The Magnificent Wilf

by Gordon R. Dickson

  Tom and Lucy looked at each other again.

  “We better take the time,” said Lucy.

  “Yes,” said Tom, “I was thinking that myself.”

  He wanted very badly to agree to the proposition—to actually be out on Alien worlds, meeting the Aliens themselves personally. But he was aware Lucy might feel differently about it. In any case they would be better off talking it over thoroughly between them.

  The subject, however, did not seem to want to come up on their way home. They drove back home relatively slowly, no more than a couple of hundred kilometers an hour, in their family car, since this time no official transportation had been provided. Actually, the entire fleet of the Secretariat’s official limousines was now sitting empty in their garage, having been thoroughly polished and cleaned now that the reception was over. It had not occurred to Domango, tired as he was, to send one of them to pick Tom and Lucy up for their interview; and perhaps that was just as well.

  They were both the kind of people who liked to think something over before talking about it.

  Accordingly, they talked about other things. About replacing the three regular-sized windows in their living room, which were getting old and letting the winter air in; about buying tulip bulbs to put in this fall—the front lawn, the neighbor children, and what might happen to the lawn if those same children kept insisting on using the tree there as second base for their softball games.

  All in all, small talk like this filled the rather long time it took to get home. They pulled into their attached garage at last. The garage door went jerkily up in obedience to the signal Tom beamed at it from the car, and came jerkily down behind them once they were in.

  “That reminds me,” said Tom, as they were getting out of the car. “I’ve got to balance the tension in those garage door springs. I’ll get on it right away.”

  “And I’ve got to balance the checkbook,” said Lucy.

  They went to work at their separate tasks, and continued with others, until by bedtime that night they had still not said anything to each other about Domango’s proposition; and they were both thoroughly weary of thinking about it. So they forgot about it for the night.

  But the next morning, there it was waiting for them. Within a short time, both their residence and their domestic affairs were in better shape than they had been for many a week. Still, they each found more things that needed to be done. It was not until late afternoon that Tom wandered back into the living room and found Lucy collapsed in a chair.

  “Where’s Rex?” asked Tom.

  “Out having a high old time chasing squirrels,” said Lucy.

  She stayed collapsed as she was, her arms flung out on the overstuffed arms of the chair, and merely stared at him. Tom stared back with equal understanding and agreement. He flopped into another overstuffed chair facing hers. They gazed at each other for a long moment of silence.

  “Well, I don’t know,” said Lucy, at last.

  “Neither do I,” said Tom.

  There was a new silence and then Tom said, “I suppose we better discuss it.”

  “Yes,” said Lucy, springing to her feet. “I’ll go make some coffee right now.”

  But Tom was already on his feet and waved her back down again.

  “This time I’ll make the coffee,” he said. “Be back in a few minutes.”

  A few minutes it was; since their kitchen unit gave water of any temperature on demand, and coffee only took a few moments to be delivered. Tom brought the two brimming cups back to the living room, gave one to Lucy, and sat down with the other himself.

  “Well,” he said.

  “Yes,” said Lucy. “In a way, there’s everything to be said against doing it.”

  “That’s what I’ve been telling myself,” said Tom.

  They talked about all the reasons for not being the first humans to go out to Alien worlds, finding themselves in perfect agreement. Then, almost without knowing they had done it, they found themselves beginning to compare these reasons with ones for going—on which they also seemed to be in perfect agreement. They drank more coffee and talked.

  Somewhere along the line, as the daylight was fading outside the living room windows, there was a brief break as Lucy went to the kitchen, and punched the kitchen unit for a pizza that they could eat while continuing to talk. She brought it back to the living room and they continued their discussion.

  “Well,” said Tom about three hours later, with the living room lights enveloping them in a golden glow, and the remains of the pizza forgotten on the coffee table, “it’s settled then. We’d be crazy to do it.”

  “You’re absolutely right,” said Lucy.

  There was a long pause.

  “There’s a couple of slices of pizza left,” said Lucy, “would you like some?”

  Tom shuddered. “No, thanks,” he said.

  Lucy looked with disfavor at the cold and aged slices herself. “You know,” she said, “if you were single—if you’d never met me and we hadn’t gotten married—would you want to go out yourself on this Ambassador-at-Large business?”

  “As a matter of fact,” said Tom, “yes, I would. To tell you the absolute truth, I would.”

  There was another moment of silence as they gazed at each other.

  “And if you were single,” he said, “and had never met me, would you go out?”

  “You bet I would,” said Lucy.

  They sat and stared at each other for one last long moment.

  “Well, that’s it,” said Tom wearily. “I guess we go.”

  “Right!” said Lucy—and suddenly, somehow, they were hugging and kissing each other.

  “—After all,” said Lucy, rather muffledly, “we’re only young once.”

  Chapter 10

  “I suppose you think of it, sometimes,” said Lucy, as their Mordaunti spaceship descended on the capital city of Bug’raf, the world of the Lefazzi, a hospitable, jolly race that looked a little like three-dimensional gingerbread men and were reportedly both energetic and hospitable. In fact, it was said they had turned their world into something of a tourist attraction for other Aliens, and as a result its main cities and open areas were usually well populated with visitors.

  “Think of it?” said Tom, instantly alert. He and Lucy had been standing side by side in their personal spaceship-suite, watching the city below growing larger on a viewing screen. “Think of what?”

  Lucy did not answer at once; and Tom’s mind raced to anticipate what she might have been referring to. So far things had gone well enough. The spaceship they were on was owned and operated by the Mordaunti Race, and those aboard had been very agreeable, if also very decidedly Alien. They had politely asked Tom and Lucy to keep to their own quarters aboard the ship; and effectively barred them from having much social contact with anyone else among them but the captain of the vessel himself. His name was Arknok; and he had explained to them that it would be necessary for the ship to let down here at the city of Bug’raf to realign the drive control chamber.

  “Think of what?” asked Tom once more of Lucy.

  “Oh, what it would have been like,” said Lucy, “if we hadn’t been married and you had been offered the chance to go out like this all alone. It might have given you more freedom of action; and, come to think of it, I’m not really all that necessary. I never did get the briefing you got, or even the training in all the different alien languages. You could do very nicely without me.”

  “What gave you that idea?” said Tom.

  “Oh, it just occurred to me,” said Lucy. “I just saw you looking down at the city now with a sort of eager, half-regretful look on your face, as if you were thinking of all the things you could do if you didn’t have me along.”

  “That’s nonsense,” said Tom. “You entirely misread the look on my face. I wasn’t feeling or thinking anything like that; so it couldn’t possibly have shown on my face.”

  “If you say so,” said Lucy.

  “Lucy, if you don’t mind�
��” Tom was interrupted by a nudge at his knee. It was Rex, holding his frisbee in his mouth and looking up at Tom with the soulful eyes of a neglected canine.

  “Play frisbee?” telepathed Rex.

  Trying to eradicate a false assumption on Lucy’s part, and correct one on Rex’s at the same time, was too much. Tom chose the simpler of the two problems.

  “There isn’t room, Rex!” Tom said.

  Rex smiled happily, dropped the frisbee at Tom’s feet, and bounced over to the far wall of the sitting room of their suite in three giant leaps.

  “Play frisbee! Play frisbee!” he telepathed happily.

  “What do you want me to do?” Tom demanded. “Throw it through the wall?”

  But, of course there was no point in arguing with Rex— for that matter there was no point in arguing with Lucy. Tom picked up the frisbee, walked over to where Rex stood against the wall, and dropped the frisbee on the floor. He pointed a stern finger at it, lying between his toe and Rex’s nose.

  “Rex’s frisbee!” he said sternly. “Guard! Guard, Rex.”

  “Guard?” said Rex. “Frisbee? Guard!”

  He dropped down to lie with one paw on the frisbee and gently nibbled the edge of it. “Guard!” he told himself sternly.

  “That’s right,” said Tom. He went back across the room. “Now, Lucy—”

  The gentle chiming of the entrance bell to the door of their suite in the far end of the living room tinkled. Rex’s head came up immediately.

  “Come in,” said Tom.

  A seven-foot-tall humanoid looking like a satanic Tarzan in purple robes stepped into the room. Rex growled, putting both paws on his frisbee; but stopped as Tom glared at him. Tom turned back to the newcomer. A weapons harness covered the visitor’s robes, with various types of weapons depending from it. He touched pale green fingers to his winged skullcap.

  “Good morning, Captain,” said Tom, touching his own eyebrow in the proper Mordaunti response. “May your Race live forever.”

  “And yourrr own rrrace also,” replied the Captain, rolling his r’s like a Scotsman. His black eyes glittered as he added affably, “I thocht I’d let you know that there’ll be ample opportunity for you to stroll around the capital city of Bug’raf below, if you wish. We’ll be on the ground at least half a day.”

  “Oh? Yes! Yes, that’d be fine!” said Tom, happily. “Yes. We will. Thank you so much, Captain.”

  “Not at all,” replied the other. Touching his head again he went out.

  “Bark now?” Rex asked.

  “Certainly not!” said Lucy, so severely that Rex hung his head, though he remained on guard over the frisbee.

  “You go by yourself, Tom,” went on Lucy. “I think I’ll just stay here with Rex.”

  “No! Rex stays; but you’ve got to come!” Tom hissed. Lucy turned and stared at him. Tom shook his head and put his finger to his lips. Lucy still stared.

  Half an hour later, the ship was down and the captain came to escort his two human passengers to the exit ramp. Rex was left in the suite, still keeping a watchful eye on his frisbee.

  A small wheeled device took them from the ship to a sort of terminal; and from there they wandered off into the winding, colorful streets that looked as if they had been lifted out of illustrations of an old book of fairy tales.

  The streets were aswarm with a hundred other Aliens, besides the locals. Once they were well away from the airport, Tom started walking at a pace that had Lucy almost trotting to keep up.

  “Tom!” she grabbed his arm. “Slow down. There’s no reason for us to be in that kind of hurry!”

  “Just around this corner,” said Tom, dragging her around it and down to something like a sidewalk cafe, where they found seats at a table. A robot—a simple tank on wheels with a speaker grille near its top—rolled up to them.

  “Alcohol, human-style, scotch flavoring, and cold distilled water, two,” Tom said in the local language. The robot rolled away. “Lucy, I couldn’t talk on the ship.”

  “Why not, for heaven’s sake?” said Lucy.

  “Did you notice how the Mordaunti Captain was talking to us this last time?”

  “Not particularly,” said Lucy. “He was talking English— with an accent..She looked thoughtful.

  “But I think he gave himself away, not knowing that I might suspect. Remember that line from my briefing that I quoted to you, back at home on Earth, before we ever thought that we might actually be out on alien worlds—‘Beware a Mordaunti when he starts to roll his r’s… Make a mental note of this and do not forget it.’ ”

  “Hmm,” said Lucy. “You’re right. He was rolling his r’s. In fact, I did notice it at the time, but I didn’t pay any attention to it. But maybe the Mordaunti just slip into that accent from time to time, without meaning any harm.”

  The robot rolled up and deposited two squeeze-bulbs before them. Tom produced his identity papers with the Secretariat’s seal from Earth upon them. The robot punched a hole in them and went away.

  Tom had not answered until the robot was well away. Now he leaned across the table to Lucy.

  “I only told you about that one line,” he said in a low voice. “You remember I wasn’t supposed to talk about my briefing to anyone. But there was more to what I just quoted to you than that. It seems that the change in the way they talk is a definite, instinctive reaction in the Mordaunti to the fact that they are meditating something mischievous or evil. They can’t help doing it, just like we humans give away the way we’re feeling with our body language, without realizing it. According to the rest of my briefing, a Mordaunti talking like that could be a signal that our lives were in danger.”

  Lucy stared at him, her gaze suddenly sharpening.

  “In danger?” she repeated, in a voice as low as Tom’s. “That was why you didn’t want to talk to me on board the ship, in case they had some way of listening in on us?”

  “Yes,” said Tom, “and I think Rex sensed it—the way dogs do, you know; and was trying to warn us.”

  “Oh, and I snapped at him,” said Lucy.

  “I don’t think he’ll worry about it,” said Tom, “but since we’ve been alerted to possible danger, if anything happens to me, you’ll have to carry on by yourself—”

  “Tom!”

  “I don’t know that anything actually is going to happen,” said Tom. “But just to be on the safe side, there are things I ought to tell you; and never mind that the briefing was given me with the understanding I’d never divulge it to another human being. At that time no one had any idea we’d be going out to Alien worlds. It was simply informing me so I’d know how to deal with Aliens who came visiting Earth.”

  “But something in the briefing’s suddenly become important to me?” asked Lucy.

  “Exactly!” said Tom., “You see, it wasn’t just a casual suggestion, the Secretary advising us to go first to Cayahno. Another section of the briefing had already informed him— and me—that while gatherings of all representatives from those forty-three great powers are held at regular intervals, emergency meetings can also be held, without warning. There’s one starting right now on Cayahno, with forty-two of the forty-three representatives present. The Jaktal representative, of course, has now been expelled. You can guess why.”

  “Because the Jaktal Empire is suddenly up for grabs? Is that why this emergency meeting is going to be held?”

  “That’s right,” said Tom. “Now, at the time when Domango asked us if we’d go out to the stars, I believed myself still bound by my obligation not to mention what was in the briefing to anyone else—even you. But now the situation’s changed drastically, since the Bulbur suggested humanity take control of the Jaktal Empire. Domango didn’t have to put it into words for me. My being sent out as Ambassador-at-Large would give me the credentials to be heard at that meeting, though of course until Humans are given a seat at that Council I couldn’t consider myself a member. Not surprising, since I’m only a representative of a near-primitive race on o
ne small world. But, of course, it’s vitally necessary that there be someone at that meeting who can give them the Human point of view, when they come to discussing their official attitude to whoever takes over the Jaktal Empire.”

  “Well, what’s the Mordaunti captain of the ship to do with all this?” asked Lucy. “You aren’t getting to the point.”

  “I’m not sure there is a point,” said Tom. “But because the Mordaunti unconsciously lapsed into that accent, I suspect him of somehow being connected with the Jaktals, or with one of the other races that would hope to take over at least a part of the Jaktal Empire. So, I think we should both be on guard.”

  “You’re right,” said Lucy, decisively. “So, what’s your idea about what we ought to do?”

  “Well, one thing I was planning to do, but hadn’t mentioned to you,” said Tom, “was talk to the Oprinkian representative when we get to Cayahno and see if he can’t speed up the authorization for you to have the same sort of briefing I had. I’m almost sure he can and will. So, if anything should happen to me—that’s what you should do. Find the Oprinkian representative, once you get to Cayahno; explain you’re the sole Human Ambassador-at-Large now, and what’s happened to me; and that you’ll need that briefing to shoulder the whole burden from here on.”

  “You’re sounding pretty cold-blooded, the way you’re talking about something happening to you!” said Lucy. “I’m more worried about you than I am about Human politics on Cayahno!”

  He calmly reached across the table and squeezed her hand. “I love you, too,” he said. “However—”

  He broke off suddenly, looking up. A hush had fallen over the street and suddenly it was very empty. Every Being earlier in sight there had disappeared, even the serving robot and those at the other tables. Without warning, around the corner floated a metal platform with two odd-looking Aliens of different species on it.