Here's Looking For You, Grim (Tales From a Second-Hand Wand Shop Book 3)

by Robert P. Wills

  Without another word, the pair moved to catch up with Chéri.

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  Out of the Desert, On To the Main Course

  The trio rode for quite a while until finally Chéri stopped. “Time to take a bearing,” she said. “Put your turtle down, Sem.”

  “Can we thop and get thomething to eat?” Asked Liverioso. “It’d be nice to eat in the shade for a change.” He looked up at the triple canopy of trees. The temperature had dropped a full twenty degrees since they had entered the forest.

  Chéri considered that for a moment. Eating in the shade would be a welcome change. “I suppose we can do that.” She looked up at the darkening overhead cover. “We might even need to see about making camp at some point.” She looked around. “Either of you been here before? Know what lives in this forest?”

  Semfeld shrugged. “Some animals that eat hay, but mainly ones that eat meat. Wild animals. But mainly...”

  “Lions,” offered Liverioso.

  “What?” Chéri looked at him.

  “And tigers.”

  “Don’t,” she warned. She raised two fingers at him.

  Liverioso pursed his lips tight. He had learned early on that when Chéri pointed at him with her index and middle finger held together, that meant that if whatever he said next was in any way displeasing to her, she would, without fail, shortly thereafter, jab him with the aforementioned fingers. The first time was to his side, just where his ribs started. The pain actually made him drop to his knees. The second time was to a spot on his lower back (off to the side) that apparently seemed to control when he peed. Which seemed to be whenever Chéri wanted him to, because she had struck him in the same place twice, both times with the same effect. Later that day when he relieved himself (on purpose) he was alarmed to detect a faint red tint to his flow. It was then that he decided to not say a damn thing whenever she held up two fingers.

  Even though he had only witnessed instead of experiencing the strikes, Semfeld followed the same plan.

  “We’ll set up camp so we’re all settled before it gets dark.” She looked up again. “We still have a little time.”

  “Well, I’m no expert, but I imagine it will get darker before it gets lighter,” offered Semfeld

  Liverioso nodded in agreement. Because, honestly, his partner was right.

  Chéri slid off her Shambler, flipped the reins over its head and tied them to a low hanging branch. “This is a break stop. Not an overnight stop. I think we should take a short break, then get some more distance between us and those Pic monkeys.”

  “I dunno, Chéri,” said Semfeld. “I think spending the night closer to the desert is safer than being in the middle of the Emerald Forest. This place is crawling with Orcs you know.”

  “That’s true,” offered Liverioso.

  Chéri turned to face the pair. “Listen you to. I want to get to town and that’s what we’re going to do. Take a break. Have a drink. Have a pee. But in a very little bit, we’re moving on. I’ve dealt with Orcs before and as long as you show them who’s boss, you’re fine.” She scowled at the pair. They both took a step back. “And I’m the boss out here. Got it?”

  “Thure,” said Liverioso. “Whatever you thay.” He frowned as he looked around. “It thure is dark all of a thudden. Maybe we shouldn’t go too far from the Shamblers.”

  Semfeld nodded. “I agree.”

  “Well, I’m having a little private time that doesn’t involve you two watching me.” Chéri pointed at the Shamblers. “I’ll meet you two dolts back here in a few minutes and make sure you go your own way because I’m not putting on a show for you two.” With that she turned and disappeared into the forest.

  Semfeld put his hand on Liverioso’s shoulder. “Just try to not upset her until we get to town. Then we’ll be rid of her.”

  Liverioso’s lower lip poked out. “My pee is thtill a little red.”

  “I know, buddy. I know,” Semfeld reassured his partner. “We’re going to get through this, you and I, because we’re partners. Right?”

  Liverioso’s eyes teared up. “Yeth.”

  Semfeld and Liverioso looked at each other for a moment. “I guess I’ll go that way” Semfeld pointed opposite of where the Gnomess went. “Meet you back here?” He hesitantly moved off into the dark.

  “Thure?” Liverioso considered just peeing there in front of the Shamblers and calling it even. He did, truth be told, need to make a more ‘substantial deposit’ in the forest, but fear was overriding any fullness of bowel he was feeling. It was a mistake he would regret later. “Here goes nothing,” he said to the Shamblers as he too moved off in a third direction. “I hope this works out,” he said accidentally as he groped in the dark.

  Five Minutes Later

  The trio met back at the Shamblers.[16]

  Semfeld was standing near the Shamblers, looking down at his tracking turtle. It was shuffling along in a generally straight line. Semfeld looked up. “We’re still heading in the general direction of town. Since we’re on track, maybe we should just...”

  “We’re going farther than just here, so don’t even ask.” Said Chéri flatly. She stalked to a Shambler and untied it. As she passed Semfeld, she bumped him with her shoulder.

  That could have been worse. With a relieved sigh, Semfeld moved to untie the other Shambler. “OK, so we’ll go a little farther but then we should really stop for the night.”

  “I agree. Juth a little further.”

  “I’m not taking a month to get to town, you two.” Chéri looked up at the trees. It was considerably darker and there were definite unknown dangers in the dark. “We’ll ride another hour then call it a night.” She finally said.

  “Agreed.” Semfeld untied the Shambler. “On this one or the other?”

  “Since we’re walking in the forest, it would be better if we just walked instead of rode.”

  “Are you thure?”

  “We won’t go any faster, and if anything happens, we’ll be close to the ground with Shamblers to provide cover. Up on them, we’re easy targets.”

  Both Magicians considered that. Semfeld bent over and picked up the turtle. It immediately ducked its head and feet inside its shell. Dropping it into a sack on the Shambler, he pointed. “So we walk that way.”

  Chéri untied the other animal. “Lead the way.”

  Liverioso moved up beside his partner as the trio started off. Hoping for the best.

  Fifty Five Minutes Later

  Semfeld, Liverioso, and Chéri moved into a small clearing- one of several they had passed through.[17]

  “How’s this one look?” Semfeld asked as he had done for the previous few.

  Chéri looked around the clearing. “This’ll work.”

  Semfeld looked around as well. It looked just like the previous half dozen clearings that had crossed. With a shrug, he tied the Shambler to a branch. It immediately began to eat.

  Chéri tied her mount next to the other. “We’ll set up camp here.”

  “Thure,” agreed Liverioso. He pointed at a large fallen tree. “That’s a good place for a lookout, I think.”

  “I think so too,” agreed Semfeld. “You know, I’m not tired so I can take the first watch, if you want.”

  Chéri pulled the gear off her Shambler and dropped it. “I’ll go find something for us to eat. You two set up camp.” Without another word, she stepped around the Shambler and into the forest.

  “So let’s get camp set up, and maybe a small fire going.” He looked around. “A small fire.”

  “Just in cathe?”

  “Just in case.” Agreed Semfeld.

  “You think we’ll see any?” Liverioso wiped his eyes with his sleeve.

  Semfeld dragged the pack off the other Shambler. “That’s why we’re gonna keep her around” He nodded with his head toward where Chéri disappeared. “Hopefully she can protect us.”

  “From Orcs?”

  “Yeah, that’s the plan.”

  “But s
he doesn’t have a weapon,” said Liverioso as he unfolded the first pack, pulling out two cups and a bedroll.

  Suddenly a loud shriek pierced the forest air.

  “What was that?” Liverioso ducked down.

  “Sounded like a monkey. Sort of. Maybe one of them howling kinds?”

  Another shriek echoed past.

  “Let’s get the fire going.” Semfeld offered the wand to his partner.

  Liverioso nodded. “After dinner, I’m going to need to run out behind a tree. Been needing to all day.”

  “Okay.”

  With a smile he raised Garibaldis’ wand. “Ladies and Gentlemen,” he began as he tilted his hands back and forth...

  Thirty Minutes Later

  The trio sat around the small fire. Liverioso nibbled on the meat left on a thin bone. “I’d never had monkey before.” He stuck out his tongue. “Not thure I like it.” [18]

  Chéri nodded. “Pretty gamy.” She leaned back against a small log she had dragged within the glow of the fire. “So you’re taking the first shift, Semmie?” She raised an eyebrow.

  Semfeld nodded nervously. “I said I would, didn’t I?” He looked out at the darkening forest. “We can’t all just go to sleep. Not here.”

  Chéri stretched out her legs and looked into the darkness. “Suppose not.” She reached beside her and put the sharpened stick she had come back out of the forest with, across her lap. “Dangerous out here at night.” Disturbingly, she looked past Semfeld. Neither had asked her where she got the weapon, or how she managed to make it when she had returned with three large spider monkeys skewered on it. “Anything can happen.”

  Semfeld had been waiting for an opportunity; now seemed as good a time as any. “That is true. So whoever is on watch should hold the spear, I think.” He stretched out his legs, hoping it looked casual. His insides were in knots. “Just in case.”

  Chéri shrugged. “If it will make you feel better.” She casually turned the spear around, which was as long as she was, and tossed it to him butt first. Hard. “Catch.” She said after she threw it.

  The spear thunked hard into Semfeld’s chest as he grabbed it. Had it been turned around, it would have stuck in several inches. “I’ll take the first watch, then,” he gasped.

  Chéri smiled, once again looking past the magician. “So what are you watching for, Sem-tastic?” She crossed her legs as she slipped her hands behind her back. Her right hand rested on the hilt of a dagger. “If you don’t mind me asking.”

  “Lions?” Offered Liverioso cautiously.

  Chéri nodded. “They do live out here. What else?”

  Liverioso didn’t want to say the second thing. And he definitely didn’t want to say the third. “You know.”

  “No, tell me.” Chéri’s hand tightened on the hilt of the dagger. “I want to know.”

  Trying to spare his partner, Semfeld spoke up. “Ti..ti.. tigers?”

  Chéri slipped the dagger slightly out of its sheath. “Not just those two though, right?”

  Semfeld and Liverioso exchanged nervous glances. They weren’t sure what the assassin was up to, but she seemed to be drawing it out of them and she just couldn’t be heartlessly setting them up just to jab at them. Could she?

  Liverioso tensed up. “But mainly Orcs.”[19]

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  Look Who’s Coming- For Dinner

  Three Orcs jumped into the ring of light created by the small fire. “Finally! We’ve been waiting since befores dinner for someone to says it!” Said an Orc. He was holding what looked like a large, polished tree with the roots still attached. The gnarled roots had chains interwoven into them for extra weight. The entire weapon was longer than Semfeld or Liverioso. Probably as long as either of the Magicians if they had Chéri on their shoulders. “Right, boys?”

  The other two Orcs nodded hungrily. “Now that you’ve eaten, we’d like our go,” said another Orc. This one wielded a two-headed axe.

  “We was feeling left out,” said the third. He was wearing heavy iron knuckles with long spikes sticking out of them.

  Liverioso and Semfeld were frozen with sheer, bladder-emptying terror. Their respective bowels were only waiting for their cue. Liverioso’s were more than ready.

  “Sorry, fellas,” said Chéri. She was still seated, legs crossed at the ankle. “All the food is gone. You should go find something else to eat. If you’d have come over sooner and been neighborly, instead of skulking in the shadows like the worm ridden Orcs that you are, we’d have shared.” She drew her legs up, crossing them at the knees. “Them’s the breaks.”

  “Wot she call us?” Double-bladed axe Orc asked iron knuckles Orc.

  “Worm ridden, she says,” said iron knuckles.

  “Well, I thinks we’ll just have to sees about...” Tree wielding Orc let the roots of his weapon bang on the ground. “A change in attit...”

  Three things happened at once:

  1. Startled by the clattering of the chains on the tree roots, Semfeld threw the spear, that he was still holding point out thanks to Chéri’s toss, at the closest Orc. Double-bladed axe Orc. Being seated, the spear only went a mere three inches. Thanks to blind luck, those scarce inches were from the side of the Orc’s throat in the general direction of his spine.

  “Urp!” Went double-bladed axe Orc as he dropped his weapon, both hands going to the spear. He pulled it out, sending a torrent of blood, spraying in life draining pulses. He dropped to his knees, eyes wide with surprise.

  2. Chéri pulled her dagger from its sheath, spinning it around on the palm of her hand as she brought it about, and threw it with all the force she had at tree-wielding Orc, coming up to her knees as she did so. The dagger stuck to the hilt into his eye. He fell backward, dead before he even teetered.

  3. Liverioso’s bowels let loose.

  Iron knuckles Orc looked at his two brothers. “Wot!” He exclaimed unbelievingly. “Wot?” He narrowed his eyes at his closest target. Liverioso.

  “What?” Liverioso asked as he got to his knees. “What?” He still was unsure about the events that just occurred. Well, not event 3.

  The Orc took a step toward Liverioso as Chéri pushed herself up to her feet. With a kick, she sent a good deal of the fire towards the advancing Orc. “Get the spear!” She commanded Semfeld.

  Semfeld clambered to his feet.

  The Orc swatted at the embers as he stepped between him and his still twitching brother. The spear lay at their feet, completely out of Semfeld’s reach.

  Chéri stepped forward and to the left of knuckles, making him try to keep an eye on both of them. She edged closer to her dagger sticking out of the other Orc’s head. “Stinking Orc!” She challenged him.

  Knuckles turned on her “Stinkin Gnome. I’m gonna suck the marrow outta yer bones!” He took a menacing step towards her.

  Bones

  Go Poof!

  Declared Liverioso.

  The Orc took another step and collapsed into a puddle. “Wot?” He said as he oozed around.

  Chéri looked down at the Orc. “OK. I don’t care who you are. That’s just gross.”

  “Wotyou dootoome?” Slurred the Orc since he still had muscles to work his mouth, but no bones for them to hold on to.[20]

  “Nice one Liv!” Semfeld stepped forward and retrieved the spear. “Real nice!”

  Liverioso smiled sheepishly. A smell came to his nose. “I need to take care of something,” he said quickly as he backed out of the light- which was now considerably smaller since half the fire was missing.

  Both Semfeld and Chéri nodded knowingly and let him go.

  “Hey!” Complained knuckles puddles. He wiggled around a little bit, but was unable to make any sort of worthwhile movement.

  “Well, I think when Liverioso gets back, we should see about getting out of here. There’s no telling if there’s more of them out and about.” He gestured towards the Orc. “These three might have been part of a larger party.”

  “Breathinsha
rd”

  Chéri looked down at the Orc. “At least you’re still breathing, Orc. That’s better than we would have been if you’d had gotten the upper hand.” She nudged him with her foot.

  The Orc grunted in reply.

  “That’s really gross.”

  “Well, let’s pack up camp while Liverioso is taking care of business and then we should head out.”

  Chéri looked into the darkness. “That’s probably a good idea.”

  “What should we do with him?”

  “Thisain’t verypleasant.”

  “I say we take him with,” said Chéri.

  “Take him with us?” Semfeld looked down at the mound that was the Orc. “Why in the lands would we do that?” He nudged him with his foot. “How’re we even going to move him?”

  “I’mgonnagetyouferthis.”

  “I don’t know if that’s a good...”

  “We can lay him across the back of one of the Shamblers,” Chéri interrupted Semfeld, “and if we come across any Orcs, we can tell them that we found him this way and were trying to help him out, the poor thing.”

  The Orc grunted.

  “And,” she continued, “while they’re figuring that out, we can drop him off the back of the Shambler and then make a run for it.”

  “That doesn’t sound like a very good plan.”

  “It’s called misdirection and it’s one of the mainstays of the assassin lifestyle.” She pulled her dagger from the dead Orc’s eye. “That and just outright killing things that get in your way.” She wiped it on the Orcs sash. “And while they’re figuring it out, we can opt for that more lethal mainstay of the assassin lifestyle.” She slid the dagger into her back sheath.

  Semfeld moved to the double bladed axe. Its blades were as wide as his chest. He strained as he picked it up. “There’s no way I can swing this thing.” He let it drop to the ground. “So I still don’t have a weapon.”

  “You have the spear.” Chéri pointed at it. “That’s a pretty good weapon.” She smiled. “Call it Orc Killer. Weapons with names are always more formidable.”