Even Angels Fall

by Fay Darbyshire

  Abbey’s tears instantly threaten, but she just about manages to compose herself before taking three small steps, turning on the spot.

  Alex is standing inside the curtains just out of view from the others. They are completely alone, and in the heart-breaking moment their eyes meet Abbey wants nothing more than to run into his arms. Her memory didn’t do him justice; and seeing him standing there with his guarded stance and his reluctant expression, she feels an overwhelming need to comfort him.

  She doesn’t know what to say, how to speak, or how to act. The gap between them feels far too wide, strained, and uncomfortable but his body language prevents her from moving any closer. As the silence stretches on they stare at each other across the empty space, searching for answers to unspoken questions. Abbey can barely stand the painful sense of longing that is almost crippling her and the heavy ache in her heart is more than she can handle. She longs to touch him, to kiss him, to hold him again, and all the love that she has been burying for so long comes rushing back to the surface.

  “Alex…” She gasps, only just managing to force out his name in a whisper.

  “You know I didn’t understand it…” He continues softly, looking down at the floor, “When I woke up that morning and you were gone. I didn’t understand how you could leave me like that…”

  “Alex, I…” Abbey tries to speak but her words get caught in her throat and he glances up, his eyes glistening under the dim light that is hanging above them, casting eerie shadows over their unexpected reunion.

  “I was so angry…” He continues, “Angry at you for leaving, angry at myself for not doing more and I missed you…” He takes a step forward, reiterating his point by stretching out his hand towards her before quickly snapping it back down at his side, remembering himself, “I missed you so fucking much…”

  “I missed you too…” Abbey sobs, stepping forward so that the gap between them grows smaller still, “I never wanted to leave you Alex, you have to know that… but I had to get out. I needed to get myself better, to fix what was broken. It was never you I was walking away from….”

  “You just disappeared…” He whispers solemnly.

  “Please don’t be angry with me…” Abbey looks away, remorsefully. What a stupid thing to say. Of course he should be angry, he has every right to be, but the thought of him hating her is almost too painful to endure and she wishes more than anything that she could make him understand why she had to leave.

  “I’m not angry…” He shakes his head and Abbey’s mouth snaps shut in surprise, “Not anymore. It took me a long time to realise it, but I know you only did what you had to. Things got so dangerous, so out of control. You realised it before I did and you knew something had to change. When you left, it finally made me see how bad things really were and it made me step up…”

  “I never wanted to hurt you, Alex; I really hope you believe that…”

  “I know…” He nods, and he lets out a short quiet laugh that is littered with sadness as he smiles at Abbey longingly, “We really had something didn’t we…?”

  “Yeah we did…” She agrees, smiling back at him through her tears, “And I still… You know, I… I never stopped…” Abbey stutters as she nervously runs her hands through her hair, struggling to find the right words. She knows exactly how she feels about Alex, how she will always feel, but saying it out loud won’t change a thing and that crushing realisation devastates them both.

  “I know you had to get out. You tried to tell me but I wouldn’t listen, I didn’t want to hear it. But I get it now…”

  “I’m still sorry…”

  “You don’t owe me an apology Abbey; you don’t owe me anything…” He frowns angrily and a look of self-loathing flashes across his face.

  “That’s not true…” She disagrees, stepping forward and instinctively placing her hand on Alex’s arm. How can he possibly think that? She owes him so much, she owes him everything and he is still so unbelievably important to her. They shared a life together and feelings that intense don’t just go away, “You know that’s not true…” She states firmly again, desperately trying to convince him, and he closes his eyes looking lost and tormented as he lifts his hand and runs it softly through her hair, causing her heart to skip several beats.

  “I wish I could have been more for you…” He sighs, resting his head gently against hers.

  “I wish I could have stayed…” Abbey responds, and he smiles down at her with a sorrowful acceptance.

  “You couldn’t. You never really belonged here Abbey. You mean the fucking world to all of us… but you were never meant for this life. You deserve so much better, I always told you that. You were lost… it just so happened we were the ones who found you…”

  “I’m so glad you did… despite everything…” She confesses, and her lip begins to tremble as she knows she has no choice but to say goodbye to the one person she loves more than anyone else in the world, “Promise me you’ll look after yourself?” She pleads.

  “I will…” He nods, choking back tears as he takes a deep and calming breath, “You’ll always be my girl you know? Always…” And all Abbey can do is nod back in response as she struggles to bring her crying under control. She knew that this would be painful, but she wasn’t prepared for it to be quite so excruciating.

  “I love you…” She whispers and Alex drops his shoulders in despair as those three little words break through the last of his resolve and he gives in to the agony of the moment.

  They are so close that Abbey can smell his aftershave and feel the warmth of his breath on her face and neck as he stares down at her. Will this be too painful? Will this hurt too much? She isn’t sure… but she can only agonize about it for a fraction of a second, as he leans in closer still and gently tilts her head back.

  “I love you too…” He whispers, before pulling her into a forceful, passionate kiss. Abbey instinctively wraps her arms around his neck and they press their bodies together tightly, grasping and pulling at each other with desperation and grief, completely lost in the moment. Kissing each other, not ‘as though’ it is their very last kiss… but with the painful understanding that it is.

  When they finally break apart they stand locked together for a minute or two, unwilling to step back and completely release their hold on one another.

  “I have to go…” Abbey whispers, sadly and Alex finally removes his arm from around her waist, causing a hollow emptiness to twist in the pit of her stomach. As he takes hold of her hand, that ever familiar charge of electricity surges through her and she wonders if she will ever feel this strongly about anyone again?

  Saying goodbye to her friends only adds to the sadness and sense of loss that she is feeling but she remains incredibly grateful to Liam for bringing her here tonight and for giving her the chance to see them again. She embraces each of them in turn, hugging them tightly as they exchange their emotional farewells. She will never forget them, or the love and friendship they showed her at the loneliest time of her life. They saved her in so many ways.

  Alex stands quietly on the side lines, too busy savouring his last few minutes with Abbey to notice the stranger lurking in the shadows by the edge of the bar. He has his hood pulled up with a baseball cap partially obscuring his face and after assessing the scene closely, he turns and sprints through the emergency exit, out onto the street and over to a black 4x4 that is parked up at the side of the road.

  “They’re all in there. Matthews, his friends… and his girlfriend too…” The lackey struggles to catch his breath as he dutifully informs Marcus Holt of Alex’s movements.

  “Excellent…” Marcus grins, viciously, and he twists his hands around the steering wheel as he stares at the main entrance to the bar, waiting to make his move.

  Abbey and Alex climb the last of the narrow stairs and exit Denny’s onto the street outside. It is still relatively quiet and would seem as though the Saturday night revellers have yet to descend onto Leeds city centre, or at least onto
Merrion Street.

  Abbey faces Alex with a heavy heart and reaches up on her tip toes, kissing him lightly on the lips once more as he smiles down at her.

  “I’ll see you around Irish…” She jokes sadly, and Alex shoves his hands in his pockets, shaking his head with a vague smile on his face.

  “No you won’t…” He replies, and they stare at each other longingly once again, as the realisation dawns that this is really it. It really is over.

  Abbey begins to back away into the middle of the empty road, knowing that she has to eventually turn around and leave Alex behind her for the final time. Neither of them seem willing to break their gaze, but Alex finally relents, smiling with genuine affection as he looks down at the ground and edges back into the doorway of Denny’s, completely unaware that several yards up the street, Marcus Holt is sitting patiently behind the wheel of his car.

  He turns the keys in the ignition and as the engine roars to life, he shifts forward in his seat with bitterness and venom in his eyes.

  “Right…” He growls, “Let’s get this little fucker where it really hurts…” And without any hesitation what so ever, he slams the car into gear, pulls out of the parking space and floors the accelerator.

  There is a loud screeching of tyres followed by a loud metallic thud and Abbey catches the look of sheer horror on Alex’s face before he is suddenly out of sight. All she can see is white, then the buildings and the sky above her. They are spinning, round and round, spiralling wildly out of control. No. It is her. She is the one that is spinning.

  She feels limp and weightless as she flies through the air and her world slows down so much it almost collapses into freeze frame before she slams into the cold, hard concrete. Searing pain spreads through her every limb and she can feel a pool of warmth encasing her head and forming around her right hand. She can hear someone frantically calling her name. Is it Alex? She searches for him desperately but her vision is becoming blurred. If only she can see him, then it will be alright. Everything will be alright.

  There is screaming and shouting, and so much commotion surrounding her but Abbey can’t feel anything. She is falling, falling into darkness, when Alex suddenly appears above her, shouting her name and gently stroking her face, looking panicked and terrified. She wants to tell him not to worry, that she is OK and that she loves him… but she is slipping further and further away, unable to hold on any longer. She takes one last look into those beautiful eyes – bluer than the bluest sky - before the taste of blood catches in her throat, the numbness pulls her under and everything around her fades to black.

  EPILOGUE

  GONE

  Janet reaches absentmindedly into the overflowing wash basket, carefully pulling out a single garment at a time before folding it neatly. She drops each item on top of the growing pile of clean laundry and mindlessly continues the cycle while staring distractedly at the wall above Abbey’s bed.

  It is early evening and the sun sits low in the sky. Every so often Janet glances over at Abbey who is standing in the window in the corner; staring down at the empty street below and watching the weeping willows sway gracefully in the breeze.

  “I just don’t understand…” Janet sighs, quietly, “I don’t understand why you would go there? I mean what was the point? You were doing so well, you’d turned a page, you’d moved on… and then you go to that bar, back to those kids…” She drops the t-shirt she is holding and lifts her hand to her face, quickly composing herself before hastily re-folding it, “They may have been your friends once, Abbey, but you have to leave them behind now. You shouldn’t have been there in the first place, you shouldn’t have been anywhere near that street or that speeding car…” Abbey slowly turns around to face her mum but she doesn’t speak. She simply stares at her with wide, beseeching eyes as Janet continues her tireless rant, “Why did you have to go to that bar with those people? What on earth were you trying to prove? It just doesn’t make any sense to me…” Her voice rises in pitch as she becomes more and more irate but Abbey still doesn’t respond, “You were doing so well darling. Everything you’d come through and everything you’d achieved. God I was so proud of you. I was so proud…” Abbey takes a small step forward and tilts her head to one side, raising her shoulders ever so slightly in an apologetic gesture, but Janet struggles to look at her, unable to contain her sorrow and disappointment as she throws her head back and sighs again deeply.

  “Mum…?” Anna stands a few feet away on the landing, watching Janet with fraught concern.

  She waits patiently for her to respond, and after a lengthy pause Janet blinks hard as if trying to remember something important. She turns slowly towards Anna and away from the empty window, with a lost and vacant expression on her pale and tear stained face, “Who were you talking to…?”

  This eBook is published by

  Grosvenor House Publishing Ltd

  28-30 High Street, Guildford, Surrey, GU1 3EL.

  www.grosvenorhousepublishing.co.uk

  All rights reserved

  Copyright © F L Darbyshire, 2014

  The right of F L Darbyshire to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by him in accordance with Section 78 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988

  The book cover image is copyright to Yan Stav

  ISBN 978-1-78148-446-3 in electronic format

  ISBN 978-1-78148-733-4 in printed format

  No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the author. The only exception is by a reviewer, who may quote short excerpts in a review.