The Last Samurai

by Helen Dewitt

  I said it was quite good the way you could see the wind blowing because of the way he had painted their togas.

  Then she got an old magazine out of a drawer. She opened it to a page and said Read this. So I started reading. At first I thought maybe it was something my father had written but it wasn’t about travel.

  What do you think? she said.

  I said it was rather boring but I supposed it was quite well written.

  Sibylla put the magazine on the floor. She said, You will not be ready to know your father until you can see what’s wrong with these things.

  I said, When will that be?

  She said, I don’t know, millions of people have gone to the grave admiring them.

  I said, Well why don’t you tell me what’s wrong?

  She said, I won’t say it’s better for you to work it out for yourself, la formule est banale. Even when you see what’s wrong you won’t really be ready. You should not know your father when you have learnt to despise the people who have made these things. Perhaps it would be all right when you have learnt to pity them, or if there is some state of grace beyond pity when you have reached that state.

  I said, Let me see the magazine again.

  Then I read the whole article, but I couldn’t see anything wrong except that it was boring. I looked at the picture again but I couldn’t see what was wrong. I wanted to listen to the tape again but Sibylla said she could not stand to hear it again in one day.

  I said, It’s not fair, nobody else has to wait until they’re old enough to know who their father is.

  She said, We should not elevate the fortuitous to the desirable.

  I said, How do you know I’m old enough to know YOU?

  She said, What makes you think I think you are?

  28 May

  Sibylla has stopped mastering Japanese characters because she has too much work to do. I have mastered 243 thoroughly. Today she started typing and then she watched me working on my characters and then she sighed and got out a book. Later she put it down and I saw that it was the Autobiography of J. S. Mill. Rather surprisingly when she put it down she got out Mr. Richie’s book and she said, Can you read this? Mr. Richie’s book is in English so obviously I can read it. She said, Well read this for me. So I read a paragraph. It was about the villain in Sugata Sanshiro.

  He is a man of the world—which Sugata is certainly not. He is well dressed, wears a moustache, is even slightly foppish. Also, he obviously knows what he is about. He is so good that he need never show his strength. He would not, one feels, ever resort to throwing people around as we know Sugata has done. And yet something is missing in him. Sugata may not know the “way of life” but at least he is learning. This man will never know it. He shows it in little ways. At one point, smoking a cigarette—the mark of a dandy in Meiji Japan—he does not bother to look for an ashtray. Instead, he disposes of his ash in an open flower, part of an arrangement on a nearby table.

  Sibylla asked, What do you think it means?

  I said, I think it means we should respect nature.

  Sibylla asked, What?

  I said, The villain puts ash in a flower whereas the hero is inspired by the natural beauty of the world around us.

  Sibylla said, Hmmm.

  I couldn’t think of what else it could mean and Sibylla didn’t say. After a while she went into the kitchen to make a cup of coffee and I went to look at the book by J. S. Mill. It was blood chilling!

  J. S. Mill started to learn to read when he was two, just like me, but he started Greek when he was three. I only started when I was four. By the time he was seven he had read the whole of Herodotus, Xenophon’s Cyropaedia and Memorials of Socrates, some of the lives of the philosophers by Diogenes Laertius, portions of Lucian and Isocrates’ ad Demonicum and ad Nicoclem, as well as the first six dialogues of Plato, from the Euthyphro to the Theaetetus!!!! He also read a lot of historians I have never even heard of. He didn’t start the Iliad and Odyssey until later whereas I have read both but they are the only thing I have read. I don’t think he did any Arabic or Hebrew but the things I have read in them are rather easy and anyway I have not read a lot.

  The thing that is worrying me is that Mr. Mill was rather stupid and had a bad memory and he grew up 180 years ago. I thought that it was quite unusual for a boy my age to read Greek because a lot of people on the Circle Line were surprised that I was reading it but now I think that this is probably fallacious. Most of the people on the Circle Line did not say anything at all but I thought they would be surprised because the people who said something were surprised. This is stupid because if they were not surprised why would they say something? And now I am supposed to start school in three months.

  2

  a, b, c

  6 September, 1993

  Today we went to the school to talk to my teacher. Sibylla was very nervous about it. I think she was worried because she knew I would be behind. Every time I asked her she said not to worry about it. She has an old book called Six Theories of Child Development but it is not very specific.

  When we reached the school we encountered an unexpected setback.

  We went into the year one classroom and Sibylla introduced herself.

  ‘I’m Sibylla Newman, and this is Stephen,’ she explained to the teacher, though actually she hadn’t been able to find the birth certificate to make sure before we left.

  ‘I think you may be his teacher this year,’ she added. ‘I thought I should talk to you.’

  The teacher’s name was Linda Thompson. ‘I’ll just check the print-out,’ she replied.

  She took out a print-out and perused it.

  ‘I can’t seem to find Stephen,’ she reported at last!

  ‘Who?’ queried Sibylla.

  ‘Stephen? You did say his name was Stephen?’ enquired Ms. Thompson.

  ‘Oh yes, yes I did,’ confirmed Sibylla. ‘Stephen. Or Steve. It’s a bit soon to tell.’

  ‘Pardon?’

  ‘He’s a bit young to reach a final decision.’

  ‘Are you sure this is the right school?’ asked Ms. Thompson.

  ‘Well, we live right down the street,’ replied Sibylla.

  ‘You should have registered for a place last year,’ Ms. Thompson informed her.

  ‘Good heavens,’ exclaimed Sibylla. ‘I had no idea. But what do I do now?’

  Ms. Thompson said she thought all the places were filled.

  ‘So does that mean he should wait another year?’ enquired Sibylla.

  ‘Oh no. He’s legally required to attend school. Besides, you wouldn’t want him to fall behind. It’s very important for children to be at the same level as others in their age group.’

  ‘That’s what I wanted to talk to you about,’ commented Sibylla. ‘He’s never been to play group or anything. I just did things with him at home, and I’m a little worried …’

  ‘Oh, he’ll catch up in no time,’ Ms. Thompson assured her. ‘But he really mustn’t miss a year. How old is Stephen now?’

  ‘Six,’ Sibylla informed her.

  ‘SIX!’ ejaculated Ms. Thompson. She glanced at me in dismay. ‘Stephen,’ she said cordially, ‘why don’t you go and look at the building blocks down at the end of the classroom?’

  ‘Surely we should not discuss his education in his absence,’ demurred Sibylla.

  Ms. Thompson appeared agitated. She exclaimed, ‘He should have started when he was five!!!’

  Sibylla replied, ‘Five! I’m sure I started school when I was six.’

  Ms. Thompson observed that in Britain all children started school at the age of five, and that a year or two of nursery school was recommended.

  Sibylla queried, ‘So you mean he could have started school last year?’

  Ms. Thompson asseverated, ‘Not only could but should, it is extremely important for a child to be with his peers as part of the learning experience.’

  This is exactly what it said in the book. ‘During the crucial formative period of chil
dren’s lives, the school functions as the primary setting for the cultivation and social validation of cognitive competencies,’ I concurred.

  ‘What was that?’ questioned Ms. Thompson.

  ‘I’ll just go and have a word with the head,’ interpolated Sibylla. ‘Lu— Stephen, you wait here.’

  I did not want to make Sibylla feel guilty because I had missed a year of school so I thought this would be a good time to find out what I had missed.

  I remarked to Ms. Thompson, ‘Could you give me some idea of the material covered in year one because I am afraid I am a long way behind the rest.’

  ‘I’m sure you’ll adjust beautifully,’ assured Ms. Thompson, with a warm smile.

  I persevered, ‘Have they read Isocrates’ Ad Demonicum?’

  Ms. Thompson said they had not. I was glad because it sounds hard. I probed, ‘What about the Cyropaedia?’

  Ms. Thompson asked what it was. I explained that it was by Xenophon and I did not really know what it was about. Ms. Thompson said she had never heard of anyone reading it in year one.

  I enquired, ‘Well, what do people read?’

  Ms. Thompson said abilities and interests differed and people read different things.

  I said, ‘Well, I have only read the Iliad and the Odyssey in Greek and De Amicitia and Metamorphoses 1–8 in Latin and Moses and the Bullrushes and Joseph and his Manycoloured Coat and Jonah and I Samuel in Hebrew and Kalilah wa Dimnah and 31 Arabian Nights in Arabic and just Yaortu la Tortue and Babar and Tintin in French and I have only just started Japanese.’

  Ms. Thompson smiled at me. She is very pretty. She has wavy blond hair and blue eyes. She said usually people would not study Arabic or Hebrew or Japanese at school at all and they would usually not start French or Greek or Latin until the age of twelve or so!

  I was absolutely amazed!!!! I said that J. S. Mill had begun Greek at the age of three.

  Ms. Thompson asked who was J. S. Mill!!!!!!!!

  I explained that Mr. Mill was a Utilitarian who died 120 years ago.

  ‘Oh, a Victorian,’ commented Ms. Thompson. ‘Well, you know, Stephen, the Victorians placed a much greater value on facts for their own sake than we do. Now we’re more interested in what someone can do with what they know. One of the most important parts of school is just learning to work as a member of a group.’

  ‘Yes,’ I replied, ‘but Mr. Mill said he was never allowed merely to fill his head with unexamined facts. He was always forced to examine arguments and to justify his position.’

  Ms. Thompson remarked, ‘Well, obviously there’s a lot to be said for that, but just the same things have moved on since Victorian times. People just don’t have the time to spend years learning dead languages any more.’

  ‘That was why Mr. Mill thought people should start when they were three,’ I observed.

  Ms. Thompson rejoined, ‘Well, the fact is children develop at different rates, Stephen, and a lot of children would find those subjects rather off-putting. Any school system has to set priorities, so we concentrate on the things that everyone is going to be able to use. We can’t take it for granted that everyone is a genius.’

  I explained that Mr. Mill thought that he was not a genius but that he had accomplished a lot because of getting a head start. I said I had not even done as much as Mr. Mill and anybody who read the book could say what was in it so I did not think I could be a genius.

  Ms. Thompson answered, ‘The fact is, Stephen, that while your degree of articulateness would not be so surprising in an educated person, the reason it is not surprising is that the average educated person has developed their mind over the course of their education. It is not so common in a boy your age.’

  I thought that this was probably a fallacious argument. It was quite hard to explain things to Ms. Thompson. I said, ‘In my opinion this argument is completely fallacious. How can you say that you will not let a stupid person start something until the age of 12 and then say the reason you know they are stupid is they do not know something another person knows because they got to start at the age of 3? In my opinion this is completely preposterous.’

  Ms. Thompson asserted, ‘Be that as it may.’

  At this point Sibylla returned to the room.

  ‘It’s all set!’ she exclaimed. ‘I talked to the head and he said they could probably squeeze one more in and that the school always treats every child as an individual.’

  ‘Obviously we make every attempt,’ began Ms. Thompson.

  ‘But it looks as though he won’t be in your class.’

  ‘What a shame,’ regretted Ms. Thompson.

  ‘Anyway, we won’t take up any more of your time. Come along, David. Everything’s going to be all right.’

  MY FIRST WEEK AT SCHOOL

  13 September, 1993

  Today was my first day at school. I thought maybe now that I was old enough to go to school Sibylla would tell me about my father but she didn’t. Sibylla walked me to school and I was very nervous because if people did not study any languages until they were 12 they must study some other thing and I was a whole year behind.

  I thought maybe other people studied more mathematics and science and I had not even finished Algebra Made Easy.

  When we got to school Miss Lewis explained that school had started last Thursday. Sibylla said she was sure she had started school on Monday when she was a child.

  We didn’t do any science today so I could not tell if that was what people had been doing.

  When I got home I started reading The Voyage of the Beagle. This is an excellent book. I have worked out that Charles Darwin could not be my father, because he died in 1882, but I am going to finish the book anyway.

  14 September, 1993

  Today was my second day at school.

  We started the day off by painting pictures of animals. I did a picture of a tarantula with 88 legs. Miss Lewis asked what it was and I explained that it was an oktokaiogdoekontapodal tarantula. I don’t know if there are any real ones, I think this is just something I made up. Then I did another picture. This one was of a heptakaiogdoekontapodal tarantula because the first one got in a fight and lost a leg. Then I did a picture of two monster tarantulas fighting, each one had 55 legs and it took a long time to draw all the legs. Before I had finished Miss Lewis said we should put away our drawings because it was time to do some arithmetic. We were supposed to go to the addition positions and work at our own speed. At addition position 1 you do a worksheet adding 1 to a number and at addition position 2 you add 2 to a number.

  When I finished all the worksheets I was the only one at position 9 so I decided to do some multiplication. Addition takes quite a long time to get anywhere unless you are adding big numbers and all the numbers at the positions were quite small. I practised multiplying 99 × 99 and 199 × 199 and some other interesting numbers. I like numbers that are almost some other number.

  I read three more chapters of The Voyage of the Beagle tonight. I was too tired to work on Japanese.

  15 September

  Today was my third day of school. I was still at addition position 9. I decided to practise using the distributive principle of multiplication. The distributive principle of multiplication is in chapter 1 of Algebra Made Easy but it was my own idea to use it with 9 because it is almost 10.

  999999 × 999999 = 999998000001

  9999999 × 9999999 = 99999980000001

  99999999 × 99999999 = 9999999800000001

  999999999 × 999999999 = 999999998000000001

  9999999999 × 9999999999 = 99999999980000000001

  99999999999 × 99999999999 = 9999999999800000000001

  999999999999 × 999999999999 = 999999999998000000000001

  9999999999999 × 9999999999999 = 99999999999980000000000001

  16 September

  Today was my fourth day of school.

  17 September

  Today was my fifth day of school. It was boring.

  18 September

  Today is Saturday. I
mastered 20 characters in Halpern. 417 to go. I told Sibylla I thought I should do some more French and Greek and Latin and Hebrew and Arabic even though I was doing Japanese because apparently I will not get to do them at school until I am 12 and I was afraid I would forget them by then. I thought Sibylla would be appalled but she just said all right. I also pointed out that they probably would not teach me German either until I was 12 so it might be a good idea if she taught me instead. I thought she was going to say I would have to do a lot of Japanese first but instead she said she would show me a little poem because I had been so good all week. The poem was called Erlkönig by Goethe, about a boy who is riding on a horse behind his father and the Erlking keeps calling the boy and the father doesn’t hear and then the boy dies.

  19 September

  Today was Sunday so I did not have to go to school. I read Amundsen and Scott. I mastered 30 Japanese characters thoroughly and Sibylla commented, ‘Well, at least Mr. Ma will never know, I shudder to think what he would think.’ I asked, ‘Who is Mr. Ma?’ Sibylla said he was the father of a famous cellist. I asked, ‘Is he a travel writer?’ Sibylla said, ‘Not to my knowledge, jinsai.’

  MY SECOND WEEK AT SCHOOL

  20 September

  Today when I got home from school Sibylla was in a terrible state. She said Red Devlin had been taken hostage in Azerbaijan. I asked who was Red Devlin. She said he was a journalist. She said everyone said he could persuade anyone to do anything. He was called Red because he didn’t have red hair and because he was brave to the point of insanity. He had been in Lebanon and then he had gone to Azerbaijan and been kidnapped after three days.