In the Memorial Room

by Frame, Janet

  I was still ‘at home’, after three weeks of deafness, when the final visitors (among those connected in some way with the Fellowship and Rose Hurndell) arrived: Michael and Grace Watercress.

  Michael looked afraid and diffident. It was Grace who opened the conversation, —Is there anything you need?

  —No thanks. What are you doing these days?

  I could see that Michael was relieved to take his mind from my deafness, yet it was not he who answered.

  —He’s working on a novel.

  I felt pangs of jealousy. Take over the Fellowship? Why shouldn’t he? He’d already been an understudy and even moved into the role. His appearance was so much his ally. The easily identifiable writer; whereas I had long experience of being ignored because I resembled a clerk, a doctor, a commercial traveller, anything but the accepted idea of a ‘writer’. I wondered then at the feelings of an understudy who never takes over the major role at the last minute.

  I wrote, —Congratulations. Some day he’ll be applying for the Watercress-Armstrong Fellowship.

  —Sooner than you think, Grace wrote, glancing proudly at Michael.

  What a paragon of a writer he was! I simply couldn’t deny it. If I’d had any of my books with me I could have walked to the bookshelf and opened any volume with photos of writers and found Michael Watercress among the great Russians, the Americans, the French, the English; he was international. His eyes and face were intelligent as far as liveliness can be equated with intelligence, and although I did feel a sneaking jealousy of his ability to play the role in costume of a writer I felt that perhaps (in spite of his wife’s and his parents’ repeated reference to the ‘the young Hemingway’) his talent did not match his appearance. I was pre-judging, not having read his work, but I felt that he lacked the singleness of purpose necessary. His thoughts and the thoughts of others were constantly on what he would achieve, on what he would become, in a pleasantly anticipated future, while the present lay just at hand, all the riches in the world ignored and untouched. It was scarcely Michael’s fault. I could see that his clever childhood had been a grooming, an anticipation, for the future use of his many talents, and he had fallen into the habit of tomorrow which in a man of thirty-three shows a rosy promise beginning to wither and arouses pity rather than admiration. Poor chap, I thought. He’s already going to seed. Destroyed by his promising future. A man without a past or present. Was he not then a completely unmetaphorical man, deprived of time?

  Now that I was deaf, I was becoming more used to interior monologues, of the type that had always bored me when I tried to read fiction. Within the past few weeks, however, I had been so shocked at the banality of my paper conversations that I almost resolved to give them up; I’d come across pages and pages of seeming ‘manuscript’ only to find them covered with:

  —We hope you’re feeling better.

  —I am thank you.

  —Are you sure you’re permanently deaf?

  —Oh yes.

  —You must not forget how to speak. Speak.

  —Speak Philip Sparrow, Speke!

  —What do you mean?

  —It’s a quotation.

  —I see. Anyway it’s better than being blind or crippled.

  —How do you know?

  —It must be, surely.

  —How do you know?

  —Surely.

  —Surely what?

  —It’s better to be deaf than blind.

  —Why?

  —You’re less dependent for one thing. You can walk around on your own. Though you can’t hear the traffic. Can you hear the traffic?

  —No.

  —Not at all?

  —No.

  —You want to be careful then. The driving’s reckless. It’s a foreign country, remember.

  —Oh yes. A foreign country. The dead are deader, the grass is greener, etc. and the reckless are more reckless.

  —You will be careful, won’t you?

  —Yes yes.

  —I am so glad you’re not blind or crippled.

  Always, you see, they had the last word. It amused me, in my interior monologues, to suppose what the last word might be. And what, indeed, was the first word?

  Yours truly

  Yours very truly

  Yours affectionately

  Faithfully yours

  Cordially yours

  Respectfully yours

  Yours sincerely

  Yours lovingly

  Yours gratefully

  Lovingly yours

  I remain

  I remain

  Never use ruled paper for any correspondence

  never use tinted paper for business letters

  do not use simplified spelling

  never use dear friend, friend Jack, my dear friend or fiend

  Bliss

  never use oblige in the place of a complimentary close

  always write yours sincerely

  never write a letter in the heat of anger

  do not attempt to put anything on paper without first thinking it out and arranging what you want to say

  We beg to state

  we beg to advise

  answering yours of the 21st inst. order has been delayed but will ship goods at once

  please send a remittance by return mail

  if we can be of use to you in the future will you let us know

  please investigate the delay at once

  On Tuesday June the fourteenth Mr Smith and I are to be married. The ceremony will be at home and we are asking a few close friends. I hope you will be able to come. Owing to the death of my father we are to be married at home. We shall be delighted to attend your wedding. Unfortunately our ship is sailing that day and we cannot attend.

  Will you please give us the pleasure of your company at a small dinner on Thursday. I hope you are not otherwise engaged that evening. We regret that we cannot accept your kind invitation but unfortunately we have a previous engagement.

  I am giving a little dinner party and one of my guests has just told me he cannot be present on account of a sudden death. Will you kindly help out. It is indeed fortunate for me that Harry Talbot cannot be present. Thank you for thinking of me.

  Will you come to luncheon tomorrow?

  It is with the deepest sympathy that I learned of your bereavement. Please accept our heartfelt sympathy. I am sorely grieved to learn of the death of your husband. I am grateful for your comforting letter. Thank you for your sympathy. Do not measure our appreciation by the length of time it has taken us to reply. I knew that you would be sorry for us. Congratulations on your birthday. I am sending you a little gift as a token of appreciation for your kindness to me. Please accept my heartiest good wishes on this, the fifteenth anniversary of your marriage. Congratulations on the birth of your daughter. The bearer of this note is an old friend of mine. He knows nobody in Little Gidding and anything you can do to make his stay pleasant I shall greatly appreciate. This will introduce you to Clara Wells. She is a girl of charming personality and has many accomplishments. Your handsome Christmas gift is something I have wanted for a long time. I very much appreciate the exquisite flowers which you so kindly sent to Mrs Dee. She is rapidly improving and will soon be about again. You were very kind to entertain my cousin. I am so glad you have recovered from your recent illness. Please send as soon as possible to my charge account the following goods 1 dozen towels 2 pairs brown leather shoes three pairs of curtains for casement windows 6ft high and ten feet wide. I have your inquiry concerning my former gardener. I hope that you don’t think me discourteous but I prefer not to discuss him. This is to certify that Montgomery Hellman has been in my employ for five years. He is sober, honest and I have always found him thoroughly dependable. Will you let me know as soon as possible if you have any four-roomed houses in the neighbourhood. About two acres of ground, with lawn and vegetable and flower garden? I have just had my son’s report for the term. I notice he did not pass in mathematics. This leads me to believe that perhaps
he is spending too much time on other matters. What is your opinion? I enclose my cheque for 100 pounds for the silver candlesticks. Our spring sales are being held this week. Will you be there? Have you ever counted the cost of making your pickles jams and jellies at home? In a couple of weeks you are going to think a good deal about your new overcoat. Why not start thinking now? Would you like us to dispose of your property for you? We have attractive styles in pocket cheque books that might interest you. May I call your attention to the question which every man of property must at some time gravely consider and that is the disposition of your estate after your death. Please send me as soon as possible 3 pairs ribbed stockings size nine. I regret to inform you that the dishwasher has failed to live up to your guarantee. We are sorry to learn that you found two buttons missing from your suit. We cannot have your teaspoons monogrammed as you wish. Our letters of March 9, April 19th, have brought no reply from you. You naturally wish to keep your credit clear. We wish to have it clear. Will you not send a cheque and keep the account on a pleasant basis? We have no desire to resort to the law to collect the hundred pounds owing by you unless the remittance is in our hands we shall take definite steps for the legal collection of your account. May we hear from you at once?

  I can take dictation at the rate of a hundred words a minute. I am willing to work. Will you let me try? I am looking for a position as a cashier. This is to certify that Mabel Howard has been in my employ for fifteen months. She is a most willing and able worker. Merry Christmas to you and all the family. May each of the three hundred and sixty-five days of the new year be a happy one for you. May your Easter be a bright and happy one. Birthday greetings. You have our heartfelt sympathy. Heartiest congratulations. Thank you for your courteous letter in reply to my application in your department. I am especially desirous of becoming associated with your house.

  May you have the strength to bear this great affliction. Our love and sympathy. I have heard a rumour of your sad news. Many people have gone through this experience. Many people recover. Your own courage and cheerfulness are your best medicine. Would you like letters from me?