Perfectly Hopeless

by Hood, Holly

  They fell asleep to the sound of crickets chirping below his window. Until the sun was nothing but a distant memory and his room was filled with darkness, with only the moonlight shining through the window.

  Maven rolled over, a bit confused, trying to make sense of where she was. It took a couple of seconds to realize she was in Henri’s bedroom. She sat up in the dark, her eyes barely adjusting to her surroundings.

  “Henri.” She whispered. She patted the bed, trying to find him in the dark. Suddenly her hand touched something damp. She pulled back startled. And then grew curious and touched it again, rubbing her fingers together to make sense of it. She felt some more until she ran into Henri’s head. She used her other hand to touch his hair, finding her way to his shoulder to shake him.

  “Henri.” She called out. “Henri, I can’t find the light. I’m worried it’s really late.”

  When he didn’t answer she grew concerned. She cautiously guided herself to the end of the bed and very carefully inch by inch found her way to where she remembered his closet and desk was. She held onto the desk, running her hand along the wall until she bumped into the light switch, at last the room filled with light.

  Maven gasped, her hand was bloody. She immediately checked the rest of her body. Her first thought was that she started her period. But that wasn’t it either. She ran to the bed shocked to see the side of Henri’s face covered in blood as well as his pillowcase and bed sheet.

  Her heart sank. And then she screamed.

  “Henri!”

  She jumped on the bed, shaking him forcefully until his eyes opened and he was looking at her. He touched his nose as soon as he saw the sheer panic in her eyes.

  “It’s a nose bleed.” He promised. “And I’m a really heavy sleeper.”

  Maven clutched her chest, happy to see him alive and moving. He pulled off his t-shirt balling it up and holding it against his face, his back to maven.

  Aunt Janet barged into the room. Her hair a mess, but she didn’t care. Her only concern was the scream she heard coming from Henri’s bedroom.

  “I’m fine. It’s a nose bleed.” Henri wrenched himself out of her reach. He wanted nothing to do with anyone.

  “Just let me see.” Aunt Janet tried once more to pry Henri’s bloodied t-shirt from his face.

  Maven backed away, feeling sorry for him. He looked miserable. But she didn’t know what to do. She stared down at the blood on her hands, trying to stay out of it.

  Flynn knocked before coming into the room. He was carrying a wet washcloth. He pushed past his mother and without any fight got the t-shirt away from Henri. He helped him clean up his face. “Awesome. At least now you don’t look like a bludgeoned victim from one of those horror movies.” They laughed.

  Aunt Janet sighed, leaving the two of them alone.

  Maven couldn’t help but notice how great Flynn was with Henri. She could tell Henri and Flynn were close.

  “I’ll let you get cleaned up. And I’ll take your friend downstairs for some tea.”

  Maven without delay followed Flynn from the bedroom. Everything happened so quickly she barely had time to process.

  Flynn led her to the kitchen. He pulled two glasses from the cabinet.

  “You want to grab that pitcher of tea for me out of the refrigerator?”

  Maven started moving, opening the refrigerator in a hurry to do as he asked. He was a no bull kind of guy she could tell.

  “Thank you.” He poured two glasses and took them to the table, dragging one seat out and gesturing her to sit.

  She stared at her bloody hands. “Could I wash my hands first?”

  Flynn chuckled. “Of course. I wouldn’t want you wearing Henri’s blood while we share a drink.”

  Flynn took a seat, watching her attentively wash away the blood. He could imagine how horrified and upset with himself Henri was. He wondered if it was better to just take her home and leave it at that. He wasn’t even sure Henri would show his face after what happened.

  “Better?” Flynn asked. She nodded, taking a sip of the tea.

  “Is he okay?” That’s the only thing she was thinking about. She had to know.

  “I’m sure he’s fine.” Flynn took a sip of his tea studying Maven closely. Blonde hair, blonder then most, he wondered if it were fake or natural. “Is that your real hair color?”

  “Yes.” She touched her hair feeling insecure. Flynn was a great looking guy. And he wasn’t afraid to say what he was thinking.

  “A lot of girls would kill to have hair like that. Is that why half the girls in this town talk about you so much?” He leaned back in his chair.

  Maven was stunned he would be so uncouth “I doubt my hair has anything to do with it.”

  “What then?” She didn’t act like the kind of girl who ran around stealing other girl’s boyfriends. He knew those types—he loved those types. And he also knew Henri would never waste his breath on those types.

  Maven raised her eyebrows. “People are the way they are because of my old boyfriend and his new girlfriend.”

  This made Flynn nod. “Your hotter than her is that what it is?”

  Maven didn’t know how to respond to that statement. Tatiana and she were nothing alike.

  “If people are talking about you it’s probably because their jealous of you. You’re a beautiful girl, but I’m sure you know that.” Flynn grabbed a hold of his glass.

  “Well, thanks I think. But I think it’s more than envy. I think it’s because people are cruel.”

  “That wasn’t a compliment it was an observation. I have a girlfriend and believe me she would cut my balls off if she heard me complimenting another girl.” Flynn smiled. “Am I freaking you out?”

  Maven pushed her hair behind her ear. “A little.”

  “Well, I don’t bite, only if they ask for it. So don’t freak out on me.”

  Maven finally smiled.

  “Do you like him?” Flynn asked. “My cousin.”

  Maven nodded. “He’s great. He seems like a great person.”

  “He is great. He’s amazing. He’s everything any girl could want in a guy. Shit, I’m surprised my girlfriend hasn’t dumped me yet to have a chance at Henri.” Flynn smirked.

  She didn’t know what to say to that either.

  “Did the guy tell you how amazing he was at baseball back at home? Or how many girls were chasing after him?” He took a swig of his tea. “Or about the mega bitch that dumped him?”

  Maven started to feel uncomfortable. Henri’s cousin was sharing things with her that Henri never mentioned or seemed to want to bring up.

  “He had a girlfriend?”

  Flynn nodded. “He did everything for this girl. And she just up and deserted him.”

  Maven’s heart sank. “That’s sad.”

  “It is, because Henri deserves someone who cares about him. Most girls just want to take advantage of him because he is so damn nice. He doesn’t deserve that.”

  Maven nodded. “Nobody does. And I totally know the feeling.”

  Henri appeared in the doorway. “Flynn, you can go now.” Flynn hopped up from the chair. He gave a wave and headed out of the room patting Henri hard on the chest in passing.

  Henri put Flynn’s half empty tea in the sink. He turned around leaning against the counter.

  “I should probably walk you home.”

  Maven looked at him. He had a fresh t-shirt on and a new pair of shorts. His face was a bit pale, but other than that he looked normal.

  “Are you okay?”

  Henri crossed his arms. “I’m fine.”

  “I can walk home by myself if you’re not feeling good.”

  Henri pushed off the counter. “Are you kidding me? I’m wouldn’t let you walk home in the dark alone.”

  “I can call my dad.”

  “I said I’m fine.” Henri said again. Maven left it alone.

  Henri shut the front door. And they began their walk to Maven’s place. The stars sparkled in the sky. The s
ound of crickets and bullfrogs echoing through the trees, it was a beautiful night.

  “Henri, is there anything you would like to tell me that you haven’t?”

  Henri looked at Maven. “Like what?”

  “Anything at all, I’m a great listener.” She smiled at him.

  “I think that kiss was amazing.” He snagged her fingertips taking hold of her hand as they walked the path to her house. She laced her fingers with his holding on tight.

  “It was the best kiss ever, hands down.” She squeezed his fingers even tighter.

  It didn’t bother her that Henri wasn’t ready to share everything with her. They barely knew each other. But she couldn’t help thinking there was a lot more to him. A person with a lot going on, on the inside, like sadness and hardship, she just didn’t know why.

  Isn’t it obvious?

  Henri concentrated on the ceiling in the doctor’s office. His fingers drumming a beat on his abdomen as he waited for the doctor. He couldn’t help but think about how redundant his life had become over the last several years. Appointments after appointments, and it never made the difference how many doctors he saw nothing ever changed. He wasn’t sure if it ever would. He had begun to accept that life didn’t always go on for everyone. Some people were meant to have it a little harder than others.

  The doctor tapped on the door. Henri sat up. It wasn’t who he expected.

  “Henri. Nice to see you again.”

  Henri felt a bit awkward. This was Maven’s mother. The girl he was kissing in his bedroom and spending a lot of time with lately. He didn’t know how it happened. He never liked to get close to people. But she had found a way past the wall he built to keep people out.

  He wondered how much Dr. Wilder knew about him, if he should mention anything, or if he looked idiotic in his hospital gown, God how he hated the examination gowns.

  Dr. Wilder had to remind herself the rules spelled out in black and white. That the diagnosis for Henri was more or less set in stone and he wasn’t the type to talk about it. Never in all her career had she seen such special treatment be laid out for a patient. Most patients wanted to find a way to thrive. It seemed everyone was allowing Henri to give up.

  She began washing her hands. “How are you feeling?”

  Henri watched her every move. “Great.”

  She smiled attentively as she listened to his heart, held the same expression as she checked his blood pressure even.

  “The medication you were given how is that working for you, Henri?”

  Henri pinched the bridge of his nose, squinting as if he was in pain. He hadn’t taken any medication in several months. He didn’t have a reason other than maybe depression. Which some would probably have told him was stupid. The medication was prescribed to help him fight depression. He wasn’t willing to numb his feelings. That didn’t change anything.

  ***

  Maven climbed the steps of Henri’s house. She wrapped on the door, but before any of his family members could get to it, there was Henri. After hours at the doctor’s office doing his best to make it through another appointment he was glad to see her.

  “I brought lunch.” She lifted the picnic basket, Henri took it, heading down to the pond with Maven so they could eat lunch and hang out for the day.

  He thought she looked beautiful. She was wearing a yellow sundress. Her hair pulled up into a high ponytail that made her cheekbones even more prominent. As she took a seat in the grass she shook her bangs from her eyes and they fell perfect against the side of her face.

  He was happy to see her.

  “What did you bring us?” He peeked into the wicker picnic basket. The kind he saw in the movies.

  “Sandwiches. I’m not the best cook.” She grabbed one out. “And fruit salad.”

  Henri accepted the brown sack that contained one turkey sandwich just for him.

  “Cheese and mayo.” She told him, watching him examine her handiwork.

  “This is fine.” He took a bite, chewing thoughtfully. Finally she started on her own sandwich.

  Henri crumpled his napkin lying back in the grass. Something was weighing heavy on his mind. He looked over at Maven. She took a bite of watermelon staring right back at him. After a few seconds she raised an eyebrow puzzled when he didn’t say anything.

  “What?”

  Henri sat up. He took her hand, urging her to move closer to him. He wrapped his arm around her, closing his eyes as the warm air fluttered past them. He rested his chin on the top of her head glad he didn’t have to look her in the eye in a moment like the one they were in.

  “So your parents are doctors.” He started with. Maven’s head shook, her hair rubbed against his chin. Her fingers squeezed his arm.

  “Yeah, my entire life.”

  Henri swallowed. “Your mother fills in for Dr. Moore sometimes. You look a lot like her.”

  This was her moment to put some of the mystery together. He wasn’t great at explaining why he was the way he was.

  Maven pulled away, she studied Henri’s expression.

  “Yeah, she does.” She gave him a strange look. “Your aunt works at the office right?”

  She could tell by his silence that wasn’t what he meant by it. She bit her lip, afraid to say anything more. It was obvious he was trying to tell her something.

  She didn’t know what to say. So she kissed him, her hands leaving the grass and meeting up with the back of his neck. Her fingers worked their way through his hair. Henri pulled away, planting a kiss on her cheek.

  “That’s not the reason you mentioned my mother is it?” she asked, feeling stupid. She took his hand. “You can tell me anything.”

  Henri nodded. “This isn’t me. I’m never open with people I hardly know.” He touched her face, drawing her chin up to meet her eyes. “So you have to understand this is hard for me.”

  “You can tell me anything. I promise I would never tell anyone else.”

  “That’s not what I’m worried about. I’m worried about hurting you.” Henri sighed. It was a lot tougher than he expected. He wondered why he couldn’t just spit it out. He had done this before. He ran a hand across her cheek. He knew he was starting to like her. And now he was worried he was going to hurt her.

  This time Maven pulled Henri by the chin. “Come on, Henri. I’m sure once you say whatever it is you need to say you will feel better.” But he only shook his head in disagreement. He slid his hands through his hair, pulling at it in angst. He groaned, anxious with everything that was happening—the beautiful weather, the sun, the beautiful girl sitting in front of him. All of it annoyed him because it wasn’t his. It was only momentary in his eyes.

  It was perfectly hopeless.

  “I can’t do this.” He dropped his head between his knees breathless, anxiety coursing through him like tiny little rockets. He tensed up when she placed her hand on his back. Maven refused to pull away. She rubbed his back trying to rid him of some of the stress.

  “You don’t have to. We can just sit here.” She pulled him close, securing his body with her arms, nearly squeezing the life out of him. “Look at the sun, the water. It’s all beautiful. Let’s just enjoy it.” She tugged on his arm, trying to get him to at least raise his head to witness the beauty she was referring to.

  “I’m dying.” He spit it out finally.

  Dying. The nastiest utterance in the English language escaped his lips and slammed into her conscious. Maven’s heart stopped. Her skin tingling and tears stung her eyes. She carefully wiped at them.

  “How could that be?” She rested her head against him, confused, trying to appear strong even though she felt weak. Something so wonderful was crumbling before her very eyes—something that made her happy.

  “I have asked the same question over and over.” He finally lifted his head. “I never knew there was anything wrong with me until I started playing baseball. Then one night during a big game I didn’t feel right. And before I knew it I passed out. When I woke up I was surrou
nded by the Ems and they were rushing me to the hospital.”

  Maven listened.

  “My whole life I thought I was fine. And then I do something I love and find out just like that, that I’m not okay and I’m not a normal healthy guy.”