Where We Belong

by Fox Brison

  “She lost the baby?” I prompted.

  “He was still born. She hadn’t felt him kick for a few days, and one afternoon she suffered this terrible pain. She knew something was wrong, so she called for an ambulance. When I got to the hospital she’d already been... I’m not sure what’s worse, miscarrying or holding your dead baby in your arms. I… I held him for a few minutes before the nurse took him away. We called him John. I’ve never known such despair until this morning when you told me about standing on the edge of the cliff.” Tears were rolling down both our faces. “Afterward the doctors had to perform an emergency hysterectomy or I would have lost Bernie too. We were both devastated, but it was worse for her and she spiralled into a depression. I’d be at work and get a call saying she’d left the house in a nightgown and I would find her down by the sea where we scattered John’s ashes.”

  “So to make things better you went and shagged a seventeen year old?” I knew it was cruel but I didn’t care.

  “It wasn’t like that, Bri. Besides, I thought Maggie was twenty-one.”

  “That’s alright then!” I barked mockingly.

  Apart from a wince, he ignored my jibe. “Maggie was working behind the bar of a pub near to a job I was doing and we got chatting. I couldn’t talk to Bernie, she had shut me out completely, and Maggie was going through her own pain. The lad who promised to marry her had gotten another girl pregnant. We connected, two lost souls needing comfort.”

  “I cannot believe what I’m hearing!”

  “It was one night, Bri, and as soon as it was over I told Maggie it was a mistake, and that I loved my wife. She understood. We moved on to another job and I didn’t see her again for three months. Then she turned up on site one day to tell me she was pregnant. One night and she got pregnant,” he said dispiritedly. “I panicked. I couldn’t even imagine what it would do to Bernie if I told her the truth.”

  “Whose idea was the adoption?”

  “Honestly, it was Maggie’s. She told me her real age and I was shaken. She knew she couldn’t give you the life you deserved, and she also knew how desperately Bernie wanted a child. All I had to do was convince Bernie to agree to the adoption, which was easy. I spoke to her and told her that I knew this young girl in trouble. She was overjoyed. Saying it like that sounds awful, but it wasn’t at the time. It really was like you were a miracle. You saved us.”

  He was still talking but filtering through the cocktail of lies was the truth that he was my biological father.

  He was my Dad.

  Fuck, he was my dad!

  I jumped up. “I have to go!” I yelled.

  Now all I wanted was Elisha.

  Chapter 51

  Elisha

  I spent the entire night having the most godawful dreams, and when I woke the reality was even worse. I expected Jeremy Kyle to come flying out of the wardrobe, microphone in hand, shouting some bollocks.

  Sister. Fuck.

  So I googled siblings in love. Was it illegal? I mean Brianna had been adopted and we were raised in different countries. I was surprised by how often it occurred, there’s even a name for it, genetic sexual attraction. Statistics indicated fifty percent of relatives separated by early adoption experienced a degree of GSA, and Brianna and I were clearly one of that group.

  Rhode Island in America even decriminalised incest. Hmm perhaps we could mover there?

  Did any of this make me feel better? Oh hell no. When dawn finally rose over the horizon at four that morning, I came to my senses. I couldn’t be with Brianna, not now, not ever, yet she was the only one I ever wanted to be with. Christ I found the very thought of it disgusting. Perhaps we had always belonged together - as sisters.

  Sister. Fuck.

  “You’re up early.” My Dad was standing at the sink filling the kettle. Stopping, I rested my head on his shoulder. I was at least six inches taller than him because I got my height from my Mammy’s side. Brianna must have done the same… wait… Pat and Biddy were practically leprechauns…

  “How tall was Ann Doran?” I asked, a sadistic need to hope still permeating my brain.

  “Ann?” He furrowed his brows, and then smiled softly. “She was tiny, sure, with a huge personality and an even bigger heart.”

  “You loved her,” I stated, not rancorously, just plainly.

  “I did. It wasn’t until the slurry spread over the valley and she was gone that I realised how much.”

  “Dad, I’ve been speaking to Kate and Shannon. They’ve agreed to look after the camp for a while. I need to get away and get my head together,” I explained.

  “Elisha, running away won’t solve anything.”

  “Perhaps not, but once people find out, Jesus they thought I was a deviant for being gay, what will they make of this? Besides it might help me forget her.”

  “Nothing will do that,” he stated with some assurance.

  “You sound like you know what you’re talking about.”

  “Leesh, I can’t comprehend even one ounce of what you’re going through. When I…” he took a deep breath. “All I know is that if Ann had stayed things could have turned out differently. I may not have married your mother two weeks after she left for Dublin.”

  The only sound came from the open fire crackling in the early morning, yet its warmth failed to reach me. I doubted I’d ever feel warm again. My phone beeped.

  “Jesus, who’s texting at this time of the morning,” he asked.

  “Brianna.” I opened one message. “She wants to meet me at the lough.”

  Chapter 52

  Brianna

  I sent Elisha the message and waited to see if she would respond. I stood staring out over the water. I didn’t think I’d ever get sick of the view which changed minute by minute depending on the elements.

  And Ireland had a myriad of elements to suit every conceivable mood.

  My phone beeped.

  Be there in twenty minutes.

  My heart began to race. I was more nervous than the first time we kissed, than the first time we made love, than the first time I admitted my true feelings.

  And maybe all of them combined.

  However, no matter what happened from here on in I was happy because I had my memories of Elisha back, and if that’s all I was left with it would be more than enough, more than I deserved.

  “Hey.”

  I spun. It had barely been ten minutes, she must have raced. Her hair had that adorable leapt out of bed style that I loved. I looked at her more closely. “Your jumper’s on inside out,” I noted.

  She looked down at her chest and shrugged. “You’re lucky I’m wearing any clothes at all, I almost ran out of the door in my boxer shorts and t-shirt when I got your message.” She stuck her hands in her pocket. “I mean, I wanted to make sure you were okay. I wasn’t expecting…” she shrugged again.

  Her discomfort was excruciating.

  “Leesh.” I reached for her. She tensed but unlike me the evening before, didn’t pull away.

  “Bri, you should have a paternity test,” she began earnestly. “I’ve been thinking about it. The dates are probably tight and my dad’s a short arse-”

  “Leesh, it’s okay,” I interrupted. “I’m not your sister.”

  “What?”

  “Noel McAteer is my adoptive slash real slash lying bastard of a dad. He had a one night stand with Ann in Dublin. I’m the result,” I explained succinctly, hoping this would be the last time I ever had to use those words. “He told me this morning. I don’t expect you to forgive me, I don’t know if… I’m not even sure where we go from here.”

  “It doesn’t matter where we go as long as we’re together. Because I knew from the second I saw you that we belong together, Bri.” She wrapped her arms around me and our lips met in a gentle caress. I was terrified it would feel different, that what had happened would sully any chance of building a life together.

  I was wrong.

  It was every bit as wonderful as the first time our lips met
(less stinky perhaps) and more so because it was filled with love, hope, and the power of a future I thought lost forever.

  Chapter 53

  Brianna

  “Hey, sweetie, did you pack the phone charger?” I walked into the bedroom as Elisha stuffed something into her bag. “What’s that?” I asked coyly.

  “A new toy,” she said. “You’ll love it.”

  “You kill me. How many times do I have to tell you, don’t get me hot and bothered as we’re about to leave the house?”

  “Anticipation, babe,” she whispered into my ear. “And yes I packed the phone charger. You had it on your list. Are Pat and Biddy ready?”

  “Yes Biddy just got off the phone.” I couldn’t call her granny, yet, even though she insisted. It was still weird to have a new grandmother at thirty four years old.

  “Traffic’s going to be a bitch,” Elisha complained.

  I couldn’t help but laugh at her petulance. “Yes it is. But we couldn’t expect my elderly grandparents,” I smiled, “to leave at five a.m. now could we?”

  “Pat wouldn’t have minded.” She grinned and gave me a fleeting kiss on the lips. Fleeting? Well for us three minutes eighteen seconds was fleeting. The first flush hadn’t worn off three months down the line. I didn’t imagine it ever would.

  Unlike the Subaru, lesbian bed death was one trope that would never apply to us.

  ***

  Biddy took my arm and Elisha followed with Pat and his zimmer frame. He was coming along great and being back at home was doing wonders for his recovery. I installed several mobility aids in the cottage, making it easier for him to maneuver himself around. Biddy was also teaching me how to cook – you couldn’t get take away in the Ox Mountains!

  “She would have been proud of how you turned out,” Biddy said with a quiet sob of grief as we approached her daughter’s grave.

  “Do you think?”

  “Yes,” she said determinedly, and I had to believe her. Elisha and Pat caught us up and the four of us stood in quiet contemplation.

  “Do you want to include anything else on her marker?” Elisha asked.

  “No,” Pat answered. “Gilded words engraved on a piece of marble will never be able to match our Maggie May. We hear her music in the wind, we see her in the sunrise.” He looked at me and smiled. “And in our beautiful granddaughter. She’s in our hearts where she belongs. You brought her back to us, Brianna.” Patrick’s words were poetic, earnest and filled with love.

  “I need to sit,” Biddy choked out.

  “Me too, there’s a bench over there,” Elisha pointed to the one she’d sat on the last time we visited. Pat and I remained by the grave.

  “How are things with your parents?” he asked.

  “Ah, you know.” I shrugged. “Mum and Dad are working things through, but I’m struggling.”

  “Why?" he said brusquely. Hmm. Apparently I took that from him as well as Biddy!

  “He lied,” I rebutted. “I could have lost everything, I could have lost Elisha.” And that, more than cheating on my mum was the main reason why I couldn’t forgive him.

  “He was protecting you,” he argued.

  “He was protecting himself,” I snapped back.

  “Maybe. But if it wasn’t for him I wouldn’t be standing next to my granddaughter. If he hadn’t lied, you might never have come looking for Maggie and found Elisha.”

  “I… I never thought of it like that,” I said hesitantly.

  “He made mistakes, Brianna, but haven’t we all? I know what it’s like to lose the apple of your eye. Don’t put your father through that.”

  I took a few minutes to think, and Pat let me. He was like Elisha in that way. “I’ll call him when we get home tomorrow,” I eventually promised.

  “What are you pouring into our granddaughter’s head, Patrick Doran?” Biddy called. I noticed they both referred to me as their granddaughter at every conceivable opportunity. It was endearing.

  “Words of wisdom, Granny,” I said with a loving smile.

  ***

  The night we returned home, Biddy and Pat insisted we have dinner with them. I brought a bottle of wine and Elisha carried her beers, two cans of Guinness for Pat (all he was allowed for the time being – no one wanted him going over and breaking his other hip) and a bunch of flowers for Biddy. We walked up, the night warm and the sky blue. “In some ways, I’m glad we’re going to their place for dinner,” I said.

  “Yeah?”

  “Yeah I didn’t fancy ham and cheese sandwiches tonight.” She laughed. “Hey you never showed me the new toy.”

  “It didn’t feel like the right time after the emotion of the day,” she explained.

  “I know what you mean. When Pat spoke at the grave I nearly burst into tears,” I agreed.

  After a bowl of stew big enough to feed the five thousand, and an apple sponge for afters, we all remained at the table because none of us could move.

  “Now.” Pat coughed. “Biddy and I have something for you.” He handed Elisha some papers.

  “What’s this?” She looked down and then back up. “Pat? Biddy?”

  “Sugar, what is it?” I asked.

  “It looks like the deeds to their farm,” she explained and passed them over.

  “Your farm,” Pat said gruffly. “It’s your wedding present.”

  “Wedding…” Elisha’s voice trailed away at the end of the word. I didn’t even get as far as that in formulating a response.

  “Yes, wedding present. We’re getting on you know,” Biddy said bluntly.

  “I don’t…” Elisha was still having trouble finishing a sentence.

  “We missed seeing our granddaughter grow up. We’re not going to miss out on all our great grandchildren. And neither of you are getting any younger,” she noted.

  “Thanks, Granny.” I laughed, but I thought Elisha’s head was going to explode.

  “You’ve been running the place anyway, Leesh,” Pat said. “I… the only reason we haven’t given it to you before now is that I always hoped, imagined…” he gave us a watery smile. “I always thought one day Maggie May would walk back through that door.” He gripped my hand. “And whilst Maggie didn’t, the next best thing happened, Brianna did. We want the two of you to run this place forever, for it to pass down through our family for generations to come.”

  “No pressure,” Elisha muttered. She was still in shock but extremely happy.

  “No pressure,” Biddy agreed. “Besides, I know how much you love the Lough and our land borders over three quarters of it.”

  “Sold!” I exclaimed.

  “I guess it’s a great tale to tell our own grandkids. ‘How did you propose to Grandma Brianna, Granny Leesh? I didn’t, sweetheart, your great great grandfather Pat did it for me!’” We all laughed and I got a wriggle in my stomach.

  Were Elisha and I getting married?

  ***

  Standing by what was essentially our lough, I stared over the water, Elisha’s arms wrapped tightly around my waist. “I love you, you know that right?” she whispered into my ear. “And I’m going to tell you every morning when you open your eyes, every night before you close them. I’m going to show you in every action, every time I light the fire so it’s warm when you get out of bed, and in every cup of tea I make. You’re going to feel my love every time our lips meet, every time our bodies touch, every time I hold you, every time we make love. I won’t go a day without making sure you know you are my world.”

  I turned in her arms, my eyes filled with love and tears. Elisha stepped back and got down on one knee. “This was my grandmother’s ring. I want you to wear it. I want you to give it to our eldest daughter one day. Brianna McAteer, will you do Red and I the honour of becoming part of our family?” She grinned and I nodded.

  “Yes!” I exclaimed. She whooped, stood up, and swung me around.

  “And that’s the proposal we’re telling our grandkids about!” she said triumphantly.

  Other books by F
ox Brison

  Island Skye

  Skye Donaghie is having the worst day; she gets stranded twenty feet above the North Sea, her girlfriend dumps her and her neighbour is run over by her car – whilst fishing.

  The only saving grace is that she reconnects with Natalie Jeffries, the gorgeous soccer star sister of her best friend, Sara. However, the reunion is bittersweet as it brings back memories Skye has spent the past decade trying to forget.

  Faced with a family who abandoned her, and a friend who doubts the new found relationship, Skye must conquer her demons and lay the past to rest, or she risks losing everything.

  Heavenly Heirs

  Rachel McTavers is a waitress struggling to make the two ends of nothing meet. She rarely accepts charity, yet is always the first to offer it. Will pride stand in her way of finding true happiness?

  Devon Williams appears to have it all, yet appearances can be deceiving. When she looks at her reflection in the mirror she is terrified by what she sees. Will fear stand in her way of finding true happiness?

  The chance discovery of a two hundred and fifty year old diary presents both women with the opportunity to live a life they had only ever dreamed of. Will they grab it with both hands or will they need a little divine intervention?

  A Game to Love

  Georgia Maskel is on the brink of greatness as an international tennis player, when the revelation of a devastating family secret causes her to make a mistake so monumental it destroys everything that she has spent her entire life working towards.

  Five years later, and struggling to resurrect her career, Georgia cannot escape or rise above the mediocrity that now plagues her game. Running out of ideas her coach, much to Georgia’s displeasure, enlists the services of Dr Emma Myers, a well-respected sports psychologist, with a reputation for getting results. After a difficult start to their relationship the women soon find a way to work together, but as emotions run high and the search for answers intensifies, professional and personal boundaries are pushed to the limit.