Here's Looking For You, Grim (Tales From a Second-Hand Wand Shop Book 3)

by Robert P. Wills

  To view more of her work, buy what she has already drawn, or request your own custom illustrations, please visit her on Deviant Art here:

  www.Cherrycher.Deviantart.com

  Daniel Reuben “Roo” Young is another talented artist that is now part of The Fling. Roo’s work centers around video game character conceptual art, but thanks to his association with Rio and Nikki, has been guilted into supplying sketches of RatShambler and Mink the Minotaur. Maybe he needs to reassess his life choices…

  For more examples of his work and (a chance to purchase your own!) please visit:

  www.reureuillustration.tumblr.com

  Enjoy a sneak peek of..:

  Tales From a Second-Hand Wand Shoppe

  Sneak Peek - Book 4: A New Hope

  Chapter Three

  Return of the One Armed Man!

  Grimbledung sat at the counter drinking. It was a slow day so he had ordered a small keg of ale from the brewery two blocks down- The Fat Blue Moon Tyre. Again. He's been sipping it since breakfast. It's made with wheat- that's a breakfast food, right? He told himself. Again. "Bored.” He said aloud. As usual.

  Door opened quickly as an Orc barreled into the shop. “It new month! Got wand.”

  “Here we go again.” Grimbledung sighed. “Do I even need to ask if you found it?”

  “Sure?”

  The pair stared at each other for a long moment. Grimbledung blinked first. “Fine. Did you find it?”

  “Sure.”

  “Was someone holding it while you found it?”

  “Holding what?”

  “The wand.”

  “Troll Lawyers say I no have to answer questions.”

  “You know, I’m not too sure we’re going to be able to do business....”

  “Have wand! New month!” The Orc leaned over the counter and pointed a thick finger at Grimbledung. “You say you buy wand if new month. I find wand and it new month. So I say have wand and it new month. You say you buy wand if it new month. So I say you buy wand because it new month!” His finger curled in, completing his fist. “SO BUY WAND!”

  “BECAUSE IT NEW MONTH,” Grimbledung shouted, helpfully.

  “Now you get it. Good.” The Orc put the wand on the counter.

  “Well that’s some hard to argue with reasoning.” He shrugged. “Fine, fine. Here’s...” Grimbledung noticed that the Orc narrowed his eyes menacingly. “Two copper!” Grimbledung put the coins on the counter.” He looked down at the wand. It was a sleek black affair that seemed to have a glow all its own. Grimbledung put his ear close to it. It had a slight hum. “Where’d you find the wand?”

  “Troll Lawyers say...”

  “Right, right. Listen Mister... ahh...” He raised his eyebrows expectedly.

  The Orc stared at him.

  “What’s your name, Mister Orc?”

  “Oh! I S’Am”

  “Sam?”

  “No. There pause there.” He frowned. “S’Am. You hear pause now?”

  “Is that short for something?” Now he was curious.

  The Orc nodded. But didn’t respond.

  “You’re doing this on purpose aren’t you?”

  “What?”

  “What’s it short for, S’Am?”

  “Sukla’ag Amtaore”

  “Ewww. That can’t be right. My Orcish is kinda rusty; what’s that mean in Gnomish?”

  The Orc thought for a moment; his Gnomish was rusty as well. “Tongrai kan emore san”

  “Emore san?” Grimbledung stuck out his tongue. “That’s disturbing. I think I’ll stick with S’Am.” Grimbledung shuddered. “So where did you find this wand, S’Am?” He peered close at it. [33]

  “Found it on dead Human.”

  “You sure you’re not emore tan instead?”

  The Orc shook his head “That gross. Was past the rotting groaners going to the Salty Ocean. Found Human dead there. Had bag of wands. Big bag of wands. Look like one go off. This only one in sack in one piece.”

  “A whole sack of wands?”

  “Yeah.” S’Am pointed at the wand. “That only one in one piece.

  “Well, here’s two copper for it. Thanks.”

  With a curt nod, the Orc stomped out of the shoppe.

  “A big bag of wands.” He looked at Door as it closed. “On the way to EternCity, past some Zombies.” He rubbed his chin. “I wonder.” He tried wondering, but within moments, Grimbledung sighed. “Bored.” He began to doodle.

  A gnarled looking, weather beaten husk of a human entered the store. He walked with a slight limp and his left sleeve was tied in a knot just above where his elbow should have been. “Need a wand.”

  “That and more, I should think..”

  The man wobbled his way to the counter. Grimbledung wasn’t sure what was keeping the man moving, or even living at that point. He was sure he had never seen a more ancient looking human. Or one who was so battered and still moving under their own power.

  “What sort of wand?” Asked Grimbledung. Do NOT mention the missing arm or hand!! “Are you looking for to give you a hand with?” Gah!

  “Something that’ll cook small critters that I snare. Nothing too lethal.”

  “Sure, we can take care of that and it won’t cost you an arm and a leg.” GAH!

  “Good to hear.”

  “You can still hear?”

  “Pretty well. My eyes are sharp as they ever were too.”

  “Well, that’s good to know. That’s the best news I’ve had all day. Hand’s down.” Stop doing that!

  The ancient man looked around the store. “Nice place here. Lots of room.”

  “Yep. When we rebuilt, I wanted to make sure there was plenty of elbow room for customers.” Yaaaa!

  “So you’re gonna do that until I’m pissed off then?”

  “No! No sir!” Grimbledung crossed his arms. “I’m through, really I am. He held up his left hand. “Promise!”

  The antique man stared at him. “Get me a cookin’ wand.”

  “Right away, Sir. Got them here within arm’s reach.” That was an honest mistake, really! Grimbledung pulled a wand from the glass counter in front of him. “This is a nice quality Incinerator wand that’ll do the trick.” He held it out for the olden man to take.

  “Just put her on the counter. I need to get out my coins.”

  “Sure, sure. I understand completely.” Grimbledung put the wand on the counter. “It’s a mere two copper, this high quality Incinerator.” He said amicably. “Senior Citizen’s special, that is.”

  The man eyed Grimbledung again. “Huh,” he said. Finally, after digging in his money pouch, he produced a gold coin. He tossed it on the counter.

  Rolton Chips! I gotta make change. Making change, while not impossible for Grimbledung, was always a challenge. “From a gold coin then.” He took a deep breath and pulled open the drawer beside him. It had a random sampling of coins in it. He concentrated and searched for copper coins. He would need several of those. “So from two copper to a gold coin then.”

  “I’d prefer that.”

  Grimbledung nodded at the man. “Right.” He reached into the drawer pulling copper coins one at a time. “So two copper for the wand. Then this makes three, four five, six, seven, eight, nine” he said as he dropped each coin onto the counter, “and this makes ten which is a silver.” He smiled at the hoary man.

  The man stared back.

  “So that’s one silver.” He looked back in the drawer. There were a few silver in the drawer, and one gold coin. He made sure he stayed away from picking that one. “So one silver, then this makes two, three, four, five.” He smiled. Drimblerod will be so proud! He continued to drop coins on the counter “Five, six, seven, and eight, and nine, and this one makes ten. Which means that this is one gold coin.” Whoo hoo! “How’s that?”

  “That’s about as close to right as I’d expect.”

  “Thanks!

  Grimbledung slid the pile of coins across the counter with one hand and pulled the
gold coin into the drawer with the other. He used his belly to push the drawer shut as he stacked the coins. He was looking forward to stacking and restacking the coins to make sure they were nice and neat, then he drag them all into the drawer with the rest. After doodling, it was his favorite way to pass the time. Except for drinking, that is.

  “Them are my coins, sonny.”

  Grimbledung’s hands flinched. “Oh right! Sorry. It’s habit. I like stacking coins.” He pushed the pile toward the decrepit man.

  The primeval man took the coins one at a time and put them in a belt pouch.

  Grimbledung waited patiently.

  As the man slid the last coin to the edge of the counter, he fumbled it with his fingers and it fell to the floor. Before Grimbledung could say anything, the man smiled -his first since entering the store- at him. “Be right back.”

  “I’ll wait here.”

  The man took a deep breath and ducked down slowly. Grimbledung could hear his bones creak and joints pop.

  “You okay down there?”

  “Yep. Got my coin. Coming back up.”

  “Thanks for the warning.”

  Old man slowly appeared above the counter, all bent and stooped. And holding a mini-crossbow. A loaded mini-crossbow.

  “That seems familiar.”

  “What?”

  “Never mind. Find that down there did ya?”

  “Something like that.”

  “Nice little weapon ya got there.”

  “Works good too.”

  “Thanks for the warning.”

  There was a long *uncomfortable* pause as the man pointed it at Grimbledung.

  “Well. I suppose I’ll see you around if you need another wand then?”

  “Find a sack.”

  “Well, I suppose I could help you find a sack. We’re a full service wand shoppe, you know. Try the Haberdashery down the street. It’s called Everything In Between.” He pointed to be helpful. “They’re full of service too.”

  “Sonny. If you don’t find a sack right now. You’re going to need a full service mortician.”

  “Someone who builds walls?” Grimbledung stalled.

  “Your life is just about over. I just thought I’d let you know. This conversation weren’t any more enjoyable the first time.” He raised the miniature crossbow to point at Grimbledung’s chest. “This time I’ll make sure it’s the last conversation you ever have.”

  “I got a sack right here!” Grimbledung pulled a sack from under the counter. “On the house.”

  “On the counter.”

  “On the counter” corrected Grimbledung. “Whatever you say. Doesn’t seem as grand that way.”

  “Put it on the counter.”

  Grimbledung put the sack on the counter. “Well, you have a nice day Sir. Enjoy your sack.”

  “Put the coins in the sack.”

  “But you put the coins in your own sack. Do you want me to take off your little coin sack and put it in this sack?” He asked, still stalling. Where was Drimblerod? Or Rat? “Or do you want me to take them out of your little sack and put them in the big sack?” Or Nulu? Or any other principle?? Most annoying! Even a minor character would do now. “Stupid Edward.”

  “That’s not my name.”

  “Someone else I know.”

  The man pointed the crossbow at Grimbledung’s chest. “Just about out of time, you are.”

  “So want me to come around and put your coin sack into this larger sack then? Doubled sacked?”

  “I want you to empty the drawer beside you into that sack. And I want it to be the next sound I hear. Or the next sound you hear is going to be you getting this bolt stuck in your chest. Again. And I’ll be sure to skewer yer heart this time.”

  Grimbledung gulped. He opened his mouth then looked at the man’s eyes. Something told him that the best course of action - the only course of action - that had any chance of keeping him attached to his life, was to put the coins in the sack. He pulled open the drawer and began to pull out the coins.

  Something itched at the back of his neck. He dared not scratch it.

  It’ll be fine. Just relax and it will be fine. “Really?”

  “I’m warning you…” The one-armed man said.

  Sure, you can trust me. Grimbledung’s mind said. Have I ever steered you wrong?

  “Not since breakfast,” admitted Grimbledung, hoping that he wouldn’t steer himself wrong.

  He did.

  Discussion Questions

  Is it wrong to envision Nulu- A strong, confident female character who is (refreshingly) a healthy, normal sized Trolless as merely a sex object in her battle armor?

  Draw what you think she would look like. Use a separate sheet (or sheets) of paper if you need to. Please forward all drawings to the author.

  Julie has herself a man. As a friend of Nulu, do you think the Sisterhood Rule of finding a suitable companion for your friend applies across races? Why? Why Not?

  Do Grimbledung and Drimblerod have any chance at finding respectable womenfolk? Write down possible scenarios that involve them finding said females. Forward them to the author.

  Maca. What is up with her? Elf? Witch? Demon? What gives?

  What exactly happened with Sage that made her leave Liverioso behind? Should he forgive her if they ever reunite? How will Semfeld feel about a reunion? How would you feel if you suddenly found yourself being “the third wheel”?

  * * *

  [1] So said a famous Shaman once. Sort of.

  [2] Book 2, Chapter 37. A couple of paragraphs down.

  [3] The Accidental Sailor. It’ll be a rollicking short in the Tales From the Mora Tau Bar and BAR.

  [4] Sorry, that was a real reach.

  [5] Warning: Math Content! Considering the height of Halflings to scale with typical 6-foot Human terms, this is a 90 foot drop. (45 ft drop/3 ft tall = 15 heights * 6 ft tall = 90 ft drop). 90 Feet = Lethal.

  [6] Oh yes, there’s going to be a bank robbery at some point. And it’s going to go on all day…

  [7] Literally! If you don’t believe that, just look!

  [8] It caused enough of a stir when Aution burned to the ground resulting in the town of Julesville, and not soon after, Halfling City was mentioned. The suggestion to rename Prost Garrison was NOT greeted with smiles. Persnickety folk, those Illustra.... err Cartographers.

  [9] Hence the term, “Pic(king) your leaders.

  [10] No, it doesn’t.

  [11] Honestly, how much security do you need when everyone knows that the occupants eat trespassers??

  [12] Yeah, she did. But she didn't let on; she was polite that way.

  [13] Yes, we’ll just come out and say it- Akita was hips-notized.

  [14] Even being the size of Orcs, stretching was fairly important- it was rule number 18 in their handbook, in fact

  [15] No, we have no idea what that means either.

  [16] Whew! Right?

  [17] So far so good!

  [18] This can’t go this well for much longer...

  [19] Here we go...

  [20] No we don’t understand it either. Just suspend your belief and go with it, all right?

  [21] Really, it’s more exciting this way.

  [22] It was, in fact, thirty minutes to Cool Springs, however the Orc assumed that if each rode ten minutes, that would equal the thirty minute. This bit of information does not affect the Orcs, but does come into play later. That’s why it is being brought up.

  [23] Half-board remember? They still need money for lunch.

  [24] Well, mostly proud.

  [25] For now at least….

  [26] Always a sure sign of a good person- people who are mean to servers are black hearted scoundrels to be avoided and/or dumped at the first opportunity! Beware!

  [27] Send the complaint “C/O Rio”

  [28] Book 16 - Grimbledung, the Witch, and the Dragon’s Wardrobe

  [29] No, it’s not. For two reasons: First off, South Jute is completely nuts. Second, Cool Spr
ings isn’t even on the map.

  [30] See?

  [31] Human ones. At least for the first twenty years, anyway.

  [32] Field Scroll 2.22-3 is out there for everyone. Even Gnomes.

  [33] Nope. You’ll have to ask to get this translation. We hope you know someone who speaks Orcish. Or Gnomish. If it really bugs you, can always ask the author. Or Grimbledung on his blog -- Blogs of an Angry Gnome.