Death

by Rosie Scott

  Columns of yellow light spotted Celendar. The High Star sun happily filled in the new gaps of the canopies caused by my meteors with greedy rays that hadn't been able to reach the forest floor in centuries. Though this side of the city was war-torn and damaged, the resulting mix of the warm colors of sunshine and the otherwise cool tones of the forest gave a certain beauty to the landscape that even the Celds seemed to appreciate as they repaired their architecture.

  Azazel sketched the unique view with his charcoals a few feet away from me. Maggie was in the forest clearing where the outbreak of the battle had happened the day before, studying the Celdic elevators in further detail. Nyx sat to my right, toying with some strands of shrubbery that appeared to be tiny vines, and Holter sat to my left, playing a random tune on his lute. Nyx and I both watched Cerin, who stood on the covered bridge ten floors up to the left and gave directions to Vipin's men.

  Two of the Celds loaded a body up onto a stretcher. My eyes stuck to the shackles on the corpse's wrists, and my gut clenched when Cerin pointed a few feet away, where a decapitated head with sienna hair was recovered. Cerin glanced down at me with concern and moved to block my view of Silas's mutilated body.

  Nyx grimaced beside me as she watched. “You got yourself a good one, Kai.”

  “A good what?”

  “Man.” Nyx pulled her eyes from the scene. “The one thing I can't stand about monogamy and the people who practice it is the ceaseless jealousy. It's all so pointless. Cerin has petty jealousy when it comes to how other men view you, but that's more funny to me than anything else. He's been nothing but thoughtful with everything involving Silas. That's what really matters.” We watched together as Cerin followed the Celds to take Silas's body away for its ritual preparation.

  “I agree.”

  Nyx was quiet for a moment as she tied the small vines in her hands in a knot. “Death is such a fickle thing. A fickle, ugly thing. It arrives at parties thrown by perfectly happy people as the only uninvited guest. It doesn't tell you when it will arrive, or how, or whose hands it will travel with. Sometimes it arrives on the doorsteps of people who have so much left to live for. Death never abides by the rules set in stories. It doesn't care who you are or whether or not your dreams have been realized. It doesn't wait for you to live your life until you're happy with it and can tie everything up with a neat little bow. One day, it just comes unannounced, and it doesn't give a fuck about the messes it leaves when it's through with you.”

  Only when Nyx stopped talking did I realize Holter's music had ceased as well. He said nothing as he traced invisible designs on the body of his instrument with a finger.

  “I'm assuming you're not talking about Silas,” I commented, since the two hadn't spoken to one another since the night of his departure in Sera.

  “I'm talking about everyone,” Nyx replied. “Theron died before he came to terms with his past. Ricco died in the underground he hated after having no intentions of ever going back to it. Vallen died trying to protect Calder after having no qualms with joining his war by falling in the same crawler pit he'd expressed fear of. Jakan and Anto died at the pinnacle of their lives but before they could visit Welkin. Altan died over a simple misunderstanding and left his only son to rot in prison under the rule of his father's murderer. And yesterday, Silas died while trying to do the right thing after they shunned him for doing the wrong thing. There is no justice in death. No convenience to it.”

  “That is its very nature,” I replied. “Life and death are constantly in competition with one another to see which one can be the most brutal and unforgiving. I can understand why some resort to suicide. Sometimes a quick death is more bearable than a life of turmoil.”

  Nyx frowned and glanced over at me with concern. “Are you speaking from experience?”

  “No. One doesn't have to experience things to step into the boots of someone else and see the merits and detriments of their position.”

  Nyx wrinkled up her nose and nodded. “I feel remorse, Kai. Way more than I expected.”

  “Over Silas?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Why?”

  Nyx shrugged half-heartedly. “I don't know. Honestly, I never really agreed with you about how Silas's decision to warn Cerin in Sera was selfless. Because it was due to him that we had as much trouble as we did there. You forgave him for his stupid decisions and thanked him for the one thing he did to fix it. You can see nuance in things that I simply can't. You understood Silas's positions even when he was against us. I couldn't. I was really angry with him by the time he left us. Those feelings faded over time. Not because Silas didn't piss me off, because he did, but because he had no effect on my life anymore. For years, he was out of it. Then the Battle of the Southern Plains happened.”

  Nyx hesitated and dropped the vines from her hands. She leaned forward to look past me to Holter and asked, “Do you have any ferris?”

  “Yeah.” Holter dug through his satchel. Seconds later, he held a cigarette in one hand and a match in the other. Once the cigarette was lit, he handed it over to Nyx.

  Nyx took a long drag off the drug and then smoke billowed out through her lips. She continued, “It was a no-brainer to me, Kai. Kill your enemies. Protect your allies. That's what you do in war. Silas and his family were our enemies. So I did what I do best, and one spell ended up killing a dozen. Honestly, I didn't feel one iota of regret until you said Silas agreed to help us in Celendar. That's when it stung.”

  I nodded. I understood that all too well.

  “Emotions and loyalties and personal relationships are the most complicated things in the world,” Nyx went on. “I know Silas hated me for killing his family. You don't have to say it. I could tell by the way you urged me to stay out of his sight like you were protecting me. But that didn't keep me from wanting to apologize to him. Just once. Not for killing his family since they were our enemies, but for having to do it. For choosing charm since it led to his siblings killing each other and then to their broken hearts. I was protecting you. I used the spell I thought would work best at the time. If I were to go back, I'd do the same thing. But I still feel bad about it. And that really, really bothers me, because I don't feel like I owe anyone a damn apology for fighting in this war.” There was a pause. “Hell, none of this makes any sense.”

  “It makes all the sense in the world to me,” I told her. “Your words mirror mine from that talk between us in Mistral when you came back. About the Battle of Highland Pass.”

  Nyx was quiet a moment as she inhaled around her cigarette. Then, “You're right.” The tone of her voice indicated she was self-reflective. It was a rare thing to hear from her.

  “You regret something because it led to unintended consequences, but you know you wouldn't choose differently if you were in the same position again,” I explained. “It's an unwinnable dilemma as old as time. I don't have the words to comfort you, Nyx. You wanted to apologize to Silas. You didn't get to. Even if you had, he wouldn't have accepted it. If Silas could completely separate his head and his heart, perhaps he would have admitted that you did nothing wrong. But people are complicated and biased creatures. Silas couldn't bring it upon himself to forgive you for killing his family much like I wouldn't have forgiven him if he'd killed you that day. There are always two sides to a war, and sometimes it is best for the mind not to acknowledge that.”

  Nyx nodded. “What do you think? Honestly? If you were neutral to it all, who would you think was in the wrong?”

  “Neither of you,” I answered. “I would expect you to fight for your allies no matter the cost, and you did. I would expect Silas to be heartbroken over his losses and hold it against you as he did. Take solace in the fact that the hostility between you two was normal and expected considering the circumstances.”

  Nyx sighed. “As always, your candor is refreshing, friend.” She leaned over to pull me in for a side squeeze. “I miss hanging out with you like this. You're always so busy anymore.”

  “Kai's
kind of a big deal,” Holter retorted playfully. Now that the more serious conversation had calmed down, the scout once again played his lute.

  Nyx chuckled softly. “Yeah, I guess that comes with the territory.”

  “You're kind of a big deal, too,” I commented. “Half of the time I try to find you, I hear rumors you're busy entertaining whole units of our armies.”

  “Funny you should say that,” Holter mused. “Nyx was rejected earlier. Maybe that's why she's available now.”

  “Well, that's a rare event,” I teased. “Anyone I know?”

  “Cyrus,” Nyx replied.

  I raised an eyebrow. “That's odd. You two have been together before.”

  Nyx returned my inquisitive gaze. “How do you know about that?”

  “Cy admitted to it a long time ago after you'd left us in Eteri,” I replied, before smirking. “Said he drank too much.”

  Nyx snorted a laugh. “Yeah. Cyrus isn't the type to sleep around. I wanted to see how many Sentinels I could bed at the time, though. Kind of wanted to compare elements with skill.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Color me surprised.”

  “Anyway, I was pleasantly surprised with Cyrus,” Nyx continued whimsically. “He's all calm and collected most of the time. It's just a facade. That man knows how to please.” She shivered dramatically.

  “Hence why she tried to get it again,” Holter jested over his music.

  Nyx chuckled. “I'll tell you what, when Cyrus gives you an order, you comply. Both on and off the battlefield.”

  My throat felt thick with held back laughter as I said, “Nyx, there are things about friends I just don't want to know.”

  “Ah, so you're not even the tiniest bit curious about why he told me no?”

  I hesitated. “Okay, maybe a little.”

  Nyx grinned. “Our sexy blue-eyed king is currently in the process of wooing, and it's the cutest thing I've ever seen.”

  I smiled at her wording. “Who?”

  “He didn't say, but I've seen him sniffing around this Vhiri mage, so I'd assume it's her.”

  “And I suppose you find this cute because he's very polite about it and tries to form his relationships over time,” I surmised.

  “I don't know how you guessed that, but yes,” Nyx admitted.

  Azazel held up a finger from his distance as he continued sketching. “Because he tried it on me.”

  “Ah.” Nyx wiggled her eyebrows. “I'm guessing it didn't work, or else I would have gladly paid to see that show.” Azazel glared over at her as if to say, Really? Nyx grinned cheesily in response.

  “I suppose Cyrus is more comfortable looking for someone now that he's out from under Tilda's rule,” I said.

  “Maybe he's thinking about having to have heirs,” Nyx suggested.

  I couldn't help but chuckle at her ignorance. “That's not how Fremont's government works.”

  “Oh?” Nyx shrugged. “Can't really say I care all too much about the political side of things.”

  “Well, it's interesting to me,” Holter spoke up. “If Cyrus dies, who becomes the new ruler?”

  “One of the other Sentinels,” I replied. “Cy's main issue with Eteri's government was that its ruler was the only one who elected the heir. When he and the others became separatists, they voted together on who should be the ruler of Fremont. Cyrus looks to expand on that idea. All the details aren't settled yet given our quick departure, but from what he's told me, he wants all the Sentinels to vote on the next ruler and elect whoever has the majority vote. He also said he looks to give his Sentinels more prestige in Fremont. Eventually, the Sentinels will own land and report to their people. In that way, Cyrus hopes that when it comes time to vote, each of them will keep the desires of the people in mind when they elect.”

  “Sounds like what you're wanting to do in Chairel,” Holter surmised.

  “Suspiciously so,” Azazel commented. He glanced over at me from over his artwork and raised an eyebrow mischievously. “Your ideas have rubbed off on him, Kai. Cyrus looks up to you more than he lets on.”

  “I doubt that's true,” I argued lightly. “It's not a secret; Cy has always said he looks up to me.”

  “Yes,” Azazel agreed, “even so.” When I shrugged and said nothing, he continued, “Cyrus asked me once if I thought you'd mind him using some of your ideas for Fremont. Perhaps he worried you'd think he was stealing them.”

  I chuckled softly. “Don't know why Cy would ask you about that when he and I worked together on everything.”

  Azazel clarified, “He asked me about it first, way back within the first few days he was king. I told him you'd be flattered to have inspired him, not bothered. Then he asked you to work with him on everything.”

  I smiled. “Sometimes I feel like you've invaded my mind, bud. That's exactly how I feel about it. Though I wonder why he asked you first. I hope he's not uncomfortable talking to me.”

  “Far from it,” Azazel replied. “Cyrus is a king now. You'll soon be a queen. I think he's trying to figure out how to build a working partnership and respect boundaries with another ruler who also happens to be a good friend. He thinks some of your ideas would work for Fremont, but he doesn't want to step on your toes and lose you as a friend.”

  “That makes sense to me,” Holter said as he continued to play his music. “If you were against Cyrus's idea, there would have been fewer consequences if Azazel had told him no rather than you. Azazel is your right-hand man. I'd have to think a lot of requests will go through him before coming to you so people can gauge what your opinion will be. Especially as queen when you'll have lots of shit to worry about.”

  I chuckled at his casual wording. “You are incessantly charming, Holter.”

  “Because I act like I know what I'm talking about when I don't have a clue?” Holter asked, to which Nyx laughed.

  “No,” I replied, amused. “Because you have an idea of what you're talking about even though you are fairly new to it all. You remind me of me in a lot of ways; you thirst for knowledge, not just for knowledge's sake but so you can apply it.”

  “And there Holter goes, puffing out his chest like a rooster,” Nyx lamented playfully, and Holter laughed.

  “There was one thing Holter got wrong,” Azazel pointed out, lifting a finger that was yellowed with colored charcoal.

  Holter lifted up a dark eyebrow and said, “Uh-oh.”

  “I am not Kai's right-hand man,” Azazel said.

  Holter frowned. “...oh?”

  I groaned and said, “I have a feeling where this is going.”

  “My blind spot is on the right side of my right eye,” Azazel continued, ignoring my sigh of amused exasperation. “Kai always guards it. Therefore, I'm always on her left side. I'm her left-hand man.”

  “And there it is,” I said dryly. “The top quality humor I can always expect from you. You're fired. Get out.”

  Azazel laughed. “Just demote me, Kai. I'll go stand on your other side, and all will be well.”

  Nyx threw her cigarette butt in the brush at her boots. “I swear, Azazel, between Cerin's groaner humor and yours, I will have a brain aneurysm.”

  “How can you have an aneurysm in an organ you don't possess?” Azazel retorted teasingly.

  “Now that joke?” Nyx nodded approvingly and gave the archer a thumbs up.

  Our conversation continued until I noticed a smidgen of black moving through the crowds of Celds toward us. Cerin trotted down the stairs surrounding one of Celendar's giant trees, and as he passed Maggie at the elevator the two exchanged words and laughed. My lover finally came to a stop a few feet away, motioning back to Maggie.

  “We'll have elevators in Sera at this rate,” Cerin mused with a smile.

  “That's fine with me,” I replied. “I'll expand Sera as far up that mountain as it can go, but I don't want to work for the view.”

  Azazel huffed in amusement and added, “Have Maggie add a lift to the tower you'll be upgrading for me, too.”


  “It's a good thing Maggie likes her job,” Nyx began, “or else she'd leave our lazy asses.”

  Cerin chuckled and glanced back at the engineer, who stood in the middle of the water reservoir Dax had sabotaged while going through the broken parts of the machine. “Well, we have a few hours free, and this is what Maggie does. I think she lives for this.” My lover turned back to us. “You all mind if I steal Kai?”

  “You'll have to fight me first,” Azazel replied, even though he made no sign of moving away from his art.

  “Get out your karambits and let's go,” Cerin countered, and the archer laughed.

  I pulled myself off the lush forest floor and wiped its residue off the back of my armor before going with Cerin. He turned toward the depths of Celendar and I walked beside him, assuming he had a destination in mind. As we passed the first two trees and merged with the higher traffic of the inner city, I felt a new warmth in my right hand as Cerin sneakily worked his own into it.

  I smirked over at my lover. He grinned charmingly and asked, “What?”

  “We've been together for twelve years, and you're still doing things like this as if you're afraid I'll reject you,” I told him, lifting up our entwined hands as proof.

  Cerin shrugged lightly and looked ahead. “I know you won't reject me, but I also know you. A lot is going on in that mind of yours, and I doubt you've really gotten to air it out since everybody else was in such jovial spirits. I'm just letting you know I'm all ears, but I'm hesitant since I never want to force it out of you.”

  I wrinkled up my nose in thought. “If I had been alone with Azazel, I know he would have asked me to confide in him. But Nyx and Holter were there, and Nyx has her own issues with what happened yesterday. We talked about it a little. I think everyone resorts to jokes when other conversation proves to be too uncomfortable.”

  “Well, they all care about you,” Cerin said, squeezing my hand lovingly. “I think they're just giving you time.”

  “I know.” Silence permeated the fresh forest air between us for a few seconds. Finally, I chuckled dryly. “Don't worry, Cerin, I'll spill everything to you soon. Did you have somewhere you were taking me?”