“Yeah.”
“Thank you. Do you want to meet somewhere?”
“No, you can pick me up.”
“I’d love to. Is six okay?”
“Six works. Just something casual, right?”
“Yeah, casual.”
“Cool. See you at six. Shall I be naked and silent on the couch?”
I notice the humor reflecting in her tone and chuckle. “Not this time.”
“Good answer. See you later.”
“Bye.”
After hanging up, I feel higher than any buzz a drug could give me. She said I could see her, and there’s nothing I want more than this right now. I just hope when I ask my question, she doesn’t tell me to go. I want her to see how hard I’m willing to work to keep her in my life.
I SIT AT MY DESK and sigh. I said yes, but I couldn’t say no. There’s nothing in me that would allow it. Now I have to try and focus on my job all day while knowing I’m gonna see him tonight. As I finish my report, I smile, realizing that I long for the days when I would get a text or a call telling me to go in the bathroom and do something naughty. I miss the excitement of wondering what he would command me to do. I miss the way he handled me, talked to me, twisted me. I miss Gabriel the way he was even though sometimes he really pissed me off. I wonder if we could negotiate back to that. Could we get to a place where we find a balance between demanding and overbearing? Is there such a thing as moderately dominant? Can he
be happy if I’m one thing in the bedroom and something else out of it? Can I? I don’t know the answer to any of this, but I know one thing. Gabriel is in my bloodstream and he’s not getting out any time soon.
At five minutes to six, I check my reflection, spritz perfume, and walk out to the living room. My stomach is a jumbled mess and my thoughts fight between logic and desire. My body is near combustion. I know he’ll be prompt. He’s always prompt.
When I hear the knock, I close my eyes, then open them to find Vixen standing on the arm of the couch staring at the door. She knows it’s him too. Walking over I open the door, then take a small step back at the sight of him. He’s amazing in dress clothes, but standing there in his jeans and tight fitting t-shirt, he’s phenomenal. He tips his head, flashing his stunning smile and baby blues at me.
“Hi, Mia.”
“Hey.”
He extends his hand showing me a silver key. “I forgot I had it.”
“Oh.” I glance at it, then make a decision. “Why don’t you keep it a little longer? You know, just in case.”
Gabriel smiles, sliding it back in his pocket. “I’d love to.”
“Um, you can come in while I grab a jacket.”
“Great.”
He follows me, closing the door behind him, and as I walk down the hall, I notice him cuddling Vixen. Unbelievable how she takes to him. After grabbing a jacket, I walk back to find Gabriel staring at the couch.
“Everything okay?”
He meets my gaze. “Definitely. Just a memory hit me.”
“The one where you kissed me so hard I forgot how to talk for a few minutes.”
“That’s the one.”
“That was a good kiss.”
“It was.” As he steps forward, we are so close I have to strain my neck to maintain eye contact. “I wish I had a time machine.”
“Same.” Reaching up, I run my fingers through his hair as he closes his eyes. “You have amazing hair.”
Opening his eyes, he grins. “So do you. Ready for dinner?”
“Yeah, but I’m not that hungry.”
He nods. “I am, but not for dinner.”
“We shouldn’t…”
“I know. You’re scared of me.”
I shake my head. “No. No, I’m not, Gabriel. We’re just miles apart on expectations.”
“Are we?”
“We were.”
His brow furrows. “We should go before…”
“Before we can’t?”
“Yeah.” He runs his fingers through his hair. “I am so drawn to you. So unbelievably attracted, it’s astonishing, really.”
“I can relate. I don’t even want to eat right now. I just want you to tear me apart.”
“Jesus, Mia. Don’t say shit like that.”
“It’s the truth.”
“I would if you let me, but I want to talk first. I want to earn your trust back. I need to.” He cups my face. “It’s not enough for me to have access to your body. I need all of you, every part, and the only way I get that is by gaining your trust back. So let’s go and talk, and then see what you have to say after that.”
“Okay.” As we walk out to his car, I’m both surprised and impressed with the self-control he just displayed. I cracked the door open, but he didn’t walk in.
Once in the car, we drive off to a destination unknown to me, but I don’t care. I’m with Gabriel, and that’s good enough for me. We arrive at a sushi place that’s one of my favorites.
“I read good things about this place online,” Gabriel explains. “Do you like sushi?”
“I actually love this place. Good call.”
He wipes his brow. “Whew.”
I laugh as we exit the car. As we walk, he reaches for my hand, and I let him take it, knowing how good his touch feels. This can’t be the same man that pissed me off like nothing I’ve ever felt just a week ago. Once inside the restaurant, we’re seated, and it’s so noisy, Gabriel moves to the chair next to me.
“I just want to make sure you can hear me.”
“No problem.” I grab the sushi menu and start marking what I want, then slide it to him. He looks it over, marks a few more boxes, then sits back in his seat just gazing at me with a smile on his face. “What?”
“You’re just so stunning. I’m really happy to be with you right now.”
“I could repeat that exact statement to you.”
Our server, Lisa, comes over and we each order Saki along with our sushi order. She quickly returns with our drinks, and we clink our little white cups together.
“To growth,” Gabriel says.
“Growth?”
“Yeah. Sometimes it’s painful, but it’s always worth it.”
I smile. “Okay. To growth.” We sip our drinks, then I set my cup down. “What did you want to ask me?”
“Can we eat first and just enjoy each other’s company? I’m not avoiding it. I’d just rather wait a bit.”
“Sure, Gabriel.”
A few minutes later, our food is delivered and we both start digging in to our rolls.
“Have you had a good week at work?” I ask. “Last thing you told me was that you were gonna fill in for your manager.”
He nods, finishing his bite. “He’s booked it for next month, right after the holidays.” He smiles. “Speaking of, do you have plans for Christmas?”
God, I hope I do with him. “No.”
“Neither do I.” He pauses, gazing into my eyes. “Maybe we can hang out.”
“Yeah, maybe.”
“How was your week?”
I offer a half shrug. “It was okay. I got talked to by my boss after my long lunch yesterday. People seem to think I’ve been distracted the last, hmm, almost three weeks. Extra bathroom breaks, long lunches, missing deadlines.” I grin, nudging his arm. “Weird, huh?”
Gabriel smiles. “My fault.”
“No. It’s mine. I need to separate work from my personal life. No matter what’s happening.”
“It’s good to be able to do that. I’ve always been an advocate of keeping clear lines, especially because of my, um, extracurricular interests.”
“Is that what the kids call it these days?”
Gabriel laughs, then leans close and kisses my cheek. “Probably not.”
We finish our food, and as we wait for after dinner coffee, Gabriel is nervously watching me.
“Ready to talk?” I ask.
“Yeah.” He drains his cup of Saki. “Okay, so you know how I told you I was doing some sou
l searching?”
“Yep.”
“Well, after you left me, I talked to a friend of mine in France who knows me very well. I told him about you and how I wanted to be better.” He smiles. “He set me straight for sure.”
“In what way?”
“He knows just how far down the rabbit hole I’ve been, and he said if I wanted to stay in the light with you, then I would have to take a long look at my demons and decide to take them on. So that’s what I’m doing.”
I nod, sipping my water. “Okay.”
“Which leads me to this. I want to ask you something that might be shocking to you, but I hope you’ll be open to it.”
“I’m listening.”
We pause as our coffee is delivered, then Gabriel takes a deep breath. “I started seeing a therapist on Monday.”
I pull my head back slightly. Oh-kay. Did not see that coming. “A therapist?”
“Yeah. I can’t do this by myself, and I needed an objective third party to help me make sense of things. You might think I’m weak needing help, but—”
“I don’t, Gabriel. I’ve been to see one in the past.”
“Oh.” He smiles. “So, it’s been an intensive week so far. I meet with him every day and we just talk about where I’ve been, and where I want to go.”
I nod as he continues.
“Where I’ve been, Mia, is not good, and you witnessed a side effect of that.” I nod as he continues. “But where I want to go is…” He pauses and I can tell he’s nervous. “I want to go wherever you go.”
Is he kidding me right now? Could he be any sweeter? If it was possible to melt in his arms, I would do it right now.
“I want to save the details for a different setting, but I’m really clear that whatever the future holds, I want it to involve you, and if you think there’s even a tiny percentage of you that might want that too, then please tell me.”
Way more than a tiny percentage. “There is.”
He smiles as his shoulders drop. “Great. That’s really great. Would you be willing to, um, to come with me for a session?”
“A session? Like a therapy session?”
He nods. “Yeah. My doctor thinks it would be a benefit if I could talk to you about some things in a controlled setting.”
“Oh.” I am stunned.
“I realize it might be uncomfortable or too much or maybe you don’t see as much potential in us as I do, but—”
“Why can’t you just tell me? Why do we need a therapist? You can trust me.”
“It has nothing to do with me trusting you.” He glances down for a moment, then back at me. “Some of the things I need to tell you I might need help saying. The doctor said it might help if he’s there too.”
“Oh. Do you want me to come?”
“Yes. I want you to know everything about me—my past and my present. I want to see if we can work through the issue I caused, and then…” He smiles. “And then get back to being together.” Holding my hands in his, he leans close. “I’ve never wanted the things I want with you with anyone else, and I think that’s worthy of exploring.”
After staring into his eyes for a moment, I feel so hot I wonder if I might explode. “Can you take me home please?”
His face falls. “Sure.”
“Don’t be upset. I just don’t want to be here anymore.”
“Okay, Mia. No problem.” He leaves the table to find our server while I try to calm myself down. I can’t believe he’s going to therapy because of me. I can’t believe he wants me to come with him. I can’t believe any of this. I’m overwhelmed, and I need to get the hell out of here.
As he walks back to the table, I see the anxiety carved in his face. Grabbing my jacket, I hurry outside to his car as he follows me. When he comes to open my door, I reach up and cup his face.
“Nothing’s wrong, Gabriel. Just get me home.”
“I will.”
He gets in the car and we speed off toward my house. When we arrive, he pauses, gazing straight ahead.
“Come inside.”
“No, Mia. If I do…”
“It’s okay. I want to finish talking.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah.”
He nods, shuts off the car off, and follows me inside. I unlock the door, and as he steps in, I throw myself on him, pressing my lips against his. We fall back on the couch, making out like horny teenagers. As his hands slide down my back, I pull back slightly so I can see his face.
“I’ll go with you.”
“You will?” His brow crinkles. “You’re sure?”
“I’m sure.”
He props himself on his elbows. “I’m really confused by your reaction.”
“I’m so honored that you would ask me to be part of this with you. It’s sweet and vulnerable, and I’m completely overwhelmed by it. I just wanted to be alone, and…” I shake my head. “I want you to stay with me.”
“I can’t, Mia. Not yet. Not until you know everything.”
“I don’t need to. It won’t change anything.”
“It might.”
“It won’t.” I brush my fingers on his cheek. “Stay with me. I trust you.”
He blinks rapidly for a moment. “I don’t trust me yet, Mia. It’s been three days of therapy, and I don’t know that I’m in control yet.”
“So then trust me that I won’t let you mess up.”
“What if I do? I’ll lose you forever.”
I smile. “I have an idea I bet you’ve never done before.”
“What?”
“Let’s just sleep together. No sex. What do you say?”
A slow smile spreads on his lips. “I guess we could give that a shot, but you’ll have to stop attacking me with your mouth.”
“Ooh, that’s gonna be hard. You’re a damn good kisser, Mr. di Capo.”
“So are you, Ms.… hey, I don’t know your last name.”
I laugh. “Todd.”
“Mia Todd. I like it.”
“Thanks. It’s my stepdad’s name. I used to be Mia Lanotte. It means night in Italian.”
“Your father was Italian?”
“Yeah, then my stepdad adopted me when I was seven.”
“What happened to your father?”
“He died when I was four. Accident at work. He fell off some scaffolding and had a traumatic brain injury. He was in a coma for three months before my mom and his family decided to pull the plug.”
“Wow.” We both sit up. “Do you remember him?”
I nod. “Sometimes I feel like I do, but I don’t know if they’re real memories or just stuff people told me about him.”
“Do you know why your mom wanted your stepdad to adopt you?”
“Yeah. After my dad died—his name was Tommy—my mom found out he had other kids from women he’d been screwing around with. A year after he died, my mom dropped her married name. Then when she married my stepdad, they decided to have him adopt me so I didn’t carry that Lanotte name with me. She said it made her cringe every time she had to say it or see it.” I shrug. “I like it, but it wasn’t my decision.”
“Sounds like your mom was really hurt.”
“I guess. I don’t remember. I was just a kid.”
“Do you like your stepdad?”
“He was okay. They’re divorced now. Ironically, she cheated on him. She’s remarried, but that’s pretty recent. I’ve told her before that people aren’t meant to be monogamous, and she’s proof of that. So was my dad. You can’t cheat if you don’t buy into the madness.”
“Is that really what you think? People can’t be happy in a monogamous relationship? Or is that what you’ve told yourself all these years to avoid getting hurt?”
Grinning, I brush my fingers on his cheek. “Are you the therapist now?”
“Maybe I’m picking up some tips.”
“Maybe I’ll spend some time with your doctor too.”
“Does it scare you to think of spending your life with one p
erson?”
I consider his question for a moment. “Yeah. I’m afraid it’s not sustainable. I’m afraid of entangling my life with someone else only to find out he’s fucking someone behind my back. My mom had to go to court to fight for things that should have been hers as his legal wife and legitimate children. She not only lost her husband, but she lost her belief in who he was. She lost her belief in the life they shared. I’d rather not ever feel that kind of pain.” I sigh. “Then years later, she hooks up with her younger coworker, and loses her marriage again. It’s just what people do when something new and shiny shows up. That’s why I think monogamy is stupid.”
Gabriel nods, dragging his fingers over the palm of my hand. “I used to think that too.”
“But you don’t now?”
“I don’t know. Maybe if you wait for the right person then you never want new and shiny. Maybe if the sex is mind blowing, you don’t even have time to want someone else.”
“Maybe. My boss told me a story of how her husband cheated on her, and it made their lives better.”
“Better?”
“Yeah, she saw her part in it, and it made her go out and make something of her life. They’re still married, and she says, in love even more than before. It was good for me to hear.”
“Why?”
“Because it means for the right person, you can fuck up, but still recover. I don’t know if I could forgive cheating though.”
“Cheating is something only weak people do. Sure there might be lots of reasons and justifications, but one thing I’ve never done is cheat.”
“Have you been in a committed relationship?”
Gabriel laughs. “No. You?”
“No.”
“Never?”
“Never.”
“So…” He grins. “I might be the first?”
“Yeah, you’ll be the first. I mean… you could be.”
Gabriel smiles. “Well, I’m not scared of you. I think monogamy sounds kind of bad ass. If anyone could make me want it, it’s you.”
Same. “Want to go to bed and talk some more?”
“Yeah.”
We get off the couch and walk down the hall to my bedroom, and then it hits me that he’s gonna take off his clothes, and he’s probably not wearing anything underneath. If I see that thing, I’m gonna get all over it. There’s no way I won’t.
Reckless Devotion: Book 2 Page 7
