by Marta Perry
“You’re in the wrong place. Move over.”
“Am not.” The boy returned the shove. “You are.”
“William,” he began. But before he could get the warning out, his son had given the other boy a push that sent him stumbling into the end candle.
It swayed dangerously. He lunged toward it, a warning shout caught in his throat. But he was too late. The candle toppled, hitting the next one. Then, like a row of dominoes, they were all falling, one after another, and the room was filled with the clatter and the squeals of the children as they scrambled out of the way.
Toby reached them in time to catch the last candle and lower it to the floor. Susannah had already waded into the fray, trying to see if anyone was hurt. Then Mamm and Becky were there, as well, pulling children away from the mess that had been the stage for Susannah’s Christmas program.
“Stop it!” The male voice was loud enough to silence the most high-pitched squeal. James Keim slammed the schoolroom door behind him like a punctuation mark. “What is the meaning of this?”
“An accident...” Susannah began.
“This is not acceptable.” Keim didn’t wait for her explanation. “I came here today because the bishop urged me to meet with you to resolve our difficulties, and I find the schoolhouse in chaos.”
“It’s not—” Toby began, but Keim shouted over him.
“Disgraceful!” He glared at Susannah, then the rest of the schoolroom. “The Christmas program is cancelled. The school is closed until a new teacher is hired. You will all go home. Now.”
“Wait a minute.” The anger that shook him startled Toby. “You can’t—”
But Keim was already stomping out the door, as if he had no doubt that his orders would be obeyed.
Hands curling into fists, Toby lunged after him, but Susannah quickly put a restraining hand on his arm.
“Don’t, Toby. Don’t. It’s over.” Her voice broke on the words.
All Toby could do was stand there, looking at the despair in her face and know that it was his fault.
Chapter Eight
Susannah struggled to hold herself together. Her students were clustering around her, some of them crying. She had to stay strong for them.
“Hush, now.” She drew a couple of weeping children close against her. “There’s no reason to cry. It’s not your fault.”
“We should have behaved better.” Zeke Esch, one of her eighth graders, looked at the other children as he spoke. “All of us should.” He sent a firm look at William and Thomas, whose quarrel had ignited the trouble.
William studied the tips of his shoes, while Thomas wiped away a tear with his sleeve.
“It startled all of us when the candles fell,” Susannah said. She didn’t want William and Thomas to be the target of anyone’s blame, whatever they’d done. “Right now we must concentrate on cleaning up.”
“But, Teacher Susannah, what’s going to happen?” Sarah Esch, Zeke’s twin sister, had blue eyes bright with tears. “Can’t we have our Christmas program?”
Zeke nudged her. “It’s worse than that. We’re going to lose Teacher Susannah.”
There was a fresh outburst of sobs at his words.
Susannah tried to smile, fighting down her own despair as she looked for the right words. If nothing else, she owed the children honesty, as always. “I’ll pray that we can work out this trouble so that I can still be your teacher. But if not, then we must accept it.”
And that would be a bitter pill to swallow. How much easier it would be to blame others for this grief.
She had to suck in a breath before she could continue. “If you have a new teacher—”
“No,” Sarah said, the word echoed by others.
“If you have a new teacher,” Susannah said again firmly, “I know you will behave in a way to make me proud of you.”
Several of the older students looked solemn at that, but they nodded.
“Now.” She couldn’t keep going much longer without breaking into tears. “If you are walking home, you may get your books and your coats and be dismissed. If you are waiting to be picked up, I want you to help with the cleaning.”
She glanced at Becky. She looked shaken, but she responded with a quick nod. “Come along now,” Becky said, shepherding children away from Susannah. “You heard Teacher Susannah. Sarah, will you help organize the walkers? And, Zeke, you can start that clean-up, ain’t so?”
Both of them nodded, looking gratified at being singled out as the oldest scholars in the school. In a moment the kinder had moved away reluctantly.
But she’d barely had time to take a breath before Toby appeared, holding William with one hand and Thomas with the other. He gave them each a shake, his face grim.
“What do you have to say to Teacher Susannah?”
“I’m sorry, Teacher Susannah.” Thomas couldn’t get the words out fast enough, and tears welled in his eyes. “I shouldn’t have done it.”
“Denke, Thomas.” She touched his shoulder lightly, and Toby let him go. He scurried off, obviously eager to disappear.
Toby gave his son another little shake. “Well, William?”
“Sorry,” William muttered, his gaze on the floor.
She could see that Toby wasn’t satisfied with the apology, and she shook her head in silent warning. It might only make the boy’s behavior worse to push the point.
“Denke, William.” She said the words quietly, hoping he’d look at her.
But he didn’t. He wrenched himself free of his father’s grip and darted off.
Muttering something, Toby started to go after him, but she caught his arm.
“Let him go. Talk to him later, after you both calm down. And listen to him.”
“It hasn’t done too much good so far,” he said. “As if I haven’t done enough harm to you, and my own son—”
“Don’t, Toby.” She really couldn’t listen to any more. “Just get him and Thomas to help clean up. That’s the best thing right now.”
He gave a curt nod and stalked off to help clear away the mess.
It seemed to take forever, but the schoolroom was finally neat again. And empty, with all the children gone. Susannah stood for a moment, looking around, trying to create a picture in her mind of the schoolroom as it looked at this moment. If she never saw it again—
Stop, she ordered herself. Moving stiffly, she went to her desk and sank down on the chair. Maybe she should take her personal belongings home with her, just in case, but she couldn’t seem to summon the energy to do so. She felt empty. Drained. All she wanted was to be home, with the door closed, free to indulge in the tears that kept threatening to overflow.
The schoolroom door opened, and she barely had time to put her defenses in place before Toby had come in. He strode toward her with the air of a man who’d made up his mind about something.
“Susannah, we have to talk.” He planted his hands on her desk.
“Not now.” She pushed herself to her feet, feeling as if she was weighed down by a heavy load. “Later.”
“This can’t wait.” His lips twisted. “What happened is my fault. I have to do something.”
She couldn’t cope with his feelings, not when she could barely manage her own. “There’s nothing you can do.” Please, Toby, go away and leave me alone.
“There has to be. If I hadn’t given in to impulse and kissed you, you wouldn’t be at risk of losing your school.”
Her heart winced at his casual mention of their kiss. She could never let him know how much it had affected her. “We were both to blame.”
He shook his head, jaw set, brows lowering, making her think how little he’d changed from the boy she’d loved. “No.”
“You were always impulsive,” she said. “And always sorry afterwar
d, too.”
He stared at her for a moment and then, quite suddenly, he smiled.
The smile traveled straight to her heart, bursting there like fireworks and illuminating all the dark corners.
He caught her hands in a typically impulsive movement. “Marry me, Susannah,” he said. “I know it doesn’t solve all your problems, but at least then you wouldn’t have to worry about teaching or dealing with a man like Keim.” He seemed to warm to his theme even as she struggled to process it. “Think about it. We have always been friends. We could have a good life together, couldn’t we?”
His hands tightened on her fingers, and in that moment, she saw two things very clearly. She had never stopped loving him. And she couldn’t marry him.
Her breath caught in her throat. Perhaps a few weeks ago she’d have said yes. She’d have taken what he offered her, thinking half a loaf was better than none.
But not now. If this trouble had taught her anything, it was that she was stronger than she’d thought. She would not take second place in anyone’s heart, not even Toby’s.
“No.” She said it with a finality she hoped he’d recognize, and she pulled her hands free. “I can’t take that way out of my troubles, Toby.” She walked away quickly before he could stop her. “Losing my job is not a good enough reason to marry you.” She grabbed her coat and hurried out the door.
* * *
“Wouldn’t you like a little piece of shoofly pie?” Susannah’s mother hovered over her, a plate in her hand. She had been forcing food on her ever since Susannah got home from school the previous day. She’d eaten something to please Mamm, though even her mother’s delicious baking tasted like ashes in her mouth.
“Leave the girl alone,” her father said, correctly interpreting her expression. “Eli will have a piece. He’s always hungry.”
The family, gathered around the kitchen table, smiled at the reference to her next older brother’s notorious appetite. Eli grinned.
“Give it here, Mamm. I’ll have Susannah’s share.” He accompanied the words with a wink, reminding her of their childhood, when the two of them had always paired up against their two older brothers.
She tried to smile, but her face felt stiff. Much as she appreciated the support they’d come to offer, she longed for nothing more than to be left alone to nurse her wounds.
That was a useless hope, she knew. In the close-knit Amish community, there was no such thing as struggling with your problems alone.
Becky, who’d shown up before her brothers, refilled coffee cups around the table before sitting down next to Susannah. “What are we going to do?” she said, resuming the discussion that had been interrupted by Mamm’s determination to feed all of them. “We certain sure don’t want our kinder taught by anyone but Susannah. Maybe the other school board members—”
“I spoke to them already,” Daad said. At Susannah’s look of surprise, he nodded. “Went over to see them last night, that’s what I did.” He frowned. “They want to support our Susannah, but it’s no use expecting much from them. Harley Fisher works for Keim, after all, and Matthew Busch is too ill to get into a wrangle.”
“Well, I still say we should go to the school board meeting,” her oldest brother insisted. “Make Keim come right out in the open with his accusations.”
Susannah shuddered at the thought, thinking of what Keim was likely to say. Still, was there anyone in the church who hadn’t heard it already? Her already-sore heart twisted.
“I say we go to Keim’s house and have it out with him,” Eli said, his eyes bright and his big hands curling into fists. “He’s got no right to dictate to the rest of the church. And maybe we should have a talk with Toby while we’re at it.”
Daad reached across the table to clasp Susannah’s hand in his, an unusual demonstration of affection for someone usually so taciturn. “What do you think, Susannah? You know how we feel about this, but it’s for you to say.”
She looked around the table, and the love and caring in each face eased her pain. She glanced at the candles and greens Mamm had placed on the windowsills and thought of her scholars’ faces, and the answer seemed to grow clearer.
“Denke. It helps so much to know you care. But how can we do something that could divide the church? It would be a poor way of honoring the birthday of the Prince of Peace.”
They objected to the idea of giving in so readily, of course, but fortunately before they could wear Susannah down with their arguments, there was a knock at the door.
Eli, who was closest, rose to answer it and drew back to usher in John Stoltzfus, the bishop. The clatter of voices ceased abruptly at the imposing figure.
Bishop John was tall and lean, stooped a little after years of bending over in his work as a farrier. His beard was more white than gray, but his eyes were still bright with the energy needed for the two church districts under his care.
“Wilkom, Bishop John.” Daad eyed him warily, but there was nothing very frightening in the bishop’s expression. He smiled and greeted everyone, and when his keen eyes rested on Susannah, she felt as if he looked right through her and still found reason to smile.
“We should have a little talk, ain’t so, Susannah?”
She nodded. There was bustling around the table as everyone found some reason to be elsewhere. In a few minutes, with warm hugs and murmurs of support, they were gone, leaving her alone to talk with Bishop John.
He pulled a chair over so that they sat facing each other, and she gave him a quick, apprehensive glance before lowering her gaze to her hands, folded in her lap.
“There’s no reason that I know of for you to look so worried,” Bishop John said, his deep voice gentle. “I didn’t come with two ministers to confront you with wrongdoing. It’s chust the two of us, wanting to talk about the problem.”
Susannah blinked back a rush of weak, foolish tears. “Denke, Bishop John.” She took a steadying breath. “I don’t know what to do.”
“That is a gut place to start,” he said, and she thought she detected a trace of amusement in his voice. “Too many folks think they already know what the Lord wants them to do.”
She risked a glance. “James Keim says I have given the board cause for dismissal.”
“Ja, I have heard from James. What do you say?”
Of course Keim would have gone straight to the bishop with his accusations. She should have anticipated it. “I was wrong to let Toby kiss me in the schoolhouse. That was inappropriate, and I don’t blame anyone for being shocked. But the problem at the rehearsal for the Christmas program—”
Her voice shook a little as she remembered that scene. “It was an issue with two boys misbehaving, and I would have dealt with it as I have with countless problems in the past ten years. There was no good reason to cancel the Christmas program and disappoint the students and their families.”
“I should tell you I have talked to Toby Unger,” he said. “He is very quick to blame himself for what happened between you. He says that he took you by surprise, and he is truly grieved that he’s caused you such trouble.”
She was shaken at the thought of Toby discussing her with the bishop, and her cheeks flamed. Naturally the bishop would put this incident first, concerned as he was with the hearts and souls of his people.
“The guilt belongs to both of us,” she said firmly. “I’m a grown woman, not a foolish teenager, and I am...was...the teacher.”
“True, the schoolhouse is not the place for kissing.” Slight amusement sounded in his voice. “But there is not anything wrong with a kiss between a single man and a single woman that I know of. Toby tells me he has asked you to marry him.”
Her hands clenched. “I have told him no.” She could feel the bishop’s gaze on her face, and she didn’t dare look up.
“Do you love him, child?”
Sh
e felt her cheeks grow hot. She might try to lie to herself, but she certain sure couldn’t lie to the spiritual leader of the church.
“I do love him,” she said softly. “I always have. But he...he doesn’t feel the same way toward me.”
To her relief, Bishop John didn’t pursue it further. “As to this other matter, my feeling is that James Keim acted in haste.” He paused, and Susannah could almost feel him choosing his words. “I will continue to pray for guidance, and I’ll speak to James again.” He didn’t sound as if he expected much from that conversation.
“Denke, Bishop John. I’m grateful.” She met his gaze then and saw the sorrow there. Bishop John truly lived the command to bear one another’s burdens, and she could almost see them weighing on his shoulders.
“If nothing else,” he said, “I think the Willow Run School will need a teacher next fall. I’ll speak with them. I’m sure they would be eager to have you.”
“Denke,” she said again. “It’s very gut of you.”
So why didn’t she feel more joy at the thought of having a school again? The truth sank in. Losing her school was a terrible thing.
But losing Toby was even worse.
Chapter Nine
Stretching out next to the carriage he’d been working on, Toby squirmed his way underneath to check the axles. The owner had complained of a squeaking noise he hadn’t been able to account for, so he’d brought it back to the workshop, probably hoping Toby’s father would be fit for work again. Well, he’d have to settle for Toby.
Even Toby’s persistence in keeping busy hadn’t been enough to keep his mind occupied. Bishop John had accepted his version of things without much comment, other than to say that he’d be seeing both Keim and Susannah and hoped to straighten matters out. But so far Toby hadn’t heard anything else. Nearly twenty-four hours had passed since Toby had stood with Susannah in the schoolroom and watched the destruction of her dreams.
He frowned absently at the axle just above his face. A dozen times he’d nearly gone over to the Miller place to try to speak to Susannah, but what could he say that hadn’t already been said?
