Worn Me Down

by Tara Sivec

Page 15

 

  Normally, I could spend all day in the gun shop talking weapons with the owner and testing out new items. Using the words “pink” and “sparkles” in the same sentence at a fucking gun shop makes me want to puke in my mouth a little.

  “Ooooooh, sparkles! Mommy, you should get a gun with sparkles!”

  We both turn and look at Emma standing a few feet away from us, brushing the hair of another damn Barbie in her hand. No matter where I go, I can’t escape the Barbies. It’s like I’m in Barbie hell.

  “Good idea, baby! Can I get a pink gun with sparkles too?” Gwen asks.

  “Jesus H…YES! We can bedazzle any fucking thing in this store you want, just pick one!” I growl at her.

  “Pay up, Mr. Austin,” Emma pipes up from right next to me.

  Fucking hell.

  I look down and she’s got her hand out, palm up, waiting for her payment. I pull my wallet out of my back pocket and take out a twenty.

  “Here, pipsqueak, I have a feeling your mother is going to cost me a lot of money today,” I tell her as she grabs the bill from my hand and shoves it into the front pocket of her jeans.

  “Okay, fine,” Gwen finally says with a sigh. “I guess I’ll take that black and silver one right there. ”

  I lean over her shoulder and see that she’s pointing to a Kel-Tec 9mm.

  “Good choice,” I tell her with a nod as I signal the owner so he can get it out of the case.

  Gwen turns her face towards me and our noses are practically touching. I can feel her breath on my face and I know if I don’t move away, I’m going to be hard as a rock in two seconds. This woman drives me fucking insane, but she’s also hot as hell and the strongest person I’ve ever been around considering what her life has been like. Even though I don’t like the direction of my thoughts lately where Gwen’s concerned, there’s nothing this woman does that can’t turn me on.

  “Since I can’t use a pink gun today, can I get a pair of those ear muff thingies in pink for when I’m shooting? And do they have those with sparkles?”

  I take that back.

  “If you want to test it out, my wife’s in the back room with a plate of fresh cookies. I’m sure she wouldn’t mind a little company,” the owner tells us, nodding in Emma’s direction.

  Just then, a nice, older woman of about fifty steps out of that room with a warm smile on her face. “I would love some company. I can’t eat all of these cookies by myself. ”

  Emma looks up at Gwen with a pleading look on her face.

  “Okay, but just for a few minutes. And not too many cookies or you won’t eat your dinner,” Gwen tells her.

  Emma races around the counter and the woman smiles at Gwen. “We’ll be right in here when you’re finished, take your time. ”

  Gwen thanks her and I grab her new gun off of the counter as well as a box of bullets. With a wink, the owner hands Gwen a pair of pink ‘ear muff thingies’ and we head out through the back door to the indoor range. I find us an empty booth and walk up to the counter, opening up the box of bullets and loading the gun.

  “The first time you pull the trigger, it’s going to scare the shit out of you. This gun is small, but it still has a lot of kickback when it fires. Don’t try to aim with the first shot, just pull the trigger and get it over with,” I explain to her as I finish loading the gun and hand it to her after she finishes putting the shooting muffs over her ears.

  “Is this the trigger thingy?” she asks, pointing to the safety.

  “No, darlin’. That makes it so you don’t shoot someone in the face by accident,” I tell her in a placating voice.

  This is why I don’t spend a lot of time with chicks after I sleep with them.

  “Can you show me how to hold this thing? I don’t know how I’m supposed to stand,” she complains.

  Walking behind her, I reach around and grab her elbows, bringing her arms up in front of her. I slide my hands down her arms until I’m holding onto her wrists to keep her arms steady.

  I bend my head down until my mouth is right by her covered ear. “Now, spread your legs just a little. ”

  She does as I tell her and her ass brushes against my crotch. I force myself to think about crying babies and shitty diapers and why sleeping with her again is a bad idea as she leans back into me.

  Wrapping my hands around hers, I help her aim the gun at the target ten yards away.

  “That paper looks so far away. I’m never going to be able to hit that,” Gwen complains.

  I don’t bother telling her that I can hit the bulls-eye every single time at twenty-five yards away; I don’t want to make her feel bad.

  “You’ll be fine. Just take a deep breath and then pull the trigger when you let the air out,” I instruct.

  I keep my arms around her, trying to hold her arms steady for her so she can just concentrate on firing. Keeping one hand around hers, I slowly move the other one to the top of the gun and pull back the slide release to drop a bullet into the chamber. Moving my hand back around hers, I wait for her to pull the trigger.

  I feel her take a deep breath and then the gun goes off, Gwen’s body jerking back against mine. We both lower our arms and stare down the lane at the target. There isn’t a hole anywhere on the paper, which means she completely missed the thing.

  “It’s alright. I didn’t hit the target the first time I ever shot a gun either. You just need a little more practice,” I tell her.

  “I want to try again,” she tells me.

  “Do you want me to help you?” I ask, moving closer to her and resting my hands on her hips.

  Aiming the gun at the ground, she quickly pulls the slide release back like a pro and loads another bullet before bringing the gun back up in front of her. She looks over her shoulder at me and smiles. “Nope, I think I’ve got it. ”

  I warily take a step back and cross my arms, wondering how the hell she was able to pull that release back so perfectly the first time – those bastards can be tricky. She positions her legs shoulder-width apart, takes a deep breath and fires, the bullet ripping through the red bulls-eye in the middle.

  My mouth drops open in shock and my hands fall to my sides as she quickly drops another bullet in the chamber, aims the gun and fires once more.

  Just like before, the bullet hits the bulls-eye, this time a centimeter away from the first hole. She pulls the release back one more time and fires off a third shot, the hole from the bullet blossoming in between the other two.

  “Jesus Christ,” I mutter as she sets the gun down on the counter, takes off the pink muffs and turns around to face me.

  “You totally just played me, didn’t you?” I ask her in awe.

  Gwen laughs, walking up to me and patting me on the shoulder. “Did you honestly think Brady wouldn’t have taught me how to use a gun when I got here? My favorite color is pink, but that doesn’t mean I can’t shoot a fucking gun. ”

  And just like that, my dick is hard. Again.

  She walks away from me with a smile on her face and all I can do is shake my head.

  Chapter 20

  Gwen

  After I shocked the hell out of Austin at the firing range, we went back to his place and I called Ellie to check up on her. I’m glad she decided to stay in Nashville until we find out where William is; I want her close so nothing else happens to her.

  Ellie drove back to Austin’s house earlier and I tried to convince her over dinner to just stay here with us until William is found. She was adamant that she had caused enough trouble by bringing William closer to me and she didn’t want to be in the way. Austin put his foot down and told her she was staying, end of story. Emma was over the moon about it and decided that she and Aunt Ellie were going to have a slumber party in her room tonight. I can hear them talking and laughing down the hall as I clean up the dinner dishes in the kitchen.

  Austin’s been acting a little stra
nge since we got home. I tried teasing him about the shooting range again and he nodded distractedly instead of joining me in a verbal sparring match like he normally would. When Emma and Ellie disappeared to the bedroom, I walked up behind him in the living room where he was staring out the front window and I wrapped my arms around his waist. He immediately pulled away and said he had some phone calls to make. He hasn’t come out of his bedroom since then.

  I’m not really used to the cold shoulder from him and I don’t know what to make of it. Does he regret sleeping with me last night? Maybe he’s decided all of my baggage is too much for him to handle. I hate feeling so conflicted and torn up over a man. I spent too many years like this and I’m pissed at myself for heading down a path I swore I’d never walk again.

  I have enough going on in my life without adding this to the list of shit I have to worry about at the moment. Austin messes with my head and makes me forget the real world and I can’t afford to do that right now no matter how much I want to.

  “I just got off the phone with Cole,” Austin says, walking into the kitchen and interrupting my thoughts. “I had him look up flight manifests for William. Turns out, he never even booked a flight to Chicago for that medical conference or one to come here. He’s been off the radar for a week now. ”

  Hearing this doesn’t make me feel any better; it just means he’s going to be even harder to track down. It also solidifies the fact that I have no business worrying about what’s going on in Austin’s head when there are more important things to worry about like keeping Emma safe.

  “He probably drove. Can the police put out a bulletin to search for his license plate or something?” I ask, turning around to face him.

  “Mark had a hard enough time convincing them to be on the look-out for him since the guy isn’t really wanted for any type of criminal behavior, even though he should be. There’s no way they’ll put out an APB for his car without a warrant. Fuck, I really wish you would have filed a report on him at some point,” he complains, running his hand through his hair in frustration.

  I can’t stop the anger that ripples through me. How many times did I curse myself over the years for not doing that exact thing? I don’t need it thrown back in my face right now.

  “Do you honestly think I don’t know that? Do you think I haven’t replayed every single moment of the last ten years over and over again and wished I had done things differently? You have no idea what it was like. There were so many good times mixed in with the bad – times when he acted like the man I fell in love with,” I explain to him. “Deciding to walk away from the only thing you’ve ever known is not an easy thing to do. I’m the one who has to live with those mistakes and I don’t need a reminder, especially from you. ”

  I move to walk out of the room and Austin grabs my arm to stop me. “Dammit, I didn’t mean anything by that. I’m just frustrated with the situation. ”

  As if I’m not. This is my daughter’s life on the line here. I’ve opened myself up to this man more than I have with anyone else. I’ve told him things I never wanted anyone to know about me because I thought I could trust him.

  Shrugging out of his hold, I head towards the living room.

  “Gwen, come on. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said what I did. ”

  I stop in the doorway and turn to face him while he continues. “This whole thing is just one big clusterfuck and I’m not used to that. I’m used to going into a situation, coming up with a plan and getting shit done. It doesn’t help that I can’t stop thinking about last night and wonder if we fucked up. ”

  “Wow, I didn’t realize sleeping with me would be considered a fuck up,” I tell him sarcastically.

  “God dammit! Once again, that’s not what I meant. This is coming out all wrong. Sleeping with you wasn’t a fuck up by a long shot. I just meant the fact that we didn’t use any kind of protection was a fuck up. ”

  Oh you have got to be kidding me. That’s what his problem is right now?

  “For your information, I have an IUD so you don’t have to worry about any kind of fuck up like that happening,” I tell him angrily.

  “I didn’t mean to sound like an asshole. I’m just not this person,” he admits.

  “I’m sorry, what person?”

  He throws his hands up in the air in exasperation. “The kind of person who does the whole domestic bullshit. That’s just not me. I’m not a father and I’m not a husband. ”

  Shaking my head at him, I turn and walk out of the room. “I don’t remember ever asking you to be. ”

  He calls out to me as I walk away. “Gwen. ”

  I roll my eyes and keep walking. “Screw you. ”

  * * *

  I spent the rest of the night in the spare bedroom with Ellie and Emma watching a Disney movie on the small television on the dresser. I didn’t even bother going out to the living room to sleep; I didn’t want to run into Austin for fear I would tell him everything I was thinking.

  Typical man naturally assuming that after he slept with a woman she’d want more. What do I care if he thinks he’s not husband or father material? It’s not like I want that for myself again anyway. He was so freaked out about the possibility that I might have gotten pregnant after last night that he completely belittled what we shared. It meant something to me, dammit. I went into his room just wanting a release, just wanting to forget and I walked out of that room the next morning wishing I was a different person, wishing I had more to give because I thought he deserved it. It would be best for me to just forget it ever happened. My only concern right now is my daughter and doing whatever I can to give her a good life.