Reasons to Leave (Reasons #1)

by Lisa J. Hobman

  ****

  Back in the little leafy London suburb, she unlocked and walked in her front door at nine o’clock after retrieving Rowdy from her neighbour. He was so excited to see her that he almost knocked her off her feet. Once safely ensconced back in her comfort zone, she fell to her knees in front of the over excited canine and buried her head in his fur, finally giving in to the emotions that she had been keeping locked away for the last ten or so hours.

  “What have I done, Rowdy? What have I done?”

  ****

  The next morning, Stevie lay on the sofa with Rowdy on the floor beneath her when her front door rattled. She sat bolt upright hoping beyond hope that it would be Jason, which was ridiculous and deep down she knew it. He had no clue where she lived.

  “Stevie, darling! Are you up yet? I’ve missed you,” her mum’s voice called from the hallway.

  “In here, Mum,” she replied unenthusiastically.

  “You’re still in your pyjamas, sweetie. It’s almost eleven o’clock, you know. We said we’d go for lunch today.”

  Stevie shrugged. “I know…I just…I don’t feel like it.”

  “Goodness me! I was going to take you to Marco’s for ice cream! You love Marco’s. What has that trip done to you?”

  Stevie pondered for a few moments, wondering what she could and should say to her mum to explain her poor mood. Eventually, she sighed. “Mum…sit down…I have something to tell you, but you can’t tell a soul. Do you understand? Not a single person. I mean it.”

  Dana’s face grew pale. “Oh my. What’s happened, love?”

  “You’re going to be shocked when I tell you. Come on…come and sit down.”

  Dana did as instructed and clasped Stevie’s hand in her own. “Sweetheart, what’s happened? Come on love, out with it.”

  Stevie proceeded to tell her mother about bumping into Jason on the trip and about the feelings it brought. She left out the parts about the hot sex, thinking it may seem a little inappropriate. She found it hard to keep her emotions in check however and cried rather a lot whilst her mum just sat there open mouthed.

  “Oh, sweetie. I knew there was something. I knew it. You just didn’t sound yourself on the couple of occasions I spoke with you. I can’t quite believe you saw him. And he was well. And what his dad did to him.” Her eyes glazed over with sadness.

  “This is why you must tell no one, Mum. Please.”

  Dana looked directly into her eyes. “Stevie, I’m your mother. You should know you can trust me. But I must say that I don’t understand why you can’t make a go of things with him if you still love him and he clearly still loves you.”

  “Because, Mum, there is the small matter of over five hundred miles between us and the fact that he ran away once. What’s to stop him doing it again? Only this time he wouldn’t need to run would he? Because he’d already be as far away as bloody possible. I can’t do long distance, Mum.” She began to sob. “I just can’t.”

  Taking a deep breath Dana tilted Stevie’s chin up and peered into her eyes. “Has this got anything to do with my illness? Because if it has please don’t throw this away because of me, darling. I’m perfectly fine. My medication is working great, and I’m getting around just like anyone my age. I can’t have you throwing your life away because you’re worried about me. I just can’t.”

  Stevie closed her eyes for a moment, hoping to make her next words ring true. “No, mum. It’s the long distance thing. I…I can’t do it. I’ve seen it fail so many times and I just can’t put myself through it.”

  Dana seemed satisfied—for now—and pulled Stevie into her arms. “Okay, sweetie, shhh, okay. No one understands your reasons more than I do, honey. I just want you to be happy. Maybe if I call him he’d see—”

  Stevie sat up. “Don’t you dare! Don’t you dare ring him, Mum!”

  “Okay…okay. I’m just worried, sweetie. The last time I saw you like this was…ten years ago.”

  “Yes, well I got over it then, and I’ll do the same now. I have to. I just have to. What we were doing up there was stupid anyway. It was always going to end. We were in some kind of denial if we thought it’d work out differently.”

  Dana smiled knowingly. “Love will do that to you, darling.”

  ****

  Getting back to normal was hard. Stevie cried for the first few weeks at the smallest of things. Her mother was understandably worried about her but didn’t pressure her to talk. She appreciated that. Dana told Stevie on more than one occasion that she wanted to pick the phone up and call Jason, beg him to come and rescue her daughter from her heartache, but Stevie had made her promise yet again that she would do no such thing.

  She had to stop listening to music, as every track seemed to be taunting her. The final straw came when she turned on the radio and heard Duran Duran’s “Ordinary World”. After a few moments of being drawn in by Simon Le Bon’s emotion-filled voice singing of losing someone he loved, she switched off, deciding that a world without music would have to suffice until she was stronger.

  If that ever happened.

  She had heard nothing from Jason, which was both a disappointment and a relief. She’d half expected him to turn up on her doorstep, but thankfully she had underestimated his strength.

  Her own, however, was waning.

  Sitting on the sofa marking a mid-term assessment, she reached down and dragged her fingers through the soft hair on Rowdy’s back. He was such a big softy, even though his tough-looking exterior would have you believing otherwise. His bark was loud and he’d always made lots of noise when anyone came to the door. He was her guardian, and she was grateful for his company, especially since she had been so down lately.

  Her ex, Miles, had been in touch far too often for her liking, and she’d tried to keep him away but he was so persistent. He’d convinced her to go out for dinner with him on several occasions, and she was so lacking in energy that she couldn’t be bothered to argue.

  Life after Jason—once again—was proving to be hard. In fact it was harder the second time around. After searching her soul for hours, she had come to realise it was because of sex. This was an added issue that she had never had to deal with before. She’d never made love with someone she was actually in love with. But being with Jason…the connection…it was something she couldn’t forget. Okay, so it was passionate and heated, but she knew that for her it was filled with love. She just didn’t believe that Jason felt that too. Even though he had expressed his feelings for her, she had put it down to desperation. A last ditch attempt to get her to stay or come back. Well, she wouldn’t.

  It was over.

  She stared blankly at a completed Chemistry answer sheet. She had always preferred Biology. But being so talented in both topics was a huge help when the Chemistry role had been released at the school she had wanted to work in.

  The phone rang.

  “Hello?” Her voice was akin to a deflated balloon.

  “Hi…erm, Stevie?” Jason! Oh my God!

  She cleared her throat. “Y-yes?”

  “Hi, Stevie. It’s Dillon.” Her mind had played a cruel trick on her. Oh…Dillon…not Jason. “Look, I’m so sorry to bother you, but it’s my dad… He’s had a stroke. He’s in the hospital, and I thought you should know. He’s…he’s probably not going to make it.”

  She let out the breath that had caught at her first assumption. “Oh, Dillon, I’m so sorry. I’ll come right down.”

  “No…no, it’s fine. He’s unconscious. Come tomorrow if you can though, please. I just… You’re the closest thing I have to family, and I just…with Mum gone I needed to tell someone.” His voice wavered, and her heart ached for him.

  “I understand. I’ll be there tomorrow. Is he in the general?”

  “Yes, ward nine. Bye, Stevie, and thank you.”

  “No problem. Take care. Call if you need me.”

  She hung up the phone. She needed to contact Jason. But what would she say? Should she contact him at all? Would h
e care? Would he even want to know? So many questions scrambled her already addled brain. She grabbed her phone and called her mum. Dana would know what to do.

  “Hi, sweetie! I was just thinking about you, isn’t that spooky?” Dana answered breezily.

  Stevie took a deep breath. “Mum…something terrible has happened.”

  There was an audible intake of breath. “What? What’s wrong darling?”

  “Mick Reynolds has had a severe stroke and is in hospital. Dillon rang earlier. He…he says Mick isn’t going to pull through.” Silence ensued for what felt like an age. “Mum? Are you there?”

  “Y-yes… Sorry, sweetie…You must ring Jason.”

  “That’s what I was wondering about. But…he hates Mick. I don’t know if I should tell him or not? If I hadn’t seen him in Scotland he wouldn’t be any the wiser.”

  “He has a right to know, Stevie. It’s his father regardless of what’s happened. You know how upset he was to hear Shirley had passed away.”

  “I just don’t know what to do, Mum. This is different than the news about Shirley. He adored his mum. I feel stuck.”

  “To be honest darling, I think you have to ring him. I know it’ll be difficult for you, but knowing this and not telling him would be wrong. Give him the option to do something about it if he chooses to. But if he decides not to come, at least you’ve done your part in informing him.”

  “Yes…yes I see what you’re saying. I just… I honestly don’t know how he’ll react.”

  “Call him now. Get it over with. Let me know what happens.”

  “Okay, Mum. Oh and Mum?”

  “Yes, sweetie?”

  “I… I love you so much.”

  “And I love you, Stevie. More than anything in this world.”

  The call ended. Dana was right. She had to tell him. What he did with the news was down to him. She flicked through her phone’s contact list until she located Jason’s number. It was now or never. From what Dillon had said, time was of the essence.

  She pressed the dial button on the screen with a shaky finger. Her heart hammered in her chest. It rang for a while but then went to voicemail. Relief washed over her. After weeks of trying to get back to normal, the last thing she needed was to hear his real voice. The recorded message was still difficult to hear but far less personal, and so she could handle that.

  “Hi this is Jason. I’m not available right now so leave a message.” The beep sounded.

  When she spoke, she felt foolish and stumbled over her words. “Erm…ahem…Jason. It’s me…erm, Stevie.” It appeared to be just as hard talking to his inbox. “I’m sorry to bother you. I wouldn’t have called, but…and I don’t know if you want to know what I have to tell you… Okay, now I’m rambling. I’m just going to say it, and you can do with the information whatever you see fit. It’s your dad…erm…it’s Mick…he’s had a stroke. Dillon says he’s not going to make it. I just thought you should know. He’s in the general in ward nine. I’m sorry…bye.”

  ****

  Hearing Stevie’s voice sent Jason’s heart racing. But hearing the news she left for him to deal with sent it to a grinding halt. He sat on his sofa and ran his fingers through his hair. What the fuck do I do now? He was torn between going down to London to make sure that the old man actually died and staying put and letting it happen where he would be none the wiser.

  The longer he sat, the harder the decision became. He realised after a couple of hours that he only had a small window of time to make any decisions. No matter what he chose to do, he would probably regret the decision he made. Damned if he did, etc.

  He picked up the phone. “Dee? Hi. I have to leave for London. Something’s come up…a family thing. We have no kids due in for three days, and I’m guessing I’ll be back soon, but if not, can you contact Mel, Joe, and maybe Matt and get them to come in for me to help you and Harry?”

  “Of course, Jason. Is this to do with that woman? The one from Wilmersden High School?”

  “Indirectly, yes. But it’s not what you think.” He frowned. Why did he say that? It was nothing to do with her.

  “Oh…erm it’s none of my business, Jason. It’s just that I was just so worried when she left and you—”

  “Yeah, yeah, look, I have to go. Call me if you need anything, but you know how to run the place without me if necessary.”

  “Sure…no worries. Ride safe okay?”

  “Will do. Bye.”

  He went to his bedroom and grabbed his rucksack from the cupboard, filling it with the essentials needed to take a trip down south. His heart thundered in his chest. This was not good. He didn’t want to make this journey at all, let alone for this reason.

  He pulled on his leathers and made his way outside. The sun was beating down, and he already had a sheen of sweat covering his skin. Straddling the hunk of shining metal, he kicked it off its stand and put the key in the ignition, but didn’t turn it. Dropping his head, he hesitated, contemplating his rash decision to dash down to the place he had nicknamed hell. And here we go again. The fucker’s messing with my head even when he’s unconscious. He rubbed his hands over his face.

  The man who had ruined his childhood, the man who had pretty much ruined his life was seriously ill. The parent he was actually bothered about, the one who cared was already gone. Did he care if this man died without seeing him one last time? He wasn’t so sure. He slipped on and secured his helmet, turned the key in the ignition, and slowly pulled onto the long driveway that led to the main road.

  ****

  Stevie felt like she was somehow betraying Jason by being at the hospital bed of his dying father. The man had caused Jason such pain and suffering and here he lay, frail and small, attached to machinery that was keeping him alive. Dillon sat opposite her, clinging onto his father’s hand, looking pale and drawn. The shadow of stubble on his chin and the dark circles around his eyes told of the stress and worry that this young man was going through. He was oblivious to the pain and humiliation his brother had experienced at the hands of the man before them. To him, his father was his last remaining beloved relative.

  Keeping her discovery a secret was so hard. She wanted to tell Dillon he was no longer alone, that his brother was alive and well. But it wasn’t her place to do that. Jason still wished to remain out of sight. He hadn’t returned the call she had made over twenty-four hours ago, and she presumed he wouldn’t. All she could do was secretly hope that once the inevitable happened and Mick was gone Jason would contact Dillon and resume being a big brother. He would be needed. But would he step up?

  There had been no positive change in Mick’s condition. Dillon had been told it was only a matter of time. He looked so forlorn, and she felt helpless. She sat silently, and every so often she checked her phone for messages, each time coming up with none.

  ****

  Leaving Scotland was hard for Jason. It had been his home for such a long time now that he felt homesick as soon as he crossed the border into England. But the further south he rode, the more and more uneasy he became. It had been just the same after he tried to follow Stevie.

  It was a long ride, and he made as few stops as possible, only making the time to refuel either himself or the bike. As soon as he stopped, he began to feel the heat soaking through the black leather he wore, but thankfully once he set off again, the breeze blowing against his body cooled him down.

  He decided to stop at a hotel chain around five miles from the village where he grew up. He would be better equipped to keep his anonymity this way. After checking in, he removed his leathers, showered, and collapsed onto the bed. Sleep came quickly, but he was soon in the midst of a painful dream…

  “You’re worthless, you know that?” His father’s voice rang out.

  Eighteen-year-old Jason stood cowering in the corner of the old run down shed.

  “You ruin everything. Everything! All you needed to do was pass the Oxford entrance exam and you would now be doing something worthwhile for once! Then I wouldn
’t have to look at your face every day. I don’t ask too much. Just for you to try, Jason. That’s all I ask. But nooo. Jason thinks it’s funny to fail exams on purpose. You still continue to ruin my life. It’s almost as if you enjoy knowing how much you hurt me.”

  Knowing what was coming, Jason grabbed something heavy from the floor and raised it ready to strike…

  He awoke with a start, sitting bolt upright. His body covered in sweat. His chest heaved as he flopped back onto the bed and wiped his hands over his face. This was the first nightmare where he was about to retaliate. Lowering himself to that man’s level, even in a dream, scared him half to death. That’s what the man did to me. Why the hell am I even here? He slammed his fists into the mattress beneath him and closed his eyes again. He lay awake for a long while, but eventually found himself in the midst of another scene…

  He was standing outside a restaurant on the main street in Wilmersden. The windows were steamed up. He rubbed a patch clear so that he could look through the glass. There she was. His soul mate, Stevie. But she was sitting opposite another man. Anger bubbled inside him. She leaned across the table and stroked the man’s arm lovingly. Jason saw the glint on her left hand. An engagement ring? No!

  The man was clean-cut and handsome. Just what Stevie deserved. He looked so happy there with her. In fact, they both looked happy. Had what they had shared in Scotland meant absolutely nothing to her? He banged on the window. His heart raced. They didn’t hear him.

  He looked around for something to hurl at the glass. He needed to smash through. But there was nothing within reach, and he couldn’t move anyway. He was cruelly frozen to the spot. When he looked back through the window, Stevie and the man were kissing. Nooo! They were surrounded by people who seemed to be congratulating them. She looked over and made eye contact with Jason. He waved frantically to try and get this situation to stop. She was his! He needed to get to her. He banged on the window frantically again and again, but she wouldn’t take notice. She just smiled and turned away.

  Once again, Jason awoke in a panic. He’d lost her. No, it was a dream…it was a nightmare, that’s all. Okay, no more sleeping. Not worth it. After allowing his breathing to calm, he sat up.