Here's Looking For You, Grim (Tales From a Second-Hand Wand Shop Book 3)

by Robert P. Wills

Apeasaurus

  Intoned Semfeld.

  In a flash, the Chieftain became a fifteen foot tall, black ape. It stood upright, and towered over the two Humans -and especially the Gnomess-. “Was that really a good idea?” Chéri asked as she took a step back.

  The ape looked up at the sky and growled. Glowering down at Chéri, it beat its chest. It sounded like claps of thunder.

  “I really think it’s time to leave,” suggested Semfeld. His eyes got wide. “Which way is town?”

  The giant ape laughed a deep throaty laugh. It sat roughly. The ground shook as it did. The PicMonkeys moved over to their leader. One hopped onto his back and began to search for nits. The others followed suit. The ape looked down at the trio. It laughed again as it spread its arms out wide.

  Chéri turned her back on the ape and moved to where she had started the melee anchored to the ground. The flaming branch was still there. She picked it up and after only a moment’s searching, found her line in the sand. “It’s that way,” she said as she pointed. The giant ape narrowed its yellow eyes at her. “All we have to do is keep the Western Star over on our right shoulder and we’ll be fine. Once the sun comes up, we keep that at our backs. Which should be really easy to do.”

  “We’ll be walking on our shadows!”

  “Calm down Liv that’s just an old wives’ tale,” said Semfeld. Nervously.

  “Either way, leth’s get going while ith’s cool out,” suggested Liverioso.

  One of the monkeys chuckled.

  “Good idea, Liv,” said Semfeld as he moved to the Shamblers. The ape growled at him. “We’ll take just two,” he said cautiously. Animals were not in the original negotiations and pressing their advantage could have the entire situation spiral out of control. “How’s that?”

  The ape flailed its arms over his head. A Howler monkey went flying in the process.

  “We’ll take that as a ‘yes’ then,” said Chéri as she also moved to the animals. Even so, she kept an eye on the large, now sulking ape.

  Liverioso hung two water skins on one beast while Semfeld hung one on the other. “That’s all we should need. We’ll be there before noon tomorrow.” He swung himself into the high saddle and reached for Chéri. “Up you go.”

  Chéri stared at him. “Not a chance.”

  The ape chuckled. It sounded like distant thunder. “Ooohh! Ooohhh!” He teased.

  Semfeld mounted the other beast, “Ride with me then.”

  “I want my own mount.”

  The ape chuckled again.

  “Listen Chéri,” began Semfeld, “it’s just doesn’t make good sense. We’re both big so we should be on our own mount. You’re… “

  Chéri raised an eyebrow.

  “Oh now, come on. Are you one of those people who are somehow unaware of their size? You’re a Gnome for Sheeba’s Teats. You’re less than half our weight. Having two of us on one mount and you all alone is absurd. We’ll make much better time if you alternate between the two mounts.”

  The ape grunted his approval.

  “You stay out of this!”

  “Besides, I can athure you that our intenthions are completely honorable,” offered Liverioso.

  Chéri raised an eyebrow.

  “Right! What can be more honorable that going to dole out some swift, cold justice!”

  “Fine. If you put it that way.” Chéri grabbed Semfeld’s hand and he pulled her easily into the saddle in front of him.

  “Let’s go while the sun’s still sleeping in its underground realm.” Liverioso kicked his mount in the sides and it moved off at a slow trot.

  “Bye monkeys!” Said Semfeld as he too coaxed his mount into motion. He swung around in front of the Ape Chieftain, “And keep your stinking paws out of our tracks, you damned dirty Ape!”

  The Ape covered its ears. “Bah,” it said. Rightfully so.

  With that Liverioso, turned and went to catch up with his partner.

  The ape narrowed his eyes at the backs of the two Humans and the Gnomess. And his two mounts. Oh yes, swift cold justice was on the menu. He twitched his back. But first there was a nit that needed attention. “Ooohh!” He commanded as a monkey moved to track down the pesky hitchhiker.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Foreboding Forest- Not as Nice as it Sounds

  “Finally. The Foreboding Forest,” said RatShambler. “Now we just need to find one solitary Gnome inside a massive forest that just happens to be dark and foreboding because it’s filled with cantankerous Minotaur, cannibalistic Elves, and who knows what other horrible creatures.”

  “Yeah. We need to get Grim out before he ruins the place.”

  “All right you two,” said Nulu. “We’ll just go in, ask around, and someone’s liable to know where he is.”

  None of them moved.

  The dense forest spread out before them in both directions. Tall trees stood a hundred feet above smaller ones, then shrubs and bushes. Vines seemed to interconnect the layers. Sunlight barely made it to the forest floor. The path they were on continued into the twilight that was mid-day in the forest. It was, as its name suggested, quite foreboding. And creepy thanks to the fact that the way the forest started; abruptly. Most forests started out as a few trees here and there, and gradually built in density to the middle, then thinned out as one left. This was not the case with the Foreboding Forest; there was open green plains all around, then a solid line of forest interrupted it as if the entire thing had been dropped into place by some malevolent god who probably didn’t get invited to the millennial god jamboree and field day because they were just a little too creepy, but they showed up anyway, which really made the other gods uncomfortable. That kind of god. Even the low grass seemed to end in a neat line at the edge of the forest as if it weren’t disturbing enough to be allowed inside the forest.

  “So let’s go in and find Grim,” said Nulu.

  None of them moved.

  “Right.”

  None of them moved.

  “Bah! I’ll go in first.” The Gnoll stepped forward into the shadow of the forest. Suddenly a stiff breeze assaulted him. Dry leaves whipped about as the temperature even dropped several degrees. A crow cawed in the distance. Angrily. He took a step back. The sun was shining down on a clear, calm day on the Great Shambler Plains. “Ahh, you two comin’?” He asked hopefully.

  “Where have you been?” Said Nulu, alarmed.

  “What?”

  “You’ve been gone three days!” Exclaimed Rat.

  “What?!”

  “Just kidding,” teased Nulu. She winked at the Gnoll. “Had you going though, right?”

  “Sure.” He shook his head. “You two…”

  “Really, we’re right behind you,” assured Nulu.

  “This time, definitely,” added Rat.

  None of them moved.

  Klank turned to look at the two. “That’s enough of that. Let’s get in there for goodness sakes!” Klank steeled himself and stepped forward again. This time Nulu and Rat joined him.

  A leaf whipped around and slapped against RatShambler’s neck. “They should call this place the Creepy Forest.”

  The three continued along the dimly lit path. Much to their relief, the breeze died down after a few moments. It was as if the forest had accepted them. It was still dark and cool however, and the forest seemed to be teeming with life. Unseen birds called to each other from all directions above, hidden beasts if indeterminate size grunted and foraged out of sight in the thick underbrush. Even the angry chatter of monkeys up in the topmost parts of the trees filtered down to them.

  “So what’s the plan, Nulu?”

  Nulu shrugged at Rat. She pointed deeper into the forest with her please stick. “Let’s stay on the path so we don’t get lost. Then we...”

  A howl interrupted her. The entire forest fell silent.

  The three froze.

  “What was that?”

  “A grrrey wolf,” said Klank. “An Alpha.”

  “Are you sure
?” Asked Rat again. He looked around nervously.

  Klank nodded. “That’s what he said. Seems the inhabitants know we’re here.” He smirked. “At least the canine population.” He tilted his head upward and let loose his own howl.

  “I hope that was a ‘we’re friendly and not looking for any trouble and we’ll be on our way just as soon as we find our friend’ howl.”

  “That would be a good howl,” agreed Nulu.

  “I just said hello, you two. I think we’re safe from the wolves.”

  “Wolvesss?” Asked Rat.

  Klank sniffed the air. “Or at least I am, anyway. So that’s a good thing.”

  “Yeah, good thing you’re all right. I was getting worried.” RatShambler narrowed his one good eye. “About you.”

  “Look on the bright side, Rat,” Klank said, “at least I’ll be able to plead our case to the pack. Oh...” A thought occurred to him. “We should make sure we dig holes to piss in.”

  “Why?” Asked Nulu.

  “It would be bad.”

  “I’m kind of fuzzy on the whole good - bad thing, being a rat,” said Rat. “Why would that be bad?”

  “Look at it this way,” Klank said, “People you don’t know, who you didn’t invite, show up and come into your house. They start writing their names on all sorts of your stuff and even on the doors to your rooms. How would that make you feel?”

  “I suppose I’d be royally annoyed,” said Rat.

  “And that’s how every single wolf in the forest would feel.”

  “OK. Good safety tip.” Nulu nodded, “Thanks Klank.” She pointed into the forest. “We want to be as neighborly as possible. And as quick as possible so let’s get moving.”

  The three stayed on the path for the better part of the afternoon. At least they assumed it was still afternoon; it seemed to be perpetually twilight in the forest. At one point, they took a relief and snack break. Dutifully digging holes.

  “You know, I can’t really tell any difference between this part of the forest and where we first came in.”

  “Oh, Rat?”

  Rat nodded, “Right, I mean, usually you can tell when you’re getting deeper into a forest as you walk, and different things live at different places in it.” He looked around. “This looks the same all the way through.”

  Nulu looked around as well. “It would be easy to get lost in here.”

  Klank shook his head, “I know which way we came from.” He pointed in a direction that was generally behind them. “We came from that way so when it’s time to leave, I’ll just sniff our way back the way we came.”

  “Really?”

  “Sure. I’m sure our trail’ll last for a good couple of days so as long as we find him by then, we’re fine. Unless...”

  “Unless what?” Rat looked around again. “Unless what?”

  It started to rain.

  “Well, that, for one thing.”

  Rat shook his fur. “Come on! This is about the most unwelcoming forest I’ve ever been in.”

  Nulu reached under her pack and pulled out a rolled poncho. She slipped it over her head, letting it drape to her knees. It looked to be made of very thin leather and had been oiled many times through years of use. The rain dutifully ran off it. She flipped the hood up, masking her face.

  “I see you’re prepared for any occasion.”

  Nulu did a little hop as she pulled the poncho down on her back and around her pack. The hem in the back was a little higher than the front because of it, but even so, she was almost completely covered. “There’s no reason to be uncomfortable if you don’t have to be.”

  Klank shook his fur. “Let’s keep moving.” He looked up into the treetops. The rain was coming down steadily under the triple canopy of the forest so outside, it must have be storming. “Maybe this will let off soon.” He pointed deeper into the forest, “Thataway.”

  “How are you sure where you’re going? Have you ever been here before?” Rat fell into step beside the Gnoll.

  Klank shook his head, “Nope. But that way is towards the middle of this forest, and that’s prolly where the Elves live.”

  “We’re actually trying to find the Elves?”

  “Well, if Grimbledung acts like Grimbledung, the odds are that the Elves already have him.” This was Nulu. “All we have to do is find them, and hopefully they will be reasonable enough to let him go.”

  “Reasonable Elves?”

  “Elves are usually reasonable.” Nulu chuckled. “They’re haughty as this forest is dark, but they are reasonable.”

  “What about the other inhabitants of this place? You think they’re reasonable too?”

  “Most creatures are just trying to get along in life so they’re not looking for anything that will disrupt that. Eat something tasty. Sleep somewhere comfortable. Make little babies. Repeat. That sort of thing.”

  “You make it sound so nice.” Rat grinned at her. “For a Trolless.”

  “We Trolls are a misunderstood race.”

  Klank laughed at this. “You should run for mayor next, Nulu. You really have the gift.”

  That was when a Minotaur showed up. He was not pleased. Mainly because that was how he felt on any given day. Even when he got a good night’s sleep, eat a good meal, and made a baby. Or two.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  It was One Fine Day in the TreeTop City-

  Until Grimbledung showed up

  “Are we there yet?”

  “Man, if you ask me that one more time...”

  “Ask what?”

  “Are we there yet, man.”

  “We’ll get there when we get there!” Grimbledung guffawed. “Get it?”

  “No, I don’t get it.” Teeth frowned.

  “Maybe we should play a different game.”

  “Sure.” Teeth shrugged. He was seriously considering putting Ribbit back in his mouth, even though he knew that would lead him to eating the Gnome there and then. “Pick something fun, man.” If he had not already been scolded for doing that very thing with a wayward Halfling he encountered the day before. Or was it the day before that? Either way, he was told to bring prospective meals back. Intact. It was becoming a hard request to follow. The Gnome seemed to be talking again. It did that a lot. Teeth focused his attention on the strange creature.

  “Simple, right? I’ll go first so you can see how it works.”

  “Sure, man”

  “I spy with my beady eye...”

  “You’re a spy, man?” Teeth whirled on Grimbledung, “That’s not cool!” He un-slung his bow with lightning speed and notched an arrow just as quickly. “Spyin’s is definitely not cool.” He pulled the bow back and aimed at Grimbledung’s head. Right between his eyes. With how far he had drawn the bow, and how close he was, the arrow would easily go straight through the Gnome’s head and exit (messily) out the other side. “Who you spyin’ for?”

  Grimbledung’s knees got rubbery. “What? I’m no spy.” He took a step back.

  Teeth took a step forward. “Yeah you are. I heard so myself.” He looked left and right, “That’s the word on the street, man.”

  Grimbledung looked down. They weren’t even on a street. “What street?”

  The muscles on Teeth’s slim arm bulged as he drew the bow even further. His other hand trembled from the tension. Two fingers grasping the thin piece of sinew stood between Grimbledung’s life and death.

  “Who you spyin’ for, man?”

  Grimbledung’s brain reeled. If he said someone the Elves didn’t get along with, he was dead. But how was he to know who that was? Who did regular Elves not like? Pretty much everyone! He took a breath as a thought came to him; maybe if he were a spy for whomever these Elves aligned with, he would be safe. But how was he to know who that was? Pick something vague but not too vague! Something likeable. And friendly! Why would friendly things have spies. They were friendly! “Gah! I don’t know!”

  Teeth had been sighting down his arrow with one eye. He picked his head up
. “You don’t know, man?”

  Grimbledung blinked at the Elf, trying to whip up some tears. “No?”

  “How do you not know?”

  “Know what?”

  “What?”

  “Right!” Said Grimbledung. He was grasping at straws.

  Teeth slacked the bow. “What don’t you know?”

  ‘How far we are from TreeTop City’ was the first thing that popped into Grim’s head. So he said it. “How far we are from TreeTop City.” See?

  “We’re there, man,” said Teeth. He pointed upward with the arrow.

  Above them, Grimbledung saw long bridges connecting the trees, soaring balconies, and even entire structures attached to branches hanging precariously in open air. It was all a full 100 feet above. “Gads, that’s amazing,” he said. When he looked back down, something caught his eye. He looked down at the ground. Alarmingly, the ground was littered with bones from various creatures. “What are all these…”

  “Let’s get up there. I’m starving.” Teeth interrupted him as he eyed Grimbledung hungrily. “We go up over there.” He pointed at a massive oak tree. There were two Elves standing at the base of it.

  “So how do we get up?” Grimbledung craned his neck to look far up into the trees. “That’s going to be a serious climb.”

  “We ride up. It’s quick and easy. Climb? What are you, some kind of savage?” Teeth shook his head. “Get in, man.” He gestured at an intricately made wood cage.

  Grimbledung looked around as they walked to the contraption. The ground along the way was littered with bones. When they stopped, Grimbledung looked at the cage nervously. It was half again as tall as an Elf and looked as if quite a few could stand in it at once. Unlike a regular cage (Grimbledung had been in several) the front door to this one only came up halfway. “In there?” He pointed.

  “Yeah, man. Don’t be a Herman.” With what was in between a friendly push and a not-too-friendly shove, he pushed him in.

  “Hey,” complained Grimbledung as he stumbled in. “A little more hospitable, if you please.”

  Teeth ignored him as he also stepped into the lift. “Let’s go,” he said to the two Elves.