by Helen Juliet
Riley shook his head. He supposed the healthy kids would go to homes quicker. It made sense to encourage people to take on less fortunate children. Especially to a country like England where the NHS would care for them. “That’s good you got to go with her.”
Kai nodded. “It’s easier again if you take siblings. The orphanage made sure we went together.”
Riley chewed over that as he took a moment to shake his foot while they wound their way up a path clinging to the hillside. The drop to their right was a couple of dozen feet, and he made sure to stick close to the rock face. His new boots were feeling tight and he didn’t want to trip and tumble over the side.
“Your mum sounds pretty awesome,” he said after a while. He’d never met the woman, but he wished he had now.
“She is,” Kai agreed.
Riley did know that Kai’s dad had never been around in all the time he’d been friends with Brendon. “Did she adopt you by herself?” he asked, incredulous. He assumed that would be tricky nowadays, let alone back in the nineties.
Kai snorted. “No, she was married. He bailed about six months after me and Abigail arrived. Changed his mind about having kids apparently.” He screwed up his nose. “We did fine without him.”
Riley believed it. Bloody hell, he’d been crushing on Kai for all these years, and it turned out he didn’t really know him at all. He had so much more depth to him that he’d imagined. He wasn’t sure if that made things better or worse. Better, in that he was falling for Kai’s personality as much as he was his stunning body. Worse, in that he was still as far away as ever from being able to have any kind of claim over him.
He shook his boot again. He probably needed to pull his socks up to stop the niggling rub that was developing.
The path opened out onto another sprawling valley with several peaks rising around them. The sun was hovering overhead and bathed them in glorious heat. Riley was drenched in sweat, but his muscles had a pleasant thrum to them. Also, Kai seemed happy again after Riley had put his foot in it about the adoption.
“Anyway,” said Kai. He rolled his arm and flexed the bicep with the bear. “This guy is the national animal of Ukraine. I didn’t even know countries had national animals.”
“Neither did I,” Riley admitted.
Kai chuckled. “So now, this dude keeps me company on my journey, wherever I end up. It’s important to remember where you came from, as long as it doesn’t stop you from where you’re going.”
That was really rather beautiful. Riley was horrified to feel another lump rise in his throat. He tried to clear it, then latched onto the first thing he could think of. “I wonder what other countries’ national animals are?”
That got a laugh from Kai. “I bet there are some ridiculous ones,” he ventured.
They began to suggest the most ludicrous creatures they could think of, marching along the flatter terrain with Bia lolloping by their feet. “Definitely a beaver for Canada,” said Kai.
“No, a moose,” Riley retorted, giggling.
Whatever happened between them, even if it was absolutely nothing, Riley was grateful to get to know Kai better. He’d most likely pine like crazy once he went back to his cramped room in London, but for now, he could enjoy their time together in the great outdoors.
Maybe this camping and hiking business wasn’t so bad after all?
23
Kai
“Do you think this counts as colourful enough?”
Kai made his way over to where Riley was crouched. He had the now well-folded sheet of paper with the scavenger hunt challenge list on in one hand, and the other was framing a stunning plant hidden amongst the brush.
“Oh,” Kai exclaimed. “That’s a Sundew I think.”
He bobbed down next to Riley to take a closer look. He almost lost his balance on the uneven ground and he automatically reached out to place his hand on the small of Riley’s back under his rucksack to steady himself. Riley didn’t seem to notice, so he kept it there. It felt nice.
“It’s carnivorous, did you know?”
Riley snatched his hand back, making Kai bark with laughter.
“Not to you, you numpty.” He pointed at the red, sticky buds around the bright green disk in the plant’s centre. “But insects get trapped here, and then it digests them.”
“Ew,” said Riley with a grimace.
Bia sniffed at the plant they were both inspecting, then jumped back as her nose touched the tacky buds. “Oh sweetie,” said Kai fondly stroking her head and encouraging her away. “Did the big bad plant scare you?”
That made Riley chuckle. “I might see if we can find something else.”
Kai shook his head. “Let’s grab a photo while we’re here, in case we don’t spot anything better. Give me your phone and I’ll get one with you and Baby Bee.”
“Sure.” Riley fished out his phone from his pocket and handed it over. He then winced as he obediently shifted position. But he must have just caught himself at an odd angle or something as he was soon pulling Bia to his side so he could pose with a grin.
Kai pondered to himself as he took a few different pictures from a couple of angles. Through the lens, Riley was looking directly at him, his smile glowing as much as the sunshine overhead. It did things to him.
Not quite as drastic as before, where his dick had tried to jump out of his shorts for no damn good reason. Why would anyone shouting be a turn on, let alone a guy? Let alone Riley. But they’d been walking together for a few hours now, and these little moments kept jolting him, making his heart rate pick up. It was crazy.
Maybe, he considered as they moved on again, it had something to do with Riley being gay. Did that somehow make Kai feel more able to explore his feelings towards him? He was sure he wouldn’t be having these reactions if Riley was straight, because that would be bizarre. But because he was gay, and the possibility of something happening between them lay open, was his body responding accordingly?
He honestly didn’t know.
“When did you know you were gay?” he asked out of the blue.
Riley raised his eyebrows at him. They’d had a bit of a difficult conversation about his adoption, but he felt like they’d come out the other side okay for it. Better, probably. So he hoped he wasn’t about to take them back into rocky waters.
“Um, since always,” said Riley. He rubbed the back of his neck; they were both hot and sweaty and his t-shirt showed the darker damp patches. “When did you know you were straight?”
“Emma Watson,” said Kai automatically.
Riley laughed and shook his head. “Robert Pattinson,” he said, pointing at his chest.
“Was that hard?” Kai asked after another minute or two. “Realising you were different.”
Riley was thoughtful for a while. “I don’t know. It wasn’t so much realising, as I always knew, deep down. It was more coming to terms with it, understanding what that meant.” He licked his lips, drawing the lower one between his teeth. Kai found it difficult to pull his gaze away. “Also knowing who to tell, who to trust.”
That made Kai angry. Why did the world have to be like that? Why should someone like Riley have to work out who his allies were, just because of the people he fancied or loved?
“Do you tend to hang around with other queer people, so you have to think about stuff like that less?” Riley didn’t answer for so long Kai looked over at him by his side to see a troubled expression on his face. “Are you alright?”
Riley blew out a heavy breath, but his features remained down cast. “I really don’t like that word,” he eventually said, his voice quiet.
That threw Kai. “Which word?” He tried to think back on what he’d said.
Again Riley hesitated. “The ‘Q’ word.”
“What? Queer?” Now he was watching Riley as he spoke, he noticed how he flinched, just fractionally.
“Yeah,” he said, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Can you just…not?”
Kai was definitely confu
sed now. “I thought that was the word you were supposed to use?” He could hear the defensiveness creep into his voice, but he couldn’t help it. Riley was making him feel like a homophobe. “Because it’s inclusive. My bi friend Lolly uses it all the time.”
Riley looked even more distressed, chewing his lip and with his brow creased. He wouldn’t look up at Kai. “She probably didn’t have it screamed at her across the playground or down the corridors all her school life,” he said softly.
Kai cursed himself. He’d only wanted to chat, to get to know Riley a bit better after he’d found out about the adoption. So that they were on a more even footing, swapping stories about growing up. He certainly hadn’t meant to kick a hornets’ nest.
“Shit,” he breathed out. “Fuck, dude, I’m sorry. I won’t use it again.”
That seemed to get through to Riley, as he looked up. “No,” he said slowly. “You’re right. I know people like to use it because gay doesn’t include everyone. In fact, it only means people like me, guys who only like guys. But…it’s hard to shake off that old meaning. For me, anyway.”
Kai understood that. He reached over and rubbed Riley’s arm, just briefly. He still felt odd about these feelings that were stirring in his belly. “I’ll say LGBT,” he offered. “It doesn’t have all the letters, but you’ll know what I mean.”
Riley twitched a smile at him. “Maybe you could slip in ‘queer’ every now and again?” he suggested. “I might start getting used to it.”
Kai was ready to reply when Riley’s face twisted in pain. Again. He’d been doing that more and more over the past hour or two. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” Riley replied a little too quickly.
Kai stopped and grabbed his wrist loosely to make him stop too. “If you’re hurt, you need to tell me.”
“You’re not the boss of me,” Riley mumbled, not meeting his eye. Kai kept a hold of his wrist and waited expectantly. Riley rolled his eyes and sighed. “It’s nothing. My new boots are just a bit tight, I’ll get over it.”
“Your face says otherwise.”
“Rude.” Riley scowled at him.
Now Kai was really looking, though, Riley’s expression was pinched, and the perspiration sliding down his face might not have all been from the heat. “Are your boots rubbing?”
Riley shrugged sullenly. “A bit. Look, let’s just keep going. The sooner we get to the top the sooner we can head back, yeah?”
They’d been walking for almost five hours by Kai’s watch. It had been foolish to think they could just up and walk the fell on a whim. They were definitely not reaching the summit now, but from Riley’s reaction, Kai was worried about how far they could carry on walking at all, even if they did turn back now.
“Let’s take a look.”
“At what?” Riley took a step back and crossed his arms. And winced.
Kai huffed. “Your feet. Assess the damage.”
“No,” Riley insisted. “We don’t need to do that.”
Kai also folded his arms and used his bulk to loom to the best of his ability. Riley fidgeted, then dropped his hands to his sides, his posture deflating.
“If I take them off, I don’t know if I’ll be able to get them back on again,” he mumbled.
“Oh mate.” Kai sighed in sympathy and took a step closer to him again. “Is it really that bad? Come on,” he said, not waiting for an answer. He eased his heavy backpack from his shoulders and dropped it to the ground. There was no one else to see for miles, only the rolling hills to keep them company in all directions. “Let’s sit and take a look, yeah?”
Gingerly, Riley lowered himself onto the grass. As soon as he did, Bia was there by his side, her tail wagging as she used her nose to nudge him inquisitively. “Hey girl,” he said, petting her as Kai dropped down by Riley’s other side.
“Do you need a hand?”
Riley shook his head and started slowly undoing the laces. “Oh God,” he murmured.
Kai waited as he took his time opening out the boot as much as he could without actually pulling out the laces from the eyelets altogether. He grimaced as he inched the boot free, then carefully peeled his sock from his foot.
“Fuck,” Kai hissed, unable to stop himself lurching forward to get a better look. The back of Riley’s heel was red raw, his sock dark with blood, and several white blisters had sprung up around his toes, the smallest toe looking close to bleeding as well.
“Oh don’t look, it’s disgusting,” wailed Riley, pushing him away. Kai scoffed and pushed him gently back.
“It’s not disgusting, you idiot, but it’s bad.” He picked up Riley’s boot from where Bia was sniffing it and looked at him accusingly. “Have you never worn these before today.”
Riley’s sheepish look gave him his answer. “I thought they were meant for walking,” Riley cried at Kai’s exasperated sigh. “It’s not like they’re stilettoes!”
“Let’s see if the other foot is any better,” Kai suggested.
He was annoyed, but not because Riley had stopped them walking or anything. He was upset because Riley had tried to do something he was really uncomfortable doing, and he’d been punished by his footwear because he didn’t know enough to break them in before attempting an all-day trek.
He didn’t like that Riley was in pain. It made his chest ache and he felt irritable. He’d promised himself, and Phil in a roundabout way, that he’d take care of Riley this week. If he’d only have asked Kai’s advice, he would have told him to wear those old running trainers he’d seen this morning, or better yet, to have tried his new shoes last weekend on a walk somewhere. London had parks, he could have found a place to stomp around in for the afternoon.
But why would he have asked Kai? It wasn’t like they were friends.
Were they friends now? He was surprised by how much he hoped that, yes, they were.
The other foot wasn’t any better. In fact, it was worse. The little toe on that side was bleeding already, and the blister on his big one was bigger.
Riley prodded at his botched feet miserably. Kai rocked back on his heels. “Okay, look,” he said as cheerfully as he could. “This is not the end of the world.” And he meant it. The fact Riley was hurting had him hurting, which was ridiculous, but he could push it down and help.
“I don’t think I can put the boots back on,” Riley whispered. Kai was startled to see tears pooling in his eyes. He didn’t do well with crying, especially not from other guys. But the empathy he was feeling for Riley’s predicament threatened to jump up a notch or two.
“Which is why you aren’t going to,” he said. He clasped Riley’s shoulder, encouraging him to look up at him.
For a moment, Riley just stared, his mouth slightly open. “I can’t walk back barefoot,” he said. It was almost a plea.
Kai was taken with the urge to hug him. He refrained, but the poor boy looked so fragile. Instead, he squeezed his shoulder.
“Don’t be daft we’re not going back. We’re not going anywhere.”
Riley’s brow knotted together again. “What do you mean?”
Kai grinned at him. “We’re going to camp right here for the night.”
24
Kai
Riley’s face was a picture.
“We’re – what?”
Kai wasn’t fazed by the look of horror. “Going to camp out here. You’ve still got life in your phone right? You can message the guys so they won’t worry, yeah?”
Riley just stared at him some more, his mouth slack like a guppy fish. “No,” he said vaguely. He wasn’t talking about his phone.
Kai shifted so he was sat cross legged. He fixed Riley with The Stare. He only used The Stare on his naughtiest patients. “You’re the one who destroyed his feet.”
“I didn’t-!” Riley tried, but his protest only got so far. He blinked several times. “I didn’t mean to.”
Kai refused to get exasperated. “Dude, I know you didn’t. We were having a good time. But the truth is, I’ve s
een better meat hanging off butchers’ hooks.”
Riley wriggled. “Eeww,” he hissed. He turned to Kai and fixed him with a serious glare. “We can’t possibly just stay here. We don’t have any supplies.”
“Actually,” said Kai. He sprung to his feet and loosened the top of his rucksack. “We’re not doing that badly. I’ve got a bedroll and a sleeping bag in here. Plus, a first aid kit with bug repellent and pain killers for your feet. Actually-”
He yanked the thing on its side and rummaged. “I think my sister put those blister pack things in my kit, ones that girls wear when their shoes cut their feet to ribbons-”
“Hey,” protested Riley. “Let’s not judge right now, hmm?”
Kai chuckled. “Ah ha,” he said as his fingers closed around a likely box. “Bingo.” He showed Riley the packet of Compeed. There were five large gel-plasters inside the unopened box, so they could use two for his heels and maybe cut up some of the others to try and help his toes.
“You’re serious, aren’t you,” said Riley faintly. “You actually want to just stop, right here.”
Kai sat back down next to him and slapped his thigh. “You’re not going anywhere, look at you. This way we can give your feet a chance to heal, then head back in the morning.”
“The morning,” Riley spluttered, making Bia fidget in her sleep. “You’re actually suggesting we sleep here? No, look, it’s only half-four. If we rest for a few hours then start walking back, we can make it by midnight.”
Kai frowned. “But what would be the point?” He waved the plasters. “We could rest for over twelve hours and slowly make our way back in the daylight.”
Riley chewed his lip for a minute, rubbing the top of his right foot as if that might soothe the damaged skin around it. “None of my stuff is here.”
Kai felt a pang of sympathy for him. It didn’t take a psychologist to see that he’d brought as many creature comforts with him from home in order to make this whole experience more bearable. “You don’t need that stuff, not for one night. I promise. We’ve got loads of water still, some bedding, and each other for a bit of company. We might get a bit hungry, but we won’t starve.”
