Personal Apocalypse

by John Sheridan

  ‘Shall we go for a walk?’

  She wagged her tail.

  ‘Okay. Let’s go.’

  Chapter Fifty-Eight: Under the Midnight Sky

  ***

  Thousands upon thousands of twinkling stars were scattered across the canvas of deep black. A half moon covered the world in a lazy light. Lucy lagged slightly behind me, as she sniffed away at the various bushes. This was only going to be a quick walk. Out here there were no street lights, which meant it was very hard to walk across the uneven terrain in the dark. You were most likely going to trip over a tree root, falling branch, a pothole or slip over in mud. Lucy and I were walking the more popular dog walking route, which was a circuit about half a mile wide. It was mostly open land with the odd tree and plenty of bushes for her to investigate.

  My thoughts drifted to my dreams.

  Isabella had been a welcomed distraction.

  My entire life seemed to be one big lie. I felt slightly stupid that I had put so much stock in these dreams. I had allowed them to dictate decisions I had made throughout my life, as I really did believe the end of the world was coming. I thought I had some kind of special role to play in all this, but this was the day of the apocalypse. This was the day the world was supposed to end, but nothing had happened. My life seems to have just continued on. Nothing out of the ordinary has happened. I thought I was getting these dreams for a reason. I thought maybe I could prevent whatever was going to happen. I never actually considered that nothing would happen. I was sure something big would have happened in the world.

  In three hours the day will end.

  I was one hundred and eighty minutes away from being free.

  Once this day was gone then I could live a normal life.

  I could live with Isabella.

  I could be happy.

  Lucy’s agonising scream broke the silence of the night. My heart stopped at the sound. It was a sound of sheer terror and pain. Within a second the sound stopped. I turned back to face Lucy, but was met by the sight of the big black Rottweiler. Its jaws were firmly clamped around the back of Lucy’s neck. My furry little sidekick was hanging limp in its mouth. Blood dripped from a large open wound upon the back of her neck. Suddenly, the two teenage boys appeared out of nowhere. They dived upon their dog and wrestled it to the ground. One boy fought to attach to lead to the collar, as the other boy stuck his fingers into the dog’s mouth and tried to pull Lucy free. I ran forward as fast as my legs could carry me. The demon dog growled, as Lucy dropped from its mouth. It took both of the boys the pin the dog down, as it started to thrash wildly and fight against the lead. I dropped to my knees beside Lucy.

  ‘Lucy?’

  I picked her up, but her head hung limp.

  The top half of her neck had been ripped out.

  I could see bone.

  Time seemed to stop, as I looked at the lifeless body of my best friend.

  Lucy was dead.

  They had killed her.

  Tears began to fall.

  ‘Why are you walking that damn dog?’ I muttered. ‘Why isn’t it muzzled?’ My voice was broken and filled with sadness. ‘You know it is dangerous. I know it is dangerous.’ The boys were too busy wrestling their dog under control to even hear me. ‘EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN THIS FUCKING TOWN KNOWS THAT DOG IS DANGEROUS!’ I grabbed a rock off the floor beside Lucy. I was moving on auto-pilot. I knocked the boys to the side, as I loomed over the top of the growling dog. The rock came crashing down upon its skull. The dog whimpered, but did not go down. I brought the rock down a second time. A bone crunching snap echoed into the air. Blood splattered upon my face and t-shirt. I brought the rock down a third time.

  ‘Get off my dog!’ One of the boys grabbed my free arm.

  ‘FUCK OFF!’

  I turned and struck him with the rock.

  The Rottweiler staggered to its feet, but another shot to the head put it down again. I lost count how many times I hit this fucking piece of shit. All I saw was red. I just continued to strike the dog. After a while the dog stopped moving. I dropped the rock and looked down upon the dog. Its face was just a mound of flesh that oozed blood and brain matter. I raised my hands. They were soaked in blood. My hands, my face, my t-shirt and trousers were drenched in the blood from the dog. It was identical to my dream.

  ‘What have I done?’

  ‘You killed him...’ said a voice behind me.

  ‘I didn’t mean to. I was trying to save Lucy.’

  I turned to face the boy. Horror struck me like a nuclear explosion in the face. The boy had not been talking about their dog. He was cradling his brother within his arms. One of the teenagers had a deep gash across the side of his head. Did I do that? When had I done that? He had tried to drag me off the dog, hadn’t he? Had I lashed out? I don’t remember. It is all a blur to me. I think I did. Did I hit him with the rock? Had I killed this boy?

  The brother got up and run.

  ‘Help me!’ He screamed into the night. ‘Please, help me!’

  ‘What have I done?’

  I stepped over the teenager and knelt down on the ground beside Lucy. I carefully placed my hands beneath her body and lifted her up into my arms. She felt so small and light. I began to sob, as I walked home.

  Chapter Fifty-Nine: Call for Help

  ***

  ‘Why?’ I sobbed, ‘Why was this happening?’ Lucy’s lifeless body rested at the foot of my double bed. Blood had stained the bed sheets. I cradled my head in bloody hands, as tears rolled down my cheeks. ‘I DON’T UNDERSTAND!’ I screamed up at the ceiling. I didn’t care how vast or infinite the universe was, God would hear my voice. ‘WHY DID YOU TAKE HER?’ I looked down at Lucy and cuddled her within my arms. ‘What am I going to do, Lucy?’ She was always there to lick my arm, or head butt me in the leg when I was sad. A wag of her tail always made me smile. ‘What am I going to do?’

  My feet started moving before I gave the command. I exited the bedroom and walked down the stairs. Bloody handprints smeared the beige walls. I headed straight for the kitchen. I needed a drink. I need something to make the pain go away. I grabbed two bottles of wine from the bottom of the fridge. They were screw tops, which allowed for easy access. I gulped at one of the bottles. Most of the wine poured over my chin and down my body, but I didn’t care. I just needed to drink. Half a bottle disappeared within a matter of seconds. The wine tasted bitter tonight. I marched back through the house and headed up the stairs towards Lucy. I shouldn’t leave her alone. What did that mean? She was already gone.

  The image of the dead boy appeared within my mind.

  I fell to my knees upon the stairs.

  I had killed that boy.

  He was only a kid.

  ‘What have I done?’ I wiped the back of my hand across my eyes and continued up the stairs. I chugged on the bottle of wine as I returned to my bedroom. I was hoping to find Lucy standing on the bed with her tail wagging excitedly, but she was gone. Her body lay motionless, like some kind of puppet that has had it strings cut free. ‘I have to do something.’

  I placed down a bottle of wine and picked up my phone.

  I called my mum. She would know what to do. The phone began to ring.

  ‘Please, pick up.’ The phone rang some more. ‘Please.’ I was put through to the answer machine. It was silly. They would be in bed by now. I hung up and thought about it for a second. ‘Isabella!’ I called her phone.

  ‘I am sorry it has not been possible to put you through...’ began to automated message.

  I hung up. ‘FUCK!’

  I called Clarissa. The phone rang twice before she answered.

  ‘I told you not to call me,’ said Clarissa. She sounded tired.

  ‘Please, Clarissa....’ she hung up on me. ‘No. No. NO!’ I called her back. It went straight through to her voicemail. ‘Why is this happening to me? What should I do?’ A thought occurred to me. There was someone I could call. There was someone that would know what to do. She always knew what to do.
I dialled the number. They answered on the third ring.

  ‘Logan?’ asked Samantha.

  I hung up.

  What am I doing?

  Am I that desperate that I would call the woman that murdered my baby?

  ‘FUCK!’ I threw my cell phone across the room. It shattered into a million pieces, as it struck the wall. ‘What am I going to do? What am I going to do?’ I rocked back and forth on the end of the bed. And that is when I saw it. It was sitting on top of my chest of draws, propped up against the wall. It was Brendan’s painting. In the painting I was drenched in blood. In one hand I held the bottle of wine. I looked down towards the bottle of wine in my left hand. In the painting I held the gun in the other hand. I leaned down and reached between my legs. The shoebox was tucked beneath the bed. I dragged it out and tossed away the lid. The revolver awaited me. Unconsciously, I reached down and plucked it from the box. I got to my feet and stood in front of the painting. It was like looking into a mirror. Brendan had been right. His dreams had been correct. I now understood. I understood what it all meant.

  Chapter Sixty: Personal Apocalypse

  ***

  ‘Is that the answer?’ I asked the world. I didn’t know if I should laugh or cry. It was like God was playing some kind of cruel trick on me. I had believed in the dreams. I had believed that I was special. I thought God had some kind of plan for me, but I was nothing more than a play thing for him. It all made sense. All my life I had been dreaming of the apocalypse. Every single night the countdown would tick away, as I drew one day closer to the end of the world. It was like everything in my life was leading me to this point in time. The dreams were starting to make sense. I understood the bloody hands, the dead body, Samantha and the baby, and Brendan’s suicide. How long would it be before the final part of the dream took place?

  My question was answered.

  The sound of sirens echoed into the air, as police cars skidded in front of my house. The flashing lights illuminated the interior of my house and forced back the darkness of the night. It was the final part of the dream. It was the flashing lights. I hadn’t been sure what they were, but now I had my answer. That kid’s brother must have gone straight to the police. He knew where I lived. It was over. I was going to go to jail. I was going to be branded a murderer for what I had done, but I wasn’t a murderer. I just wanted to kill that fucking dog. If they had just muzzled it then this would never have happened. It killed Lucy.

  ‘Why?’ I sobbed. ‘I thought I was special. I thought this all had some important meaning. I truly believed the end of the world would come.’ I started to laugh, as I looked down upon the revolver within my hand. ‘I understand. The end of the world is here. The moment I had dreamed about all my life has arrived. I really thought something grand would happen. I thought a new chapter in the Earth’s history would be written upon this day, but it isn’t anything so special. This isn’t a global apocalypse. This is my own personal apocalypse. My world has ended.’

  I tossed aside the bottle of wine and climbed onto the bed. I carefully scooped Lucy up within one arm and sat with my back pressed up against the headboard. I remember picking her up as a puppy. She had been so brave and friendly. She had been the only puppy in the litter that came up and started to play with me. I had not been the one to pick her. She had picked me. I lifted Lucy up and kissed her upon the top of the head.

  ‘We are going to a better place now,’ I told her. ‘Granddad and Grandma will be waiting for us. Everyone will be waiting for us. And you will get to play with my baby. She will be waiting for us on the other side... my baby.’ I felt like laughing. That’s right. She will be waiting for us. She will be alive on the other side. ‘I will finally be able to see my baby? I will finally be able to see my baby!’

  I took in a long deep breath of air.

  I could hear something crashing against the front door of the house.

  The police were coming in.

  I exhaled a slow deep breath through my nose and lifted the revolver to my head. I pressed the barrel against my right temple and closed my eyes. This was it. This is what I have been waiting for all my life. My own personal apocalypse was going to happen. Voices yelled up through the house. My breathing grew short and sharp. I hugged Lucy close, as I clenched my teeth. The image of my baby appeared within my mind’s eye. I tried to picture what she may look like. Would she be happy to see me? Would she reach up with her little arms and smile upon her father? I rolled the word “father” around in my mind. I liked the sound of that. I was going to be a Daddy. I was going to be a Daddy to the most beautiful baby in the whole wide world. I was finally going to see my child.

  I squeezed the trigger.

  ***

  The End

  Books by John Sheridan

  ***

  The Lake of Love

  Dance of Deceit

  Lust Virus: Infection

  Game of Lust

  Life of a Sex Addict