by Hazel Parker
“Do we really think they’re willing to kill us?” Barber said. “They know we’re all Saints here.”
“Yes, but we also know that we’re all bikers here, and our loyalties are with our brothers, not with someone who shares the same name as us,” Richard said. “I hate to pull this nice guy shit but look at it from their perspective. They came here after I begged them for help. They didn’t ask for anything but a roof over their heads and maybe some poker games while they were here. Some of their members died, and Krispy spent quite a bit of time in the hospital. Now, they want something back.”
He took a pronounced draw of his cigarette.
“I don’t have any problem giving them money. I think they’ve earned it for helping us put a bullet through Scar’s fucking skull. But if they control us, we don’t control this place. They take all the money for themselves, fatten themselves up, and then leave nothing for us.”
“It’s a ploy for our money,” I said.
“Exactly.”
The room went silent.
“So they’re not bluffing,” Pork said. “They’re willing to go all in.”
“Oh, quite,” Richard said. “I know that I have not been the greatest at communicating things recently at the club, but I can say with absolute certainty that the California Saints are not bluffing. I do not have some ace in the hole I would pull out if the two of us collided on the highway. I have everything I am telling you, and that’s it. If they want to fight us, they will fight us.”
“We need help,” I said, the idea suddenly coming to mind quickly.
“Who the hell are we going to ask for help?” Richard said. “Maybe you can call one of those imposter clubs in New York or Atlanta; I’m sure they’d love to put their lives on the line and drive cross-country—”
“No, not help from other clubs,” I said. “The Savage Saints in Green Hills have a reputation in the MC world. No one’s going to fuck with them, at least no one within a one-day driving distance. But do you know who will? Because they don’t want the wrath of bigger forces? Law enforcement.”
Pork shot me a knowing look. I ignored him.
“I know you haven’t been able to speak to Mario because of the scrutiny on him. But I’ve been speaking to Jenna, an officer there. We’ve got other cops in our back pocket. We can use them as some sort of barrier around us, preventing the California Saints from getting violent here.”
“That’ll protect us, but it won’t make us immune to their attacks,” Richard said with a sigh. “Might work as a delay tactic while we figure something out.”
“Well, we can’t have them coming to Vegas,” I warned. “If they come to Vegas and violence breaks out here, every legislator and every citizen will push for reform to get rid of us.”
I then outlined everything Jenna had told me about the politicians wanting to enact legislation that would shove us out, from banning motorcycles after certain hours to enforcing strict rules about nightclubs that were not on the Strip.
“Whatever happens between the Saints and us, it can’t happen in Vegas. We can win here in Vegas, and we’ll still lose in the end.”
“Point taken,” Richard said. “We need to stop their asses at the border, if possible. But as for what we’re going to do…”
Silence filled the room. That was the ugly truth of the matter. We could deflect the California Saints for a week or two by using the LVPD, even if in an unofficial manner. But eventually, they’d figure out how to sneak around us. They’d start inflicting violence on the individual level, rather than the all-out level.
As soon as the first drop of blood was spilled, there was almost certainly no going back.
“I’ll use my connections,” I said. “I’ll figure something out to get this fixed.”
“Do what you can, because I’m not sure what else I can do.”
My connections, I hoped, would wind up extending beyond just Jenna Saunders. After all, half the reason I was even in the club was for my ability to bring in a whole host of people.
It just so happened that now, maybe I’d have to bring in my enemy.
Chapter 14: Jenna
Dom had me feeling like a little schoolgirl all over again.
I was at my desk that evening, with only a couple of hours to go before the end of my shift. The phones were slow, the cases were mostly at stalemates, and though I had a few emails to answer, none of them had any urgency to them.
Around me, the cubicles were pretty much all deserted. Chief Gutierrez was in his office, typing away at something, but he hadn’t had a meeting in there in some time. The place almost felt like a ghost town, although I knew other floors had a little bit more action going on than I did.
Still, that gave me the chance to read through the text messages Dom and I had traded since yesterday morning. When I read them out loud, I realized how ridiculous we were.
“I miss you more.”
“No, I miss you more.”
“Tell me how you miss me.”
“I miss you like a fat kid misses the stool ladder to his mother’s cupboard so he can get his favorite candy snack.”
“Oh, well I miss you like a fat parent misses his credit card so he can order pizza from the nearest Papa Johns.”
“Well, I miss you like a fat cat misses the ability to chase rats in the house.”
They were such stupid lines, and I wasn’t even sure that they made a damn bit of sense. In fact, if I had to ask the question, it meant that no, it made no goddamn sense. But it didn’t have to with Dom. It just had to make me laugh, and that it sure did.
I was trying not so much to be sweeter and funnier with Dom, but the opposite—I was trying to tone down everything. I hadn’t forgotten what he’d said about never being able to move on from Danica, and though I knew that that didn’t prevent us from what we’d done or from future encounters, I did know that he probably needed to go quite slow. The last thing I needed to do was blurt out how attracted to him I was before I got in a lot of trouble.
And the thing that made it worse was that if I admitted it to myself, I was opening the floodgates. I had fought like hell to admit this wasn’t a thing up to the point of touching his knee on Tuesday, and even now, I kept telling myself that it was just something casual, that it wasn’t meant to be anything more than a simple encounter.
Too bad I didn’t believe myself.
“Saunders!”
Chief Gutierrez’s voice broke my thoughts and made me jump at my desk. He was leaning out of the door of his office, an almost bored look on his face.
“Would you please come to my office?”
I nodded and headed over. I didn’t think anything of him calling me over; I figured it was some late-night assignment, maybe a request for an update on the Saints, something to that effect.
When I entered, I noticed he was in the process of turning his computer off. He then turned his phone off before looking up at me.
“Close that door, will you?”
Nothing about this felt typical. Being in his office for private conversations was normal, but the turning off of his phone and his computer and presumably any other electronics felt more than a little ominous. It felt like something was about to happen that only I needed to hear about.
And that could only mean one of a couple of things.
“Saunders, let’s just get right to it,” the chief began. “You were seen hugging Dom and almost kissing him.”
Shit.
“I didn’t, though,” I said.
“The problem is that as you know, any time you have a job in government—even if it’s not a political position—appearances mean a whole lot more than you or I care to admit,” he said. “However, truth be told, this wouldn’t even be an issue if it remained in my hands. I would have sat you down, told you to cut out hanging out in public, and warned you that if you made this mistake one more time, I’d put someone else in charge of it.”
Which is to say there’s more. And if there’s more, it’s
probably not going to be in my favor. I felt sweat starting to form at the top of my forehead. My hands already felt all of their strength fading. My legs, even though I was seated, felt like they couldn’t sustain the power to bounce my feet, let alone stand and walk home.
“Unfortunately, I was not the person of highest position who found out. The mayor has as well.”
Everything fell out from under me. I was sure I was about to be fired. I was sure I was about to be blacklisted from the police forces across America. I was sure that everything that I had done to try to avenge Danica Robinson’s death had now fallen through because I had fallen for her fiancé. Ironic wasn’t the word. Fucked up was more like it.
“He wants you fired. He believes you are just one of many in this station who are in cahoots with the Savage Saints in some fashion, and frankly, he believes that you are sleeping with him.”
I figured it probably wasn’t in my best interests to reveal how accurate that assessment was.
“Now, it is not my place to know any of that. You and I have had our discussions about what I need from you and what we need from the MC, and as long as you do that, I don’t care how you do it. But I think you are aware that this is an uphill battle we’re facing.”
“Yes, sir,” I said weakly.
Uphill wasn’t the right word. Straight up? Off a cliff?
Language eluded me right now. All rational thought escaped me. I couldn’t think on my feet, and I couldn’t figure out what the best approach was. The only thing that was even remotely hopeful about this was that Chief Gutierrez was on my side.
“So, what now?” I said. “Am I going to get fired?”
“For now, no,” he said.
I suppose I should have counted that as a victory. It sure didn’t seem like the kind of victory I wanted to be in the position of having, though.
“However, the only way I’ve been able to push back any potential firing is to at least respond to the outrage from Fremont Street in some way. And right now, that is that starting tomorrow, I have to put you on paid leave indefinitely.”
Suspension. It was something I’d never gotten in my life, not even in school. I was never the smartest student or the kindest teenager, but I strictly adhered to authority and never made it a point to tussle with it. Now… suspended… that would stick with me for a long, long time. It probably would prevent me from becoming chief someday. Hell, it would definitely come up if I ever moved to a different city.
It was the equivalent of the scarlet letter. That would follow me for the rest of my life.
“How long do you think…”
But I never even finished my question. Chief Gutierrez’s somber expression told me it did no good to ask questions that he wouldn’t have the answer to.
“If I knew, it wouldn’t be indefinite,” he said. “I’m hopeful it’ll be quick, less than a week or so. I’m going to push like hell to explain that the last thing a city like this needs is an undermanned police force. See, you’re not the only one I’ve had to suspend because of recent activity.”
I gulped, remembering what Dom had said about how other cops were in their pocket. How much of this was someone else in the station selling me out? How much of this was just bad luck?
How much of this was, really, the mayor’s office dispatching aides to watch us?
My phone vibrated in my pocket, but I ignored it for obvious reasons.
“I can’t promise you anything about what’s to come, Saunders. I’m going to fight tooth and nail to get you back. I’ll do whatever I must to explain that you spending time with Dominick Browning does not affect your ability to do your job. I know that is true. But the mayor is thirsty for political blood. He wants a media victory that he’s not getting right now. And right now, unfortunately, you and a couple other people are an easy target.”
“I understand.”
There was nothing further from the truth. I didn’t understand how being with a man who, as far as I knew, had no criminal record besides some speeding tickets—though, admittedly, he had probably just never been charged for many crimes—was grounds for suspending me. And it wasn’t like I was taking bribes from him.
You know better. You knew that if you slept with him and it got out, it would be a really bad look. It may not be illegal, but…
“I’ll keep you updated,” Chief Gutierrez said. “But unfortunately, you’re going to have to leave your badge here before you leave for the evening. If you are reinstated—I wish I could say when, but I just have to be honest with you—then you’ll get it back.”
I looked down at the badge, running my fingers over it. To remove it would be like feeling naked without it. This was as much a part of my identity as anything else in my past or present.
And to lose it…
All because I’d been caught with Dom…
“I will, sir,” I said, but even the chief could see that the words were said more automatically than with actual meaning behind them.
“Go home, Saunders,” he said. “Don’t even think about what’s going on here at the station. I’ll do everything in my power to get you reinstated. And even if it doesn’t work out, I’ll find a way to get you back on your feet. I promise.”
I thanked him quietly, but the words just felt so empty. I rose, trying not to collapse from shock, and numbly walked out of the room.
I trudged forward, both feeling numb inside and now suddenly acutely aware of everything that surrounded me. There were numerous desks and telephones where my blue brethren worked. There was a bulletin board with everything from notes to intramural sports to family barbecues. There were rules and regulations across the room.
There was so much here that, over time, had just faded to background décor that I’d never bothered to evaluate. Why would I? I didn’t have the schedule to let me play kickball with the rest of the folks in the department. I didn’t have a family or any relatives I could attend group outings with. I certainly didn’t have any interest in going to baseball games with a bunch of older guys.
But just having those opportunities, just having the right to attend one of those events, was something that was now snatched away from me. Just the privilege of having my desk with the name tag “Jenna Saunders” on it was something that was taken from me. Being able to ride in a squad car or even drive my police motorcycle were privileges that I now lacked.
All because of Dom.
It wasn’t Dom’s fault. Dom had asked me for favors, and I had chosen to do them. I had let myself fall into those moments with Dom. It’s not like he grabbed me and forced me to do his bidding. If anything, he’d been extraordinarily conservative in his movements with me until we’d already had sex.
But being with Dom was the cause of why I was suspended. So even if Dom wasn’t at fault, Dom’s presence in my life was. And the only way I could show I was taking my suspension seriously…
I checked my phone. I had a missed call from Dom from when my phone was vibrating during my meeting. There was no point in returning a call right now. It would just make things worse.
I opened up our text chain, giving a sad smile at his last text: “Hope you aren’t too distracted thinking about me,” with a kissing emoji. Unfortunately, he had no idea how true that was—just not in the way he was thinking.
I wrote out the text that I stared at for a good full minute: “Hey, Dom, I just got suspended from the police department. I got caught being with you. Right now, if I want to keep my career, I have to break this off and cut off whatever we have. I’m so sorry.”
The text said everything that it needed to, but I felt so unsatisfied with it. Why did I have to frame it as “I got caught” instead of me taking ownership of it? Why did I have to say “break this off?” What was there to break up? We weren’t official. There was nothing to break up.
I told myself that’s why I didn’t send it, but I knew better than that. I knew that Dom, somehow, just had a grip on me that I couldn’t shake. Even at my lowest point since Da
nica’s death, I couldn’t bring myself to detach myself from him.
I did, however, owe him a phone call.
So I deleted the entire text and called him back. Maybe I’d find the courage to tell him the truth through that.
Somehow, I doubted it.
Chapter 15: Dom
We ended the club meeting by agreeing not to say anything more to the California Saints until the actual deadline. We couldn’t reach a consensus on what we were willing to do and what we refused to do, and since we weren’t being forced to make an actual decision about what we were going to do for another week, what was the point?
The meeting, though, only ended at eight, meaning that we still had a show to watch before we all headed home. There was some discussion about playing poker, but with just five people and no guest, we decided it wasn’t worth creating tension without him. We did the poker game as a means of networking, yes, but we also did it as a means of making a little extra personal money on the side.
We went out to the theatre, a crowd at full capacity, and stood in the back, watching the girls on stage perform. It was surreal looking at them and not having any sort of desires or feelings for them. I even saw Cindy walk on stage, but when I saw her, I didn’t feel anything. I cheered when she did well, of course, but it wasn’t like I was admiring her chest or her legs from here. She was more art than an actual person right now.
It felt kind of nice, in a strange way. I didn’t have to evaluate the girls and wonder who I was fucking. I didn’t have to then deal with the questions in my head about how long I could keep this up. I didn’t have to deal with Mama’s perhaps justified grief over me sleeping with the girls. I could just watch the show and be at The Red Door without needless complications.
And, of course, there was the nice bonus of Jenna and I continuing to click well and continuing to have great chemistry. I was still trying to play things slow, still trying to make sure I didn’t rush into anything too stupid that scared her off, but I had a great feeling about the direction of things. I just didn’t want her to think that she was replacing Danica. No one would ever replace Danica. But that didn’t mean I couldn’t find my own Natasha, my own Cassie, my own Mama.
