by J. L. Ostle
“Thank you. Yeah we’re opening up for Absolute Addiction. Will you be coming?” Again, why don’t I think before I let words leave my mouth?
“Yes, I have tickets and backstage passes. My sister loves Absolute Addiction so she’s dragging me along. Now I’m glad she is.” He smiles at me and it clicks that he’s hitting on me. I look down, seeing the baggy blue jeans and long sleeve top that I have on. I don’t even look that pretty, but he’s looking at me like I’m wearing a glamorous dress. “I’m Miller by the way.” He shakes my hand; I notice he holds on a little longer than normal.
“Nice to meet you. I hope you enjoy the show.”
“I’m sure I will.” We smile at each other and I notice Miller is looking behind me. I turn around to see Jensen standing there.
“Is there a problem?” he asks, but his eyes are trained on Miller.
“No problem, just telling Sky how great of a singer she is.” He smiles at me.
“I bet you were. Well if you don’t mind, we’re having a band hang out so I’m going to steal her away.” What the hell? I turn to look at Miller, apologizing with my eyes.
“It was nice meeting you, I hope to see you again.” Miller shakes my hand, smiles at me and walks away. He was so nice and Jensen talked to him like he was garbage.
“What is your problem?” I yell at him.
“What? He was looking at you like he wanted to fuck you on this bar,” he growls at me.
“What, like how you used to look at me you mean? It’s okay if you do it, but not okay when another man does it? I’m not yours so back off.” I push his chest but it’s like pushing a wall and he hardly moves.
“You may not be mine, but like hell I’m letting another guy try and sweet talk you just to get in your panties.” He leans in towards me, blocking me in against the bar.
“Like I told you, I’m not a whore. Just because you think a guy wants to sleep with me doesn’t mean it will happen. Besides, I can look after myself.” I try and walk under his arm but he grabs my elbow and pulls me into his body.
“I’m just looking out for you,” he says, his voice softer.
“No, you’re not. You’re claiming your territory.” I push his arm away and walk back to my seat, pissed that I didn’t get my drink. Miller was just being nice and Jensen had to act all caveman. Men.
I’m listening to Chris and Leon when I hear a commotion and turn to see Jensen standing on the bar, holding a microphone. What the hell is he doing? Is he drunk? Everyone goes quiet but a few girls yell out their love for him. Suddenly a song comes on and he starts singing. He stares at me as he sings Jason Derulo’s In My Head.
His voice is so sultry and smooth. The song is about a girl being in the guy’s head and how he sees them together. I also notice some sexual innuendos. He walks up and down the bar and his moves are flawless. You can tell he performs professionally. Girls on the dancefloor are going crazy. He jumps off the stage and walks towards me with determination in his eyes. When he gets close, he puts his hand out for me to take.
I look up at him and he is so adorable that I take the offered hand and he helps me up, twirls me out and twirls me back in, continuing to sing to me. He’s actually singing to me. He pulls me closer to his body and I move with him. This guy can dance. I’m giggling at him, shaking my head at him actually doing this. I notice when the words you fulfil my fantasy come out, he looks straight into my eyes, telling me that I really do.
The song ends and people cheer. He is wearing a huge smile that makes him look years younger. He places the mic down and, before I know what’s happening, he dips me back and his mouth moves close to mine.
“I really like you, Sky,” that’s all he says before his lips are on mine in a soft and gentle kiss. I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him back. “I know I didn’t make a good first impression but I really can’t get you out of my head. Please, will you try and give me a chance?” I pull back a little and look into his eyes.
I nod and he smiles at me, kissing me again before lifting me back up. The whole place is cheering and he smiles at everyone, bows, and then points at me. I take a little bow as well and he pulls me back to him, kissing my cheek. I look around me and see Dominic watching us. There is something in his eyes I can’t explain but he gives me a small smile and starts to talk to Chris.
He did it, he actually did it. He got through her walls and she let him. I watch him sing to her, and seeing her face light up like it did was like a kick in the teeth. I should be happy for her, happy that she’s happy. Seeing his lips on hers, I can’t help but remember how they felt against mine. I was her first kiss and now he’s claiming her. Claiming her in front of everyone. I wasn’t expecting to feel so hurt. It hurts she said yes; it hurts that she’s letting him into her heart.
What have I done?
Why am I only realizing now that I made a mistake?
I fucked up.
Now that she is with someone else, I realize how badly I want it to be me.
Now I have to live knowing that I made the biggest mistake of my life by keeping her at arm’s length. I know this is going to be my biggest regret.
I guess the saying is true; you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone.
Jensen insists on me joining him on his bus but I decline since all I want to do is sleep. I have a feeling he wants to do anything but sleep. I know he was disappointed by my answer but, if he wants to be with me, he has to learn that just because I’m letting him in, doesn’t mean I’m going to start changing what I believe.
He held my hand all the way to my bus and stops near the door. He places his hands on my cheeks as he leans down to kiss my lips softly. I was expecting it to be more urgent, rough, but it’s not. He smiles at me, walking backwards so his eyes are still on me. I gave him a small wave and walk up the few steps. I hear a shriek and see Lake running towards me.
“I can’t believe you’re dating Jensen! It’s all over YouTube. He serenaded you. Oh my God, your first boyfriend is a famous rock star,” she says in one go without taking a breath. I look around and the guys are all staring at me like I’m some sort of alien. I look at Dominic and he’s on the couch, strumming his guitar, not looking at me.
“How could I say no to that? He was being sweet and I think that cockiness is just what he thinks people expect from him. I just hope it works out.” I shrug and sit down in a booth. I can’t believe I said yes, but the smile on my face is showing me that I did the right thing. I like this side of Jensen.
“This tour is going to be amazing, I can feel it. My baby sister is going out with the lead singer of Absolute Addiction. I’m going to post it on our Facebook page.” Lake kisses my cheek and goes to her laptop.
I tell everyone I’m going to sleep and head to my room. We have to be up in a few hours to do some rehearsing and right after, I want to catch up on some more sleep before we go on. We just started this tour and already I know I’ll be losing lots of sleep. I change into my PJ’s and lie on the bed, staring at the ceiling, when I hear a knock on the door.
“Come in.” I sit up and when the door opens I see Dominic standing there. “Everything okay?” I ask him.
He doesn’t say anything but walks to the bed and sits next to me.
“I just wanted to make sure you’re okay?” My whole body softens at the sincerity in his eyes. I know he sees me as family but, apart from my sister, I don’t think I have ever had someone else care for me like this.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” I smile reassuringly at him and he gives me a warm smile in return.
“I know this may be out of line, but I just want you to be careful when it comes to Jensen. Me and you have gotten close these last couple of months and I would hate to see you get hurt. It would break me if he hurt you in anyway, or pushed you to do anything you didn’t want to do.” I can tell he’s upset and I place my hand on his. His eyes look down at our hands and he entwines them.
“I’ll be careful, thank you for looking out for me.
I know you think he’s an ass, but I’ve seen a different side to him, a playful side. I’ve never had a boyfriend but, trust me, I wouldn’t do anything I’m not ready to do. I just want to see where it goes. If it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t work out. At least I know I’ll have you at my side.” I nudge his shoulder with mine.
“I’ll always be by your side. But if he does hurt you, I’ll kick his ass, just to pre-warn you.” I giggle.
“If he does hurt me, I won’t stop you.”
“Right, I’ll let you get some sleep then.” He is about to stand when I hold his hand tighter and bite my lip.
“Umm, I know you probably want to sleep on your own, but do you think you could lay next to me for a little bit? Until I at least fall asleep?” I look into his eyes and he looks like he is struggling with something and I hate that I have put him in a weird position.
Maybe it’s because I’m with Jensen and it won’t be right, but before I can tell him it’s okay and that he can go if he wants, he nods his head. I shuffle to the side of the bed to give him some room and he lies down. We are both on our backs, staring at the ceiling. I want us to sleep like we used to.
“Dominic?” I whisper out his name.
“Mm.” He turns and looks at me.
“Can we sleep like we normally do?” It takes a few seconds before I feel his body turn and he helps me to my side, wrapping his arm over my waist, and entwines his fingers with mine again. I know we shouldn’t be sleeping like this but when he is near me, he fights away my nightmares. But most of all, I just like knowing he is near me. I feel his breath on my neck and I finally close my eyes and let sleep take over. I hate that when I wake up again, he is gone.
I’m walking towards the stage for rehearsal when I feel my arm being tugged and I’m pinned against a wall with Jensen’s lips on mine. His fingers fist in my hair, his body presses against mine. His tongue licks my bottom lip and I open my mouth, giving him access, and he growls in the back of his throat. He takes a step back, our breathing coming out in fast pants.
“I don’t think I will ever get sick of kissing you.” He comes close again and kisses my lips softly before pressing his forehead against mine, looking into my eyes, searching for something. “You really are different than other girls, aren’t you?” I hate that he’s comparing me to the women he has been with before but I can see a compliment in there as well.
“Is that a good thing?” I ask him and he smiles at me, kissing me again.
“Definitely.”
“Sky, we need you on stage!” someone yells out to me. I turn my head and see everyone is staring at us and feel my cheeks heat up.
“I love how easily embarrassed you get. Your creamy white skin turns into a lovely shade of pink. I wonder what other places would turn pink.” His eyes have gone hooded.
“I need to go,” I whisper. He nods.
I walk a few steps when he tugs my arm and twirls me around and slams his mouth on mine again, leaving me breathless with a hard kiss. He lets go and takes a few steps back, giving me a wink. I have to walk on stage with wobbly legs and all eyes on me.
Great.
The rehearsal went great and luckily I left without running into Jensen again. I know that sounds mean but, I know he would have asked me to stay and watch him and right now all I want to do is catch up on some more sleep. I head back to the bus and can hear soft music playing inside. I take a couple of steps and see Dominic with his head down, singing a song about falling to pieces. I think I recognize it as The Script’s Breakeven.
His voice is beautiful and I can’t move. I know he’s lost in the music, like how I am when I let the words take over, and can’t see me. He gets louder and I feel like his voice, the words of the song, hits me right in the heart. A few tears fall down my cheek as I continue to listen. Why is he singing this? Why didn’t he ever mention that he could sing? He could have been the lead singer as well as the lead guitarist. I have so many questions but I know I could never ask. There must be a reason he hasn’t said anything and I don’t want to pry. I know what it’s like to hide something. I continue to listen to him and wish I could crawl inside his head and see what he is thinking.
He finishes the song and I don’t know if I should walk away or walk up to him, pretending I never heard him. Pretending that in my eyes, he is even more perfect than he already was. I go for the latter and walk up the steps humming so he can hear me. I watch him strum the guitar, not looking at me.
Please look at me.
I sit next to him and watch his fingers strum and I want to change the atmosphere that is choking away the light we are normally in. I start to hum and before I know it I’m singing. I sing Breathe by Michelle Branch, letting the words easily fall from my mouth and, finally, Dominic looks at me and starts to play along. I smile at him and when the song gets to the chorus, I stand up and spread my arms out, my head falling back as I let the power of music take me over.
I move around the bus, twirling, singing, swaying my hips. I jump on the couch and Dominic stays where he is but not once do his eyes leave me. I finish the song and a huge smile is on my face. I love how music can always make me feel so alive, so happy.
Dominic stands up and walks towards me, his guitar forgotten. He’s in front of me and puts his hand around my neck, moving in closer, and I feel my heart yammering in my chest. His thumb strokes my skin back and forth. I close my eyes and hate what I’m about to do.
I step back.
I walk away from Dominic.
I open my eyes and he’s looking at me, knowing why I did it. I’m with Jensen. Dominic opens his mouth to say something when I hear my name being called and see Jensen walking towards us. I give him a smile but I’m sure he notices it’s a little forced. He looks back and forth between us and his eyes have gotten darker, angry.
“What’s going on?” Jensen asks.
“We were just goofing around.” I shrug, trying to act indifferent, but he doesn’t seem convinced, especially because Dominic is standing there still looking at me. It’s like he’s in some trance.
“I bet you were.” I look at Jensen and I swear that sounded like him calling me a liar. I could have kissed Dominic, but I didn’t since I’m with him.
“What is that supposed to mean?” I ask angrily. He looks at me and his eyes soften.
“I’m sorry. I was looking for you. Want to hear me rehearse some songs?” I want to say no but, after what he almost walked into, I feel like it’s my duty to say yes. It’s what girlfriends do right? We haven’t put a label on what we are but I assume that’s what this is.
“Sure.” Jensen holds my hand and we start to walk away. I quickly look behind me and Dominic is still standing there. I whisper “I’m sorry”, like he did all those months ago when I first moved in with him, and he gives me a nod. I walk back to the stage and sit in the third row as I watch Jensen play.
After hearing Dominic sing, I can’t get his voice out of my head. I watch Jensen and see how he plays to the audience, his smirks and smiles. When Dominic played, it was like he was in another world. Lost in thought. I shouldn’t compare, maybe if Dominic was singing in front of people, he would act different too.
I stay there till the end and Jensen comes and sits with me and we talk. He gives me all of his attention, asking me questions about my favorite color, food, movie. He does bring up my parents and I tell him it’s a sore subject so he drops it, not asking for more information. It’s times like this that I am happy to be around him. I enjoy talking and laughing with him, but only when my mind is fully on him.
That’s when it clicks. I’m still holding back, keeping that space in my heart for Dominic. But Dominic and I will never be. Jensen is a guy who treats me like I’m precious, who is willing to show the world he wants me; is right here in front of me, trying to get to know me. I deicide there and then that I am going to try harder. I can’t keep holding onto hope for something that will never happen.
Jensen is talking to me but I put my
finger to his lips to stop whatever he is about to say and I stand and straddle him. I watch his eyes go wide with shock. I sit on his lap and press my lips to his. I’m nervous since it’s normally the other way around. I normally wait for him to kiss me but, this time, I want to take control. I bite his lower lip and feel his hands grip my waist. I press myself forward and can feel the friction between us, causing me to arch myself into him.
His hands go in my hair and he starts nipping and licking my neck. I look at him and start to grind myself against him, back and forth, and that ache between my legs starts to increase. I slam my lips on his and kiss him with everything in me. I keep pushing myself against his hardness, back and forth, back and forth. His fingers have moved to under my tank and are digging into my skin, but the pain intensifies the pleasure I’m feeling.
I’m so lost in the sensation that I startle when I hear clapping, looking up to see Kym watching us in one of the seats in the back. It feels like cold water is splashed all over me. I sit up and jump back into my seat, looking at the stage, not wanting to look anywhere else. I try and get my breathing under control and notice Jensen looking at me, licking his lips.
“Please don’t stop. It was so hot, I feel like fingering myself so I can get off, too,” Kym shouts out. I quickly stand and walk away, wanting to be alone. I tried to do something spontaneous, but I still should have made sure we were alone, that there was no one watching. For the first time, I wasn’t thinking, just going with it, and it bit me in the ass.
“Sky, wait!” Jensen calls out but I keep walking till I’m pulled back into his chest. “Ignore her, she’s just jealous. I think she has a girl crush on you.” He rubs his nose against my neck. “Do you want to continue this back on the bus? We have at least an hour before the show starts.” I turn around and see he has that smile on his face, not the smile I like. It’s the smile of the dick rock star.
“I’m going back to my bus. I want to rest before I need to get ready.”
