The Accidental Naturist

by Richard Schillig

  “Brilliant, you have fixed the problem,” said Jones, with jubilation.

  “Non, Sorry Monsieur Jones the problem is not fixed. All I have done is start the engine, the moment you switch the engine off you will not be able to start it again. You definitely need a new alternator.”

  “Oh,” said Jones looking disappointed.

  “You will have to follow me to the garage, and Claude will give you a lift back to the campsite. I will give Claude a call as soon as your car is fixed,” said Marcel and with that he pushed his battery box back into the van, shut the doors got in and started to drive off.

  Jones had no idea as to where Marcel’s garage was so he jumped into the rental car and drove after Marcel. At the main road the white van turn left and sped off down the country lane. Jones reached the junction and turned left as well. He then lost sight of the van and had to put his foot down to try and catch up with it. Every so often Jones caught a glimpse of the van in the far distance. He knew that the French drove fast but this was ridiculous. But then Jones knew that if he lost sight of the van he wouldn’t have a clue as where to go and would be forced to find his way back to the campsite.

  Jones chased the white van kilometre after kilometre every so often losing sight of it completely for a minute or so only to catch a fleeting glimpse of it again before it disappeared around the next bend. Finally after a nerve racking twenty minutes, or so, they came upon a straight piece of road and Jones was at last able to close the distance that separated the two vehicles. In the far distance Jones could see a roundabout coming up and at the round about the little white van’s indicator came on showing that it was going to turn right, which it did, and shot off again. After, about three hundred metres the van’s right hand indicator came on followed by the brake lights. Jones thought that at last this must me be the garage; however it looked as if they were in a residential area. The van shot up a driveway and came to a halt and Jones was right behind. The door of the van opened and Jones could see a pair of legs swing out. The first realisation that something was very wrong was when Jones saw that on the end of those legs was a pair of brown work boots and not red burgundy bedroom slippers. As the body came out of the van it finally dawned on Jones that this definitely was not Marcel.

  Jones started to turn bright red and felt a complete and utter idiot. However it had happened, he had been following the wrong van, but how? His main concern at that point was to get the hell out of where he was. He put his car into reverse and shot down the drive and into the road. Luckily there was nothing coming in either direction, he selected drive and shot off back in the direction he had come. The man who had just got out of his van just looked and wondered what that was all about.

  Jones started to make his way back to the campsite at a much slower speed than he had been driving. He wondered as to how he could have possibly followed the wrong van. The only conclusion he came to was that on one of the stretches where he lost sight of the van for a while, Marcel’s van must have turned off and it just happened that another identical looking van just happened to have joined that road.

  Jones eventually got back to the campsite and parked his car by the reception area but remembered not to switch the engine off. He was just about to phone the car rental company when Claude pulled up alongside him. “Monsieur Jones, where have you been? I came to pick you up from the garage but you where not there. I then searched the roads nearby and came back here,” said Claude. Jones sheepishly explained what had happened and Claude had tears of laughter rolling down his face by the time Jones had finished. “Monsieur Jones, follow me to the garage. I will drive slowly and make sure that you are behind me the whole time,” said Claude. Claude and Jones set off to the garage in the next village and arrived without any further mishap.

  Claude explained to Marcel as to what had happened. Marcel started to roar with laughter and had tears running down his cheeks as well, and even had to sit down. Jones stood there very embarrassed and not amused, as he knew that they were talking about him. Jones slowly started to see the funny side of his little adventure; however he began to realise that this story would be doing the rounds for years to come. Claude gave Jones a lift back to the campsite and kindly dropped Jones off at his tent. “Well Monsieur Jones, Marcel will give me a telephone call when your car is ready to be collected. This will probably be about 6 this evening, so now you have the whole day to enjoy our campsite, and have a happy clothes free day,” said Claude. Jones thanked him and Claude drove off in the direction he had come leaving Jones standing there.

  Jones Becomes A Naturist

  Jones really did not want to hear those words, ‘Have a happy clothes free day.’ Jones realised, other than hiding all day, in his tent, he had little choice but to take off his clothes and bare all for the world to see. He looked around him and couldn’t see a single clothed person, anywhere. Everyone was as naked, and he was the only clothed person and now felt of out place. He did think of getting out of taking his clothes off by making the excuse of going to have some lunch but it was far too early for that.

  Jones went into his tent to have a think. He realised he could not stay here all day as sooner or later someone was bound to come by, or pitch a tent near to him as there were people arriving all the time, besides he wanted to see if Peter and Sara had arrived as he wanted to have words with them. After a while of deep contemplation he came to the conclusion that he had no choice but to become a naturist. He began by taking off his sandals and socks and immediately felt relief as the light breeze coming through the door of the tent circulated around his now bare feet giving him a pleasant feeling. He folded his socks and put them on his sleeping bag and then proceeded to take off his shirt which he folded and put next to his socks.

  Jones now had only two items of clothing left to remove. He popped his head out of the tent and looked around to see if anyone was nearby, and sighed with relief that no one was around. The only people he could see were a long way off and certainly weren’t coming in the direction of his tent. Jones now took off his trousers and neatly folded them and put them next to his shirt. He now had one item of clothing remaining, his navy blue boxer shorts. Once again Jones popped his head out of his tent and this time had a very careful looked to see if there was anyone around, but no one was to be seen. He came out of his tent and walked around it a couple times to make absolutely certain that no one was around. He felt the air on his body and it felt good and for a brief moment wondered whether or not he could leave his boxer shorts on. But he knew that he would look ridiculous and having the fun taken out of him earlier was more than enough for one day. He counted to three and took off his shorts and just threw them into his tent. Jones knew that if he took them off inside the tent he would never come out again. He now stood there naked, frozen to the spot, not really knowing as what to do next. He quickly realised that he could not stand there indefinitely and at some point, no matter what, he had to make a move. He looked around him and saw a track that led into the woods and decided to walk down the track.

  After a couple of minutes of walking and constantly turning his head in every direction to see if anyone was around or watching him he slowly began to relax. Jones felt the cool breeze on his skin and actually enjoyed the sensation of not being hot and sticky. He also began to realise that there was no restriction of movement created by clothing. He started to feel free and suddenly had the urge to run, but stopped himself. His spirits were uplifted and he felt good, life was good. With each step he was enjoying his walk more and more. After walking through the woods for about twenty minutes he completely forgot that he was naked. Jones suddenly found himself by the reception office. Claude’s son came out of the entrance naked. “Bonjour, Monsieur Jones,” said Jean with a beaming smile.

  “Bonjour Jean,” replied Jones really pleased with himself that he was able to converse in French, even if it was just a couple of words.

  “Monsieur Jones, be careful not to burn your skin, it is still very white and the su
n is very strong today. If you do not have any sun cream we do sell it in the shop,”

  “Merci Jean,” said Jones really pleased with himself, and pleased as to how comfortable he now felt being naked. Jones walked across to the camp shop and was greeted by Claude who was behind the counter.

  “Fully recovered after your adventure of this morning?” asked Claude with a smile on his face.

  “Yes thank you,” said Jones. “I need some sun cream please.” Claude got two brands of suntan cream and placed them in front of Jones. “Which is the best one?” asked Jones not having a clue as to which product was better.

  “They both do the same job and they are both the same price, the high factor one will give you more protection from getting burnt."

  “I will have this one,” said Jones picking up the one that was nearest him.

  ““That will be twelve Euros,”

  Jones instinctively went to reach for his wallet in his back pocket when he suddenly realised that he was naked. “I need to go and get some money,” said Jones somewhat embarrassed that he had no means of paying for his purchase.

  “It is not a problem Monsieur Jones, I will add the item to your bill and you can pay when you end your stay with us. Also, if you buy a drink or have a meal that too we will put on your bill as unfortunately us naturists do not have pockets for money. One final thing, when you do come to pay if you pay by cash we will give you a discount as we refuse to pay the credit card companies the high commissions they ask for. In fact as from next year we will refuse to accept all credit card payments, but we will be reducing our campsite fees as we will no longer have to allow for the high commissions and fees being charged.”

  “Merci Claude that is very kind of you. I will remember to get some cash from the ATM as soon as I get a chance, “said Jones gratefully.

  “Merci Monsieur Jones, and have a good day,”

  Jones picked up his purchase left the camp shop and headed back to his tent with almost a skip in his step to plaster himself in sun cream. Jones was now feeling on top of the world it was as if he had been a naturist all of his life, and for the first time he could see why Sarah and Peter were naturists. Jones really enjoyed his afternoon as a naturist and forgot about everything until Claude came up to him to tell him that his vehicle was ready for collection, which brought Jones back to the real world. Claude offered to give him a lift to the garage in an hour’s time and said that he would meet Jones in reception.

  From so desperately trying to get away from the campsite he now did not want to leave it. He made up his mind that he would stay where he was for the remainder of his holiday. An hour later he walked into reception where Claude was waiting for him. "I'm ready." said Jones without a care in the world.

  "Mr Jones, I think that maybe you have forgotten something," replied Claude with a big smile on his face.

  "No, I don't think so."

  "Mr Jones, I think you have forgotten to put your clothes on as we are going outside of the campsite."

  "Oh my god, I am so sorry. Back in a minute." Jones felt embarrassed and ran out of reception and back to his tent to put on some clothes. He would have happily left the campsite without putting on any clothes. As he was getting dressed for the first time in his life he felt that wearing clothes on a hot day was really stupid. Claude drove over to Jones's pitch to pick him up and take him to the garage. Claude couldn't help but like this Englishman.

  Jones eventually arrived back at the campsite without any further incident. The moment he got through the gates of the campsite he stopped the car and took off his clothes and then drove the rest of the way to his pitch naked. He felt exhilarated by his little adventure and was now looking forwards to being clothes free for the next few days.

  Jones Meets Up With Sarah And Peter

  That evening at seven Jones decided that he was going to go to the restaurant as he was feeling hungry. He decided that he was going to go naked, another new experience for him. As he walked through the restaurant he saw Sarah and Peter sitting at a table, and wandered over to say hello. From a few hours ago when all he wanted to do was to kill them he now wanted to thank them for changing his life.

  "Mr Jones, you decided to try something different then?" said Sarah extending her hand in greeting.

  "Yes, I took your advice and decided to broaden my horizon."

  "How are you enjoying your stay?" asked Peter now shaking Jones's hand.

  "I am loving every minute of it. I have been on a couple of short walks but I have not been on any of the trails yet."

  "Well are going to go on four hour hike tomorrow morning and you are more than welcome to join us," said Sarah.

  "Thank you, I would like that."

  "Just make sure that you bring water with you," said Peter.

  "Thank you that is kind of you."

  "Would like to join us for dinner Mr Jones?" asked Sarah.

  No one had ever asked Jones to join them for dinner. "I would like that, thank you. Please call me Alan," Jones replied, surprised that he actually wanted Peter and Sarah to call him by his first name as he pulled out a chair and sat down. The three of them hit it off straight away and found that they all had a passion for naturalism. They found that they all could learn from each other and Jones was really excited at the prospect of the trek the following morning.

  “How long have you been a naturist?” asked Sarah.

  “A very good question, one day,” replied Jones trying find the right words for what he was about to say. “I have to say that has been the best day of my life. You see when we got onto the subject of naturism back in the office I thought you were talking naturalism and not naturism.”

  “Oh dear, and we thought that you were a naturist. I am so sorry’” said Peter feeling really embarrassed.

  “Nothing to be sorry about, as it happens it was all a perfect mistake, in fact perfect mistakes. I thought that you were naturalists and took your advice and decided it was indeed time to broaden my horizon. I happened on a programme on this part of France but was only half listening to it. I then looked up this site on the internet and as there were no naked people in any of the pictures on the website so I really didn’t think anything of it. I was confused with the words naturist and naturalist thinking they were one and the same."

  “When did you realize that this was a naturist site,” asked Sarah.

  “When I arrived, but even then the penny didn’t drop straight away. I saw Claude behind the reception desk naked and thought that he was eccentric. Then as I looked around I saw other people wandering around without clothes. All I wanted to do was to leave and get away from the place as quickly as possible. However Claude told me that all the campsites were full, so I decided that I would stay for a few nights until I could find somewhere else to stay. Now I am so glad that everywhere else was fully booked.”

  The Day Of The Hike

  The following morning Jones woke up as the first rays of warming sunlight hit his tent. His first reaction was to reach for his clothes until he realised he did not need them. He was ready for his adventure and had packed his daypack the night before. The pack included a notebook and pen, his camera, a pair of binoculars, sun bloc, a small towel and a two litre bottle of water. He went and had a quick wash, returned to his tent and picked up his daypack and headed off to the restaurant for some breakfast.

  As he arrived at the restaurant he found that there were already around a half dozen people there, mainly, naked. Everyone greeted Jones as he walked in and found a table. This made him feel really good and he decided that he would be adventurous and have a French breakfast. He put his daypack on an empty chair sat down and placed his order. A woman came past his table and said good morning and sat down at the table next to his.

  Jenny, twenty eight years of age, with shoulder length brown hair, brown eyes, and medium but fit build, looked across to Jones’s table and saw his daypack on a chair. “You off on a hike this morning?”

  “Yes, I am going with a c
ouple of friends. We all have the same interests of photography and naturalism, so it should be an interesting day out.”

  “I am a naturalist as well and this is a busman's holiday for me as I am a naturalist by profession.”

  “Would like to join us,” asked Jones who instantly liked this woman and at the same time being annoyed that he not introduced himself.

  “I would love to but I can’t as I am meeting up with some friends for lunch on the coast. I would love to join you at some other time.” Just then Peter and Sarah arrived and everyone introduced themselves. They found that Jenny was on her own and invited her to join them for breakfast. Jones and Jenny got on like a house on fire and found that they had the same interests. What was even more surprising was that Jenny lived in the same road as Jones and yet their paths had never crossed.

  Sarah could see how well Jones and Jenny were getting on and suggested that if Jenny was free she might like to join them for dinner that night. Jenny said that she would be delighted and Jones was over the moon. After breakfast Jenny headed off to meet up with her friends and Peter, Sarah and Jones headed off on their hike.