t your fault, Abbey…” he sighs, “I reckon he’d have changed his mind anyway. I was the one who let the raid go ahead. I shouldn’t have entertained the idea or let myself be talked round. I should have fucking listened to him…”

  “You never would have gone ahead with it if you’d known…”

  “Doesn’t make much of a fucking difference now, does it?” Alex shrugs sadly and Abbey shakes her head, mirroring his expression. Before she can speak again, he stands abruptly and moves over to the wardrobe, lifting his hooded top over his head and grabbing a fresh t-shirt from one of the drawers with a sudden sense of urgency.

  “What are you doing?” Abbey asks, taken aback.

  “I have to see him…”

  “What?! But there might be police at the hospital Alex, they’ll be monitoring his visitors…”

  “I don’t care…” He shakes his head and strides back over, resting his hands firmly on her shoulders, “He’s my best friend and he saved my life. I have to see him. I can’t just sit around here waiting anymore, I should never have left him in the first place…”

  Abbey’s legs buckle beneath her and she slumps despairingly back onto the bed as the familiar sensation of panic fights its way through her chest. Alex is careful and far from stupid. If there is even the slightest sign that the police are nearby then he will turn around and come straight home, but that doesn’t reassure her much. Everything is such a mess and they are dangerously close to being found out. It is all balancing on a knife edge and one simple mistake could cost them everything. But Alex is grieving, and if seeing Tom helps him in some way and forces him to start dealing with his pain, then she can hardly stop him.

  “Be careful…” She whispers timidly, and the fear in her voice causes Alex to turn back as he shrugs into his jacket. He slides his phone into the pocket of his jeans and holds out his hand, pulling Abbey to her feet and into a tight, comforting embrace. He kisses her hair sweetly and runs his nose along the top of her forehead, before tilting her head back and giving her a chaste kiss on the lips.

  “I will be. I promise…”

  “Do you want me to come with you?” Abbey already knows what the answer will be before the words are out of her mouth.

  “No. It’s too dangerous; I don’t want you involved any more than you are already, not if I can help it…”

  “OK…” She shrugs, knowing there is no point in arguing.

  “Give Lucy a call; get her and Nathan over here, Liam too. I don’t like leaving you on your own…” She nods in agreement and he leans down, kissing her again, “I won’t be long…”

  As Alex turns to leave all of Abbey’s fears, worries and insecurities suddenly engulf her and she reaches up, urgently locking her arms around his neck and pulling him down so that their lips meet again. Alex responds by wrapping his arm around her waist and pulling her close, their bodies pressing together as he runs his other hand greedily through her hair. They eventually break apart, gasping for breath, and Abbey fights back the ridiculous and unwelcome notion that she is never going to see him again. Alex slows his breathing and stares into Abbey’s eyes, keeping hold of the tight grip he has on her, while their faces remain inches apart. He hesitates as if he is about to speak, but doesn’t. Instead he straightens up and composes himself, leaning forward so that his lips brush lightly against Abbey’s mouth once more before he strides with a renewed determination out of the room.

  Alex knows how careful he has to be. Visiting hours have been over for a while and the hospital feels almost peaceful as it winds down at the end of the day. There are a few members of the public still milling about in the lobby and he has no problem walking unnoticed over towards the
elevators. According to Gemma intensive care is in ward ten, left, right, then left again, out of the lift on the fourth floor.

  The neon strip lights ping and flicker above Alex’s head as he approaches a set of double doors. Through them is another, long, dark corridor, similar to the one he has just walked down with a sign at the end pointing the way to the ‘I.C.U’.

  He tries the door to ward ten, but it is locked. He knows there is no point pressing the intercom as visitors are not permitted after 7pm and it looks as though there is no other way in. He glances through the thin, panelled window and he can see an abandoned nurse’s station and what looks at first to be an empty waiting room, but there is movement inside and a young couple appear, both of them visibly upset. The woman is crying and grasping a tissue to her face as the man feebly holds his arm around her shoulders, supporting her. They stop and exchange a few words with the only nurse on duty - as far as Alex can tell - before they turn and walk towards him.

  He ducks around the corner and presses himself against the wall, hiding in the shadows, waiting for his only chance to get inside. The door swings open and the young couple leave - sobbing quietly - too caught up in their grief to notice Alex lurking in the background. He waits until they are out of earshot then sneaks back round, only just managing to hook his hand through the door before it clicks shut. He creeps forward and spots the nurse sitting at a computer desk in the small office directly behind the reception area. She seems engrossed in an article she is reading on the screen and Alex is able to move to the other end of the ward undetected, sliding through another set of doors and into a dimly lit room with a large glass partition splitting it in two. On the side he has entered there are a number of rather uncomfortable looking seats and a battered old coffee table. On the other, much larger side of the room, are half a dozen beds spaced out equally with all sorts of medical equipment surrounding them.

  Three of the cubicles are empty, one has the curtain partially closed around it, and the other two are occupied. Alex stares in hollow disbelief at the patient directly in front of him, momentarily placing his hand on the window as if trying to reach through the glass and prove to himself that what he is seeing is actually real. Tom is half covered by a thin sheet. His chest is bare and he has a large bandage across the middle of his torso. Numerous wires are attached to his chest, arms and neck, and there is a plastic tube angled down his throat which is taped securely in place on his cheek. A large, cylinder shape machine rises and falls in time with his chest and there are regular beeps from the monitor keeping track of his heartbeat.