Good Nerd Hunting

by Kaila Glass

  Phoenix didn’t realize how thirsty he was until he downed the first glass.

  * * *

  Blake’s eye peeped through the crack in his doorway, Rascal at his feet. He watched his mother walk past and descend the stairs empty handed. His eyes glistening with tears, he closed the door and climbed into bed. Blake pulled his pillow over his head, his brother’s rant still ringing in his ears, as Rascal whined, licking Blake’s pale hands.

  This can’t be real, he thought. Phoenix would never do that. He’s… he’s…

  Not a saint, his Inner Critic finished. And if you ever thought he was, you’re a fucking idiot.

  He’s drunk. He doesn’t mean it. He’s confused.

  He meant every word, Brainiac, or are you stupid enough to believe otherwise?

  Blake sniffed. But that means… He curled into a ball. It’s not right. It’s not fair. She’ll be raised by sociopaths. She’ll grow up a monster.

  And that’s the way it’ll have to be.

  22

  Water

  Phoenix awoke the following morning with a slight headache. Sunlight peaking from the curtains of his window, he allowed the guilt to weigh him down, anchoring him to the bed.

  You are the worst human being to ever live, his Inner Critic scolded.

  “I know.”

  After he showered and dressed, he descended the stairs and entered the kitchen. His mother turned to face him from the stove. His father, who sat at the kitchen nook, halfway through his eggs, lowered his fork and looked up at him. Blake, who sat beside him, did the same. The only sound was that of the sizzle of his mother’s frying pan.

  Phoenix looked down at his sneakers. “I’m sorry,” he managed. After he forced the first words out, the others seemed to follow like water. “I shouldn’t have come home drunk last night. I shouldn’t have been drinking at all. And all the things I said… they were true. I’m sorry.”

  After a short moment, his father stood and approached Phoenix, who winced, expecting the worst. Instead, his father placed his hand on Phoenix’s shoulder.

  “I’m sorry, too,” said his father.

  Phoenix glanced up.

  “I shouldn’t have been drinking, either,” his father said. “Let’s both promise not the drink from now on, okay?”

  Phoenix nodded once. “Okay.”

  “You’re grounded for the rest of the year. No more gigs. No more hanging out with friends after school. And definitely no more… you know.”

  Phoenix dropped his gaze. “It won’t happen anymore.” He looked up and managed to catch his brother’s eye. Blake, however, looked away and stared at his eggs. Phoenix paled.

  He knows? he wondered. But how?

  You’re scum, his Inner Critic spat.

  * * *

  “Are you serious?” Fang and Robbie said as one.

  Phoenix nodded from across the lunch table. “He even poured all his alcohol down the drain. Says I have to get tested soon, too.”

  “But we were just starting to get popular!” Fang complained. “I can’t believe we can’t do gigs anymore.”

  “That’s too bad,” said Luxe from beside Phoenix. “I was really starting to like the Phoenix Kings.”

  “There’s always next year,” Phoenix offered. He rested his chin in his palm. “Those girls are gonna be pissed, though.”

  “At least you had a good run,” said Fang.

  “Yeah,” Robbie agreed, “you could’ve taken over this whole school if you hadn’t spilled the beans.”

  “Will you two drop it?” said Luxe, her arms folded. “What he was doing wasn’t right. It’s better now that it’s over.”

  “What are you, crazy?” Robbie answered. “It’s every man’s dream!”

  “Seriously, being a virgin sucks,” Fang added.

  “It’s not all bad,” said Luxe.

  Robbie rolled his eyes. “What would you know?”

  Luxe pounded her fists on the table, causing the Phoenix Kings to jump. “I am not the goddamn Lexington Express. Seth made that up ‘cause I wouldn’t sleep with him, okay? I’m not sex obsessed, and I don’t let boys run trains on me.” Luxe clenched her teeth. “I am still a virgin, got it?”

  Fang and Robbie nodded.

  “We’re sorry,” said Fang.

  Luxe sighed, unclenching her fists. “It’s okay. I just… I’m still kinda angry, that’s all.”

  An awkward silence hung between the four friends before Robbie spoke. “Speaking of virginities, how’d you lose yours, Kami?”

  “Yeah, who’d you lose it to?” asked Fang. “Was it your first girlfriend?”

  “Or a one-night stand, maybe?”

  “Seriously?” Luxe interjected. “Why are you two so obsessed with sex? Besides, after the year he’s had, he doesn’t wanna talk about sex at all. Right, Phoenix?”

  “I was fourteen,” he said.

  Fang and Robbie beamed. “Who was it?”

  “My teacher. She raped me.”

  Silence. The grins melted from Fang and Robbie’s faces.

  Robbie shook his head. “No, you had sex with her, right?”

  Fang nodded. “Yeah, what makes you think she… raped you?”

  “I didn’t want it,” Phoenix answered, “but she made me. I didn’t have a choice.”

  Luxe’s hand flew to her mouth.

  “Mrs. Jones taught me math when I was a freshman. She was the only teacher who didn’t hate me. I sat at the back of every class except hers. She wouldn’t even let the other kids give me a hard time. I really liked her.

  “Once, Randy dared me to come to school high. It was stupid, but I did it anyway, just to prove I wasn’t a loser. I’d never been high before, so I didn’t know how to hide it. Mrs. Jones found out but promised not to tell anyone. She told me she’d give me a ride home and talk to my parents. I didn’t argue.

  “I fell asleep in her car and when I woke up, we were at the edge of a forest I didn’t recognize. She said if I wanted to go home, I’d have to do what she said. I asked her what she wanted from me. She didn’t even answer, just took off her clothes… I can still taste her.

  “She dropped me off at school when she was done with me. I walked home, tried to scrub out the taste with soap, but…” He shook his head.

  “It went on like that for months,” he continued. “I was scared of her, sat in the back of her class.” He laughed mirthlessly. “I was stillborn, y’know? Right when they were about to sign my death certificate, I started crying. It was like I’d risen from the dead, so my parents named me Phoenix. After Mrs. Jones finished with me that first time, I thought I’d be better off stillborn.”

  “Phoenix…” Luxe began. “You have to tell the police.”

  “Why? It’s not considered a real issue.”

  “But she could have other victims, too. You have to turn her in.”

  “I can’t.”

  “Why not?”

  “She’s dead. Her car’s breaks malfunctioned. That was the only reason she stopped. All the other kids in my town said I killed her somehow, ‘cause I was closest to her. She was on her way back from the forest, so in a way, they’re right.”

  “Is that why…?” Luxe began.

  Phoenix nodded. “Our secret wasn’t the only thing she took to the grave. She took my power, too, every ounce of it. I thought I could get it back if I went down on a girl, but it didn’t work. Mrs. Jones still haunted my dreams, so I tried again. I tried for months, but it didn’t help. I still felt powerless. But it’s the only thing I’m good at, so I thought, ‘The least I can do is charge, right?’”

  “The only thing you’re good at?” Luxe repeated. “What about your music? That’s how you got here, isn’t it?”

  “Yeah,” Robbie piped up, “you’re the best musician this school’s ever seen.”

  “You’re crazy if you think sex is the only thing you’re good at,” Fang added. “You might think we call you Kami because we think you’re a sex god, but it’s really because y
ou’re an actual god.”

  “You’re a one-man band for fuck’s sake,” said Robbie. “And you don’t take shit from anybody.”

  “You’re, like, the coolest person we’ve ever met.”

  Luxe wrapped her hands around Phoenix’s and beamed. “And the strongest, not to mention the kindest.”

  Phoenix’s eyes darted from one friend to the other. “You’re all insane if you think that about me, but… thanks.”

  “That’s what friends are for,” said Robbie.

  “We’re not good for much else,” said Fang.

  Phoenix reached into his back pocket and withdrew is spare toothbrush. He snapped it in two and tossed it on the table. “That’s not good for much either.”

  23

  Drama Queen

  Phoenix spent the following day giving all his former clients the bad news. Most were in disbelief, some disappointed, others frustrated, but it didn’t matter to him, so long as they understood. However, one problem remained, one that refused to let him go: Brooke Williams.

  She approached him at his locker in between classes and covered her mouth with her palm, eyeing him with hungry eyes.

  Phoenix shook his head. “I don’t do that anymore, I told you already.”

  She pouted, taking a step forward and playing with the end of his tie. “Aww, come on. I was your first, right? Don’t I get special privilege?”

  “You’re far from the first,” Phoenix replied, moving her hand from his tie.

  “No one has to know,” she said in a low voice.

  Phoenix closed his locker. “Look, you’re not special, okay? I don’t care if you give me your entire college fund. I will not have sex with you. Go find yourself a boyfriend to train. I gotta go.”

  But before he could leave, Brooke slapped him. The moment her skin touched his, forcing his head to the side, the students, the lockers, the whole damn hallway became crimson, as if drenched in fresh blood. He turned back and saw the fear etched in Brooke’s face. He swatted her face with the back of his hand, knocking her to the ground. Phoenix squatted down, grabbed a handful of her hair, and brought her head up so that their eyes met. “I don’t belong to you, understand? Understand?” he repeated with a shake when she didn’t reply. Brooke nodded and he let go of her head, letting it fall to the floor. He stepped over her, ignoring the gazes and glares from the red crowd that had formed. They parted as he passed. He winced, his hands forming fists at his side. If he didn’t find an outlet soon…

  “Hey, Kami!”

  Fang and Robbie hurried down the hallway in the opposite direction, wearing the same smile.

  “Good news!” they said, but their smiles faded when they saw his face.

  “What’s up?” Robbie asked.

  “Yeah, what happened?” said Fang.

  “Band room. Now,” Phoenix managed through gritted teeth. Without waiting for a response, he started walking, Fang and Robbie trailing behind him. Phoenix tried to close his eyes, tried not to see the Red, but it was impossible. How else would he see where he was going? He fought the urge to kick and scream, break and destroy, but it brought bile up his throat and forced him to grab handfuls of his hair. When they reached the band room, however, the Red paled to pink.

  “What should we play?” asked Fang, sitting at the drum set.

  “Anything!” Phoenix said from behind the grand piano. He closed his eyes, his long fingers dancing across the keys, playing a piece that he hadn’t written before. And words, ones he hadn’t planned beforehand, flowed out of him, like water from a broken dam.

  Robbie strummed his acoustic guitar and Fang drummed out a beat. When the song had finished, Phoenix’s vision had returned to its normal state. He sighed, relieved.

  “That was awesome!” said Fang, spinning his drumsticks. “We need more sessions like this.”

  “You good, Phoenix?” Robbie asked. “You looked like you were about to murder somebody a few minutes ago.”

  Phoenix nodded. “I’m fine. I just…”

  When the door opened, the trio looked up. In walked Dr. M.

  “You’re not supposed to be in here without my permission,” she said, her heels clicking as she approached the band. “And Phoenix, you’re needed in the principal’s office.”

  The Phoenix Kings left their instruments and followed Dr. M out of the band room. Fang and Robbie tried to follow the other two to the principal’s office, but Dr. M instructed otherwise.

  “It’s about Brooke Williams, huh?” Phoenix asked his aunt as they walked.

  “You know you’re not supposed to be fighting in school. What were you thinking?”

  “She slapped me.” He pointed to the spot where she’d struck him.

  Dr. M looked taken aback.

  “And if I’m going down, I’m taking her with me.”

  “I just hope you don’t get into too much trouble, Phoenix.”

  They walked into the main office and Dr. M nodded her head at the principal’s door. “Go on, then.”

  The principal waited at his desk, Brooke sitting in an armchair across from him. She jumped when Phoenix walked in. He took the empty armchair beside her.

  “He hit me for no reason!” she said at once, a finger pointed at Phoenix.

  “I did not!” he countered, pushing the finger out of his face.

  The principal held up a hand, silencing the two. Then, he turned to Brooke. “Tell me what happened.”

  Brooke flipped her hair out of her face. “I just walked up to him, to talk, y’know? He got angry for some reason, maybe he didn’t like something I said.” She sniffed and wiped her eyes, though it was obvious that they were dry. “Sorry.”

  The principal nodded. “It’s fine. Please, go on.”

  “And then, out of nowhere, he knocks me to the ground!”

  “You forgot the part where you slapped me,” Phoenix interjected.

  “I did not!” Brooke exclaimed.

  “How did he get that mark on his face, then?” the principal asked.

  Brooke was silent for a moment. “How should I know? Maybe he was fighting someone else before he hit me.”

  “I haven’t fought anyone else today,” said Phoenix.

  The principal nodded. “From what I’ve heard from your teachers, you’re a model student. This is the first case I’ve gotten from you all semester. You must have been provoked.”

  “Yeah, because she slapped me, so I hit her back.”

  The principal folded his hands. “There are also students who were present during the incident that support this claim. What do you have to say for yourself, Ms. Williams?”

  Brooke hesitated, then rolled her eyes and stared at the carpet, arms folded, legs crossed. “Yeah, it was me.”

  “Why did you slap him?”

  Brooke said nothing.

  “Go ahead,” said Phoenix. “Tell him.”

  Brooke wiped away more fake tears.

  Phoenix turned to the principal. “She asked me to have sex with her, but when I said no, she slapped me.”

  Brooke sniffed.

  “As you both know,” said the principal, “we have a zero tolerance for violence at this school. You will both serve detention for fighting after school today. That is final.”

  The students rose from their seats. Phoenix opened the door and offered it to Brooke. “Ladies first.”

  She tossed her hair over her shoulder and sashayed out of the room. Outside of the main office, Phoenix found his bandmates waiting for him. Before he could open his mouth, they bombarded him with questions.

  “What happened?”

  “Did you get detention?”

  “Did you get expelled?”

  “Why’d you hit her?”

  Phoenix held up his hands in defense. “I’ll tell you later. I’m really not in the mood right now.”

  Robbie shrugged. “We’ve got news for you anyway.”

  “What’s up?”

  “Luxe’s aunt is getting married, but her band had to cancel
last minute.”

  “So, guess who’s filling in?” Fang finished.

  “You heard me yesterday,” said Phoenix. “I can’t do gigs right now.”

  Fang shrugged. “He doesn’t have to know.”

  “Just tell him you’re doing community service,” said Robbie.

  “No,” Phoenix answered. “I have detention after school, anyway.”

  “This is an evening wedding,” Robbie informed. “You can go after detention.”

  Phoenix shook his head. “Asian Ginger will just have to do it without me.”

  “Well, it was worth a shot,” Fang sighed.

  Phoenix gestured for his friends to follow him. “C’mon, guys, let’s get to class.”

  * * *

  The autumn chill whipped Phoenix’s face as he pedaled home. Though detention had ended minutes prior, Brooke Williams’ complaints still rung in his ears.

  “My hand hurts,” she’d whined for the umpteenth time. They’d copied definitions out of the dictionary for two hours straight.

  “That’s the point,” Phoenix had said, not looking up from his work.

  It was only when Dr. M, who oversaw the detention, threatened Brooke with more detention that she silenced herself for good.

  Note to self, he’d thought, scribbling away, stop going down on drama queens.

  He stopped at the gate and dismounted, bracing himself for the lecture he was sure to receive from his parents, their voices heavy with disappointment. However, when he entered his home, it was empty, quiet.

  Dad must still be at work, he thought, and Blake’s with his friends.

  “Mom?” he called out. No answer. He entered the kitchen, finding it empty, and froze. On the island, lying on its side and surrounded by a small puddle was a half-empty bottle of vodka.

  Dad wouldn’t lie, he told himself. I saw him throw everything away.

  Then, he clenched his fists. “You wanna play? Fine by me.” He pulled out his smartphone and put it to his ear. “I changed my mind. I’ll be there in ten.”

  * * *

  From where she lay on her side at the foot of the island, Julia heard the front door slam. She rose with some difficulty, using the counter for support. Her hair was a bird’s nest, her dress wrinkled.