Reasons to Leave (Reasons #1)

by Lisa J. Hobman

  ****

  Trying to get twenty fifteen-year-olds to go to bed at eleven o’clock was no mean feat, especially when most of them came from households where a specific bedtime routine didn’t exist. By the time the last teen was safely tucked in bed, David and Stevie were exhausted. They said their goodnights and headed off to their respective cabins.

  Closing the door on the night, she showered and slipped into her pyjamas. Thankfully, she had remembered to pack her favourite Stewart tartan bottoms and red tank top. At least, she had something comforting and familiar. It was quite a balmy night, and she was sure that sleep would evade her, thanks to the days rather perplexing events.

  Before flopping onto her bed, she fumbled around in her bag for her iPod, plugged in its mini speaker, selected the random song mode, and hit play. So what if it was almost eleven thirty. Music usually helped her to get to sleep. Unfortunately, her iPod seemed to have other ideas. In fact it seemed to be totally conspiring against her. The first track was “Head Over Feet” by Alanis Morissette. It was a track that reminded her of Jason. Typical. They had first heard it on a music channel that was having a nineties day. She had thought it was one of the most honest songs she had ever heard. She had told Jason that she could have written the words especially for him. He had kissed her and held her close as the song had played.

  When tears began to sting her eyes, she reached over and hit the forward button. Next, “It’s Been Awhile” by Staind took over her senses, another track that reminded her of Jason. Aaargh! He had learned the song especially and had played it to her on his guitar in her room. She had cried silently as she had absorbed the words. There had been such a look of anguish on his face as he sang with his eyes closed. It was as if there was some hidden meaning behind the lyrics that he was trying to express. But whatever it was she couldn’t decipher it at the time, and so she had just listened to his soothing voice and watched him play, his fingers caressing the fret board in a way that made her stomach twist. She always loved to hear him play, and in the ten years since he disappeared, her heart ached every time she heard acoustic guitar.

  Heaving a deep sigh and feeling very frustrated and far too melancholy, she hit forward again. The next song didn’t help at all. “White Flag” by Dido. This song had been released not long after Jason’s disappearance. The lyrics had tugged at her broken heart, and she had spent hours listening to the song, curled into a ball on her bed, sobbing at her memories. She had played it over and over, somehow hoping that wherever he was he would hear it or feel it at least. The words told the Jason that she couldn’t see or touch that her heart would be his no matter what. They told him that she would never give up. She would never love anyone like she loved him. It was the song that sealed her fate. And she had held true to her promise. It was the song that stayed with her.

  Of all the hundreds of songs on her iPod, why were these the three that played? Why did it seem that an inanimate object was out to get her? To break her heart all over again and bring the hardest memories back to the forefront of her mind? She questioned herself internally as to why the hell she hadn’t deleted the songs long ago. But secretly she knew the answer.

  She had never let go of him.

  She gave up on the idea of music and turned the player off, choosing to lay there in silence with tears streaming from her eyes, trickling past her ears, and soaking into her hair. She wiped them away, but the more she wiped, the more they appeared. The relentless tears taunting her and adding to her heartache at seeing Jason, alive and well and only a few hundred yards away right at that very minute.

  Chapter Four

  Day Two Of Hell

  Stevie awoke on the top of her bed covers. Thankfully, she had fallen asleep before giving in to the powerful urge to go to Jason’s cabin. She wondered if he had waited for her, telling herself that she didn’t care if he’d sat up all night.

  She quickly showered and towel dried her hair before dressing in cargo pants and a T-shirt. Mountain biking was the delight she had to face today, and she had as much enthusiasm for that as she would for running naked down Wilmersden High Street.

  From the direction of the main hut, the smell of bacon infiltrated her nostrils and made her tummy growl. As she walked, the sound of giggling and conversation floated through the air as the kids chatted excitedly about the day ahead whilst they ate their hearty Scottish breakfasts. They were being collected by coach and taken to a cycle hire place in the Rothiemurchus Forest. This was a first for her.

  The most she had ever done on a bike was when she and Jason went for a ride by the river, stopping off at their favourite spot for a picnic. She had always loved their trips down by the river. There was a little meadow that led to their favourite spot. They would sit chatting and kissing for hours, relishing each other’s company. They never had much time for other friends. Every available minute was spent together, the fact that made Jason’s disappearance all the more painful. It was like she’d lost half of herself when he’d gone.

  David tapped her shoulder and smiled widely. “Morning, Mrs. Norton. Sleep well?”

  “Yes. I just crashed and didn’t move,” she told him truthfully.

  “Yeah. Comfy beds, eh?”

  “Very. Are you eating?” She backed away and gestured to the hot buffet.

  He patted his belly with a smile. “Already had my fill. I reckon we’ll need the energy! I hope you’re feeling fit today.”

  “Fit to bloody drop,” she muttered.

  He frowned. “Sorry? I didn’t catch that.”

  “I said, yes, I hope the temperature drops.”

  “Ah, yeah, it’s a warm one. But drink plenty of water and you’ll be fine.”

  He walked over to a group of kids who had finished eating and were chatting to Dorcas. He joined their conversation, which had the boys rolling their eyes and the girls simply choosing to walk away.

  Smiling and shaking her head at the kids’ negative reactions, she grabbed a plate and spooned on some of the fluffy scrambled egg, realising she was starving after the emotional exhaustion of the bizarre events the day before. She placed two slices of wholemeal toast on her plate and made her way to an empty table. Looking around her, she checked for unwanted company and breathed a sigh of relief as she sat down.

  “You decided not to come then.” She jumped as the heat of Jason’s breath at her ear made her shudder. Where the hell did he spring from? And for goodness sake, why can’t he just let me be?

  She snapped her narrowed eyes up to his. “I fell asleep.”

  “Whatever.” He snorted derisively. “It’s maybe just as well.” He sat down beside her, as the rest of the room seemed to clear. Great bloody timing again. He looked stunning. Long shorts and a tight black T-shirt. His dark hair scraped back off his face in that half ponytail thing again. The stubble along his jaw line made her fingers ache to touch it.

  She bit her lip and rolled her eyes, wishing he would just leave. “And why would you say that, Jason?” She sighed.

  “Because I’m not sure you could handle being in my presence…alone.” He widened his eyes infinitesimally for a split second as he gave her a lascivious grin.

  Oh God, he was off with the arrogance again. Clearly, something he resorted to when not getting his own way. She turned to face him. “You seem to think you’re some kind of stunning gift to women all of a sudden. And how wrong you are.” She shook her head as if to emphasise her point.

  He chuckled, and after checking around conspiratorially, he leaned in to whisper again. “Really? Is that why your nipples were poking through your top when you were ogling me yesterday?” His eyes drifted down to her breasts.

  She rolled her eyes and folded her arms to cover them. “Oh, for goodness sake. Really? Please get over yourself.” Her voice was just above a whisper in case little ears were close by. She snorted incredulously.

  He smiled before standing to leave. Relief washed over her. But just when she was beginning to feel safe, he bent so that his
mouth was next to her ear again. “You and I both know how turned on you were yesterday when you were watching me. Don’t bother trying to deny it. You liked the view. And I had an effect on you. You wanted me to touch you, to run my fingers down your stomach and into your panties. I know you did.”

  A shiver travelled from the point where his hot breath singed her skin, down her body, and spiked at the junction of her thighs. She clamped her knees together and closed her eyes. Her body’s betrayal again made anger well up inside her.

  With flared nostrils and clenched teeth, she bit out, “Fuck off, Jason.”

  “Tut tut…and you a teacher too.” He chuckled darkly and walked away.

  What the hell was wrong with the man? One minute he was desperately trying to get her listen to him and the next he was talking dirty and being an arrogant, self-absorbed arsehole. Clearly, she didn’t know him at all.

  ****

  Once all the teens were on the coach, David and Stevie climbed aboard. David went straight to the back to settle the usual suspects down from their raucous state whilst she took her seat. Dorcas stepped on the bus next and sat at the opposite side giving her a wide grin.

  Stevie forced a smile. “Oh, I didn’t realise you were joining us on the coach, Dorcas.”

  “Yes, it makes more sense for me and Jason to tag along with yous lot. Saves taking the Landy or the bike.”

  Her eyes widened. “J-Jason’s coming on here too?” She swallowed hard just as David returned.

  “Oh hi, Dorcas. Mind if I sit with you?” he asked enthusiastically with a friendly smile.

  She patted the seat beside her. “Not at all. We can continue our chat from earlier.”

  Panic rose in Stevie’s gut. “But, David, shouldn’t you sit with me?”

  “What’s up? Scared I’ll bite?”

  She snapped her head up and was met with the dark chocolate eyes of the mercurial man she was hoping to avoid. “Of course not…I just…I thought…”

  Jason sat down beside her with a bounce and a wide teasing grin, his thigh rubbing up against hers. “Well, stop thinking. It’s not good for you.” He winked. Oh great, and now he was in a playful mood. She was seriously struggling to keep up.

  Turning her face away, she gazed out of the window, hoping that he’d take the hint and leave her alone. But his cologne invaded her nostrils. There was no denying the fact that he smelled delicious, masculine, and earthy. And although it was very different to what she remembered from the Jason she’d known before, there was something strangely familiar about it. Maybe it was the underlying smell of just him. Whatever it was, it evoked unwelcome feelings from deep within her that she very much wanted to stamp on.

  She was not going there again.

  Leaning in closer to her, he whispered, “You’re going to have to talk to me at some point, Stevie. You can’t avoid me all week.”

  Hearing him say her name again made her chest ache. Why couldn’t he just sod off and leave her alone? She turned to face him, but he hadn’t moved back, and so his face was a little too close for comfort. “I don’t have to do anything,” she said flatly in a low voice, feeling relief in the knowledge that the coach was large and most of the kids had chosen to sit as far away from the staff as possible.

  He smiled sadly. “Have it your way…for now. But you will listen to me.” He dropped his voice to a barely audible whisper. “Even if I have to tie you down to make sure you do.” He grinned and widened his eyes for a split second. She swallowed hard. Shit. He sniggered. “Don’t look so scared. I’m messing with you.” He shook his head as his shoulders juddered. He was clearly taking great delight in her shock.

  Flaring her nostrils, she turned away from him again.

  Shit head.

  ****

  They arrived at the cycle hire place and everyone left the bus. Jason stormed to the front to take charge. Each student was issued a bike suitable for his or her height, along with a helmet. Matt, the owner of the bike hire company, came over to chat with Stevie. He was a handsome man, very tall and lean, with cropped black hair shaved at the sides in a kind flat Mohawk and more tattoos than anyone she’d ever met.

  “So, you’re the one who has the delights of escorting this lovely lot, are you? I’m Matt.” The man spoke in a strong Scottish accent and held out his hand to her. His warm smile revealed a line of crooked teeth. Oddly enough, they were still very white and just seemed to add to his charm.

  After shaking his offered hand, she held up her palms. “Guilty as charged, I’m Stevie.” Her cheeks warmed.

  “How long are you up here for?” His delightful accent suited him and increased his appeal.

  “Only for the week. Then I get to go back to only seeing them through the day time.”

  His laugh was deep and quite sexy. “So, do you get any time off whilst you’re here?” he asked with a glint in his eyes. She glanced over at Jason who was watching intently, a stern expression on his face.

  She cast her gaze back in Matt’s direction. “Oh, I don’t know…maybe. But I think we’re on a pretty tight schedule.”

  “Awww, that’s a shame. I was going to ask if I could take you for a wee spot of lunch maybe. Or a drink?” He raised his eyebrows hopefully.

  Suddenly, Jason came breezing in. “All right, Matt? How you doing buddy?” He slapped the man on the back a little too hard.

  “Hi, Reynolds. Just chatting to Stevie here. Asking her out but it seems you’re holding the reins pretty tight on this trip, eh? No freedom day this time?”

  Jason cleared his throat. “Ah, not sure we have time for that this week. Lots to cram in, mate. You know how it is.”

  “Okay, well, if you change your mind, give this gorgeous woman my number, eh?”

  “Yeah, I doubt she’ll be free.” Jason turned to glance at her through narrowed eyes.

  Annoyed at his obvious, misplaced possessiveness, Stevie smiled widely at Matt. “You can rest assured, Matt, that if I get the time, I’ll be sure to get your number from Mr. Reynolds.” She turned to see Jason’s nostrils flare. Feeling sure that she was beet red by now, she smiled and stepped away to check on the students.

  ****

  Jason waited until Stevie had walked back to the kids and turned to Matt.

  “Don’t push it with her, okay? She’s off limits.”

  Matt smirked. “And why would that be, my friend? Got yourself a wee crush, have we?”

  Feeling his frustration rising he replied, “It’s not like that. It’s…it’s complicated. She’s…she’s just off limits, okay?”

  Matt cocked his head inquisitively. “Just to me? Or to you too?”

  Running his hand over his hair, Jason shrugged. “Like I said, it’s not like that. She’s from London, and I get the feeling she’s the type to get hurt easily, that’s all.”

  Matt scrunched his face in disbelief. “That’s incredibly observant for someone you’ve only known for twenty four hours or less. What’s going on, Jace?”

  Jason spoke through clenched teeth. “Nothing. Nothing is going on. Just leave it.”

  Matt held his hands up. “Okay, okay. But I think you’re being unfair to the poor woman. She should be allowed to make the decision for herself. I could show her a good time. Know what I mean?” His look was lascivious.

  Jason moved his face closer. “That’s exactly my problem, mate. She’s too fucking good for you. You can’t keep your dick in your pants, and she deserves more. She’s not the type you can use for a quick fuck, all right? Trust me. I know.”

  Matt gave him a knowing smile. “Right, right. Been there already, have you?”

  “You are walking a seriously fucking fine line. Now you’re my mate, but I swear if you disrespect her like that again, I’ll come back to see you, and you’ll be eating your fucking meals through a straw.”

  Matt laughed heartily. Clearly not taking Jason’s threat seriously. “Fuck me, Jace. You’ve got it bad, mate.” He patted him on the shoulder.

  “I said i
t wasn’t like that.”

  “Whatever, mate. Don’t sweat it. Off limits. Message received loud and clear.” He saluted and walked away chuckling to himself.

  ****

  Stevie was the last to be given her bike for the day, and Jason took it upon himself to deliver it personally.

  He winked. “Here you go. This should bring back fond memories.”

  “Really? Why’s that?” She knew that pleading ignorance was cruel, but she couldn’t help herself. Maybe he needed knocking down a peg or two and perhaps she was the one to do it.

  He held his chest as if she had shot him. “Oooh harsh, Mrs. Norton. Harsh.” He smiled, showing those perfect teeth of his, but didn’t say anything further on the matter.

  “So…freedom day? I get a day off, do I? Maybe I could go for a drink with Matt.” She was testing Jason’s reaction. Cruel again.

  “Nah. He’s a womaniser, that one.” He held his hands up. “I mean, it’s nothing to do with me, but I wouldn’t let my sister go out with him if I had one.”

  “Well, it’s a good thing I’m not your sister, and that as you quite rightly stated it’s nothing to do with you.” She turned and walked away. She hadn’t quite received the jealous reaction she had hoped for deep down. He had looked pretty pissed off a few moments ago, but he seemed able to switch his emotions on and off like a light switch these days.

  Once they had their helmets fixed in place, the kids set off enthusiastically. Stevie not so much. Luckily, the route had taken into account everyone’s level of fitness—or lack thereof—and was mostly flat. The road they cycled was laid especially for bikes and weaved its way through the trees. The smell of fresh pine wafted through the warm summer air, and the sun cast dancing white lights and contrasting dark shadows before them as they rode. Rothiemurchus was such a stunning place. She had never experienced such tranquillity and beauty before. Nature was pretty bloody amazing.