Tearing Down Walls (Miracle Book 5)

by Shea Balik

  But it still wasn’t enough. There was so much hate bubbling up inside of him that he was desperate to purge it. “I’ve hidden who I was since I was five fucking years old.” He whirled to face Saber. “Five. Do you have any idea what that was like?”

  Saber took a step toward him, but Chadwick threw up his hand to stop him. “No. Don’t come any closer.”

  It most likely wouldn’t help, but Chadwick needed to get it out. He needed for someone to know that he hadn’t always been this way. “We used to play cops and robbers, knights storming the castle and any other fighting scenario we could.”

  “Who?” Saber asked as he stood there listening.

  “Edrick, Lucca, Hudson, Kellach, and myself.” He smiled as he remembered some of his childhood. “We were inseparable, even at that young age. Hardly a night passed that we weren’t spending at each other’s homes.”

  A tear dripped down his cheek as he thought about how all that changed with one careless statement. “We had been pretending to storm the castle, which was a fort we’d built in my backyard. I was the one who needed to be saved from the dragon who was holding me prisoner. Edrick was the dragon and the others were losing.”

  He chuckled as the memories of their innocent playing filtered into his mind. “Even back then, Edrick was better than any of us at fighting. He was born to be a leader.”

  Saber nodded. “Makes sense. Most Alphas are.”

  Unfortunately, that sweet memory would morph into something far more sinister than any five-year-old should have to endure. “I was laughing at their antics and announced my mate would have done whatever it took to beat the dragon if he were here to save me.” A part of Chadwick wanted to smile as he knew, after meeting Saber, how true that statement was.

  It was what happened after that turned his world upside down. “My mother must have been outside, because she was suddenly there insisting that we never breath a word that I said my mate would be male. She warned us that if anyone ever found out, I would be killed.”

  As a shifter, fear of discovery by the humans had been something Chadwick and the others had grown up with. But that had been humans, not his own kind, his own pack. “I didn’t believe her even though we promised to never tell another soul or mention it ever again.”

  Ice formed in his veins. “My father was one of the Alpha’s enforcers and on a mission at the time. But when he came back, I was determined to prove my mother wrong.”

  He glanced at Saber, cringing when he saw the pity in his mate’s eyes. “Even at that age, I knew to tread lightly, just in case my mother was right. So instead of announcing I knew my mate would be a man, I asked my father if two men could be mates.”

  A choked sob exploded from his throat as the memories of that moment flooded him. “I was thrown across the room. The impact of hitting the wall had knocked the breath from my body, as I slid to the floor in a heap.” His hand went to his neck unconsciously. “Before I could catch my breath, my father had wrapped his hand around my neck and squeezed until I couldn’t get air.”

  Tears blurred his vision as he looked over at Saber. Incensed at what had happened he yelled, “He threatened to kill me if I ever mentioned anything as disgusting as two men together ever again. My own father had nearly killed me for just bringing it up.”

  Throat raw from yelling, Chadwick started coughing uncontrollably, sinking to his knees. “My own father would gladly kill me for being gay.” He glanced up at his mate. “How fucked up is that?”

  But the rage that lived within him for so long hadn’t diminished. “I was five,” he screamed, “and my own father would have killed me if I had admitted that I knew my mate would be a man.”

  Arms were suddenly around him, pulling him into Saber’s lap, who had sat down next to him. “I’m so sorry, Kitten. No one, especially a child, should have to go through that.”

  The tears that had started streaming down his face, wouldn’t stop, but neither would the words. “Since that moment, I have been hiding who I was from my family, my pack, even my friends. They might have known I was gay, but I refused to show anyone anything else about me. I stopped playing. I stopped interacting, expect when necessary.”

  He curled further into Saber’s arms. Now that he was there, Chadwick didn’t want to be anywhere else. He needed this man more than he had ever imagined possible. He just needed to get out of his own damn way. “Hell, I stopped joking, laughing, or even talking. The only time I felt at all safe was when we were training.”

  Saber’s large hand stroked up and down his spine, helping to calm Chadwick’s frayed nerves. “Train for what?”

  “The day the pack found out we were gay.” He just wished they hadn’t stayed until that happened. Maybe then he wouldn’t be so fucked up in the head. “So when you ask me to be myself, it’s not that I don’t want to. I just don’t know who that is. I don’t know how to be anything but the coward who hid who I was since I was five.”

  Saber placed a finger under his chin and tilted Chadwick’s head up until their gazes met. A strength Chadwick wished he had was there in Saber’s dark eyes. “You are not a coward,” his mate insisted, but Chadwick knew the truth.

  “Really?” he asked sarcastically. “What do you call it when a forty-six-year-old doesn’t even know how to be honest with his own mate because he’s too afraid you’ll turn your back on me like my father did?”

  It wasn’t until he said the words that Chadwick even realized he’d felt like that. Saber was nothing like his father. Then again, it wasn’t until Chadwick brought up two men being mated that he understood his father was anything other than the hero Chadwick had always thought he was.

  Saber placed a soft kiss to his lips. “A survivor,” Saber whispered when he lifted his head. “You, my sweet and feisty kitten, are someone who will do whatever it takes to survive and that isn’t something many can say.”

  Chadwick wasn’t so sure about that, but he had to admit, he liked that his mate thought so. Hope for their future filled him and Chadwick sat up straighter, so they were eye level. Then he leaned in for a kiss. He was still scared, but admitting it to his mate alleviated the bone deep fear that had been causing him to flee.

  The clang of a bell from the direction of the house reminded him what was about to happen. In a few short hours, Saber was going to go into that ring and battle to the death. Chadwick had every confidence that his mate would win, but as he’d learned from years of fighting, nothing was ever certain.

  The fear of losing his mate without even being mated far outweighed anything else, like worrying that Saber might turn on him one day like his own father did. Now that he had a better understanding of what his problem was, Chadwick was ready to face it. To take his life back.

  “I want to mate with you.” Just saying it was enough to lift any lingering worries he’d had about allowing Saber to penetrate him. It might be something his father had thought unmanly, but Chadwick wasn’t his father.

  CHAPTER 8

  The air rushed from Saber’s lungs in a whoosh when he heard Chadwick say, “I want to mate with you.”

  So many emotions were swirling around inside of him that Saber was having a hard time keeping up. His first instinct when Chadwick said those words was to push him to his hands and knees and sink as deep as possible into his body. Yet, he also needed to make sure his mate really wanted this. Then there was the fact that he just wanted to hold Chadwick and console him after everything he’d just confessed.

  He just wasn’t sure he’d be able to resist the offer. “I don’t want you to think for a moment that I don’t want this, because I do.” Saber’s hands dug into Chadwick’s hips to ensure his mate didn’t run on him again. “But I need to know you really want this. After everything you just told me, I wouldn’t blame you for wanting to wait.”

  His mate’s hips shifted slightly and Saber’s already hard cock throbbed with need. He was barely holding onto his sanity as his ape tried to push forward and take what had been offered. Sab
er was just barely able to hold him back.

  Chadwick smirked as if he were pleased with himself. He must have felt Saber’s erection against his ass. “I’m positive.” Then he reached down and popped the button on Saber’s pants. “Just know I’ve never allowed anyone in my ass before,” he said before leaning in for another kiss while his hand went to Saber’s zipper.

  Saber’s ape surged forward and took control at that admission. Dark thick fur started to pop out along his arms as need swamped him and his animal instincts took control for several minutes before he could even hope to take it back. In that time, he shredded their remaining clothes and pushed Chadwick down to the forest floor.

  His mate’s complete submission to Saber’s dominating ape helped Saber get back his control and force his animal back into his mind. Thankfully, he hadn’t taken over and shifted. He’d only come to the surface.

  Taking Chadwick’s sweet mouth with his own, Saber drove his tongue inside, imitating his need to drive his cock within his mate’s hard body. He loved that Chadwick was so strong and kissed him back with equal fervor. Saber was an aggressive lover and he feared with the need he had to make Chadwick his, that aggression would only be heightened. At least he wouldn’t have to worry about breaking his mate when he claimed him.

  Chadwick twined his legs around Saber’s body, aligning their cocks perfectly. Throaty growls of pleasure from them both rose up to fill the air around them. But his mate didn’t stop there. As if to prove he was just as much a part of this as Saber, Chadwick rutted against Saber, causing a delicious friction that had both of them leaking copious amounts of fluid from the tips of their dicks.

  All the while, both of them used their hands to explore each other’s bodies. But it wasn’t enough for Saber to just touch. He needed to taste. Breaking the intoxicating kiss, he blazed a trail across Chadwick’s jaw and down his neck. Clamping his teeth along the corded muscles, Saber’s body thrummed with excitement. This was where he would claim his mate.

  It took all of his willpower not to just sink his teeth into Chadwick’s supple flesh right there and then. Only his need to be buried inside his mate, before completing the bond, held him back but it was a close thing.

  Hands threaded into his hair, gripping him and pulling him closer, as Chadwick arched into his lips. The temptation became too much and Saber scraped his canines along the length of his mate’s neck. Several drops of blood beaded up, the scent too sweet to deny himself a taste. He ran his tongue over the drops and moaned as the tangy, metallic, sweetness swept over his taste buds.

  His prick throbbed, hard. His hands dug into Chadwick’s hips as he struggled to stop himself from just taking what his mate was offering up freely without making sure he was prepared. That his mate had never allowed any other to take him anally was driving Saber and his ape out of his mind with bliss. He wanted to howl, crow, and shout his triumph that he would be the first.

  That knowledge had him taking another nip. He was helpless in his need to bond them together for all eternity. It wasn’t something he was sure he could have stopped at this point, even if Chadwick had asked. Thankfully, his mate wasn’t asking.

  Ignoring the allure of Chadwick’s blood for later, Saber continued down his mate’s body. With each inch he explored, Saber realized he would never have enough time to worship this body as it deserved. Not even if they’d lived for a thousand years could Saber ever imagining tiring of exploring Chadwick for hours at a time.

  Unfortunately, he didn’t have hours. That didn’t mean he wouldn’t use every moment to his full advantage.

  With the flat of his tongue, he lapped at Chadwick’s nipples, loving the needy moans that poured from his mate’s mouth. Saber continued down Chadwick’s body, licking and nipping his way over the hard muscles of his abdomen.

  He smiled as Chadwick whimpered in distress when Saber passed by his mate’s steely flesh that was twitching excitedly the closer he’d gotten. He would get to his mate’s cock soon, but first he needed to start working on opening his mate up for him.

  Saber wasn’t a small man and it would take time to open Chadwick’s virginal hole enough to take him. With a hand on each of Chadwick’s thighs, Saber tilted his mate’s hips upward to expose his tight pucker.

  Saliva pooled in Saber’s mouth at the pretty sight. Not wasting any time, he dove in, licking and nipping at the muscles that guarded Chadwick’s entrance. If the noises his mate made were any indication, Chadwick was enjoying Saber’s mouth on him. It didn’t take long for those muscles to loosen up and allow Saber to stick his tongue inside his mate’s channel.

  “Fuck,” Chadwick yelled. “Oh Gods, that feels amazing.” Chadwick thrust his hips further onto Saber’s tongue as if to prove what he said was true.

  Saber couldn’t help but smile. He loved that he was able to give his mate so much pleasure. There was nothing more important to him than making sure he made his mate happy and kept him safe. The latter wouldn’t necessarily be easy in the world they lived in, but he sure as hell would do everything in his power to make sure he accomplished both objectives.

  Slowly, the muscles along Chadwick’s channel started to relax and let Saber drive his tongue further inside. Snagging his pants which were in a shredded heap nearby, Saber pulled out the single use packet of lube he always carried.

  Applying a liberal amount to his fingers, Saber gave his mate’s sweet hole one more lick, before sliding a finger inside that snug channel. Chadwick’s hiss at the burn mixed with Saber’s moan of pleasure as he imagined that intense heat that gripped him so tightly around his cock.

  His balls rolled in their sack and Saber had to wrap his hand around the base of his cock to stop himself from coming like a horny teenager with no control. Then again, when it came to his mate, Saber wasn’t sure control was something he was ever going to have.

  “More,” Chadwick cried out as he thrust his hips down to impale himself more onto Saber’s finger.

  Taking his mate at his word, Saber slide a second digit in with the first. He breathed a sigh when Chadwick only gave a slight hiss at the pain. He knew his judgment wasn’t exactly sound at the moment. Not when all he could think about was driving himself into his mate’s body.

  Forcing himself to take several calming breaths, Saber managed to find his focus again. At least enough to know that his mate’s body was relaxing and he was ready for a third finger. Knowing this would be more uncomfortable than the first two, he took the tip of Chadwick’s prick into his mouth.

  “Fuck,” Chadwick screamed, his body both arching up to shove more of his length into Saber’s mouth and down to impale himself further on the three fingers Saber had inserted into his channel.

  Chadwick’s sweet and salty essence coated Saber’s tongue, setting off his own balls to churning in their sac once more. If his body wasn’t already on edge to claim his mate, Saber would gladly suck Chadwick off so he could taste his seed.

  The moment he felt those muscles gripping his fingers tightly start to relax, Saber let his mate’s dick fall from his lips and he got up onto his knees. Pulling his fingers free, he ordered, “On your hands and knees.”

  Thankfully, Chadwick was too far gone in his own passion to balk at being ordered around. He even wiggled his ass at Saber when he was in position. The rounded mounds of his ass called to Saber to take a bite. But that would be for later. His prick was ready to mutiny if Saber didn’t hurry the hell up.

  Wiping the rest of the lube along his length, Saber placed the head at Chadwick’s entrance. His gaze was glued to the spot as he slowly pushed inside. Mesmerized by the enticing sight, he had to grit his teeth to stop himself from just thrusting balls deep. It might be what he wanted, but Saber refused to hurt his mate any more than he had to.

  Chadwick gave a loud, harsh hiss at the burn of being stretched. Stroking his hands along Chadwick’s spine and sides, he tried to soothe his mate, but Saber was finding it impossible to stop his forward movement. He wanted to give Chadwick time
to adjust, but it wasn’t something Saber could stop.

  Silently he cursed himself for being every kind of monster for hurting his mate even further, but the driving need to connect completely with his mate was too much to deny. He was halfway in when Chadwick looked over his shoulder at him. Those grey eyes were nearly black as his pupils were blown with passion. “Just do it,” he bit out.

  Even as Saber’s mind screamed in denial, Saber dug his fingers into Chadwick’s hips and thrust hard until he was balls deep in his mate, right where he belonged. His head dropped back on his shoulders as untold pleasure swamped every cell in his body.

  His control was nearly gone as he willed himself to remain still. It was a little easier to do now that he was joined with his mate, but even that wasn’t enough. Completing the bond wasn’t just something he wanted, it was as necessary as air and Saber wouldn’t be able to stop until he’d made Chadwick his mate.

  Chadwick must have been feeling the same, for even though Saber was sure the burn hadn’t faded, he dropped his head and pushed back against Saber. “Please,” Chadwick begged. “Make me yours.”

  Whatever thread of sanity Saber had snapped and he became more animal than human as he rutted into his mate. It was hard and fast. He was sure Chadwick would have many bruises where his hands held him in place. Yet, Saber couldn’t slow down. He no longer had any control, just a driving need to claim this amazingly strong, determined man as his.

  Sounds of their skin slapping together and moans of pleasure filled his ears, sending his lust even higher. His gaze went from where they were joined to Chadwick’s neck. His canines elongated as saliva pooled in his mouth.

  There was little doubt he wouldn’t last much longer, but Saber refused to take without giving his mate pleasure. Wrapping an arm around his mate, he took Chadwick’s hard length in his hand and gave it several firm strokes.

  A cry spilled from Chadwick’s lips and Saber’s dick throbbed a warning in response. Saber matched his strokes with his thrusts, praying Chadwick was ready to come because Saber didn’t think he’d be able to wait more than a couple of more seconds.