Reasons to Leave (Reasons #1)

by Lisa J. Hobman

  He shook his head. He needed to eradicate the thoughts. He placed his empty beer bottle in the kitchen recycle bin and switched off the lamp in the lounge. On each step, he climbed he told himself guest room, guest room, guest room.

  He turned the door handle and stepped inside, stripped himself of his clothing, and sat on the edge of the bed. It was no good. All he could think about was Stevie and her body and how being in the next room wasn’t helping him. He stood again, not really sure why he had or where he was going, but what he did know was that he couldn’t and wouldn’t go to her. Could he? No, it would be going against his gut feeling. And a gut feeling was something to take notice of, wasn’t it? He paced back and forth trying to talk himself out of doing something silly. Rubbing his hands roughly over his face, he was contemplating putting his clothes on and leaving when the door opened.

  She stood there in her pale blue satin underwear. He watched her as she trailed her eyes up and down his naked form, her chest rising and falling rapidly. Her eyes were filled with a mixture of emotions. He opened his mouth to speak, but she interrupted his train of thought.

  Twisting her hands in front of her, she spoke just above a whisper, “I…I completely understood your reasons for sleeping in here. I really did…but…knowing that you’re in here alone is killing me. I don’t expect anything from you, but…I would really like it if I could stay with you tonight. I understand if you say no but—”

  Jason crossed the room in two strides and scooped her up into his arms. He crushed his lips into hers as she wrapped her legs around him and thrust her tongue into his mouth. He staggered forward until he pressed her up against the wall beside the door, his lips never leaving hers. Holding her under her bottom with one arm, he reached around and unfastened her bra, roughly pulling it down her arms and throwing it to the floor. He devoured her nipple, circling it with his tongue and biting just hard enough to make her cry out and grab at his hair. His urgent kisses moved up her body until he reached her neck and sucked the silky skin into his mouth.

  He pulled away and looked into her eyes, his erratic breathing and heartbeat almost in sync with hers. “Is this what you want, Stevie? I know you said you wanted to be in here with me, but if this is not what you really meant, you need to tell me right now. Tell me and I’ll place you down, and I’ll leave…I’ll go back to the hotel.”

  “It is what I want… I want you, Jason.” Her breathing mirrored his own.

  “I need to get…oh shit…I haven’t brought any—”

  “It’s fine…it’s fine…I’m covered,” she panted.

  He frowned. “Covered how?”

  “Pill…now shut up and just take me, Jason.” Knowing he was clean, having never done this with anyone without protection before, he just stared at her. She covered his mouth once again with a luscious wet kiss, drawing the air from his lungs. He tugged at her panties, and she unravelled her legs from his torso long enough for them to be dragged away completely. Once there were no barriers left, she wrapped her legs around him again.

  He entered her with a guttural growl, his movements desperate and filled with need. He covered her with kisses as she leaned her head back against the wall, taking him in with each ragged breath. Desire pulsed through his body, and she clenched around him. Nothing could ever replace this feeling. No one could ever drive him this crazy with such an intoxicating combination of lust and love. Only her. Only Stevie. There was nothing slow or gentle about how he took her. It felt too good. Pleasure radiated from where they were joined and spread like fire through ever nerve and every muscle.

  They grasped each other with urgency and passion, tugging hair and biting flesh. Their slick bodies collided with each thrust of Jason’s hips. Her climax hit and she gripped his shoulders, dropping her head forward and biting onto his shoulder. Knowing he had this effect on her both thrilled and saddened him. He took her face in one hand and looked deep into her eyes as her desperate cries sent him tumbling after her.

  He collapsed to the floor, taking her with him and clutching her to his chest as they caught their breath.

  Chapter Thirty

  After breakfast, Stevie cleared the pots away whilst Jason finished his coffee. There seemed to be a tense atmosphere surrounding him this morning. After their animalistic lovemaking, they had collapsed and fallen asleep in the guest room bed without talking about what had happened. Jason had been quiet and subdued this morning too. He had made no attempts to talk to her about last night, and she had been disappointed, but put it down to the trepidation of going to his parents’ house again. Neither spoke as they finished up. She kept glancing over to him but he remained stoic.

  Eventually, her emotions got the better of her. “Jason, is everything okay? You’re so quiet and I’m worrying about you.”

  He snapped his eyes up to hers. “What? Oh, sorry. Yes, I’m fine…just wondering what to expect this morning, I suppose.”

  She sighed. “I can understand that. Look, why don’t we go in my car? That way if you have any things you want to bring away you can put them in there?”

  “I was going to ask if we could go separately. I’ll go over on my bike and you in your car. That way I can stick some stuff in your car, but I can get away if Dillon needs me at all. He’s seeing the solicitor in his lunch break about the house. I’m not sure if I’ll be needed.”

  With a twinge of disappointment, she nodded. “Sure…okay. Whatever you want. I’m ready when you are.”

  ****

  Feeling a little uneasy about how things had gone the night before and about his impending visit to his family home, Jason grabbed his keys and made his way out to the bike. Stevie followed and they set off for the leafy suburb where his parents had lived their entire married life. The modest house stood in the bottom of a cul-de-sac surrounded by trees and backed onto fields. The grass out front was overgrown and the paintwork on the windows was peeling. Seeing it in this state gave Jason an aching sadness. It had fallen into such disrepair that it was hardly recognisable as the place he grew up. Not all of his memories of the place were bad. But now it resembled the relationship he had endured with his father. A complete shambles. A mess.

  Using the key his brother had dropped in for him, he unlocked the front door and stepped over the mountain of junk mail and bills that had been pushed through the letterbox. A smell of damp and dirt filled his nostrils, making him wrinkle his nose. The house had clearly not been cleaned in a very long while.

  When Stevie followed him in and glanced around at the house, which was formerly like a show home, she cringed. “What do you want me to do, Jason?”

  He turned to see a look of sadness in her eyes that mirrored his own. “You don’t have to do anything down here. I’m touching nothing that belonged to him. Only my own stuff. If there’s any still here. For all I know, it’s long gone.” He made his way up the stairs toward his old room and she followed. The stair carpet that had been relatively new when he had left now looked threadbare and filthy.

  They arrived outside his old bedroom door and Jason took a deep breath as he clung onto the handle. His heart thumped at his ribs and his jaw clenched.

  She placed a reassuring hand on his arm and smiled. “It’ll be fine Jason. Don’t worry. I’m here with you.”

  With her words of encouragement, he turned the handle and stepped inside. The pair audibly gasped in unison at the sight before them.

  “Bloody hell…it’s like stepping back in time.” He gulped down a knot of emotion and suddenly felt a little light headed as he looked around the room where he once found solace from his unpleasant existence. His old stereo deck stood covered in a layer of thick dust along with piles of CD’s. The notice board above his desk still had the same certificates and photos pinned in place. The striped duvet cover still lay atop his bed. The old guitar that he had learned to play on still stood in its stand. Dust motes danced in the beams of the hazy morning sunshine filtering in the through the curtains at the window, and she sneezed, making
him jump. He swung his head around and looked at her.

  “Sorry, but my nose is a bit tickly.” She walked over the bookshelf and pulled out a copy of Jason’s favourite book. The Catcher in The Rye had been a book he had read several times. She used to poke fun at him, saying he had memorised the story and didn’t need to read it anymore but that he was too scared to move onto anything else in case it didn’t come up to scratch. She wasn’t far from the truth. The book held a special place in his heart thanks to its portrayal of teen angst. He had related to the story and to the main character, Holden Caulfield.

  Jason slumped onto his bed, suddenly feeling a little overwhelmed. His eyes traversed each and every feature of the room that had been untouched for so many years. It seemed eerie, like someone had built a replica of his room for a film set. A kind of detached and uneasy sensation knotted his stomach as he took in the surroundings that had once been his safe haven.

  She sat beside him and rested her hand on his thigh. “It’s okay to be a bit freaked out by this you know. It’s like a time capsule. It’s like you walked out only yesterday, not ten years ago.”

  He pulled his brows into a frown. “I don’t get it. Why didn’t he clear it out when Mum died? Why did he just leave it all here? He hated me, Stevie. I don’t understand.”

  “Honestly, who knew what went on in that man’s mind, Jason? I doubt that he ever came in here though.”

  “No, I reckon you’re right about that.” He stood again and walked over to the stereo. “Remember when we used to listen to music and just kiss for hours?” He smiled at the memory as it came back to him.

  “I do. It’s a wonder our mouths didn’t seize up or something.” She giggled.

  “It’s a wonder your mum didn’t kill me. She must’ve thought we were doing more than kissing and watching DVD’s over here in my room.”

  “She trusted me, I suppose. And she did ask me in a roundabout way how far we’d gone. I was honest. She could see that I was. She could always tell when I was lying.”

  Jason flicked a switch and looked through the CD’s. He selected one and slid it into the drawer, searching until he found the track he wanted to hear. It was a song that had meant a lot to him but had always been painful to listen to. The lyrics called to mind things he wanted to forget but also conjured up images of her laying beside him in this very room, kissing him and caressing his wounds through his clothing without even realising it.

  He knew that last night had been a mistake and that he should put an end to the way things had been progressing with her. Continuing in this way would only make things more difficult when he left to go home, but his resolve to stop was weakening more and more each day. Being in his old room overawed by melancholy didn’t help that fact. At that moment, as he stood there with his back to her, he knew that distance was something he couldn’t allow right then and there. The pain inside of him relating to what had gone before was too real, and he needed to experience the one thing that felt right in this place.

  Being with Stevie was that one thing.

  Pressing play, he turned back to face her. “Want to recreate a memory with me?” He held out his hand to her as “It’s Been Awhile” by Staind filled the air around them. She gazed up at him and held out her hand, slipping it into his outstretched one. He pulled her to her feet and enveloped her in his arms. His mouth found hers as he overtook her in a deep, urgent kiss. He kissed her like she could unlock all the hurt within him and set it free. And maybe…just maybe that was because she could.

  She pulled away and looked deeply into him with her bright blue eyes. Running her fingers through his shaggy hair, she breathed. “Instead…do you want to make a new memory with me?” She brushed his hair back from his face. “A memory that we should have had, here in this room but never got the chance to make.”

  Understanding what she meant, he pulled at the hem of her top and lifted until he could discard it on the floor. This time he would be gentler. This time he would savour the experience, savour her taste and the feminine softness of her curves. He caressed her breasts through the lace of her bra and she gasped. After unfastening her skirt, he let it pool around her feet. She pushed the leather jacket down his arms and it fell and landed in a heap beneath them. His leather biker pants were also relinquished.

  With her arms around his neck, she pulled him toward her until their lips were almost touching. As his eyes locked on hers, he could feel her breath as it mingled with his own. His heart rate accelerated as it always did when they were this close, and he ran his fingers down her bare back. She shivered and closed her eyes, her breathing becoming less controlled and more rapid too. When she opened them again, she slipped her hands down his chest, lightly grazing his skin with her nails, making him inhale a shaking breath. All the time their lips remained so close but not touching.

  “I’ll never get enough of you, Stevie…never. I want you so much. I want to be inside you right now…to hear you call my name…to feel you wrapped around me.”

  “I want that too.” She never broke eye contact as she breathed her reply.

  “Last night was wrong. Everything was rushed and I was so rough…I regret that.”

  “You regret it?” Sadness and hurt tinged her whispered voice.

  “No, you misunderstand. I mean I regret how fast things went… I should have taken my time, but—”

  She placed her fingers over his lips. “Shhh, we have time now. Please don’t have regrets about last night. It was passionate, and I wanted it that way too. But now I want to take things slower.”

  He slipped his hands down inside her panties to her behind and pulled her closer still, pressing her into his prominent arousal and clenching his jaw. “I need you. Now that I have you back, how am I supposed to just walk away? How can I let you go? You know I can’t stay, but how do I leave?” He searched her eyes, trying to see deep into her soul, the other half of his own where it remained locked inside her.

  “Just make love to me…let’s make this memory… Let’s not think about tomorrow or next week. It’s just you and me right now, and I want to feel you inside of me too, Jason. Body and soul.”

  Her words fuelled his desire, and they tumbled onto the bed, grabbing at each other’s remaining clothing, tossing their underwear aside as if their joining couldn’t happen quickly enough. Jason entered her with a long moan through clenched teeth and began to move slowly. Each movement made with purpose to show her how much he loved her. This was where he belonged. Wherever Stevie was. Surely he could make this his home too? He shook his head and rested his forehead on hers, and they moved together on the bed he slept in before he left all those years ago. The bed they had kissed on for hours as innocent teenagers. The bed they should have given themselves to each other in for their very first times. But instead, here they were ten years on making love intensely and passionately as if this was the last time.

  And maybe it was.

  She was the first to cry out. Her climax triggered Jason’s as he clung to her like a lifeline. Feeling overcome with emotion, he clamped his eyes shut and rested his head in the crook of her neck, breathing heavily. Dampness appeared on the side of his face and he lifted his head. Her eyes were closed and tears spilled from them as she shuddered beneath him. He rolled to his side and pulled her into him, stroking her hair. She obviously felt the same despair he felt.

  “Hey…shhh…it’s okay, sweetheart. We’ll figure this out. I know we will.” But he really didn’t know that at all. Unless…

  ****

  Once they were dressed again, Jason collected a garbage bag from the kitchen and began to go through the things on his desk. Everything had been left there. Cinema stubs, receipts, train tickets. Nothing had been thrown away for ten years.

  Photographs of Jason and Stevie together adorned every available surface, and he collected them together. Now he would take them with him. They would be a painful reminder of the girl he had loved, but better to have a reminder than none at all. How does the sa
ying go again? Something about it being better to have loved and lost, etc. What a shame it was that the words brought him no comfort.

  He searched through the drawers and found old T-shirts he had once loved. All neatly ironed and folded by his mum. He smiled at the thought that they wouldn’t fit him now he was so much broader.

  “Hey, fancy taking some of my old T-shirts to sleep in? No point me taking them seeing as they won’t fit…and well there’s nothing sexier than a girl wearing a blokes T-shirt to sleep in.”

  She smiled fondly. “I’d love to take them…thanks… I have so many memories of you wearing them.” She took the pile he held out to her and placed them with her bag.

  The room was like a shrine. Left perfectly as it would have been when he lived here. Before he left. He smiled to himself as she straightened the crumpled bedding as if his mum was expected home any minute and would be angry at their lurid behaviour.

  He looked back to the certificates on the pin board, at his many achievements, none of them good enough for his dad. Schoolbooks and novels weighed down the shelf above the foot of his bed. And a keepsake box that he would take with him and look through in private. He knew the contents would embarrass him. Love notes he had penned to Stevie but never given her. Poems and song lyrics he had written about her. Things that would make him cringe, no doubt. He shook his head remembering how sappy he used to be about her.

  As he stood there looking at the tiny slivers of his past a new realisation began to settle in. He could live here. There was no threat to him now. He could be with Stevie. He could have the best of both worlds. He could find someone to run the camp and he could maybe start something up down here. Something working with underprivileged kids maybe? His heart began to beat faster and a wide smile spread across his face. He just had to be brave. That’s all. And hell if he hadn’t been brave before. Surely he could do it again?