If I Can't Have You

by Patti Berg

  We couldn’t stop that from happening, though. We are apart—for now—but I won’t rest until we’re together again.

  It’s July 4,1938. I’ve done all I could to change history. I hope I haven’t done too much—or too little. Maybe I’ll never know, but tonight I’ll try to come to you again.

  I pray that you’ll remember our time together. I pray you haven’t forgotten—as I did at first. The memories, though, were too precious to stay forgotten. I hope that you, too, will remember me again.

  Wish me back, Adriana. Please, wish me back. I’ll be waiting for you at the Poseidon Pool..

  I love you,

  Trevor

  Adriana clasped the letter to her breast, and tears streaked her cheeks. Everything she’d imagined was real. Trevor had come into her life. He’d loved her.

  It was all so real.

  And she wanted him back again.

  oOo

  The drive from Santa Barbara to Sparta was nothing but a blur of asphalt and memories: Trevor smiling at her as he stood in a doorway, one hand tucked in the pockets of his trousers while his coat hung loose from broad shoulders; Trevor wiping pinkish hamburger sauce from her lips and licking his fingers; Trevor lying in the grass, his arms folded behind his head, talking of nothing more than dancing the night away, and making her happy.

  He did make her happy, and she wondered how she could possibly have forgotten so many cherished moments.

  She prayed that he’d come back to her. Prayed that they could make more memories together; the children they had talked of; the grandchildren he wanted to bounce on his knee when he grew old; the second Oscar he still wanted to win.

  He had a chance at all those things—if only she could bring him back.

  Elliott, standing tall and serene, was waiting for her in the circular drive when she reached the mansion.

  “We missed you last night,” he said, backing a discreet distance away after she affectionately brushed her cheek against his. So very proper, Adriana thought. Once a butler, always a butler—and she laughingly remembered having those same exact thoughts once before.

  History was repeating itself. She prayed it would repeat itself at least once more.

  “Our Fourth of July celebration wasn’t quite the same without you,” Elliott said in his decidedly British tone. “We hope this won’t become a common occurrence.”

  “Of course not. You know I’d rather be here than anywhere else on the Fourth, but I just couldn’t get away.” She pulled the black-silk scarf from her head and dropped it on the passenger seat in the Duesenberg, then removed her sunglasses. She looked over Elliott’s shoulder toward the rose gardens, the flower-laden terraces, and the Poseidon Pool, where her adventure with Trevor had begun.

  “You seem terribly preoccupied, Miss Adriana. Is something amiss?”

  “A restless night, that’s all,” she said, knowing she could hide little from the man who’d helped to raise her. “I thought I’d walk through the gardens a bit, maybe stick my toes in the Poseidon Pool.”

  “I could bring iced tea out for you.”

  “Thank you, Elliott, but that won’t be necessary.”

  She looked around for visitors, for strangers—for Trevor, hoping he might have miraculously shown up without her help. But she saw no one. “Are there tour groups here today?” she asked.

  “One in the east wing of the mansion, one on the grounds. Would you like me to ask the guides to make a slight detour so you won’t be bothered?”

  Adriana smiled, fondly remembering the way he’d always anticipated her needs. “Thank you, Elliot. I feel like being alone.”

  “You’re alone too much, if you ask me. That’s probably the reason for sleepless nights.”

  “I imagine you’re right.”

  She tucked her sunglasses into her purse and held it out to Elliott. “Would you mind taking these in for me? I should be up in an hour or so.”

  He took the purse from her hands, and tucked it under his arm. “I’ll ask Juanita to prepare a light lunch for you.”

  “Could you ask her to prepare something for two? And something not so light?” she asked, delighted at the questioning frown on Elliott’s face. “I remember tasting her chocolate chip cookies once.”

  “You don’t like chocolate chip cookies.”

  “My father didn’t like chocolate chip cookies, Elliott. I loved them, and I’d like to try them again if Juanita has time.”

  A smile tilted Elliott’s lips, and she saw a twinkle in his wise old eyes. “And the second person, Miss Adriana? Are you expecting a guest, or are you especially hungry today?”

  “A guest—I hope. I’m expecting him, but I’m not sure if he can make it.”

  “Someone I know?”

  Adriana winked. “It’s a surprise.”

  She brushed a kiss across Elliott’s cheek, and decided to give him one more surprise. “I’ll be staying in my suite for a few days. My guest might be staying also. I don’t want anyone to know we’re here.”

  Elliott winked back, and turned toward the house. “As you wish, Miss Adriana.”

  She heard the rumble of laughter in his words as he walked up the stairs.

  The scents of honeysuckle, star jasmine, and roses surrounded her as she walked along the meandering path. She remembered the gardens at Magnolia Acres and the story Charlie had told her and Trevor about Carole Sinclair’s death—originally murder, now suicide. Trevor had changed history—in a way. Maybe some things, like Carole’s sad, unfortunate death, couldn’t be changed, but Janet’s life had taken a much happier course. As Trevor had always said, Janet was sweet. It seemed impossible that she could be a murderer.

  Pushing the thought away, she snapped a red rosebud from one of the bushes and ran toward the Poseidon Pool.

  Wrapping her arms around one of the marble columns, she stared at the sun’s sparkling rays bouncing off the water. So peaceful. So serene.

  Please, bring him back to me, she silently prayed, then moved to the edge of the pool, trying to remember exactly what she’d done before.

  She kissed the rosebud, thinking of Trevor’s kisses, wanting to taste them again, and tossed the rose into the pool.

  “Come back to me. Please, Trevor. Come to me.”

  The flower floated on the surface, slowly gliding to the center of the pool. Adriana followed its movements, hoping and praying that something would happen.

  Suddenly the water percolated, it churned. The rose bobbed up and down, then the water calmed.

  A tear slid down her cheek.

  It wasn’t going to work this time.

  “Please, Trevor,” she begged. “Come back to me. I love you. I need you with me.”

  Still, nothing happened. The rose just rested on the water.

  She had to do something more. She slipped out of her shoes and walked into the water, hoping her nearness would make the miracle occur. She’d stand there for a week—for a lifetime—if that’s what it took.

  “Please, Trevor,” she urged, hoping he could hear her across sixty years in time. “Please, come to me.”

  The water gurgled and sputtered. A whirlpool swirled around her, building momentum as it sucked at her legs and pulled her under the water. She fought the torrent, fought her fear of drowning. She gasped for breath and swallowed the chlorinated water. It burned her throat, her eyes, her sinuses, and she struggled, trying to reach the surface.

  I’m going to die, she thought, then wondered if this was all part of the plan. Was she going to join Trevor in limbo? Oh, what did it matter, as long as she was with him?

  Suddenly, the whirlpool spit her out of its grasp. All around her, the water waved and crashed, then it exploded, shooting high into the air like a geyser.

  She pushed hair and water from her face and her eyes. A vision appeared before her. Ebony hair. A white jacket, a black tie, and she prayed the man who’d just burst forth from the water was Trevor, and not another hallucination.

  Her lips trembl
ed as she reached out to touch the face she thought she’d only dreamed. She felt the roughness of a cheek that hadn’t been shaved since early morning. Felt a dimple at the right side of his mouth, the deep cleft in his chin.

  He was real. So very, very real.

  Tears flowed from her eyes and mixed with the pool water cascading over her face.

  And then she saw the slightest hint of the movie-idol smile she loved.

  He held out his arms, and she floated into them.

  There were tears in his eyes. Tears that she’d never seen before, not even in the movies.

  “I love you,” he whispered. “Oh, God, how I love you.”

  The mouth she remembered so well covered hers, not gently, but passionately, full of need and want and desire. He kissed away her fears, and kissed back all her memories of the days they’d spent together.

  Her fingers tightened around his back as his hands swept down her sides, over her hips.

  “You are real, aren’t you?” he asked. “You’re not a dream?”

  “I’m just as real as you are.” Her lips trembled as she hugged him tight.

  “Don’t leave me again, Trevor. Please.”

  “I’m not going anywhere,” he said. “You don’t have to hold me tightly to know that I’ll always be by your side.”

  “I lost you once.”

  He shook his head. “You never lost me. I was in your heart, just as you were in mine. We’ll always be together, Adriana—wherever we are.”

  She rested her head on his chest, listening once more to the familiar beat of his heart.

  She felt his fingers slip beneath her knees, his hand slide around her back, as he lifted her into his arms and walked from the pool.

  “It’s been a long year, Adriana.”

  “It’s been just a day for me, but it seems an eternity.”

  “We have a lot of catching up to do,” he said, and she could feel the warmth of his lips against her brow.

  “There’s so much I need to tell you,” she said. “About Carole. About Charlie and Janet getting married. You need to know about the movie I’m making, and how you changed history—”

  “Not now, Adriana.” He kissed away her words as he entered the mansion and headed up a long marble-tiled hallway. “We’ll talk about all those things tomorrow.”

  “But you said we have a lot to catch up on.”

  “It’s not current events I’m interested in.” A wicked smile tilted his lips, and she could see fireworks—so much brighter than those on the Fourth of July—sparkling in his eyes. “What I am interested in is you, and making up for all the days and nights we’ve been apart.”

  She fought back the tears of happiness swelling behind her eyes, and held on tight as he raced up the sweeping staircase and shouldered through the tall, heavy doors leading into the suite that had once been Harrison’s, but now indelibly belonged to them. Just like the hero in so many movies—but so much better—he carried her across the ancient carpets, giving little thought to the water dripping from their hair and clothes, concentrating only on her lips, her eyes, the tip of her nose.

  Pressing one foot against the door at the far end of the room, he shoved it open and took her to the bed where they’d first made love, and laid her down in its downy softness.

  “God, how I missed you.” His words were little more than a whisper, spoken tenderly as he sat at her side and curled a lock of hair behind her ear. “Every night and every day, I prayed that you’d come to me, or that I could somehow find my way back to you. I kissed a lot of roses and made a lot of wishes. I hoped they’d come true—and now they have.”

  She smiled softly at the man who’d shown her that life, with all its trials, was better than what she’d seen on a movie screen. “You were a dream to me, but now you’re real. There’s nothing more I could ever wish for.”

  “Nothing at all?”

  She cupped his beard-roughened cheek in her palm. “You’re all I need.”

  He drew his fingers away from her hair, and reached toward the bedside table. From a tall crystal vase he plucked a long red rose, and held it between them. He lightly brushed the velvety petals across her lips, then kissed it himself, just as she’d done while standing by the Poseidon Pool. Then he set it on the pillow alongside her hair.

  Slowly, ever so slowly, he kissed her. “I love you, Adriana. You wished me into your life, and I came to you. Now... there’s just one more wish I want to make.”

  He held her near and gazed lovingly into her eyes, just like the closing scene in so many of his movies. But this embrace wasn’t scripted, it wasn’t rehearsed. And The End would never flash before them.

  “Tell me what you’d wish for, Trevor.”

  He smiled, and whispered softly against her lips.

  “A million more tomorrows with you.”

  —The End—

  In the Christmas spirit?

  Patti Berg’s

  Enchanted

  (A Merry Nicholas Christmas Story--Book #1)

  will warm your heart

  and soul.

  Available now for your Kindle! Simply click right here!

  Other books by Patti Berg

  Enchanted (A Merry Nicholas Christmas Tale - #1)

  A Christmas story for those who believe when love is involved, anything is possible. Mac O'Brien is wealthy and powerful--but since the death of his father, the magic has gone out of his life. So he makes a wish for happiness, and Merry Nicholas, his new housekeeper, breezes into his world. Merry, with twinkling eyes, rosy cheeks, and snow-white hair, reminds Mac of Mrs. Claus, and when she pulls knitting needles from her candy cane-striped carpetbag, she weaves an enchanted spell around Mac, leading him to happiness, and to the woman he's destined to love

  Wishes Come True (A Merry Nicholas Christmas Tale - #2) Coming Soon!

  Guardian angels don't always come with wings or a halo. Merry Nicholas, aka Mrs. Claus, came with rosy cheeks and a feather duster for spreading magic, and the little old lady who delighted readers in my first romance, Enchanted, is back.

  Merry's in Bunch Gulch, Montana, this time with sophisticated romance novelist Laurie Langtry, who knows all about fictional love but nothing about the real thing. Running from bad times in New York, Laurie settles in the town she ran away from as a child and soon learns old memories don't fade away. Wishing for a hero to save her from her fears, she gets much more than she asked for--three rambunctious boys pop into her life along with their down-on-his-luck rancher dad, Jake McAllister, who's the spitting image of every Olympian-god hero she's ever created.

  With a touch of magic and the power of belief, Jake's able to save Laurie from the nightmare that's haunted her. Being a hero's one thing, loving Laurie is another. Jake's not interested in being the husband she wants--until he needs a wife.

  Laurie's found that every tale needs a happy ending, and her own love story is no exception. She's woven the plot so carefully that nothing can go wrong, and when Jake proposes, another one of her wishes comes true. Deep inside, though, she wonders if the end justifies the means, and she hopes Jake never learns what dastardly deed she fabricated to get what she wanted.

  Filled with warmth and humor, Wishes Come True is about friends, families, and sticking together when high-tailing it out of town seems like the easiest road to travel. It's about following your dreams, taking chances, and letting your heart believe.

  Till the End of Time

  A hundred year old love that refuses to end. A murder. A mystery. A cantankerous ghost who wants revenge. An artist who has found the woman of his dreams. A schemer who’ll stop at nothing. And a woman caught between three very different men. Each wants something from her, but who should she trust?

  If I Can’t Have You

  Trevor Montgomery was more handsome than Tyrone Power or Cary Grant; more dashing and daring than Errol Flynn; he was a man every woman desired and all men envied. He was a movie star who’d enthralled millions in the 1930’s—and then he disappe
ared.

  Adriana Howard is rich beyond imagining, but her life has been cloaked in scandal, and she’d rather love a man on a movie screen—a 1930’s idol and maybe a murderer—than face the real world.

  He’s suspected of a brutal murder in his own time, but all he remembers is the blood, the knife, and the smell of death.

  He’s a womanizer, a drunk, and she should kick him out of her life—but he’s traveled 60 years through time in answer to one of her wishes, and she can’t resist his charms. Now she’s willing to risk anything to prove his innocence and win his love.

  Looking for A Hero

  Sometimes the most unusual things wash up on the beach, but nothing stranger or more exciting than the cutlass-wielding pirate Kate Cameron finds on her own treasure island.

  He was a mystery man...

  "Bloody hell!" Morgan "Black Heart" Farrell can’t believe the hurricane whisked him from the deck of his galleon straight into the twentieth century--and into the arms of a honey-haired siren. What he does believe is that Kate’s tempestuous spirit and emerald eyes could entice him away from a swashbuckling life at sea. But the widow’s charms can’t erase Black Heart’s desperate need to get back to his own time--until he learns he may have brought danger with him from the past. Morgan might be a scoundrel, but he’s not about to leave while Kate needs a man to comfort and protect her.

  Who swept her off her feet

  It’s been ages since Kate had a man in her life, and she’s pretty much decided she doesn’t want another. But the moment Black Heart is thrust into her world, she finds herself falling for the dangerous, sexy looking stranger. By his own admission he’s pillaged, plundered, and taken one or two lives. But Kate has a knack for looking beneath the surface and soon realizes that maybe, just maybe, Morgan’s heart isn’t as black as the history books claim. In fact, he just might be the hero she’s looking for.