Unspoken Endings

by Gabbie S. Duran

  Walking past aisle after aisle with no luck finding what I need, I’m forced to stop an employee to ask where I need to go.

  “Um, excuse me. Where would the pregnancy tests be?”

  With a cheerful smile on her face, she answers, “Aisle fifteen, by the feminine products.”

  With a thankful nod, I continue on. What the fuck did she mean by feminine products? I ask myself, but soon find out as I turn the corner onto aisle fifteen and find myself walking straight past tampons and maxi-pads. Letting out an exasperated sigh, I think to myself… Fuck my life.

  As she indicated, the pregnancy tests are at the end of the aisle, but when I take in their selection I’m left speechless. There has to be over twenty different kinds. Feeling lost and indecisive over which one to buy, I call Abigail.

  She immediately answers. “Are you on your way back yet?” she asks, sounding desperate.

  “No, I’m not on my way back yet,” I sarcastically answer. “I barely got here.”

  “Then hurry up,” she impatiently orders into the phone.

  I can hear Matt mumbling something in the background and it sounds like he is telling her to be patient and using his corny nickname for her. The first couple of times he started calling her the nickname I wanted to gag and roll my eyes, but just as quickly I caught myself using my own for her.

  “I seem to have a problem, supermodel,” I say into the phone. I’m about to explain when she begins rambling into the phone. “Were you followed? Oh, God. What if someone sees you? Just leave, Trey. Never mind,” she frantically continues to ramble on. I’m about to tell her to calm down when Matt speaks into the phone.

  “What’s wrong,” his calm collective voice a total opposite of Abigail’s.

  “Dude, there has to be over twenty different kinds of test here,” I explain.

  “Fuck.”

  “Exactly. I don’t know which one to buy.”

  “And I’m supposed to know?” Matt throws back at me, sounding just as confused as I feel staring at them. Raking my hand down my face, I think of an idea.

  “How about I just take a picture of each one and let you guys decide?”

  “That would take too long. Beautiful, calm down, I’ve got this,” he clips out. Abigail must be driving him nuts.

  “Just pick one, Trey. I don’t care. I’m pretty sure they all work the same,” Matt orders. I feel as if Matt is going to say something, but I cut him off when something catches my eyes.

  “Dude, this one has a little screen that talks to you,” I say into the phone. “Oh, this one is like the ones on the commercial. Results six day before your missed period,” I mimic how the girls says it on the commercial. “When is Abigail supposed to get her period anyway?” I ask, wondering if it will work. If it's too soon maybe it won’t. Then it occurs to me that’s probably why I’m here.

  “Just pick one,” Matt growls into the phone, now sounding frustrated.

  “Dude, you need to calm the fuck down with that attitude. You’re not the one standing here,” I clarify.

  Matt sighs into the phone. “You’re right, I’m sorry,” he tells me and I savor the moment. It’s not often he admits I’m right. “Look, can you just hurry up? Abigail is starting to freak out and I don’t want to drug her up again. If she is pregnant, it may not be good for the baby,” he explains.

  “Alright. I’ll just pick one. But don’t go blaming me if the shit doesn’t work,” I say before hanging up the phone.

  Letting out a frustrated growl, I stand there staring at the boxes with my hands on my hips, contemplating which one to buy. “Fuck it,” I say out loud, grabbing one of each.

  With the cluster of boxes in my arms, I make my way over to the register, ready to leave this building. Thankfully, when I reach the counter there is no one in front of me, allowing me to dump the bundle in my arms onto the counter. The same lady who directed me to the tests is staring at me with wide eyes.

  “Better safe than sorry,” she claims before sarcastically adding, “But then again, had you been safe the first time you wouldn’t need these.”

  I narrow my eyes at her for her comment. “Just ring me up,” I tell her through clenched teeth. Her smile turns into a frown as she snickers and does as ordered. Minutes later, she’s facing me with the total. “That will be two hundred forty-two dollars and thirty-two cents.”

  Practically choking from the total, my mouth is slightly gapping open. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

  She’s glaring at me, most likely from my language. “I’m pretty sure one of these will do the job just fine,” she suggests.

  “She’s not sure,” I explain. “Here, put it on this,” I say, handing her my credit card I have for emergencies only, thinking this better be considered a damn emergency if they have me pulling this shit.

  I was joking earlier when I declared I wanted a cut of Abigail’s earnings. What she paid me was not an issue. Running errands for her and having to pay for them out of pocket would be. My family is not as loaded as the both of them and I barely manage to get by on what little side jobs I pull here and there. If I was going to have to keep up with their spending habits, I was demanding a company credit card.

  And a car.

  Yes, maybe I can convince them to buy me a car, too.

  Lord knows I need both, because there is no way I can afford to pay for her lifestyle on my non-existent salary.

  THE MINUTES TICKING by until Trey returns feel endless. Plus, I was going to have to wait for the results once I took the test. Today may be the day I go insane. I’m reminded of when I’d gone to the clinic to get put on birth control and they made me take a test and wait. I’d known then I wasn’t pregnant because I was already on my period, but to not know for sure this time and having to wait… Yeah, I’m going to lose it.

  I’m still fidgeting as I lay on the bed next to Matt while we wait, but not too much later we hear the front door open and close.

  “Honey, I’m home,” Trey playfully shouts from the living room as I jump up from the bed and rush out into the hallway. He’s holding up two grocery bags full of items.

  “You owe me two hundred and fifty dollars,” he announces, handing me the bags.

  “Sure,” I say, already grabbing them from him. “Thank you,” I manage to mumble before completely disappearing into my room with Matt on my heels. He shuts the bedroom door and follows me to the bathroom as I’m dumping the contents of the two bags out onto the bathroom counter. My eyes go wide in astonishment from how many different tests Trey has bought.

  “Did you tell him to buy out the whole store?”

  Matt picks up a box to read it while I do the same to another.

  “It looks like he bought one of each,” Matt says now looking at another.

  “Screw it, I’ll just use this one,” I say while staring down at the box stating it to be 99.9% accurate. Tearing open the box, I grab for a skinny package and tear it open. This isn’t like the test I’d taken at the clinic. There they had me pee in a cup and sent me back to my room after putting it through a little window.

  Lifting the instructions that were inside the box, I carefully start reading what to do. “It says here I have to pee on the stick,” I say, looking down at the stick I’ve retrieved from inside the package.

  “Well, get to it,” Matt teases from my side.

  Piercing him with a glare as I look at him, he simply chuckles back at me. “It doesn’t sound that hard to do,” he says to me, watching as I stare at him. “Unless you need help.”

  I scrunch my nose up at him. “No, I don’t need your help,” I screech back. “What I need is for you to get out so I can pee on this stick,” I order, holding up the stick in my hand.

  “I thought I’d be with you to take the test,” he says back.

  “I’m not peeing in front of you,” I say, already trying to shove him out of the bathroom.

  “Come on, I’ve peed in front of you,” I hear him say as I shut the door.

 
Ignoring him, I make sure to lock the door so he doesn’t come barging in while I’m doing my business. It’s bad enough he knows when I pee, but I refuse to go pee in front of him anytime soon. Taking a deep breath while I pull down my pants and get to business, a minute later I’m placing the test down on a massive amount of toilet paper on the floor.

  Cleaning myself up and washing my hands, I wait…

  And wait….

  And nearly go insane as I continue to wait and stare down at the stick as if I take my eyes off of it, it’s going to magically disappear.

  A knock at the door startles me and soon Matt’s deep voice is booming through the wood. “Beautiful, can I come in now?” he asks, already jiggling at the doorknob.

  Unlocking the door, I let him in and the first thing he does is look down to the counter. “Where is it?”

  Pointing at my feet, he looks down and his eyebrows furrow.

  “Really?”

  “What? I didn’t know where else to put it.”

  He lets out a booming laugh, which only irritates me. We both kneel on the ground and watch as the color changes across the center. Soon the little words, Not Pregnant, appear on it.

  I let out the breath I swear I’ve been holding for the past hour, but just as quickly I’m rendered speechless when Matt says, “Maybe it’s wrong.”

  Pointing at the stick still sitting on the floor, I reply, “It says the results right there on the stick.”

  “Yeah, but maybe it could be wrong,” he argues. “Take another.”

  Rolling my eyes, I grab for another from the same box, but Matt stops me. “No, not those. Try these. The box says six days before your period,” he points out.

  Yanking for the stick Matt is now handing me, I’m ordering him back out of the bathroom. The second round is much harder than the first since I’ve probably peed out everything my bladder had the first time, but the nervousness in me manages to get enough on the stick to wet it. That’s satisfying enough for me.

  This time I place the stick on the counter, but as before this one is also sitting on many layers of toilet paper. Letting Matt back in again, we stand and wait. We get the same results as before and although my heart is jumping with excitement, Matt doesn’t look too satisfied.

  Somehow, I think he was expecting a different result. “Are you mad?” I bravely ask, not knowing what to expect from him at this point. He’s still staring down at the test in front of us, expressionless.

  “No,” he says just above a whisper.

  I know Matt too well to know he isn’t being completely honest. Turning him to face me, I see a set of disappointed eyes looking back at me, and it’s then I realize why he had me take another test.

  He wanted it to be positive.

  “Matt, I’m sorry,” I guiltily say, as if it’s my fault.

  Grabbing for my waist, he tugs me to him, holding me tightly in his arms.

  “You have nothing to be sorry about. I’m not going to lie, for a little while I was hoping you’d be pregnant, but only if it was meant to be. It’s obvious it isn’t.”

  Laying my head against his chest, I wonder how I feel about this entire situation.

  “I can’t wait for that day to come, though,” Matt says, the sincerity in his confession making my heart swell. We’re both silent as we pull away and stare into each other’s eyes.

  “I really doubt me being fat and pregnant would be so appealing to you,” I joke to him.

  Pulling back as he shockingly looks down at my body, I’m thinking I’ve proven my words until he says otherwise. “There isn’t anything more I’d love to see than your stomach swollen with a life we’ve both created. I have wanted it since I found out Lisa had lied to me. That entire time I kept wishing it was you instead,” he confesses, pulling me back to him.

  “Can we just let nature take its course for now? I don’t want to rush into things,” I declare. He nods his head and kisses me on my temple before his lips start trailing down to mine. Of course, Matt’s kisses always have a way of distracting me from my worry. Add the fact that his hands are now cupping my butt and pulling me tight against the bulge in his pants and I’m ready to do something more than just kiss him. Thankfully, Trey’s booming knock startles me to pull away.

  “Not today, lover boy. You still have some time before we can play,” I remind him, giving him a quick kiss on the corner of his lips.

  Giving me a groan in return, he says, “I swear with the blue balls I’m carrying around, if you ever want kids from me, I won’t be able to give them to you.”

  I laugh at his little speech while I walk away to answer the door. Opening it up, I find an anxiously waiting Trey looking back at me for an answer. “So, am I going to be a godfather or not?” I answer with a disappointed shake of my head. “Well, damn,” he replies before looking over my shoulder to Matt. “The gate guys are done. They want to talk to you,” he notifies him and then walks down the hallway.

  “I’m going to go talk to them, but in the meantime, just think of how much I love you,” he declares before briefly kissing me, leaving me to wonder exactly what he’s supposed to mean by those words. Leaning against the doorframe while all three of the men walk outside, I let out a heavy sigh as Matt’s words repeat in my head. I don’t need to think about how much Matt loves me. I already know. My dilemma is how I’m going to prove to him that it was me making a mistake about our future. That’s what I’m left thinking of instead.

  I’M STARING DOWN at the email I’ve just received as I lie in bed with Abigail. It’s the one I’ve been looking forward to for the past four years. Although it’s a tentative email, I know it’s as true as it states.

  “What are you smiling about?” Abigail purrs at me while lying at my side. She tightens the leg that is wrapped on top of me, telling me all my teasing is working to bring her walls of resistance down.

  “It’s my graduation schedule.”

  She excitedly sits up. “Really?”

  With a wide smile, I nod my head. Pulling her on top of me to straddle my waist, it’s the closest to being one with her that I’m going to get for the next couple of weeks of misery I have left. When she’s comfortable, she grabs the phone from my hands and begins to read the same email I’ve read only moments ago.

  “I’m so excited!” she shouts out. “We have to plan a party!” Her eyes light up and somehow the wheels of her imagination can be seen from where I’m sitting.

  Shocked, I look up at her. “You want a party?”

  She chuckles. “It’s not for me silly. It’s for you, Trey, and David,” she replies. “Graduating from college is a big accomplishment. We should celebrate!”

  I can’t help but laugh at her excitement. “Sure,” I say, not wanting to disappoint her by denying her request. It’s the last thing I want to do. Her excitement keeps the smile on my face for only a couple of seconds more as I remember the last time I celebrated anything. It was when Emily threw a party for my high school graduation.

  The house has more balloons than I’ve ever seen in my life, the gold and blue of the school colors overtaking the entire house for my graduation party tonight. Entering the kitchen, I spot Emily putting a tray into the fridge and the sight of her makes me smile. After closing the fridge, she turn and is already wiping at her brow. She looks exhausted and tired. A pang of guilt hits me in the gut knowing all she’s been doing in preparation of this party. She spots me entering the kitchen and her eyes light up.

  “Matt, are you excited for tonight?” The enthusiasm in her question would fool me if I didn’t know how stressed she’s been the last week.

  “Of course,” I truthfully tell her, but it doesn’t show how guilty I now feel. “Emily, you promised me you wouldn’t overdo it,” I remind her.

  Snickering, she begins opening the packages of disposable plates. “You made me promise not to invite a ton of people. The guest list was all you,” she proclaims.

  All I wanted was my friends to come over and celebrate, and
maybe for Emily to leave so she wouldn’t have a heart attack when my friends showed up with the alcohol. As if she’s read my mind, she states, “And there better not be any alcohol at this party, Matthew.” The scornful tone she used when she spoke my full name is nothing to mess around with.

  Groaning, I say, “Emily, I have no control over what my friends bring.”

  She pauses to glare at me. “I mean it! No alcohol. You can have all the alcohol and parties you want when you’ve reached the legal age, but as long as you still live in my house, you will follow my rules.” I can’t resist laughing at how aggravated she looks. “Don’t you dare laugh at me, Mr. Garcia.”

  Now laughing harder from her using my formal name, I walk over to her and embrace her in my arms. Kissing her on her temple to lighten her mood, I feel her body ease into mine and she sighs.

  “I love you, Emily.”

  She squeezes her arms around my waist. “When did you grow up?”

  “According to you, I’m still a kid,” I tease.

  She lets out another heavy sigh. “Mom and Dad would be so proud of you.”

  I hardly remember my mom and dad anymore, but Emily makes sure to remind me of them every now and then. “They would be proud of you, too, Em.”

  I spend the next minute holding Emily before she pulls away to look up at me. “Promise you won’t forget me when you leave for college?”

  “There is no possible way I can ever forget you, Emily. I’m pretty sure you’re going to be calling me every day,” I mock. Swatting me on the chest then pushing me away, she returns to what she was doing.

  “I’ll remember that when you’re calling me and begging me for something,” she teases in return.

  “I don’t beg, Emily.”

  Pausing once more, her brow is now arched. “Oh, there will be a day when you’ll be begging a girl for a certain something,” she coyly proclaims before opening the box of utensils.