Here's Looking For You, Grim (Tales From a Second-Hand Wand Shop Book 3)

by Robert P. Wills

  “Hey, I’m a rat; I don’t use utensils.” Rat scampered around the campsite, retrieving several wooden spoons, a plate, and even Grimbledung’s now-empty tankard. He pulled the items into Klank’s backpack as Klank hopped to his feet and began to free Nulu. Making quick work of it, Nulu was soon on her feet as well.

  “Like a guy whose feet are too big for his bed? What’s that even mean?”

  Rat twitched his ragged whiskers. “I heard it once in a song. It has to do with rain somehow.”

  Nulu gestured into the tempest. “You think?” Even under the trees, the downpour was such that it was raining almost as hard under the trees as out on the plains. “Well, at least that had to have stopped those stinking Pixies.” She paused. “What did that one mean ‘get him for what he did to us’?”

  Rat shrugged. “I have no idea. Grimbledung was already the way he was when he enchanted me.”

  A bolt of lightning hit another treetop above them. The trio ducked as a peal of thunder cracked through the air.

  Nulu looked up. “We’re going to get fried if we stay under these trees. You know how much lightning hates trees.”

  “I think the thunder chases it towards the trees. It’s always just behind the lightning,” Klank said. “Well, I suppose we can head out in the direction Grimbledung went. He can’t have gotten too far with them little legs.”

  “Besides,” offered Rat, “if that lighting hits the ground, we’ll have snakes everywhere.”

  “That’s just absurd.” Said Klank. “Where do people make up these things?”

  Nulu nodded. She reached down and picked up the caldron as it floated past. “That was some spell, Rat.” She handed the caldron to Klank.

  “Sorry. It was the first thing that came to mind.” He moved to a new spot, out of another stream of water that had started to course by.

  Klank turned the caldron over, emptying the contents onto the muddy ground,

  “That’s a terrible sight.”

  Klank nodded at Rat as he Minisculated the caldron and dropped it into his pack. “I’ll clean the thing out later.” He held the pack open as Nulu tossed the remaining items into it. After jerking the drawstring tight and folding down the flap, Klank slung it over his shoulder.” He looked out into what appeared to be a typhoon. “Yer killin’ me, Rat. Killing me.”

  “Nulu, since Grimbledung isn’t here, do you mind?” He stood on his hind legs.

  Nulu smiled. “Sure thing, Rat. I’d hate to have you get washed away.” She bent down and picked up the rodent, placing him on her shoulder.

  “Thanks, Nulu. So which way did that crazy Gnome go?”

  Nulu looked back and forth into the tempest. “You know, he kind of went in the direction of Aution.”

  “Aution?”

  Nulu shrugged. “Well, it’s in that general direction. Or was, anyway.” She pointed. “It’s as good a place as any to start.”

  “You know, we just found the cuss and now we’re looking for him again” Klank said. “I’m seeing a pattern developing in our current events.

  “We’re all stalling, aren’t we,” said Rat. It wasn’t a question.

  Klank grinned at Rat. “Look on the bright side, Rat...”

  “Do tell.”

  “The rain’ll wash off all that snot!”

  Rat considered that. “You know, that is a bright side.”

  Klank steeled himself and stepped into the rain. It felt like little needles hitting him all over. Nulu moved beside him. “This now officially sucks,” Nulu said over the howling wind.

  “What, only just now?” Rat shook his drenched head.

  The trio marched blind into the squall. Thanks to the darkness and swirling winds, they ended up going in the wrong direction. By the time they realized it, they just huddled against a lone tree trying to wait out the storm.

  Camping right next to...

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Julesville – Marched Upon!

  Corporal Colossus led his small contingent towards Julesville. Blinded by revenge, he had pulled aside a hundred soldiers and moved toward Julesville as the rest of the force swarmed out of the castle heading to who knew where. Or, in Colossus’ case, who cared where.

  Much slower, now that their magical speed had worn off, they advanced on the town in a loose formation . The sun had been just out of its lair when they started their march, now it was almost ready to go away again. The soldiers marched along with their long shadows to keep them quiet company.

  “Orders, Corporal?” Barked a Private on Colossus’ left. With less than two hours to go, the tension level has begun to rise.

  Colossus looked at his soldiers then at the sun. Then remembered a conversation he had had with Gigantus. “We’re going to camp for the night and attack at first light so we’re fresh.”

  The men nodded in agreement- tired from a long day of marching.

  “Break out the tents and rations and set up a perimeter in case there’s any search parties out there.”

  The camp was quickly and efficiently set up- thanks to the Halfling Army (as with most others) subscribing to the adage that the three things that ensured a military operation’s success were: rehearsals, rehearsals, rehearsals.

  With several small fires started and meals prepared, the Halflings settled down for a quiet night.

  As the sun seemed ready to settle for the night without any fuss, dark clouds began to form on the horizon, chasing it away. It looked like it was raining far away from them. Colossus moved around the camp, ensuring that tent pegs were securely hammered, and that corners had two pegs, and even adding additional tie downs to center poles. As the wind picked up, he made a second pass through the camp, making sure any objects that could blow away were tied down. In the morning, most his soldiers would thank him for his attentiveness. Finally, with nothing left to do, he ordered his soldiers into their tents for the night and then took refuge in his own.

  Just as the sun disappeared, the rain that seemed to be far off was suddenly all around them The dark clouds opened up in a furious, torrential downpour. Such as none of them had ever seen before. Or would after, for that matter.

  In any case, it was a long night for the Halflings.

  And others; camped out less than a hundred yards from them, Nulu, Klank, and RatShambler were huddled down as well under a thrice ContraMinisculated caldron the trio barely fit under. Thanks to Klank’s insistence (he could smell the Halflings), they were on their way as soon as the sun came out of its den and weren’t noticed

  Colossus peered out his tent as the sun finally began to color the sky blue once again. He had never experienced a storm of such ferocity. As he untied the rest of his tent flap, he thanked the Lord High Priest that the tent made it through the night. Standing up, he braced himself for the devastation he expected of his encampment. He let out a relieved sigh when he saw that only three tents seemed to be missing. Hopefully those soldiers were able to see refuge in another tent. As he moved about the camp, tapping on tents to raise its occupants, he was relieved that several tents had more soldiers in it that should have- the odds were in his favor that he would be at full strength to attack the town.

  “All right, Halflings! Let’s get some breakfast in us and then we’re on our way. Leave the tents because we’re sleeping indoors tonight!” He bellowed.

  Several soldiers responded with whoops and cheers. The previous night’s deluge had made most of them unwilling to spend another night under flimsy canvas.

  Within the hour, the soldiers were fed, outfitted, and ready for battle.

  “If anyone in town gives us trouble, we’ll send them out here to stay!” Colossus shouted to his men. “Move out!”

  Colossus expected some sort of resistance- although the report from the High Priest’s passing crow yesterday before the battle was that that there was a large force assembled on the plains, it might not have been every able-bodied fighter in the area. “Keep the ranks close when we get near town.” He thought back to
what the crow has said about the battle that should have gone in their favor. Before the Golems and Gargoyles were thrown into the mix. “Keep an eye out for Gargoyles and Golems.” Another thought occurred to him at the crow’s mention of a flail wielding warrior. “And Half Orcs”.

  “Gargoyles, and Golems, and Half Orcs? Oh My!” Said a Halfling soldier.

  Colossus wheeled around to face him. “The next soldier that uses that alliteration won’t make it to the sun’s setting!”

  The soldier nodded. “Right, Corporal! We’ll get this town, and their little Gnome too!”

  “I’m warning you...” Colossus drew his sword.

  The soldier saluted. Colossus noted a trace of a smile on the soldier’s face. Why do I get all the unstables? “Fine, smart-mouth. Is that the way you want it? You’re on recon! Get up there and see what you can see.” He pointed his sword at the soldier then towards Julesville. “All the way up!”

  “If that’s what you want, Corporal,” the Soldier saluted again and began to move ahead the formation. “Everyone gets everything he wants. I wanted a mission, and for my sins, the Corporal gave me one. Brought it up to me like room service. It was a real choice mission, and when it’s all over, I’ll never want another.”

  “Get up there!”

  The soldier broke into a jog, quickly disappearing over the hill crest. When the soldiers reached the top, the reconnoitering soldier was two steep hills away and increasing the distance with every moment.

  “That nut has got some speed,” remarked a Halfling to the chuckles of several others.

  “What he lacks in brains...” offered another.

  “Settle down, Halflings,” cautioned Colossus. “Remember this town is expecting trouble. I want everyone on task. No wandering off for looting. Or anything else.”

  Several soldiers nodded in understanding.

  “So what are your orders for the attack, Corporal?” Asked a soldier.

  “We’re going to be spread thin so worry about their forces first, then we’ll deal with the rabble.”

  Oftentimes when attacking a town, soldiers would stop fighting to loot a particular shop, or to chase a particularly attractive female. When they were an overwhelming force, losing an odd soldier here and there was not an issue- far from reinforcements and with no idea as to the opposing force, losing even a handful of soldiers could be catastrophic.

  Colossus had experienced enough troubles in recent events than to have to deal with a loss in Julesville as well. If nothing else, he needed to burn the town to the ground to avenge his dear Chéri’ s death.

  Who was dealing with her own troubles at that very moment...

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Three? Definitely Not Company

  “How much farther do you think it is?” Asked Semfeld as he repacked what little gear he had on the Shambler.

  The three had spent the day huddled under the shade of the two Shamblers- who didn’t seem to mind standing in the sun. Now that the sun had started to set, they prepared to set out again.

  “Like I told you yesterday; I have no idea,” said Chéri angrily as she shook off her blanket. “All I know is that it’s that way.” She pointed easterly.

  “Are you thure?” Asked Liverioso. He looked in the direction the Gnomess was pointing. It seemed as barren as any other direction. He squinted for good measure.

  Chéri stalked to the other Shambler, “All I know is that is the direction that Pic chief pointed while we were at the campfire.” She shoved her blanket under the beast’s harness.

  “Let’s not start this up again,” pleaded Semfeld. He had spent the better part of the previous evening, riding with Liverioso because Chéri had refused to ride with him. It wasn’t that riding with Chéri was that much more enjoyable. Never mind- it was much more enjoyable. “Liverioso, we’ve got to be close now. We can’t afford to start second-guessing ourselves and walking in circles.”

  “I thuppose tho,” said Liverioso. Secretly he preferred riding with Chéri as well. “Thorry” he added hopefully.

  Chéri frowned. She was hoping to have another blow-out so she could get her own Shambler. The prospect of riding with either human wasn’t all that appealing. “Fine,” she said flatly.

  Semfeld pointed at the top of the dune they had camped beside. “I’ll go and see if there’s anything to see while you get the rest of camp loaded.” He turned and trudged up the soft sand. As he went he turned and looked back - both Chéri and Liverioso were silently packing up.

  “I hope we find that town thoon,” said Liverioso.

  “You saying we’re going the wrong way?” Snapped Chéri.

  Liverioso brought his hands up defensively, “No, no! It’s just that I wanth to get thoth Gnomeths.”

  Chéri exhaled slowly. At some point she would have to tell the two Magician’s Guild Enforcers her secret. One at a time might be the best method. “You know, Liverioso,” she began as she stepped forward. “I want to be honest with you,” she lied. “I’m after Drimblerod and Grimbledung as well.”

  “Really?”

  She took another step forward, “You know I’m an assassin, right?”

  “Thure.”

  “Well, I was sent to kill them.” She shrugged as innocently as she could.

  “What?”

  “I was paid to get rid of them and that crazy Grimbledung knocked me into an Abyssmal Box.”

  “Who paid you to do that?”

  Chéri grimaced in what she hoped was convincing, “It was a disgruntled customer. An Elf.” Liverioso nodded knowingly so she pressed on with her lie, “Grimbledung insulted him and now the Elf wants him dead.”

  “I know the feeling!”

  Chéri took another step forward. She was finally up to Liverioso. “Yeah,” she cooed as she looked up at him, “and seeing as how he paid me upfront, I’d hate to have him think I’m a bad assassin.” She tried to work up some tears. “You wouldn’t want him to think that would you?”

  “No, no!” Liverioso shook his head severely, “not at all!” He wrung his hands, “But whath can I do?”

  Chéri cringed inside as she made her move. “Can I help you kill them?”

  Liverioso looked up the dune at his partner. He was almost to the top of it. “I thuppose I could athk Themfeld.”

  Chéri bit her lip as she tried to get a tear to run down her face. For a ruthless assassin, it was hard to do. “But he doesn’t understand me like you do.” She took another step forward, crowding him. She almost came up to his chin. She craned her head up and looked at him, “I know you understand me.” She put her hand on his arm, “Right?” The feeling to break it was overwhelming. It caused a tear to run down her cheek. Nice.

  Liverioso looked down at the Gnomess. Even though she was a Gnome, there was no denying she was well put together, and her being tall for a Gnome, and him being short for a human, they weren’t too far off in height. A jolt ran through his innards. It started out really, really low, and made its way to his chest quickly. “Thure I do!” He looked up the hill at his partner- he was looking the other way, hands thrust in the air. Odd. Liverioso nodded angrily, “I’ll juth tell him when he geths back…”

  “No!” Chéri said almost too quickly. She regained her composure as she hovered her other hand over Liverioso’s chest. “Can we keep this our secret?” She looked up at him again pleadingly as she prepared to punch him directly over his heart. To stop it.

  Unaware his life hung in the balance, Liverioso looked back and forth from the alarmingly attractive -yet deadly- Gnomess he had only just recently met and who had threatened his life on several occasions, and his partner of almost five years. It wasn’t a difficult decision. “Thure!”

  Even though it was merely a pat (instead of a heart-stopping punch), Liverioso’s heart skipped a beat as Chéri patted his chest gently.

  “Hey!” Semfeld called down at the two. Were they standing very close together?! “HEY!”

  The two turned to up as Semfeld bega
n to run down the dune. A wave of sand formed behind him as she went.

  “Look out!” Liverioso called as he pointed.

  Running in good form ahead of the wave of sand, Semfeld didn’t falter until he looked back. In a panic he lost his footing. The wave overtook him and washed down the dune. First a hand, then a foot stuck out of the sand as it rushed down - his head never did.

  Chéri looked up at Liverioso, “What’d you do that for?”

  “I was being helpful.” Liverioso moved past the Gnomess and made for the mound of sand as it stopped at the bottom of the dune. Semfeld’s leg was sticking out of it. It wasn’t moving.

  Moving quickly, Chéri reached the man first. She grabbed the leg and began to tug. “Pull him out!” She commanded as Liverioso made it to her side.

  Together the two of them pulled Semfeld out. As soon as his head came out of the sand, he gasped for breath. “Thanks!” He sputtered as he spat out sand.

  “Thure!” Beamed Liverioso.

  Chéri looked between the two. “You’re thanking him?” She shook her head, “What a pair.” A thought came to her, “So what’s so important that you had to bring half a dune down on yourself?”

  Semfeld rose to a seated position. “We’re there,” he said as he shook sand out of his hair.

  “Finally! Cool Thpringths here we come!” Liverioso looked to the top of the dune, then to Chéri. After their recent interaction he was hoping for another day on the trail to lay the groundwork (so to speak) of an actual relationship with the suddenly attentive female. “Hrmmm,” he added.

  Semfeld stood slowly, shaking his head to get the sand out of his ears. “We’re in business.” He slapped his partner on the shoulder, “Let’s go find the Guild Tent.”