by Evie Harper
Walking into the massive barn, the sweet smell of the hay scattered along the barn floor hits me first. To my left, there’re empty animal stalls and to my right, a wall covered with tools and stacks of hay.
Hearing a rickety sound, my eyes swing to the left, and I find Dom climbing a tall ladder attached to a second level.
Assuming I’m meant to follow, I step up the rung, and when I reach the top, I’m surprised to find the only similarity between the barn floors is the dust and cobwebs which have built up over time. This level seems to have been built into a hangout for teenagers. There’re two large paned-glass windows, which allow the sun to illuminate not only this level but the whole barn. There are posters of bands stuck to the walls. Music groups I remember from the nineties. A small table sits in front of a large sofa with gaming magazines, and DC comics spread out across, so many that I can’t see the top of the table, only the legs. An old television with an antenna sitting on the top rests on a crate, and there’s a wooden bookcase against the wall filled with CDs and movies. Glancing around the room, I can see the life this space once had. I can almost hear the chatter and laughter that once must have filled these barn walls.
Dom drops our stuff on the sofa, which is covered in two different blankets, a red one and a blue. He coughs when the settled dust shoots up from the fall of the bags.
“Sort of feels as if we’re intruding,” I mention while still staring around the room, feeling as if I’ve gone back in time and at any moment, a boy or boys will come running into the barn and up the ladder and be shocked to see us standing here.
Dom finally looks at me. “We are trespassing.” His voice is firm, letting me know we can have a conversation, but in no way are we okay. “This farm may appear abandoned, but the house is clean and full of furniture. There’re washed clothes drying on the line, but from a distance, you can see their mail is piling up. Best guess is that they’re away at the moment.” Dom doesn’t let his gaze linger on me for long. He turns and peers out the window. “We’ll stay the night and think about what our next step will be. You can have the sofa. I’ll take the floor.” He walks to the ladder, and I twist my body around to watch. “There’s a vegetable and fruit garden out the back. I’ll pick a few things for us to eat later. Stay here. Probably best we aren’t both running around the property in case someone turns up.”
I nod, but Dom doesn’t glance up as he continues down the ladder and through the crack of the barn door.
With a heavy heart, I sit on the sofa and pick up one of the comics. I push aside my guilt and ignore the impulse to race after Dom and apologize. How many more times until I become numb?
***
Dom returns after a short time. He unfolds the bottom of his shirt, and a cabbage, some beans, carrots, and a cucumber come tumbling out and onto the coffee table. He didn’t hang around to eat. Instead, he went straight back down the ladder and hasn’t returned since, even now as the sun sets and night takes its place. However, I’ve heard him below, sweeping and cleaning up the stalls. Dom is similar to Slater; my brother can’t sit still for too long, especially in stressful situations, and I guess the last thing Dom wants to do is sit up here with me and pretend I didn’t break his heart for the second time in the last twenty-four hours.
I’ve eaten two carrots, half the cucumber and a couple of beans. It’s not enough since we skipped lunch, but it will have to do for tonight. I called Slater and told him we’d had car trouble and that we were staying in another hotel while the car was being fixed. All my brothers demanded to know where I was and that they would drive to me immediately. Exactly the reason I didn’t tell them our location. I’m the luckiest woman to have four brave and kind men love me so fiercely. But I also love them just as much, which is why I don’t want them anywhere near me while I have the mafia’s caporegime on my ass. I said good-bye to Slater as he started cursing Dom's name and saying he should never have left me alone at the hospital. All of my brothers, plus Piper and Lana, sent me text messages begging me to let them come and get me. I declined firmly and put my phone on silent before it became too much, and I gave in. I desperately want my family around me, but what I want isn’t what’s best for them.
Deciding it's time to get some sleep, I pull the dusty blankets off the sofa and I’m surprised to find a nice piece of furniture underneath. I pat the covers until I’ve removed most of the dust and dirt, and keep the red one while placing the blue down on the floor for Dom.
A little while later when my eyes are closed but I’m far from asleep, Dom climbs the ladder and pulls the string on the bare bulb light hanging from the roof. Against my wishes, my heart pounds heavily as I listen to his movement throughout the room.
“So this is who you are now, Della?” Without thinking, my eyes shoot open. Dom’s sitting on the coffee table with his arms resting on his thighs and his eyes fixed on mine. “Someone who uses people, humiliates them and doesn’t show an ounce of remorse?”
Dom’s words send fire through my veins. Not because of what he said or that he thinks this way about me, but because he’s right. I’ve become everything I hate. I evolved. My trauma's rebuilding me into a scared, weak human. And without another thought, I reply to Dom with a cold formality, “If you can’t beat 'em, join 'em.” I hammer down another nail in the coffin, which holds the old me, and continue along this dangerous path.
Dom rubs at his mouth and jaw roughly as his head shakes with disbelief. His eyes wildly search my soul, my features, and my body language, seeking out a flaw.
Steeling my resolve, I make sure there is nothing for him to find except conviction and perseverance.
Dom doesn’t hide his emotions. Anger and sadness fill his irises, and then his features grow slack as hopelessness falls over him. I want him to own that sensation. Acknowledge it and move on from any possibility of there ever being an us again.
“I made a mistake,” Dom says in a thick voice filled with remorse. A heavy weight falls upon my shoulders. I can’t take any more talks about this or his apologies. “And from that moment, I’ve done everything I possibly could to fix my fuckup. When I understood how deep that fucking hole I had dug for you was, I stayed near Lucini to protect you. The moment Frank sent someone for you, I would have killed him before he stepped foot on a plane. I’ve tried to prove to you that I won’t leave or hurt you again. I’m willing to take on the whole Lucini family for you, Della.” Dom throws up his hands in frustration.
How do I explain it’s not about me forgiving him? Even if I could sift through all my emotions to acknowledge I might have already forgiven him, it’s me I don’t trust. It’s my decisions which are in question. I trusted Jae. I trusted Rex and I trusted Brett. Every man, apart from my brothers, who I became close with, broke a piece of me. Even my real father threw me to the wolves. Dom needs to realize there’s nothing he can do. He has to walk away, today.
“You’ve won,” Dom continues in a softly spoken somber voice. “You wounded me. Hurt me as much as I’m sure I hurt you when I walked away after first telling you I loved you. You’re playing to win, Dell, even though, in your game, there will be no winners. Not even you.”
Swallowing past my dry throat, I fidget with my hands as Dom speaks all my truths. Things he shouldn’t know. It leaves me exposed and causes overwhelming pressure to build in my chest. What else can he see? The scared girl who still has panic attacks in the dark when she’s left on her own? The weak woman who can’t trust her own instincts? How easy it would be for him to break me.
“You hurting me to keep yourself at a distance changes nothing. I’m still not going anywhere. If it comes to it, I’ll take down the entire mafia for you, Della. Paulie is a walking dead man. I warned him. His death sentence has already been written. The next time he breathes the same air as you, I’m wiping him from this world. Not a single bone or speck of blood will be left of him when I’m done. The others who follow and threaten to hurt you? I’ll do worse to them. I’ll make them suffer, so every singl
e mafia member knows with each man they send, their deaths will only get more brutal, animalistic. It will take a blade to my heart or tearing off all of my limbs before I’ll give up protecting you.”
When Dom stops speaking, I realize my mouth has fallen open, and my eyes are wide. I can’t conceal my shock. I sit up, trying to control the fluttering in my stomach and to regulate my stalled breaths.
Dom leans forward and boxes me in between his arms. “Keep trying to break my heart, baby. Add your cracks and painful scratches, create irreparable damage and if you need to, completely shatter it completely. I’ll piece it back together with tape and hope, and return to you with just as much love and patience as if my heart were whole and new.”
The fluttering has disappeared and now my heart freezes and then pounds once, hard against my chest. My skin tingles and I almost feel as if I’ve drifted to a different time, a whole new universe where all the rules have just been changed.
“You forget I know what it feels like to think you’re dead. No other pain could ever compare.” Dom sits back, stands from the coffee table and stares down at me. “One day, Della, you’ll see I learn from my mistakes. Dominic Haynes never gives up, not on love.”
He moves to the light, pulls the string and the barn is thrown into darkness. Even so, my eyes adjust and I watch as Dom spreads himself out on the blanket, his back to the floor with his hands thrown up and under his head. He lies there silently gazing up at the ceiling. I’m frozen, staring at him. Trying to remember the hurt I felt from his betrayals, needing to pull strength from the heartache, except nothing comes of it. All I can summon to the surface is the heartbreak and torment I’ve put myself and Dom through these last few days. Is it possible to be confused about which one of us has hurt me more?
I lie back down, my eyes never leaving Dom. All I wanted was to shut off my emotions. Become numb. Protect what I’d carelessly given away. Me. I needed another way, but it seems this way isn’t for me either because ever since deciding to cut off my emotions and push away my feelings, all I’ve done is suffer. And I’ve dragged Dom down with me.
That man has well and truly knocked through my walls, like a bomb with a timer, as if my wall never stood a chance. Timed to go off at the right moment when the explosion would rock me to my core and no matter how hard I fight Dom is determined to be blown to pieces with me.
My eyes slowly close, and I fall asleep thinking about where I wish to be in sixty-five years' time. I want the full package: Dom, children, and grandchildren. I want the walls of my home filled with sixty-five years of memories. I want to build what I never had. But how? I don’t have faith in myself. How do I trust Dom if I don’t even trust myself?
Chapter Twelve
Della
Distant voices penetrate my deep sleep, but it isn’t until I hear the familiar click of a gun being loaded that my eyes fly open. I find an elderly man standing over Dom with a rifle to his face.
I sit up quickly, pushing the blanket off my body. The heat from the sun beaming through the windows heats my skin and I wonder how late we slept in. Why didn’t my alarm go off on my phone to wake us up?
Dom hasn’t moved from where he fell asleep last night. His hands are raised, showing the man he doesn’t want any trouble and that we mean no harm.
“What are you two doing on my property, boy?” The gun shakes in the man's hands, but not from fear, from his age. Holding a heavy gun seems to be taking its toll on his body. The old guy's voice is gruff with a small stammer. The rough, deep tone goes with his appearance; he looks mid-to-late sixties and fills out his jeans and blue plaid shirt enough to see he’s quite fit for his age.
“Sir, my name is Dominic and this is Della,” Dom informs the man while pointing to me. “We mean you no harm. We had car trouble about a mile down the road, and we had nowhere else to go. We saw your farm and came here for help, but when we realized no one was here, we decided it was a good place to stay for the night.”
The man grimaces, his deep ingrained wrinkles on his face becoming more noticeable with his expression. They almost look like a map carved out into his skin, a journey of his life, the happy and hard times. “Well, pack your things and be on your way then. You’ve rested on my property long enough.”
Not wanting to further upset the man, I hurriedly pack our stuff. As I’m throwing in my phone, I realize why my alarm didn’t go off; my battery is dead. I finish packing and zip up our bags, throwing one over each of my shoulders. “Do you know any mechanics close by?”
The old man lifts his blue eyes to mine and at the same time, I notice his thin powder-white hair peeking out from under his blue cap. “Only one good mechanic around here and he’s usually booked out weeks in advance.”
My shoulders slump. Dom and I glance at each other, knowing we’ll have no other choice but to call a tow truck and have the Dodge taken to a mechanic in town. Back to where we last saw Paulie and Greg.
“Okay, thank you. We really are sorry we trespassed. Thank you for not calling the police. We'll be on our way.” While I’m conveying how truly grateful we are, a woman’s voice rings out in the barn.
“Jared, did you find anyone? Where are you and what are you doing?”
“Abi, head back to the house. I’ve found the trespassing vegetable stealers. They’re leaving right now.”
“Well, don’t let them leave yet. They left money under the pot at the back door, and it’s too much. I need to give them change.”
Still staring at the man with the gun, I blink repeatedly, trying to process that the woman wants to give us change and that Dom left money behind for the vegetables we ate.
“You paid for the veggies you took?” The man's incredulous tone pulls me out of my stupor, and I swing my gaze to Dom.
“I don't steal, sir. You weren’t here for me to ask and we were hungry.” Dom’s voice is steady, his tone sincere. My lungs expand to the fullest they’ve ever been as pride radiates through me.
“At least you got some morals. Too bad they don’t extend to not trespassing on another man's property,” Jared grumbles. “I’m going to climb down the ladder now. You two have exactly one minute to follow after or I’ll start shooting at you both from under the floorboards.”
Dom doesn’t waste any time. Standing, he comes straight to me as Jared climbs down the ladder carefully with his rifle. The pulse in my throat is pumping quickly. Between the woman wanting to give us change and the man with the gun, I’m utterly confused at the seriousness of this situation.
“I'll go down first. I don't want you on your own with them,” Dom states as he takes the bags from my shoulders, leaving me with nothing to carry.
I roll my eyes. “They're old. I'm sure I'll be fine. But I'm not going to argue with you because I don't particularly feel like dancing when he starts shooting bullets at my feet, so move your ass down that ladder.”
Dom gives me a small grin and moves toward the ladder. Remembering something, I quickly grasp Dom's arm to stop him. “My phone battery is dead. We might need to ask them if we can use their phone for a tow truck.”
Grimacing, Dom says, “I think we’ve pissed this guy off enough. We might have to walk to another farm and ask to use their phone.”
I give a quick nod. When Dom is halfway down the ladder, I start my climb as well. On my way, I notice the old couple is quietly arguing with each other.
As soon as I reach the ground, Dom steps in front of me as Jared swings his shaking gun between us.
I peer around Dom to get a better view of the lady Jared called Abi. She’s studying us as I observe her. Abi’s hair is a gunmetal gray and it’s tied up into a bun. She stands confidently in jeans and a white sweater. She spots me staring and smiles at me with rosy cheeks and wrinkles which show a lifetime of laugh lines and her ability to age with grace.
“Before you go, let me get you some change,” Abby offers, but before she can take a step, Dom stops her.
“Not necessary, ma’am. Consider the rest
payment for us staying the night.”
“Hush,” Abi says with a wave of her hand. “You two seem like nice people. I’m glad our barn could give you shelter when you needed it. Where were you two off to when your car broke down?”
Jared appears frustrated and grumbles under his breath to his wife, “Abigail, let's not stick our noses in their business.”
Abi smacks Jared on the arm causing me to jump, latching onto Dom's shirt and hiding behind him.
“Jared,” Abi says firmly. “Put down the gun. They paid for vegetables for goodness' sake, and you're scaring the poor girl. Look, she already has a hurt arm.”
A giggle threatens to escape when Abi says I'm scared of the gun. I am afraid of any gun being pointed at me, but I’m more frightened of Abi smacking her husband's shaking arms and Jared accidentally pulling the trigger while he’s pointing it at us.
I hear movement and Jared sighs heavily. “I may be old, but I have quick reflexes. Don't try anything.”
Dom nods and I step out from behind him, wanting to reassure them we mean no harm. “I promise we aren't here to hurt either of you or anyone, ever.”
Abi claps her hands and smiles. “That’s settled then. Why don’t we move this conversation into the house over a cup of tea.” Not waiting for our reply, Abi spins on her heels and waves at us to follow.
Dom and I step forward to follow, but Jared swings the rifle up in front of us at waist height, stopping us in our tracks. “My wife is very trusting. However, I am not. I'll be watching you two.”
A wide smile spreads out on my face. He reminds me of my brothers. Jared's head jerks back, obviously not expecting my reaction. “I like you,” I announce and then walk around the gun and follow Abi.
As I'm walking away, I hear Jared mutter, “Christ. Your girl and my wife might get on better than I want them to.”
