A Paper Marriage

by Jessica Steele

  She fell asleep knowing that above all else, when she and Jonah were married, she must guard against him learning of the love she had for him. Perhaps, given time, Jonah might come to care a little for her, but, remembering where his tastes lay-Freya whatever-her-name-was, for oneLydie didn't hold out much hope. He was happy to choose someone unsophisticated to be the mother of his children, but when it came to playmates women like Freya would win every time.

  Having gone to sleep feeling not all that happy with her thoughts, nor with matters she could do nothing about, Lydie awoke with a start to find that it was morning, and that Jonah was in her room and had just placed a cup of tea down in her bedside table.

  Instantly the sun came out for her and she struggled to sit up. `I thought you liked to lie in on a Sunday morning!' she exclaimed, and felt at once all fluttering inside when Jonah bent down and, his fingers scorching her skin, casually put her slipped shoulder strap back in place.

  `You remembered.' He grinned. `I thought I should return yesterday morning's tea compliment.' And, while her heart played a merry tune within her, 'Hotch over,' he ordered, and as she moved over to make room he sat down on the side of the bed facing her. `Sleep well?' he asked.

  `Like a top,' she replied, having no idea what a top was, but having heard the expression somewhere, and very conscious of the virility of him, the smattering of hair on his chest showing through the neck of his short robe. Br-it looks like being a nice day,' she said hurriedly.

  `Which reminds me I have to be in London late this afternoon. I thought we'd have a leisurely morning and have lunch somewhere on the way back to your place?'

  `Fine,' she agreed.

  `I've a busy two weeks ahead of me and might be a bit pushed to see you. But if anything crops up, or you think of something you feel you may have a problem with, let my PA know. She'll know where to contact me-I'm on the move in foreign climes,' he explained.

  `I think my mother's got most everything the way she wants it,' Lydie answered, already starting to feel desolate that he would be out of the country for the next two weeks.

  `Apart from your bouquet,' Jonah teased.

  `And the invitation list my mother wants closed but keeps thinking of other people we just have to invite. Your mother's doing the same, apparently.'

  `So I believe,' he commented, revealing to Lydie that she wasn't the only one on the receiving end of motherly gripes. Though his expression had suddenly become stern when he said, `My mother showed me the latest update to the invitation list your mother faxed her.' His tone had altered and Lydie knew something was wrong, even before he said, `I wasn't going to bring it up-mainly because I couldn't believe my suspicions. But, since we're talking invitations, who's this Charles Hillier you've invited?'

  Lydie stared at Jonah, her spirits taking a dive. `You know quite well who he is,' she replied solemnly.

  `I thought we agreed you were going to dump him?"

  'He's my friend!' she protested. `And I never agreed to "dump" him, as you call it. He's Donna's brother and-'

  `And your one-time lover!' Jonah cut her off, somewhat aggressively she thought.

  `He's not my lover!' she denied sharply, pulling the bed covers up over her shoulders defensively.

  'He was!'

  `He never was!' she retorted, outraged.

  `You've slept with him!' Jonah replied, his eyes glittering a darker blue.

  `Who told you that?' she demanded, feeling amazed. All this because she hadn't obeyed orders and `dumped' a good friend?

  `You did!' Jonah answered curtly, his chin jutting at an aggressive angle.

  `When?' she challenged hostilely.

  `You said, and I quote, "I stayed over with Charlie"-which meant you'd slept over at his place with him.'

  Lydie felt a touch awkward as she recalled how she had known at the time that Jonah had thought Charlie was her boyfriend but from some peculiar sense of pride she had declined to put him straight on that issue.

  `If you remember that then you'll also remember I told you people are always misinterpreting me!'

  Jonah studied her, his expression unsmiling. `You're saying now that you did not spend the night at his place?"

  'I'm not saying that at all!' she denied. `I've stayed over at Charlie Hillier's place several times when I've been in London and it's been late or more convenient to stay over with Charlie in preference erence to driving to wherever...' She shrugged. Love Jonah though she did, she did not want this conversation. `I know you said we should talk of all sorts without embarrassment,' she told him coldly, `but I'm not happy with this conversation.'

  His look said Tough and his voice was terse when, clearly not a man who enjoyed being messed about, `Tell me straight, Lydie Pearson,' he demanded, `have you ever had sex with this man?'

  She resented his question. The day had seemed to start off so wonderfully-how had it become so ghastly? `It's none of your business who I had sex with or did not have sex with before you and I became engaged!' she told him haughtily. `And I'd be glad if you'd get out of my room!'

  'I'll get out when I'm ready,' he gritted icily. `And I'm making it my business!'

  `On what basis?' she challenged angrily. Love him she might, but honestly!

  `On the basis that there'll be no one in that church a week next Saturday with whom I've slept. I should have thought common courtesy would decree you'd do me the same honour.'

  Any further argument she might have found collapsed without trace. It was a pride thing! He was doing her the courtesy of not putting her in the position of having to shake hands with any of his bed-friends; pride demanded that he did not have to shake hands with any of her lovers.

  Oh, Jonah! `I had-when I stayed at Charlie's place-I had my own room,' she admitted at last. `Charlie and I were never lovers. I slept alone. He is what I told you he is-a friend.'

  Some of the aggressiveness left Jonah's expression, but he still did not seem totally convinced. `You're a very beautiful woman, Lydie,' he commented, and, as if it was the only conclusion that would fit, `Does this Charlie, your friend, have some kind of a sexual hang-up?' Lydie was about to tell Jonah of Charlie's extreme shyness, but as if remembering her reaction, her consternation of yesterday when she had touched his naked chest, fingered his nipples, plus his surmise that she had not had many lovers, all at once Jonah was staring at her as if with new eyes. `Or, Lydie, is it you?' he asked.

  `W-what?'

  `Do you have something against sex?' he pressed.

  In view of the fact that they were to be married in under two weeks' time, Lydie supposed it was a fair question. That still did not make her feel any more comfortable with the subject, though.

  She dropped her eyes down to the coverlet. `I w-wouldn't know,' she replied huskily.

  There was a pause and, when she would not raise her eyes, movement. And the next Lydie knew, Jonah had moved close and had taken a hold of her hands in his. `You wouldn't know?' he questioned quietly. And, when she couldn't find her tongue, `I know you're embarrassed with this subject,' he went on, `and that traces of the paralysing shyness you've fought so valiantly to overcome still occasionally trip you up, but I honestly think this is a subject we should air.'

  `I know you're right,' she whispered. `And, and I've wanted to tell you because, because I felt you should know-' She broke off. Even her ears felt a fiery red.

  `Know what?' Jonah asked, any aggressiveness gone completely, only understanding there in his eyes when, placing a hand beneath her chin, he raised her head and made her look at him. `What is it you felt I should know?"

  'Oh, Jonah,' she wailed, `I feel such a fool.'

  `Share it with me,' he coaxed gently.

  And at his tone, knowing if she went any redder she would burst into flames, Lydie found the courage to tell him. `I've no idea if I've a sexual hang up or not, because I've-er-I've-um never tried-um-sex.'

  Jonah's reaction was to at first look totally taken aback, and then, still appearing shaken, a warm me
lting look came into his eyes. `Oh, sweet Lydie,' he murmured. `Are you saying you have never-ever-made love with anyone?"

  'D-does that make me a freak?'

  He smiled. `It makes you a joy,' he answered, and just sat looking at her for ageless moments until, a wealth of good humour there, `Given that this is still a non-committed weekend, how do you feel about a little experimenting?' he queried.

  `Oh, J-Jonah,' she stammered nervously.

  `There's nothing to worry about-I won't let it go too far,' he assured her. And, that smile playing around the corners of his mouth, `Did we have our morning kiss?' he asked.

  Lydie swallowed. `You've forgotten already?' she attempted, and heard his light laugh. Then, unhurriedly, Jonah was reaching for her.

  It was a gentle kiss, at first. She felt his warm touch as he gathered her to him and their lips met. And, more because she wanted to meet him all of halfway in this experiment, Lydie placed her arms around him.

  Jonah raised his head to look deeply into her green eyes but, seeing no fear there, only shyness to be nightdress-clad and in his arms, he tenderly laid his mouth over hers again.

  Lydie felt his hands warm at her back as they stroked in gentle rhythm. Then his kiss was starting to deepen. It was a heady kiss, and for a moment Lydie was terribly unsure and held back. But because she adored him, and was starting to love these moments of close intimacy, when his arms firmed about her and he held her closer so she moved that little way forward, and held him close.

  Excitement started to spiral upwards in her, mingling with love and tenderness for him. He traced delicate kisses down the side of her face, then to her throat, and she clutched at him when he trailed more kisses down to her shoulder.

  When he moved the strap of her nightdress down, kissing over her shoulder and down to the swell of her breast, and she felt his lips on that part of her breast that was uncovered, so love for him tangled with modesty and shyness, and she pushed at him slightly.

  Immediately Jonah raised his head, drawing back a little, his eyes on her eyes. `You're still not ready for my kisses, Lydie?' he asked, reminding her of the way, when she had agreed to marry him, she had said she didn't think she was ready for his kisses just yet.

  `It isn't that,' she replied honestly. `I'm just well-feeling a bit-all at sea. Perhaps I should go and put some clothes on.'

  His answer was to smile a teasing kind of smile, `Oh, Lydie, Lydie,' he murmured softly. `I don't-hmm-think you're quite getting the hang of this.'

  Naturally, as the implication of that remark hit her, Lydie felt pink again. Jonah was meaning that in this instance she should be thinking more in terms of taking clothes off than in putting clothes on.

  She took a shaky breath and, looking at him, felt her heart swell with love for him. `Teach me,' she whispered, and for long, long, rapturous minutes knew utter bliss when tenderly Jonah drew her to him and, after first burying his face in her tousled dark hair, showered her with gentle, exquisite, kisses until she felt she would literally swoon away.

  She had never known such a heady feeling like it. And when Jonah drew back to look into her eyes she wanted more, yet more. 'I'm not scaring you, Lydie?' he asked softly.

  'I'll let you know when,' she murmured dizzily, and he laughed lightly, and drew her close to him again.

  Kiss after gentle, tender kiss they shared, and Lydie's heart was pounding so loud she thought he might hear it. Then gradually a new dimension was entering Jonah's kisses and so, too, was a fire of wanting starting to flicker into life within Lydie.

  She pulled back, feeling a little shaken. Instantly Jonah relaxed his grip. `I am scaring you?' he questioned, his eyes studying and serious.

  She shook her head. `I don't think I've any hang up,' she told himm honestly.

  `Sweetheart,' he breathed, and held her close again, his mouth over hers, sending thrilling darts shooting through her when the tip of his tongue found its way through her parted lips.

  She gave a startled movement, but, afraid he would stop, apologised immediately. `I'm sorry,' she whispered quickly.

  'I'm going too fast for you.' He blamed himself.

  For answer she placed her lips over his and tasted his mouth with her tongue. She heard his groan of pleasure, and was thrilled anew. It seemed right to tell him that she loved him, but shyness held her back.

  Then Jonah was creating all manner of new sensations in her when one caressing hand moved from her back to take slow caressing hold of her firm swollen breast. She jerked back, but he understood that too. `It's all right,' he soothed.

  But she was shy of his intimate touch, and leaned into him, and he took his hand from her breast and held her quietly to him for long moments. `Have we proved that I don't have any kind of hang-up?' she asked.

  `Do you want me?' he asked, and helped her out by adding, `In case you haven't realised it, I confess, my dear, that I want you.'

  Again she so nearly told him that she loved him, but bit it back-her love was something he had just not asked for. `I feel I'm stumbling about in the dark,' she confessed.

  `Shall we stop?"

  'I didn't say I wasn't enjoying it,' she replied, and he laughed a joyous kind of laugh.

  `What a delight you are,' he breathed.

  It wasn't a declaration of love, but to hear him say she was a delight was music to her ears. `I want to touch you,' she admitted shyly. But was nervous when, without more ado, he removed his robe, tossing it to one side. She swallowed hard, her eyes glued to his chest, her peripheral vision taking in long naked legs and some kind of undergarment.

  `I want to touch you too,' he said softly, and moments later his mouth was over hers while his hands moved to capture both her breasts. And, while her desire for him made her feel breathless, he tenderly moulded her breasts, his fingers moving to tease the hardened tips, while Lydie gripped his naked shoulders tightly. Then all at once he was calling a halt. `Oh, Lydie, Lydie,' he said hoarsely, his fingers reluctantly pulling away from her breasts. She felt his firm grip as he took hold of her upper arms, and was on fire for him when, as though struggling to find an even tone, Jonah said, `If we don't stop now, we're going to be in deep trouble.'

  But he had awakened feelings in her that had been dormant, and, `I don't want you to stop!' she cried. That was before modesty belatedly galloped in. `I shouldn't say things like that, should I?' she asked, a little self-consciously.

  `Oh, my dear,' he murmured. `If we don't stop, I'm going to have to see you without this tantalising piece of equipment,' he said, touching the material of her nightdress.

  `Oh!' she gasped, and knew she was not as immodest as she had a moment ago thought. The idea of sitting there without a stitch on was something she was not quite ready for.

  `And worse,' he went on, trying to inject a little humour into what was a very heat-filled time of sharing, `there's a great risk you might catch a glimpse of me without mine.'

  Lydie went hot all over. `Truly a fate worse than death,' she attempted.

  `Oh, sweetheart!' he groaned, and they kissed again, and clung to each other until abruptly Jonah broke from her and turned and reached for his robe. Only when it was safely about him did he turn to look at her. `All right with you if I go now?"

  'The alternative?' she asked.

  `You don't need to ask,' Jonah told her, his wonderful blue eyes looking warmly into hers. `But, since I can safely say we've become more committed this weekend than I intended in our non-committed pre-marriage time together, I think perhaps I should go.'

  He went then, but when, later, both of them showered and dressed, they met in the kitchen, there was no awkwardness at the heady moments they had shared together.

  Though, while Lydie was feeling slightly amazed that he could so matter-of-factly make coffee, toast and conversation as though nothing untoward had taken place between them, she discovered a short while later that he was not feeling so matter-of-fact as she believed.

  `Let's go out,' he suggested.

 
; `I thought you wanted a leisurely morning,' she reminded him.

  He paused, and, eyeing her wryly, he replied, `I did, but that was before your response in our lovemaking threatened to push me over the edge.'

  Lydie stared at him, her heart soon thundering again. `Are you saying what I think you're saying?' she asked. And, confused to know if he was meaning that if they stayed confined to the house he might make more love with her, `I wish I knew more about this lovemaking business,' she mumbled.

  Jonah looked solemnly at her. `All in good time, Lydie,' he promised. `All in good time.' And she went pink, which seemed to delight him, and they went out for a drive for him to acquaint her more with the area and to collect the Sunday papers.