Sister's Forgiveness

by Anna Schmidt

  “Did Jeannie send you?”

  Zeke glanced up, and the way he cocked his head suggested that his friend had no idea what he was talking about. “Actually, I was going to camp out here tonight under the bleachers. Forecast said something about rain and…” He blinked up at Geoff. “Why would Jeannie send me to find you?” Zeke stood up straight, still massaging his side.

  The streetlights outside the ball field were dim enough and distant enough to cast the field and track in shadows. “We had a fight.”

  Zeke released a long sigh. “Well, I can’t say I didn’t see that one coming. Okay, I lied. I heard about you being in court today, so I stopped by. Jeannie was on the phone and told me you’d gone for a run, but she didn’t send me to get you.”

  “Probably calling Emma so the two of them could commiserate over what a terrible guy I am.”

  “Whoa. So it’s a pity party we’re having. Got it.”

  Geoff felt a twitch of a smile. Nobody but Zeke had ever talked so straight to him—he wouldn’t allow it from anybody else. But from the time Zeke and his family had moved in across the street from Geoff when both boys were ten years old, Zeke had shown Geoff that he was not especially impressed with Geoff’s size or athletic ability.

  “You wanna be my friend or not?” he’d asked bluntly one day after the two of them had gotten into a roll-around-in-the-dirt-without-landing-any-punches fight on the playground.

  Geoff wasn’t used to such a direct question. “I don’t know,” he’d hedged.

  Zeke had gotten up, dusted himself off, and headed for home. “Take a day to think it over,” he’d said. “I think it might work out, but it’s your call.”

  The following morning, Geoff had fallen into step with Zeke on their way to school. Neither one of them had ever mentioned the fight again, and they had been fast friends from that day to this. Geoff doubted either of them could even remember what they had fought about. He knew he couldn’t. Even a separation of years while Zeke was in the service in the Middle East and Geoff was in college had done nothing to loosen the bond formed in that silent no-need-for-words walk to school.

  As they walked in step around the track now, Geoff looked down at Zeke, who was a good three inches shorter and twenty-five pounds lighter than he was. “You think I messed up.” It was not a question.

  “I think you’re hurting just like Jeannie is and Emma is and Lars is and Matt is and, yes, just like Sadie is.”

  They walked the next half of the oval in silence. “I think I’m losing faith,” Geoff murmured.

  To his surprise, Zeke chuckled. “You can’t lose what you’ve never really taken hold of, Geoff. You’re neither fish nor fowl, as they say. You treated conversion like it was nothing more than moving from one house to another. I’m not saying you don’t believe. I’m just raising the question of what it is you do believe.”

  “I used to believe in a loving God, but what kind of God takes an innocent child’s life and leaves everybody that ever knew her or loved her reeling?”

  Zeke shrugged. “Have you talked to Jeannie about this?”

  “Her faith is unshakable.”

  “You’re sure about that? Even now?”

  He wasn’t sure of anything when it came to his wife these days. They spent their time in different stratospheres even when they were in the same house—the same room. It was a relief for him to leave for school every morning as he suspected it was for her to see him go. Clearly she didn’t want to be with him, because lately she was up and out running before he even crawled out of bed.

  “Maybe I made a mistake that day that I turned Emma away. She means well, and she probably could be a comfort to Jeannie. It’s for certain that I’m not filling that particular role. It’s just that ever since the funeral, I find that I can’t handle anyone from that family being around.”

  “Jeannie’s a big girl. If she wants to see Emma, you aren’t going to stop her. And the fact is, for everyone involved it’s all still so fresh—like an open wound. You’ll find your way back to each other in time, and my guess is that Emma and Lars understand.”

  “And then there’s Matt,” Geoff said. “How do I explain to him why I’ve turned away, why the very sight of him makes me remember every second of that morning even though he wasn’t there, had no part in it at all?”

  “That’s a whole other ball game, my friend—no pun intended. Look, Matt comes about as close to hero-worshipping you as his upbringing will allow. But right now you need to focus on Jeannie. Mattie’s got his folks. You and Jeannie just have each other.” Zeke gave Geoff a not-so-subtle nudge with his elbow. “Come on, man. Go home to your wife.”

  “First tell me that you understand why I’m still going to testify.”

  “Make me understand,” Zeke challenged.

  Geoff ran a hand through his hair. “It’s like I’m speaking for Tessa, telling what I saw, because Tess must have seen almost the same thing. Surely that’s important—for someone to speak for Tessa?”

  “When you put it that way, it makes some sense. You might want to try that with Jeannie.” He picked up the guitar he’d left leaning against one of the scoreboard uprights and slung it over his shoulder. “I got to get my beauty rest,” he said with a grin. “Farmers’ market on Saturday. Payday.” Zeke had regularly played for the tourists crowding the closed-off street at the weekly farmers’ market in downtown Sarasota, leaving his guitar case open to receive their tips. It was one of his main sources of income.

  Geoff shook his friend’s hand. “Thanks for hunting me down. Maybe Jeannie and I will come to the market this week. It would be a nice break for her—for both of us.”

  “Great idea. And may I suggest that you plan to support your local musician friend by bringing along some cash—as in large bills,” Zeke shouted as he trotted off the field.

  Feeling better, Geoff took one more lap around the track and then headed for home. Zeke was right. He hadn’t explained things so that Jeannie would understand why he was doing what he was doing, why he needed to do things this way. Once he told her that it was for Tessa…

  But somehow the words that had come so easily and concisely when he was talking to Zeke failed him entirely when he tried to explain his reasoning to Jeannie.

  “For Tessa?” she asked incredulously. “You seriously think that our daughter, that sweet, caring child, would want anything to do with contributing to the problems that Sadie already has?”

  “I think she can’t be here to tell her side of things, and someone—I—can do that for her.”

  “Her side? What does that even mean?”

  They were back to shouting at each other. He didn’t want this. He had imagined that he would come back and explain and they would go upstairs to bed where for the first time since the funeral they would curl up together and hold each other through the night.

  “Geoff, do you understand that Sadie could be sent away for a very long time?”

  “What I can’t understand, Jeannie, is why you seem determined to put Sadie’s future ahead of your own daughter’s complete lack of any future at all.”

  “I am doing the only thing I know to do. Tessa is gone, and I can’t change that, but if we can save Sadie…”

  Geoff couldn’t believe he was hearing her right. “Where is your anger, Jeannie? Where is your fury that this girl you have spoiled rotten for most of her life has repaid you by thoughtlessly taking the life of your only child?”

  “That’s a solution? An eye for an eye?”

  Geoff felt as if he might explode under the tension of his anger and his wife’s total lack of understanding. “I’m going to bed,” he said. “I told Zeke we’d come to the market this weekend.”

  “I can’t.”

  “Why not?”

  “It’s visiting day at the detention center.” She did not try to hide the defiant look she gave him.

  “You’re not going to see her!”

  “I listened to Emma’s messages while you were out. Almost
daily reports about how Sadie was doing in that place. And in all of them the underlying message is that she needs the chance to tell us how sorry she is.”

  “My heart bleeds for her pain,” Geoff said sarcastically.

  “I’m going to give her that chance, Geoff. It would be good if you came with me so she can apologize to us both.”

  “And then what? We all join hands and sing ‘Kumbaya’ together?”

  “Or we could do things your way and destroy another life or two in the bargain,” she snapped.

  Geoff felt his legs go weak with physical and emotional exhaustion. He sat down on the third step and put his face in his hands. “Jeannie, this is insanity. I’m asking you not to go.”

  “And I’m asking you not to testify.” She edged past him on her way upstairs. “Stalemate,” she said softly as she walked down the hall past their bedroom and into Tessa’s room. A moment later he heard the door close.

  He got up and retraced his steps down to the kitchen and den where he shut off the lights and turned the lock on the back door. Then he unlocked the door and stepped outside the way he had that rainy morning. He stared at the place where Tessa had been standing laughing at him as he wrestled with the umbrella. She had taken a step toward him, prepared to help. If he hadn’t stopped her, she might have been safe—the car might have missed her as it did him.

  At the end of the block, he heard a car backfire, and he remembered the sound of Dan’s car coming up the street. It had caught the pool of water that covered half the street and sent it spraying into the air. He closed his eyes against the memory of the car coming at them, at him.

  “Tessa, move!” he’d shouted as he tossed the umbrella aside ready to take the blow for her. She had leaped away, but the car had spun suddenly in the opposite direction entirely. The back end had caught his precious daughter and sent her sailing until she’d landed with a soft thud on the driveway.

  Now he stared down at the spot and then up at a sky filled with stars. How could anyone who knew what had happened here ever believe again that God was in His heaven and all was right with the world?

  Chapter 27

  Jeannie

  The door to the bedroom she and Geoff shared was closed when Jeannie came out of Tessa’s room after a sleepless night spent crying as she went through her daughter’s things for the hundredth time since the funeral. The one thing that she had not found was the journal that she and Geoff had given Tessa the night before the accident.

  She thought if she could just find that journal and see what Tessa had written in it, she might be able to show it to Geoff. Perhaps Tessa’s own words—whatever they might be—would convince him once and for all that vengeance was not justice. But the journal was nowhere to be found.

  Usually Jeannie would have called Emma to come and help her in the hunt. But she would not ask Emma to come now. It would only upset Geoff further. She regretted their argument, and yet she would not back down on this one. If Geoff thought he was speaking for Tessa, then so was she. Tessa would be more concerned for Sadie than for herself. That was the way they had raised her, and that was why it was so hard to understand why Geoff could be so unforgiving when it came to Sadie.

  The phone rang, and automatically she glanced at the display to check caller ID.

  Hester Steiner’s name popped up. Jeannie had promised Zeke that she would return to her volunteer work at the fruit co-op, and no doubt he had passed that message along to Hester. Well, why not? The work there would at least fill some of the hours that stretched before her endlessly each new day. She picked up the phone.

  “Okay, okay, I’ll be at the co-op on Monday,” she said in what she hoped passed for her usual pre-accident teasing tone.

  Hester chuckled. “That’s good news, but actually I was just calling to see if you have time for coffee this morning. A friend from my college days is in town to start a new job, and I thought the two of you ought to meet.”

  Ought to meet was an odd way to put the invitation.

  “Why?” Jeannie blurted before she could censor herself.

  “Just say you’ll come,” Hester replied further, adding to Jeannie’s suspicion. “How about that place on Main Street that you and Emma like?”

  “Is Emma coming?”

  “No. I wouldn’t do that to either of you without first asking. How’s half an hour?”

  Jeannie checked the clock. It was still early. She certainly had little else to do. Why not enjoy a latte and meet Hester’s friend? It would be good for her. “Okay. Sure. See you there.”

  As she hung up the phone, she heard the shower turn on in their bathroom. Knowing that Geoff was in the shower, Jeannie went back upstairs to their room and changed from the clothes she’d worn the day before into a pair of denim Capri pants and a green cotton blouse.

  “I’m going,” she called out, standing at the partially closed bathroom door. “Geoff?”

  The water running was the only sound.

  “Geoff? Did you hear me? I’m taking the car.”

  “I heard you.”

  She waited, but he said nothing more, and the water just kept running. “Okay. See you later,” she said, fighting hard against the wave of irritation at his stubbornness. Or maybe she was the one who was unwilling to bend. He had brought on their argument of the night before, and it was up to him—

  Reconciliation. Forgiveness. Wasn’t that what she had said he needed to have for Sadie?

  She retraced her steps.

  “Geoff?”

  No answer, but she had the sense that he was listening.

  “I love you,” she said and then softly closed the bathroom door all the way—just in case he didn’t say anything back.

  Jeannie was the first to arrive at the coffee shop. She chose a table outside, away from the street traffic and other customers. She pulled a third chair over from an adjoining table and sat down to watch for Hester and her friend. Moments later she saw Hester’s car across the street, and then Hester and a petite woman of about Emma’s age got out.

  She was dressed plain and wore the simpler white kerchief prayer covering common among the younger conservative Mennonite women. Her caped dress was a light lavender, and the color worked well with her dark hair. Her skin was very pale and completely unblemished. Jeannie couldn’t help but think that she would need to invest in some sunblock if she was going to move to Sarasota. Jeannie got up and waved to Hester.

  “Over here,” she called, and the two women hurried across the street, dodging traffic on their way.

  “Jeannie Messner, meet another dear friend, Rachel Kaufmann,” Hester said.

  “Hester and I were college roommates,” Rachel explained. “She used to rave about Pinecraft and everything it had to offer, so I finally decided to come down and see what all the fuss was about.”

  “You two get acquainted,” Hester said. “I’ll get the coffee.”

  “Tea for me,” Rachel said.

  “Got it. Two coffees and one tea.”

  Rachel and Jeannie took chairs opposite each other. Rachel leaned back and looked at her surroundings. “It’s all so very… tropical,” she said and then laughed. “Well, duh. But this is certainly what it feels like midsummer in Ohio where I come from.” She fanned herself with her hand. “Are you from here originally, Jeannie?”

  “Born and raised right in Pinecraft,” Jeannie said. She could see Hester standing in line inside the small shop. “It’s wonderful that you and Hester have stayed in touch over all this time.”

  “She’s a terrific letter writer,” Rachel replied. “Me? Not so much. But I’m good at calling, so between the two, we made it work.” She leaned forward. “I met Hester’s John. He’s wonderful, isn’t he? And they are so perfect together.”

  Jeannie found herself smiling as she recalled the rocky start that Hester and John had had. “Well, now they are. In the beginning…”

  “Oh, I know. You should read the letters I was getting from Hester back then. But I knew the wa
y it was ‘John Steiner this’ and ‘John Steiner that’—I mean, after the first three dozen times his name came up in a matter of a couple of weeks—she was in love with the guy.”

  Jeannie laughed, and it felt odd—like something she used to do a lot in the past and then had given up on.

  “Coffee for you. Tea for you, and coffee for me,” Hester said as she arrived with three mugs of steaming liquid. She doled them out before taking the third chair.

  “Hester tells me you just took a job here, Rachel,” Jeannie said. “Do you have a family?”

  “Yes. My husband was killed a year and a half ago. We have a son, Justin. He’s twelve. When I was laid off from my job a few months ago, Hester suggested that I look for work here.” She smiled at her friend. “I’m going to be working at the new hospital that just opened out on Cattlemen Road.”

  It seemed like it had been such a long time since Jeannie had allowed herself to think about the suffering of others. She felt ashamed and selfish. “I’m so very sorry for your loss.”

  Rachel gave her a grateful smile. “It’s been a journey, but every day Justin and I realize that we are a little further along the path of healing. Of course, staying busy helps—work for me and school for Justin.”

  “Are you a nurse like Hester?”

  “I have my degree in nursing but—perpetual student that I am—I went back to school and got my master’s in psychology. I’ll be working as a chaplain and spiritual counselor.”

  Was this the real reason for Hester’s call and sudden invitation to meet her friend? She shot Hester a look. “Subtle,” she murmured as she took a sip of her coffee.

  “Coincidence,” Hester corrected, and suddenly the lighter getting-to-know-you environ shifted to one that was filled with questions and suspicion—at least on Jeannie’s part.

  “What’s this really about?”

  Hester sighed and set down her mug. “Rachel, tell Jeannie about the program that you and Justin took part in back in Ohio after James was killed.” Hester focused all of her attention on Jeannie and added, “Just please keep an open mind, because the minute I heard about it, I wanted you to at least know that such an idea exists in other communities. Seems to me that it’s something that could work here.”