Candlelight City

by Jessica Tang Von Harper

“It is,” Brad said. “I’m new to this city. Just a boy from a small town… I just moved to the city. I don’t really know anyone. I guess I was lonely.”

  “Lonely? Yeah, there’s a lot of people in this city, but it can be a lonely place. Isn’t that funny? So… you were lonely, and you decided to find a girl like me? Did you try the bars first?” Brad’s hand on her leg was moving her skirt up, and she wondered if he would eventually pull it high enough that her panties might be visible. She was a little worried about this, but another part of her mind checked with her image of Jenna. Would Jenna have minded if her panties were visible? Suzie reluctantly admitted to herself that Jenna wouldn’t have cared. Jenna was a whore. This was what she did for a living.

  Suzie reached out and took hold of Brad’s other hand. Before she could think about what she was doing, she pulled his hand over and placed it against her shirt, his palm resting against her left breast. Brad’s eyes widened when he saw what she was doing. They grew still wider when he realized she wasn’t wearing a bra. He looked at her searchingly, as if wondering if she was serious.

  Suzie was shocked herself by her actions, but she felt like it was what Jenna would have done. A moment later, Brad eagerly began to squeeze and fondle her breast, his hand pressing against the smooth fabric of her shirt.

  Murmuring conversation began to pass back and forth in the dark audience. Suzie couldn’t remember how many people were watching, but it seemed like they were all whispering to each other at once. It made a noise like rustling leaves.

  “I stepped into a bar,” Brad said. “It didn’t seem like my kind of place. Everyone was getting drunk and talking to each other, but when I had a drink, it just made me feel lonelier. I looked at everyone and felt like I didn’t really understand them or what they were doing. You know?”

  Suzie’s nipple hardened to a point, and Brad located it through the fabric of her shirt. He lightly pinched it. Despite this distraction, she still remembered her lines. “So you found me. Was I the first woman you saw, when you walked to this part of town? Is that why you picked me?”

  “I wasn’t looking for you,” Brad said. He took his hand off her leg, and reached toward her collar. His fingers were trembling slightly, and Suzie realized that he had started to unbutton her shirt. God, Suzie thought to herself in a daze. He’s going to open my shirt, and I don’t even have a bra on. He’s going to strip me in front of a room full of people.

  But she was Jenna. And Jenna would have allowed it.

  Brad continued, “I was just exploring the streets. When you asked me if I wanted to go on a date… I have to admit, I didn’t think you were a… you know. A lady of the night.” He had her shirt unbuttoned all the way now. Greedily his hands dove through the opening, and she felt him palm her naked breasts. “You don’t look like the others. For a moment, I thought something amazing was happening, that a strange, beautiful woman was really asking me out.” As he played with her breasts, his movements pulled her shirt even further open.

  “Then, you realized what I was really asking,” she said. “Were you disappointed?” Suzie wondered how it looked from the audience. Could they see Brad’s hands massaging her bare breasts? Or was her shirt still hanging in the way? She couldn’t think about it too much, or she would forget her lines.

  “At first I felt disappointed,” Brad replied. “And then I didn’t know what to do.”

  “You can talk to me. Or you can have sex with me. You can do whatever you want,” Suzie said. “If you feel lonely… well, all those things can help you be less lonely, right? I’m here, and I’m with you. I can be with you whenever you want. I can take away the loneliness, at least for a little while.”

  “But it’s not real,” said Brad. “It’s just because I pay you.”

  “It’s real in its own way,” Suzie answered. Brad slipped the shirt off her shoulders, and she pulled her elbows behind her back, letting him slide the fabric down her arms. Brad tugged the shirt away from her body and dropped it behind her. Now she was really topless. There was no doubt what the audience could see: Brad’s hands stroking her naked flesh, one hand running over her bare back, the other pressed against her right breast, the hard nub of her nipple pinched between his middle and index fingers.

  “What if he keeps going?” Suzie thought nervously. “What if he pulls up my skirt and takes off my panties?” She would be pretty much naked on the stage. And the problem was, it would still be in character. She was Jenna, and Jenna didn’t mind being naked. Actually, she wanted to be naked. It was part of her job

  But the scene was almost over. “You’re real,” Brad said to her. “I mean, I feel like you’re more real than those other women out there. It’s hard to explain.”

  “I know what you mean,” Suzie breathed to him. “I am real. Real to talk to, real to touch, real to do whatever you want. The question is, what do you want?”

  “I want everything,” Brad said. “But first, I want your name.”

  “I already told you,” she said. “You can call me Candi.”

  “Your real name. Candi isn’t your real name. My name is Elias. Elias Songe. That’s not fake, it’s really who I am.”

  Suzie hesitated. Then she spoke. “Jenna,” she said. “My name is Jenna. That’s my real name.”

  “Jenna,” he repeated, pushing his face against her neck. “Hi, Jenna.”

  And that was the end of the scene.

  The auditorium was silent, and Brad and Suzie pulled apart, staring anxiously at each other. Mr. Belfast’s voice spoke, “Very nice. Thank you, Susan. Next, can we have Marla Antonella? Marla Antonella, please? Thank you.”

  Suzie felt like a spell had been broken, and suddenly she was just a shy young girl sitting topless in front of a crowd of people. She twisted and grabbed her shirt, then frantically put it back on and buttoned it.

  “Was that okay?” Brad asked anxiously.

  “Fine,” Suzie told him quickly. She fled the stage.

  “Hey!” Brad called, and his voice was still close behind her. Suzie stopped and turned, and he was right there. He had followed her.

  Brad hesitated. “Um… I just wanted to say… I thought you were really good. I hope you get the part.”

  “Thanks,” Suzie said quickly. But as she left the auditorium, she was convinced that she wouldn’t get cast. Tonya would get to play Jenna, and the only thing that would happen to Suzie is that the whole school would find out she had taken her shirt off during her audition.

  Suzie went home, closed her bedroom door and cried.

  5. The Note

  Over the next couple days, Suzie expected to be teased about taking off her shirt. But to her surprise, the story didn’t spread like she thought it would.

  She confessed what she had done to Emma, and Emma didn’t seem to think it was a big deal. “It’s the theatre,” she said. “Maybe if we were in Junior High, it would be a big thing that you did a nude scene on the stage. But these days… we’re all trying to be mature and sophisticated, aren’t we? And everyone knows that the theatre isn’t real life. Did you see when they did Equus last year?”

  “No, I missed that one,” Suzie said.

  “That guy Brad you were talking about…. he was naked in Equus. On stage. It was part of the play. Tonya Mortinson was naked, too. No one really fussed about it, did they?”

  “I guess not,” Suzie said, imagining Brad up on stage completely naked. She felt embarrassed for him. He seemed like a nice guy. But in that context, maybe her audition really hadn’t been a big deal.

  The next day, her homeroom teacher gave her a folded note. The note said for her to stop by and speak to Mr. Belfast. Her heart raced as she read it, and she wondered what it meant. She told herself to not get her hopes up.

  When she stopped by the Drama department, Mr. Belfast was in his office. “Susan Moore,” he greeted her when he saw her. “You received my message?”

  “Yes.”

  “Please, have a seat.”

  Suzie sat
down in front of his desk. He regarded her a moment in silence, then said, “Susan, I would like to offer you the role of Jenna Algood in our production of ’Candlelight City’. It’s a big role, and I’m aware you haven’t been in any of our previous productions. But I thought your first and second auditions were excellent, and I’ve heard from other teachers that you’re very responsible and committed to your schoolwork. I hope that you’ll apply the same level of commitment to this play.”

  Suzie couldn’t stop the smile that burst onto her face. “Thank you, Mr. Belfast! I will, I promise you!”

  “You’ve read the entire script, is that correct?”

  “Yes. I thought it was a really good play.”

  “Excellent. Are you prepared for what you’ll have to do on stage? This role requires that you put aside your modesty in order to fully realize the character. You’ll be required to appear nude on stage. Your audition seems to indicate you’re comfortable with this, but I just want to make sure you’re fully aware of what you’ll have to do.”

  Suzie didn’t know whether she was really comfortable doing a nude scene. Naked, in front of everyone? It seemed frightening to her. But she didn’t want to show any doubt in front of Mr. Belfast, so she pushed it out of her mind. “I’m fine with it,” she said, trying to sound confident. She could explore her doubts later when she was by herself.

  “I’ll be putting together a rehearsal schedule, and sending it to you. We can reschedule some of the rehearsals if you have conflicts, but only if everyone else that is scheduled agrees to it. You’ll have the most sessions, since you’re the female lead, but a lot of them will be with only one or two others. I hope you understand this is a big commitment.”

  “I do.”

  “Great. I think this play could be something special.”

  “Um… Mr. Belfast?” she asked.

  “Yes?”

  “I’m just curious… if you don’t mind me asking… why did you cast me?” Suzie suddenly felt some anxiety that she’d only been cast because she’d taken her shirt off.

  Mr. Belfast regarded her seriously. “There were a number of factors that caused us to select you for the role. For me, I really got a sense that you felt something for Jenna Algood. That you cared about her and how she was portrayed on the stage. Was I correct?”

  Suzie thought back on her audition. “Yes,” she answered. “I mean… I think she’s a really interesting character. And I really wanted to do the scene like I thought she would do it.”

  Mr. Belfast nodded, as if her answer satisfied him. “Exactly. Keep that attitude and you’ll do great.”

  “Thank you, Mr. Belfast!” Suzie rose and left the office. She was excited. She had the part!

  6. Considerations

  That night, Suzie told her mom and dad that she’d been cast in “Candlelight City.” She showed them the script, and they read through it.

  Her mother was troubled. “I’m not sure about this, Suzie. Do you really want to play a prostitute? It doesn’t seem like you at all.”

  “That’s why I want to do it,” Suzie said. “I think it might be fun to pretend to be someone else, someone different. Don’t you think it’s a good play?”

  “Yes,” her mother said hesitantly. “It’s very well written… and the characters are interesting. I just don’t know if I want to see my little girl up on stage half-naked, dressed like a hooker.”

  “Well, actually…” Suzie wasn’t sure how to say it, so she decided she might as well just be straight-forward. “It’ll be more than just half-naked. Some of the scenes, I’ll have to be completely naked. That’s what Mr. Belfast said.”

  Mrs. Moore was shocked. “Suzie! Are you sure you want to do that?”

  But her father was more supportive. “It seems out of character for you, Suzie… but you are eighteen, and you should be old enough to make your own decisions. Do you really want to be in this play? Do you think you can do all this? Once you’ve committed to it, you’re committed. Right? No chickening out when the plays about to start and you see how many people are in the auditorium.”

  “I won’t chicken out. I want to do it. It’ll be new for me, and I’m excited about it.” Hastily, she appended, “The play, that is. I’m nervous about the idea of being naked on stage. But I don’t think it’s gratuitous. I think it really fits with what the plays about.”

  “We trust you, Suzie,” her father said. “If you want to be in this play, we support you.”

  Her mother added, “But don’t let the pressure make you do something you don’t want to, okay? You have the choice to do that nude scene… you can always back out.”

  “Okay,” Suzie said. “Thanks, mom. Thanks, dad.”

  7. A Practice Shower

  The first rehearsal featured the entire cast, and it was mostly introductions and acting exercises. Suzie saw that Tonya had been cast in the play, as Inga, one of the other prostitutes. Tonya didn’t seem mad that Suzie had gotten the part instead of her, and Suzie was glad for that.

  The final half hour of rehearsal was just a read-through of the play. “Think about how these lines should sound while you’re saying them,” Mr. Belfast advised. Suzie tried her best, imagining that she was Jenna, speaking the lines as they came to her mind instead of reading them.

  After rehearsal, she found Brad waiting for her. “Hi,” he said. “Susan, right? Or you prefer Suzie?”

  “Suzie,” she said.

  “Ok. Suzie.” He smiled. “Um… I just wanted to talk to you about that audition. I hope I didn’t take the scene too far, taking off your shirt… it just seemed natural. I mean, I was a young man, with a prostitute….”

  “Don’t worry about it. I was trying to stay in character, too. Anyways, I got the part!”

  “Yeah! Congratulations. You really were the best.”

  “Thanks,” Suzie smiled shyly. “Um… anyways, it’s not like the audition’s going to be the last time. We have a lot of scenes together. And some of them are… um… kind of intimate.”

  “I know. That’s part of why I wanted to talk to you. I feel like we need to be comfortable with each other to convey that intimacy on stage. I know we don’t really know each other that well… but on the stage, we’re playing two people who are lovers. I just wanted to tell you that when we’re on stage or in rehearsal, doing one of those scenes where we’re intimate, you should feel free to touch me or do whatever you think is in character for Jenna. Don’t worry about what I, Brad Harper, would think about it. Just imagine I’m Elias, and if it makes sense for Elias, then I promise I’ll go along with it. Okay?”

  Suzie nodded. “Okay. You’re right. We should be comfortable with each other.” She looked at him nervously. “Can I admit something to you?”

  “Sure.”

  “I’m pretty nervous about having people see me nude on the stage. I guess I’m a bit shy in real life. I know you wouldn’t know it from that audition…” She looked down. Her face felt hot at having to make this confession.

  “Hey, don’t worry about it. We have tons of rehearsal time. It’ll be no big deal by the time the show comes around.” He thought for a moment. “Do you need to get home? If not, maybe we can spend some time getting to know each other. I know an exercise that can sometimes help.”

  “I have time. What’s the exercise?”

  “My apartment isn’t too far away, and my mom doesn’t come home for another hour and a half. We would have the place to ourselves for a while. What do you think about going there and taking a shower together? Nothing sexual, just two people taking off our clothes and getting clean together. It might be a good first step towards getting us to where we’re comfortable being with each other.”

  Suzie considered. She didn’t really know Brad, but he seemed like an okay guy, and she’d never heard anything bad about him. His offer seemed sincere, and it was true that it was something she’d need to get used to if she was going to be convincing in the play. “Okay,” she said. “But it might take me some time t
o get used to being naked in front of you.”

  “We have lots of time,” Brad assured her. “And you’ll need to be comfortable being naked in front of me… because you’re going to be naked in front of everyone!”

  She had to admit that was true. “I’ll get there,” she promised. “Ok, let’s go to your place. A shower sounds good.”

  They drove to Brad’s apartment in separate cars. It was a four-story apartment building, and Brad’s apartment was on the third floor. “Is it just you and your mom here?” Suzie asked as they walked in.

  “I have two brothers, too,” Brad said. “An older one and a younger one. They both live here.”

  “Really?” Suzie said, feeling nervous. “But it’s just us here right now, right?”

  “Yeah.” Brad grinned. “My mom’s picking both of them up after she’s done with work. So none of them will be home for awhile.”

  They went into Brad’s bedroom. It was very clean. Even the bed was made. “I’m kind of a neat freak,” he admitted.

  “It’s nice.” She sat down in one of his chairs.

  “Thanks. The bathroom is the next room down the hall. I’ll go start the shower, and get the temperature right. While I’m doing that, do you want to take off your clothes?”

  “Um…ok. I guess so.” Suzie couldn’t believe how nervous she was feeling.

  Brad seemed to sense it, because he smiled. “Don’t worry. Just relax. We’re all alone here.” He disappeared out the door, and a second later she heard the water start.

  Suzie felt the urge to close the bedroom door while she undressed, but thought that Brad would think it was silly. They were all alone, after all. The only one she’d be shutting out would be Brad and he was the one she needed to be comfortable with. She caught the hem of her green dress in her fingers, but it took a moment to gather her nerve before she was able to lift the garment and pull it over her head.

  The rest of her clothes followed one by one, and she felt more and more exposed the more she took off. Finally, her clothes sat in a pile, and she stood completely naked. She felt embarrassed and awkward, standing in a strange room without any clothes on, and fought the urge to cover herself with her hands, or grab the comforter off the bed and wrap herself in it. Maybe this whole thing is a mistake, she thought. How can I ever pretend to be Jenna on stage, if I feel this embarrassed?