Extol of Agnatic Dreams (The Extol Series Book 1)

by Jennifer R. Kenny

  With the final touches to her attire, Evangeline lead the way to the banquet hall. She had not visited the room often. Only once or twice had she bothered and yet Evangeline found it quickly. It felt good to know that she was learning the outlay of the castle and that she rarely found that dreaded feeling of being lost that would consume her so utterly when she first arrived at Braykith.

  “What is going to happen at this feast? Will Baxter be there?” Teagan asked, her voice not missing a beat as she asked after Glais’ brother. Evangeline frowned at it, although she didn’t comment she thought that maybe Teagan would distract him away from harassing Evangeline whenever it seemed to suit him. Unsure of the other girls’ intentions, Evangeline answered quickly, and trusted Viviana to control Teagan should she become too forward.

  “It is simply a meal with the royal family and a few higher ranking officials from within the community. I am sure it will not be overly formal.” Evangeline was guessing, but how formal could it be at a forced meal. Again, her stomach was threatening to remove any food she attempted to swallow. She would need to find ways to deal with this anxiety, and, unfortunately, the only method she had ever found useful was exposure to the events that made her anxious.

  Evangeline was comforted by her two friends being there with her, people who understood her and quite accomplished at removing her from awkward confrontation and small talk alike. It was obvious that with Teagan and Viviana by her side, she felt stronger than she did alone. Evangeline was glad they came, although she was sorry that they had been forced to abandon their blossoming lives to do it. Never did she think they would abandon her, and this proved her deepest fears that Crimah was firmly in her past and never the two should meet.

  -------------------

  The meal was as expected, and perhaps the biggest shock was that Teagan and Baxter did indeed seem to get along. Viviana made small talk with Kyleigh and Adeline, which left Evangeline sitting uncomfortably with Glais. He said not a word to her, and she found herself with nothing to say to start conversation. Courses were laid before them, the kitchens evidently putting in all their efforts for this meal even if it was such a small arrangement of people. In another time, Evangeline would have been impressed. Right now, she seemed to feel nothing.

  This was all a farce, a lie that Evangeline was sure everyone detected but refused to admit to knowing. She was forced to sit and smile, putting on the false mask of a happy bride to be when she felt such an opposite reaction to this arrangement. While the men sat at one end of the table making vulgar jokes just out of earshot, the women fixated on the state of Evangeline’s body and how likely would it be before the babies came, Evangeline felt herself reaching for her wine glass more and more often.

  At some stage, Glais did rise and excuse himself but returned shortly afterwards. Still nothing from him, a hint of his own concerns or how would they meet at a point where living together would not be completely heart wrenching seemed to be secrets he felt were worth guarding. It seemed impossible, and when he rose a second time after excusing himself from the table, Evangeline watched him. She thought she imagined it, but across the hall, the unmistakable figure of Luella could be seen just around the corner. Evangeline did not believe what she had just witnessed as she rose to follow.

  The wine fuelled her poor decisions, the hall décor a blur as she pulled up the hem of her skirts to make off on a brisk run in hopes of catching the pair before they could disappear into some room. Glais seemed bottomless in his search for sexual desire and Evangeline was embarrassed to admit how arrogant Glais had been. Without a thought on her own insecurities, he brashly left his own meal to take up with some castle whore. Surely no man was so selfish as to be caught doing this on the night their engagement was announced. Infidelity was one of the causes the Priest would take as a reason not to be wed. Still Glais did this.

  Evangeline preferred to think that he was too disillusioned about his own abilities to be discreet. The only other option available to her was that he just did not care if she witnessed his disappearing act with the young woman. Glais had barely spoken two words of kindness since her arrival and had refused her so publically on travelling to the church. Evangeline had been lying to herself, refusing to believe he did not care for her at all and yet here was the evidence without any merit of false allegations.

  They had played together as children on occasion once or twice, and she was sure he had been adequately prepared for this just as she had been. Education on the kingdom and what to expect as a King and husband would have been part of his childhood memories just as it had been part of hers. It may have come sooner than expected but it had always been known that this day would come. Above all else, Evangeline did not believe that she had done anything to deserve this disrespect. If he thought he was discreet, then he was wrong. Did Glais really think that no one would notice if he just disappeared halfway through a formal evening? Perhaps the Braykith servants turned a blind eye on his arrogance but Evangeline could not.

  She was to be his wife and this will not be a one-sided marriage. Be it for love, honour, or simply acceptance of fate Evangeline would demand to be respected as his partner. While she knew better then to believe he had been chaste Evangeline had never imagined he would dare to be so obvious about it, and she had never dreamt that there would be something still happening once she came to the castle to live. Perhaps Teagan had been right, and if she offered herself to him as a wife should he would find his release with her and her alone. The wine was working her mind in mysterious ways, and the terrible suggestion suddenly felt inspired and almost like gospel spoken from the messengers of Xado himself direct to her ear.

  Had she not seen these walls countless times before, Evangeline may have been distracted. Even now, after all this time wandering the halls and learning the subtle differences, the portraits and sceneries that decorated the walls continued to be a sight to behold. At this moment, she could not enjoy the perfection of needlepoint, or the delicate splattering of layered paint on canvas as her feet took charge of her direction and followed the still warm path of Glais’ escape.

  Turning down the hallway, she spotted the faintest flutter of pale blue fabric before it disappeared between the closing doors. Hurrying her steps, Evangeline closed the gap between them quickly. However, she came to a halt at the door. Some of her courage was leaving her, curiosity rising in its place. Evangeline could imagine the things he was doing to Luella now they believed they had privacy, however, the reality would be harsh to witness. The door was not properly closed, abandoned slightly ajar in their haste for each other. The door jeered at her almost like it was inviting Evangeline to spy on the lovers in their natural trance.

  She approached the door carefully, dropping her dress hem on her approach and peeking into the room without moving the door. She doubted she could handle to see more than what was already being shown to her. Evangeline struggled to not disturb the joining of a woman to a man. Luella’s head was thrown to the side; Glais’ head bowed over her body with barely space enough for a breath between them. She was a picture of surrender, his hands clutching to the delicate fabric in such a way that reminded Evangeline of both pleasure and pain. She could not look away. The building would not betray her presence, concealing Evangeline entirely and absorbing her groan of disgust. She needed to make herself known or risk seeing the finale to an act she had no right to witness in the first place.

  Evangeline pushed the door open, standing in the doorway and impossible to miss. The wood hit the wall with such force it bounced back just a little but not with enough force to swing shut against her. “Leave us.” The power of her voice didn’t reveal the shake in her legs and again Evangeline was mimicking the pose of her mother, although she was sure her mother never had to fear her father doing these shocking things with other women.

  Neither Glais or Luella seemed happy to see her. In that instance, Evangeline did not care what Luella had to say but clearly from the way the woman stayed clinging t
o Glais, her hands frozen in the act of removing his coat from his shoulders, she did not take Evangeline’s demand seriously. Luella did not see a need to be discreet or apologetic and believed she would be returning to the task at hand rather quickly.

  If Evangeline had not been so focused on the determination on Luella’s face, she might have noticed the cracks that appeared in Glais’ mask. He had not been expecting Evangeline to follow and indeed had never thought her brave enough to confront him like this. He had been watching her grow in personal power since her friends arrived and it seemed that inner strength and self-worth was rising at a speed he could not begin to guess at. Embarrassed to be seen with Luella, and apologetic that Evangeline would be forced to witness such a thing, Glais concentrated on keeping his face still. He did not want Evangeline to know how badly this affected him and the years of practice in concealing his lies was making good its claim now.

  Luella, looked at Glais, his hands still tight on the fabric of her dress. He was frozen at that moment and had eyes only for Evangeline, who stayed standing in the doorway. Luella couldn’t believe Glais actually cared for Evangeline, and that his fear of being labelled a monster outweighed any kind of obligation he had to Evangeline. Their engagement was a joke, and Luella was waiting for Glais to dismiss her so they could resume.

  “Order her to leave Glais,” Luella said finally. Her voice seemed to break the magic silence that had settled over the room. However, Glais did not do as she demanded. The shock was evident on the other women’s features as Glais stepped away from Luella and untangled her hands from his garments.

  He said nothing, not trusting his voice but it was obvious that a choice was being made here and it would not end in Luella’s favour. Glais had found a new focus and at the same time, both women seemed to realise it. “Her?” Luella shouted and Evangeline thought that guards would come storming into the room from the commotion but the hallway seemed deserted. “She can’t understand you the way I do Glais.”

  Glais seemed unaffected by Luella. He put his hand up to stop her, but she slapped his hand down. He did not raise it again. Evangeline had witnessed Glais being physical with Luella before but this time, he seemed unphased. She was a mere insect that bothered him enough to swat lazily at it but he did little else. When Glais refused to engage Luella found Evangeline in her sights.

  Evangeline wanted to shrink back as Luella crossed the space between them. She wasn’t sure how she managed to stay standing but Evangeline suspected it was shock. Luella pointed at Evangeline, shoving her finger into Evangeline's shoulder. “He will be your end. You never should have come here.” Evangeline had never been threatened so directly before and she did not know how she was supposed to respond to it.

  “Luella, you are being dismissed.” Glais reminded her, which caused Luella to spin around and glare at him. It seemed she was at a loss for what to say so instead gave Glais a screaming noise of frustration before she stormed off. Luella left behind thick tension and Evangeline feeling very self-conscious. Her shoulder stung from where Luella had stabbed her with her finger. However, she didn’t want to show how much it hurt. Evangeline was uncertain if it was lust or anger she would now be forced to witness but regardless she needed to keep her wits about her.

  Evangeline felt a little better that Glais had not dismissed her at Luella’s demand for her removal. It might not mean much but small victories were all she could come to expect. Since Luella had taken her leave Evangeline and Glais had been locked in a staring contest. The bravery that had forced her to speak at the entryway was quickly fading as they stood barely a metre apart and alone.

  Glais broke the silence. “You are missing the party.” Evangeline could not return to the party after what she had just witnessed. This confrontation had been coming for a long time, and she was going to have it now. A fool’s bravery had brought her here; standing before Glais now took all the defiant words from her lips. The thoughts that had forced her feet to fly after Glais were now distant and pathetic mumbles. She felt confident that if she were to leave, Evangeline would never dare to return and confront him again. It was now or never. She knew within her own heart that she could never stand at his side while Glais bedded other maidens.

  “I can give you what you want.” The words had barely left her lips but she could tell that Glais had heard her. It was subtle, the flare in his eyes and the spike in his posture that urged her to continue. “If you would allow it, I am yours for the taking.” She couldn’t believe she was making this suggestion and yet she continued. “You were promised my hand and the body it is attached to.” The last words came out in a rush, Evangeline barely having the courage to end the statement.

  A calming breath helped but could not slow the hard beat of her heart as she reached for him. Her skin appeared so tanned when compared to his marble tone. Daring to follow the natural curve of his face, Evangeline’s body attempted to mimic the effortless drape of the girl who had stood here just moments before her. Her hand anchored on the back of Glais’ neck but she felt awkward and all too aware of where his body was pressed against her own.

  “You know nothing of what I need.” It seemed Glais had found humour in this moment and not the allure Evangeline was aiming for. She could only nod at his words and disconnected from him just as awkwardly as she had attempted to seduce him. Everything about this moment proved that she did indeed knew nothing about his needs as he had pointed out. Also that there was more to flirtation and sex than Evangeline ever imaged was possible.

  “It is true that I am innocent…” her thoughts tapered away at his scoffed at her admission. It was enough to turn her cheeks red from his apparent disbelief that it be true. “We have been engaged since we were children. Of course, I am pure when I come to you.” She could not believe that Glaid did not think it was so and was suddenly ready to defend her honour against a man who clearly had none of his own. Evangeline managed to raise her face in defiance but she could not meet his gaze. Emptiness sat there in his pupils and Glais would drag her in until she felt breathless and ill. “I belong to you. Take it from me, and no other. I will not fear whatever it is you feel needs to be hidden.”

  Evangeline had caught his interest finally. She could tell from the newly controlled posture, the seemingly natural stance gone from his body as Glais regarded her for perhaps the first time as someone worthy of his time. His father had been telling him since her arrival that Evangeline could be trusted just as Kyleigh was trustworthy, but he had never believed his father's insistence until this moment. Glais stood at attention without even realising it, trying to find some logical reason to reject her once more. It should be simple enough for him to force her from this room and back to the other party guests with no story to tell. He would do this for her own life, even if Evangeline did not believe it. He did all of this to keep her alive. The less she knew, the safer she would be.

  Evangeline dared a peek at his eyes and instantly she was breathless and had to look away. This was not the first time she would come to wonder if he liked her as a person. Could Evangeline ever be someone he thought of or was Evangeline simply someone to tolerate because both of their families needed this marriage to work? She felt him move, her breath caught in her throat as she feared, and also willed, his hands on her body. Instead, Glais reached for her hand which had stayed behind his neck, plucked it from its perch and steadied Evangeline on her feet.

  “Return to the party,” Glais commanded.

  The dismissal was so complete Evangeline felt powerless to do anything more than obey. “I will come to you every moment you crave another.” She felt a sudden chill in the air but she pushed down that shiver that dared to dance on her shoulders. “We share a life Glais. You must accept me eventually. It might as well be today.” She paused for the barest of moments, hoping to see a softness appear on his cheeks. Bowing her head, she left. Refusing to run but her walking feet were not casual in their escape.

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  Evangelin
e had not returned to the party, and she could not even bear to pretend that all was well. She ignored the pleasantries she had been taught growing up and returned to her rooms to hide from the embarrassment. On the long walk alone, she kept imaging Luella waiting for her, but thankfully she never appeared. Evangeline slipped into her own bedroom of safety without a collision with anyone. She would not cry again over Glais. She had suffered for far too long over something she did not understand. He deserved nothing from her.

  She took a pillow from her bed, throwing herself into the mattress and she screamed out her pain. Everything she felt, the loneliness and isolation, the unfairness and finally how despicable her future seemed went into that scream. It turned feral, a howl that could not be human. Yet, it did come from her and the pillow did the job in containing it. Exhausted she laid face down, cowering on the bed and shaking just a little from the intensity.

  It was barely heard, the knock, and she had a wild guess about who stood on the other side of the door. Teagan and Viviana would never knock, and Wick hardly dared to announce her arrival just as she refused to use her voice. Evangeline was sure that Teagan and Viviana had not even started to question her disappearance just yet. No other person on the grounds would wish to be seen with her. Evangeline’s self-loathing confirmed that for her. She was a disgrace; the ugly dismissal from Glais that still tainted her reputation was only the beginning of her shame.

  Perhaps it was the King, Quintus, coming to tell her that the marriage was off and that he had found some other way to work out a long-term plan with her father which wouldn’t embarrass Crimah. If she were not to marry Glais, then she could not provide for Crimah. All she had done for much of her life would all be for nothing. She was quick to bury her face to hide the fresh tears before the doors opened. A pillow dropped over her hair, hiding her face but Evangeline could still feel the presence. This was worse than Quintus. Right at this moment she would have begged for Luella to come, then Glais.