The Gift

by Shelley Shepard Gray

  “Isn’t that how it always is, son?” Mamm said softly. “None of us ever really knows how what we do and what we say affects everyone around us. It’s easy to make someone’s day . . . or ruin it with just a few short words.”

  Now he felt even worse. He didn’t think he had done anything that would have ruined Susanna’s day, but he had started thinking that he probably wouldn’t have been too upset if he had done that, either.

  “One day we’ll have our own place again,” Roy said. “Then we’ll be able to hold our heads up high.”

  “We already can. Don’t you see?” Mamm asked. “It ain’t what we have or don’t have that counts. What matters is how we follow our faith and treat others.” Closing the tin, she smiled. “Especially at Christmastime, don’t you think?”

  Looking at each other, he and his brother shared a smile. “Jah, Mamm.”

  Right then and there, Neil’s world opened to him again. His mother was exactly right. Dale had been, too. Once he put what was important in his life first, everything else fell into place. It was really rather miraculous.

  “Next time I see her, I’ll apologize,” he promised.

  “I hope so. I, for one, have had enough bad feelings and resentment. I’m ready to enjoy Christmas this year. Don’t you think it’s time we all started focusing on what is really important?”

  “Of course, Mamm.” Rolling up his sleeves, he said, “Now tell me how I can help you with all these cookies.”

  His mother’s pleased chuckle was as welcome as the morning sun on his face.

  CHAPTER 5

  Monday, December 11

  After much internal debate, Susanna elected not to share her troubling conversation with Neil with anyone besides Amanda. Their parents had enough to worry about without feeling guilty about something that wasn’t their fault.

  There wasn’t anything they could do about it anyway. The sale had taken place. For better or worse, everyone had moved and was living in new homes. It wasn’t like they could go back in time and handle the purchase of the Vances’ house differently.

  That was why on Monday, after helping their mother unpack the last of the cardboard boxes cluttering the back corner of the dining room, Susanna told her parents that she wanted to take advantage of the sunny day and run some errands with Amanda.

  When a look of relief crossed her mother’s face, Susanna had known she’d made the right decision. Ever since the accident, her mother had been worried about her health and her state of mind. Susanna knew why she felt that way. Back in Berlin, she’d been a busy woman, with lots of social engagements. Recovering at home with only her thoughts for company had been difficult for her.

  Now that she had a better idea of what was behind everyone’s standoffishness, Susanna knew that the only way to make things better was to move forward.

  It turned out that their positive attitudes had propelled them toward a positive day. She and Amanda chatted with a few people they’d met at church outside of the entrance to the cave that gave the town its name. Horse Cave got the name because it was home to an actual underground cavern. It was a sizable place. Not as big as Mammoth Cave, of course, but the realtor had told them that the cave was under much of the heart of the town, with branches of it even snaking out for hundreds of yards in different directions. From the description they’d gotten, Susanna liked to imagine that the cave was shaped like a giant octopus underneath them.

  But of course it wasn’t called Octopus Cave. It was called Horse Cave because, folks said, outlaws used to hide their horses near the cave’s entrance.

  When they’d first arrived, their little sister, Traci, had wanted to visit it, but the rest of the family had overruled her suggestion. Going in a dark, damp cave in the winter didn’t sound fun at all. Instead, they’d made plans to go in the summer when the cave would give them all a nice break from the hot temperatures outside.

  The first thing Susanna and Amanda did on their trip into town was locate the library. After getting library cards, they bought necessities at the market, then stopped by a little café and ate hot cranberry scones and drank tea.

  “This was a nice day, wasn’t it?” Amanda asked when they had finished their errands and were on the way home.

  Susanna nodded. “Getting out and doing something fun really brightened my spirits, especially since we are once again enjoying a break in the weather.” It was true. After a quick burst of snow on Sunday evening, the sun had come out again. The day’s sunny weather had even melted the snow on the blacktopped roads. It made getting around so much easier.

  That said, taking only the main roads home was a long and meandering route. There was a shortcut through a section of the Kaufmann property that shortened the time home substantially. If they got to the path already made through the snowy field, they could make it to a picturesque bridge. That bridge, and the small creek that ran under it, was the dividing line between the two properties.

  “You think it’s okay if we walk on the Kaufmanns’ property still?” Amanda asked as they approached the edge of the path.

  “I think so. Dale seemed nice, like he wanted to get along with us.”

  Still Amanda hesitated. “Getting along and walking through their property seem like two different things. I’d hate for him to get mad at us. We need to make a good impression, not more of a bad one.”

  “It’s heading toward four o’clock. We need to get home and help Mamm with supper,” Susanna replied. “I think we should go ahead. Besides, it ain’t like there are crops growing right now.”

  “That’s true.” But after they went about a hundred yards, Amanda tensed beside her. “Oh, no.”

  “What?” she asked, then noticed the two men walking toward them.

  They had knit caps on their heads and thick black coats. Boots and scarves, too. They looked Amish from a distance, but it was impossible to know. And even if they were, it didn’t mean that they were going to be real happy that they were walking in their field.

  “Do you think that’s Dale and his father or brother or something?”

  “I don’t know.”

  But as they got closer, a sinking feeling settled in her stomach. “That’s Dale and Neil.”

  Amanda groaned. “This is going to be so awkward. We should have asked Dale for permission to walk here. I knew it.”

  Hearing Amanda’s nervousness fueled Susanna’s anger toward Neil Vance. Her sister was the most easygoing, perpetually happy person she’d ever met. For her to start fretting about whether or not she should walk somewhere said everything about how rudely they’d been treated since arriving in Horse Cave.

  “This is ridiculous. We’re supposed to start apologizing because we walked on a field covered in snow in the middle of winter? What could they be upset about?”

  “They don’t like us. They don’t need a lot of reasons, Susanna.”

  Dale and Neil were now standing side by side, watching them approach. Dale looked friendly enough, while Neil’s expression was blank. As they got closer, she realized that his knit cap was a dark navy and seemed to make his eyes look even bluer.

  She wasn’t sure what to think about noticing that!

  “What should we say?” Amanda mumbled as they got closer.

  “I don’t know,” she whispered back. Deciding to brazen it out, she waved a hand. “Hello!”

  Dale raised a hand and smiled. “Hiya.”

  Neil didn’t say a word. He just stood motionless and watched them approach. Suddenly, all her bluster seemed pretty childish. The fact of the matter was that she knew the Kaufmanns might not appreciate them walking through their private property, but she’d encouraged Amanda to do it anyway. Her mouth felt like a cup of cotton was in it. She honestly had no idea about what to say without making things worse.

  Then, to her amazement, her sister strode forward, all smiles. “Hi. We didn’t actually get to meet yesterday. I’m Amanda Schwartz.”

  And just like that, the tension evaporated. Dale smiled.
“I’m Dale Kaufmann. This is Neil Vance.”

  “I was just telling Susanna how glad I am to see you. I hope you don’t mind us cutting through your field. You don’t mind, do you?” she asked before prattling on. “It makes the trek home so much easier and faster, especially in the winter.”

  Dale shrugged after a second’s pause. “Not really. But seeing you ladies did catch me off guard.”

  Susanna decided it was time to take her medicine. “I’m afraid our being here is my fault. Our hands are filled and we were anxious to get home.” Pointing to their footprints in the snow, she added, “Do you want us to turn around and walk back the way we came?”

  Dale laughed. “Would you really do that?”

  “Of course,” Amanda said quickly. “We’re your neighbors now and we’ll likely be seeing each other quite a bit. We want to get along, not be a thorn in your side.”

  Noticing a flicker of dismay in Neil’s eyes, Susanna decided to take things a step further. “Or even more of a thorn than we already are, of course,” she said.

  Neil stepped forward. “About that. Listen, it was wrong of me to be so rude yesterday. I know my family’s problems aren’t your fault. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.”

  Susanna was so relieved, she almost teared up. She didn’t know why, but she really didn’t want Neil to think badly of her. “We’ve never had a farm before,” she shared, wanting him to realize that her family weren’t the spoiled, difficult people the girls at yesterday’s lunch had made them out to be. “When we lived in Berlin, the five of us were in a duplex. But if we did have this farm, and then had to move off of it, I bet I would be upset, too.”

  Dale held out a hand. “Now that we’ve all apologized and feel better about things, how about we help you carry your bags home?”

  “We couldn’t let you do that,” Amanda said, though her eyes were glowing.

  “It’s nothing. I’ll even help you over this bridge. It gets icy from time to time in the winter.”

  After peeking over her shoulder at Susanna, Amanda handed Dale two of her bags and started walking next to his side.

  “You don’t have to walk me or carry my bags,” Susanna said. “I’ll be fine.”

  “I don’t mind helping you, either,” Neil said as he reached out to grasp the handles of her two bags. As he did so, his bare fingertips brushed against hers. She felt a little burst of awareness that confused her.

  She firmly tamped that down. As they started walking, she said, “I feel like I should keep apologizing to you. Or make amends or something. You rescued me, but I’m living in your farmhouse.”

  “In our old house. And I agree with Dale. Let’s drop the subject.”

  “All right,” Susanna said as she became aware that while she and Neil were having a difficult and somewhat awkward conversation, that was not the case with her sister and Dale.

  They were walking along as if they were old friends.

  “THEY SEEM TO be off on the right foot,” Neil said to Susanna as they walked behind Dale and her sister.

  Watching Amanda smile up at Dale, and even say something that made him laugh, Susanna swallowed awkwardly. “They do. Um, Amanda has that way about her, though. She is so bright and cheerful. Most everyone enjoys her company.”

  “What about you?”

  “Me?”

  “Jah. Does everyone enjoy your company, too?”

  What did he mean by that? She darted a quick glance at him, hoping to ascertain whether he was simply making conversation or whether he was being sarcastic. “I’m not sure what you mean,” she said at last.

  “I guess I deserved that. You don’t know whether to trust me or not.”

  That was true. She didn’t. He was so serious, and he’d been so angry about her family living in his old house. But it was time to move on. If he could reach out to make amends, so could she. “I want to trust you,” she finally said.

  “How do ya think we can make it happen?”

  She glanced at him again. His expression was earnest. “Maybe we simply resolve to start thinking the best of each other.”

  “I’d like that,” he said.

  “Me, too,” she said sincerely. She would love to have the tension that she’d been feeling between their two families lessen.

  “Do you think we’re going to be okay now?” he asked after they’d gone a couple of feet. “If I see you on the street, you won’t ignore me, will you?”

  “Of course not.” Seeking to tease him a bit, she said, “Just you wait, I’ll march right up to you and say hello.”

  He laughed. “You know what? I can actually picture you doing that. I’ll look forward to it.”

  This was the first time she’d heard him laugh. It sounded good, almost infectious. She almost told him so, but knew stating such a thing would be too much. Too forward. Instead, she pointed to the arched wooden bridge in front of them. “That’s a lovely little bridge. Did you build it?” It arched over a small winding creek. She imagined the creek wouldn’t be too hard to cross in the middle of summer when the water level was sure to be low. But now it was filled with a good bit of snow and ice.

  “Me and Dale patched it up a couple of years ago, but my grandfather was the one who originally built it. Don’t worry, though. It’s a little creaky but in good repair.”

  “I’m sure it’s fine,” she said with a smile as she stepped on the first plank. But then, of course, all her hope for looking poised went out the window when her boot slipped on the slick surface.

  “Here, let me help you.” He reached for her elbow with his free hand.

  “Danke,” she whispered.

  “It’s no trouble. I’d hate for you to fall off the bridge.”

  “Me, too.”

  When they reached the end of the bridge, she was sure that he would release her arm and step away. But he kept close by her side, her arm firmly in his clasp.

  “We’re off the bridge now, you know.”

  “Jah. But these fields can be slick sometimes, too. Especially when the snow starts to melt in the middle of winter. Little air pockets form underneath the surface of the top layer of ice. I’m thinking it would be a good idea if we stayed close to each other until we get back on the path. I’ve had more than one misstep over the years.”

  Susanna doubted that. Neil was so assured, so confident, she couldn’t imagine his body betraying him like that. No doubt he played, ran, and walked across them more times than he could count. So the right thing to do would be to pull away from his side and assure him that she didn’t need his help.

  But for some reason, she wasn’t in any hurry to do that. Maybe it was because he was taking care to keep his voice soft and easy, like he didn’t want to spook her.

  Or maybe it was because he was speaking to her like she was worth his patience and care. It was such a nice change. Looking up into his face, she tried to think of something to say.

  “Sue, you ready to go?” Amanda asked.

  “What? Oh! Jah. Sure.” Quickly, she pulled her arm out of Neil’s grasp. He released it immediately. “We need to head in and help with supper,” she said.

  “Of course.”

  Susanna took a couple of steps, then gave in to temptation and glanced back at Neil. He was standing next to Dale. Both of them were watching. Then, almost imperceptibly, Dale nodded at her.

  Feeling like something important had just happened, she nodded in return, and then followed Amanda back to the house.

  Only when they were walking toward the back door to the substantial mudroom, where they could remove their wet boots and clothes, did Amanda speak.

  “This has been quite a day, don’t you think?”

  “Jah. An eventful one, for sure.”

  “Do you think we should tell Mamm and Daed about walking with Neil and Dale?”

  “Maybe only that they seemed nice,” she said at last. “No need for them to ever know how Neil and I got off to a rough start.”

  After a moment’s paus
e, Amanda nodded. “I think you have a good point. They’ve got enough to worry about.”

  Susanna smiled. “This is true. Besides, with Christmas just around the corner, it’s only right that we start over fresh.”

  CHAPTER 6

  Thursday, December 14

  Several days after she and Neil had resolved to start over, Susanna put most of her worries about him behind her. It felt good to wake up in the morning with a clear head and heart.

  It also felt good to settle back into her regular routine of helping her mother as much as possible. While Mamm seemed to be feeling strong, all of them still worried about her. Susanna knew that she would never forget sitting by her mother’s side in the hospital and listening to the doctor explain that her mother’s pneumonia had been aggravated by stress and exhaustion.

  Ever since that scary afternoon, she’d vowed to take on more of the household responsibilities.

  They’d spent the majority of the afternoon working in the kitchen, both preparing a few dishes to freeze and making the evening’s meal of stuffed peppers.

  But while Susanna had been content to slice and dice in the quiet, her mother had seemed preoccupied. When they were almost done, she cleared her throat. “Susanna, what is going on with your sister? Do you know?”

  Susanna made a show of shoving her wooden spoon around the browning hamburger and onions in the pan. “Which one?”

  “Amanda, of course. We both know Traci is fine.”

  “Amanda? Hmm. I don’t know.”

  Her mother clicked her tongue as she turned back to the tomato sauce she was stirring. But it was obvious that she didn’t believe Susanna for a second. “She’s been going out walking by herself. Do you know anything about that?”

  She did. Amanda had shared that she had met Dale on those walks. But that wasn’t Susanna’s news to share.

  “When I peeked in the living room, she wasn’t sewing. She was simply staring out the window.”

  “Maybe she was looking at cardinals?” Ack. Could she have not thought of a better excuse?