by C. A. Harms
“Sure.”
I took a deep breath, thankful that I at least had Hayley on my side. “Can you tell her that I’m not going anywhere? Even if I’m thousands of miles away now, it won’t be forever. Tell her I’m coming back and that I’ll wait for her for as long as it takes.”
When she didn’t respond right away I panicked. “Hayley?”
“Yeah,” she finally spoke. “I’ll tell her. Bye Kyler.”
I watched the screen for a few more seconds before the call ended and I was left feeling like I’d had the wind knocked out of me. This distance between us was hard enough, but knowing she was suffering, knowing that she felt she had to spare me this experience only made it that much harder.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Ashlynn
“Let me help you back to bed.” I looked up from my place on my bathroom floor to see Hayley moving toward me. I woke up on the couch about thirty minutes ago and from the moment my feet hit the floor I was running for the bathroom.
My stomach tensed and I heaved as I knelt before the toilet and once again emptied the contents of my stomach. It was at the point now where it had begun to hurt. My throat was raw, my chest ached. In fact, every muscle in my body ached.
“I don’t think I can do this,” I mumbled as I looked over to my left to see her staring back at me with her face etched in concern. I wasn’t sure the exact thing I was referring to, maybe the idea of the pregnancy or being a mother. Or maybe it was the fact that I was beyond exhausted and my body felt so weak.
“You’re tired, Ashlynn, let’s just get you to bed and try to keep down some ice chips.” I shook my head as I lowered myself to the cool tile of the bathroom floor and pressed my cheek to the soothing surface.
“Ash,” Hayley whispered as she knelt at my side and brushed the hair back away from my face. “You’re kinda freaking me out.”
“I’m fine,” I said, doing my best to believe my words. I didn’t have a choice, whether I wanted this to happen or not it was going to. “I’ll be okay.” I think I said that more for my own benefit than to soothe Hayley.
“I’ve really made a mess of things, haven’t I?”
When she didn’t answer right away I looked up at my best friend, who still remained kneeling at my side. I watched as she slowly sat on the floor and reached out to brush the hair back from my face. “He was here and instead of me telling him that I wanted nothing more than for him to stand by my side through this, I just pushed him away.”
The emptiness inside me wasn’t just due to the excessive amounts of heaving. I knew that much. I closed my eyes and concentrated on breathing, doing my best to calm myself.
“He called.” I opened my eyes and watched her for a few seconds, thinking maybe I had heard her wrong. “While you were sleeping, he called and we talked for a little while.”
“About what?”
“You.” A smile tugged at the corner of her lips. “I know you think you screwed things up, but I can assure you that he’s not walking away.”
“I don’t want him to miss out on this chance, he deserves it.”
“And you deserve to be happy.” She reached out her hand and motioned for me to place mine in hers. “So let’s get you to bed, and get started on making that happen.”
I placed my hand in hers, suddenly feeling all kinds of sappy about having such an amazing friend. This mess wasn’t hers, yet there she was, right by my side. She’d been there through the shifting of my moods, through the day and most of the night as I heaved, and even when I fell asleep at the weirdest of moments, she stayed.
“I love you, Hayley,” I told her as she helped me into my bed and tucked me in like the nurturing queen she was. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
Once the covers were tucked around me, she sat at my side and gave me the most serious of stares. “You’ll never have to find out, Ash, because I love you too. I’m here, I told you that, no matter what happens.”
I closed my eyes and slowly took one breath in after another. It didn’t take any time at all to give in to the exhaustion I felt and the blackness took over.
***
“You’ve lost four more pounds, Ashlynn.” I dipped my head and looked at my lap, avoiding the direct look my obstetrician was given me. “And it was two pounds before that. At this point you are weighing less than you did on your first visit.”
“I can’t seem to keep anything down.” I’d tried, believe me I tried, but the mere thought of chewing anything up and swallowing gave me the most nauseating feeling.
“The B6 doesn’t seem to be helping alone, so I’d like to try a combination of that and an over the counter medication called doxylamine. One side effect of this is that you may become drowsy, so driving is not recommended. I’m concerned with your weight loss, Ashlynn. If we can’t get this under control, I’m afraid I’ll be recommending admittance into the hospital.”
My stomach tensed, only this time it had nothing related to the ongoing sickness I’d felt. I just wanted to be home in my own bed, not in some stale hospital while nurses and doctors poked at me.
“I’ll try whatever I can in order to get this under control.” I just wanted to be able to hold down a piece of toast and a ginger ale. Was that too much to ask?
“I want to see you again this time next week.” Dr. Mitchell stood up and crossed his arms over his chest. For a middle-aged man he was very handsome, a light scruff over his jaw, tinged with grey that seemed to stand out against the darker color of his beard. “Unless you continue on with this inability to hold down even the smallest of meals. I’d like you to eat small meals throughout the day. Crackers, toast, but stay away from grease and starch. Acidic foods too, stick with bland for now.”
“Okay.” I began to slide off the table and he reached out to offer his hand.
“And rest.” He gave me that fatherly look I’d seen from my own dad often. His eyes narrowed, his brows creased, lips pursed. I was left with no other option but to nod in agreement. I’d eat the blandest of food if it meant I’d be able to nourish myself and my baby. This entire thing was draining both physically and emotionally.
After I was checked out, I met Hayley in the waiting area and handed her the paper. “Doxy what?”
“Doxylamine.” I pronounced the medication only because I heard the doctor say it a few minutes before. Otherwise I’d be tongue-tied too. “He’d like me to take that with the B6 and eat small bland meals throughout the day. Eat a little and then wait a couple hours before trying again.”
“That sounds yummy,” she mumbled as we walked outside, and I looked back over my shoulder, giving her a look I’m sure expressed just how happy I was with eating cardboard.
“I cannot wait until I can eat a huge pile of Doritos or cheddar and sour cream chips without chucking them ten minutes later.”
“Or a burger from Larry’s,” Hayley said and it sounded more like a moan.
“With chili cheese fries,” I added and regretted it almost instantly. Apparently little nugget didn’t agree and I found myself practically panting as I did my best to keep the nausea at bay.
A familiar ringing chimed from my purse as we stepped up to Hayley’s car and I paused to pull my phone from my bag. My heart raced when I saw Kyler’s name on the screen. The earlier nauseating feeling was replaced with one of nerves and I won’t lie—excitement too.
Quickly I swiped my finger across the screen.
“Hello.”
“Are you and the baby okay?” I was slightly confused by his question. “Um, yeah.” I looked across the hood of the car at Hayley, seeing her nose scrunched up as she gave me that curious stare of hers. “I’m good.”
“Quinton said that Hayley had to take you to the doctor today. And yesterday she told me that they’d had you at the ER earlier in the day.” I could hear the sound of music playing in the background and it was almost like he was holding his hand over the phone. It would grow louder when he’d talk but then become muffled direct
ly after.
“None of that sounds like you’re doing okay, Ash,” he added, and I turned to the side to rest my hip against the fender of the car. “What did the doctor say?”
“Just the typical morning sickness,” I played it off as nothing. Why make him worry? “That’s all. I just need to take a nausea medication and eat smaller meals is all.”
“Kyler, they’re ready for you.” I heard a man’s voice just before he covered the phone once more. This time I hear his muffled voice as he talked to whoever was near him.
“Is Hayley with you now?” he asked. The sudden rise in the pitch of his voice caught me off guard, making my body jerk in reaction.
“Yeah.”
“I gotta go, but I’m gonna call when I’m done with this shoot.” I closed my eyes, letting my mind imagine some extravagant shoot, some place magical in the city. The lights around him, the beautiful buildings of the city in the distance as he posed for the camera. I’d seen enough shoots my mother had done to know what takes place.
Then my mind went to the women who were most likely also part of that shoot and my heart sank.
“I know you told me to go, Ashlynn, but nothing about this feels right.” I swallowed past the emotions causing a tightness to form in my throat. “I should be there with you.”
“You’re where you should be, Kyler.” In my mind I was screaming no, I need you here with me. “This is a once in a lifetime chance and you deserve it.”
“Being there with you, sharing the experience of our child with you, that is a once in a lifetime chance. None of this means anything to me, Ashlynn.” I closed my eyes tightly. “If I wasn’t bound by contract I’d walk away now, because while you may not want to hear this, babe, the only place I want to be right now is with you.”
Trying to hide the shudder in my breath, I moved the phone away from my mouth.
“I’ve spent the last couple months missing you like crazy. Staying away wasn’t easy, Ash.”
“Believe me when I say that at this point you aren’t missing anything glamourous.” I tried to make him laugh but was only met with silence. “I’ve become very familiar with the grout lines in my tiled floor in the bathroom.”
“I’m gonna come back home in a couple weeks.”
“Kyl—”
“Argue with me all you want,” he interrupted me, “but it’s not gonna change a damn thing. You wanna push me away, go ahead, but let me assure you that I’m stubborn, so in the end, I’ll win.”
That made me smile.
“I know what you think,” he added.
“Oh yeah, and what would I be thinking?”
“That I want you because I feel like it’s the right thing to do.” I felt in that moment like I had bit off much more than I could swallow. The feeling as if I couldn’t breathe hit me all at once. “But there’s something you need to know.”
I didn’t ask him what because I was afraid to speak. Honestly, I wasn’t sure I could even if I tried.
“I wanted you long before we got pregnant.”
Hearing him say we made me smile.
“I wanted you from the first moment I saw you, but instead of going to you I sat back and allowed someone else to move in on the girl I wanted. I won’t make that mistake again.” There were a few seconds of silence before he continued. “The fact that you’re carrying my child just cements what I already knew. We belong together, Ashlynn.”
I closed my eyes tightly, attempting to fight off the tears that began to cloud my vision.
“I’ll wait for as long as it takes for you to figure that out, but I can promise you one thing, I’m not walking away.”
I felt Hayley step up to my side as she reached out and placed her hand on my shoulder, and I opened my eyes, only allowing the tears I was desperately trying to fight to fall freely.
“I just want the chance to prove to you that I can be the guy for you, and the father our child deserves.” Again there was a loud announcement that filtered through his end of the line. One I couldn’t quite understand, but knew it meant this conversation was coming to an end. “I gotta go, Ash.”
“Okay.” The word fell from my lips in a whisper.
“I meant what I said, babe.” I could almost imagine him smiling that confident way that he had. “I’m not walking away from this.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Kyler
The last two weeks had been one crazy scene after another, from dinners to photo shoots, to rides throughout the streets of Bologna on my new bike. That was my favorite part; it gave me the time to think. Time to picture my future and what it held.
It was always the same—Ashlynn by my side.
We’d talked several times, yet they were mostly short conversations. Me checking on her and the baby, or her asking about my day, but at the end of every conversation I would always assure her of the same thing. I wanted this, I wanted a life with her and our child.
“So are you packed?”
I spun around to find Aurora standing in the entryway to the suite bedroom I’d been living in. It was actually more like my own little apartment. I’d given her a keycard a while back when I’d forgotten my wallet after rushing out to a photoshoot and didn’t have time to run back to the hotel to get it. I just never took the time to get it back.
The relationship that Aurora and I had formed was almost like a brother-sister type. I thought I could honestly say she was one of my best friends. The woman was beautiful, and I’m not just talking about her looks. I mean yeah, she was gorgeous, but I didn’t see her like that and she knew it. She respected what I felt for Ashlynn and had never once tried to make me stray from that.
I respected Aurora.
She had an amazing soul and I truly believed that if Ashlynn and her met, Ash would love her too.
“Earth to Kyler,” she added with a laugh. “Have you already boarded that plane to California or do you plan on saying goodbye first?”
I offered her a knowing look as I placed the last of my shirts into my suitcase before moving across the room toward her. “Stop pouting, weirdo,” I said as I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her in close. “You’re so damn needy.”
I could feel her body shake as laughter spilled from her lips.
“Please, I’m just glad that I’m getting a break from babysitting your ass. You’re the needy one, I never thought men could be so saggy and dramatized. It’s like having a sister around.”
“Smartass.” I lifted my hand and started to give her a noogie only she pulled away quickly.
“I’m being serious, makes me thankful I was an only child.”
I could see the humor dancing in her eyes. Aurora would miss me whether she admitted it or not. It made me wonder what would happen when I really left for good. I did know that whatever took place, I wanted to remain in touch.
“You ready for that ride to the airport?”
“Yeah.” I was more than ready. For two weeks I’d been counting down the days. I couldn’t wait to see Ashlynn and let go of all the shit that had taken place in the past. All that mattered was now and that she allowed me to prove just how much I wanted to be in her life and that of our child’s. It still amazed me that I was going to be a father.
I had yet to tell my parents, because it wasn’t something I wanted to spring on them the night before I left to come back to Italy. I also didn’t want them to know that things between Ashlynn and myself were so screwed up.
I’d hoped that maybe Ashlynn and I could tell them together, after she’d come to realize that everything I’d said still stood. I would make things work between us, because I couldn’t think of anything else I wanted more.
***
Eighteen and a half hours total in flight and I was finally back in California. I’d never been more happy to feel solid ground beneath my feet.
Gathering my luggage, I began walking down the corridor and looked up just in time to see my mother step into view. She didn’t let the fact that I was a grown man
and that we were in public stop her from barreling toward me like a fucking rocket.
Her arms rose up so she could place one hand on each of my cheeks as she smiled up at me. “I missed this face more than I could ever truly explain.” I looked around, wondering just how many people were looking at us as if I was being attacked by some crazy lady. “I was about to call up the bigwig Italian man and give him a piece of my mind for keeping my boy gone so long.”
“I’m sure Gunther would have gotten a kick out of that, Mom.” I chuckled as I wrapped my arms around her and gave her the hug I knew she’d accept with great eagerness.
When we were outside and tucked inside her Porsche Cayman my father bought for her birthday, I leaned back and held on tight. My mother was a bit scary behind the wheel and it always made me wonder if it was my father that I truly got my need for speed from. She took the corners like an Indy car driver and when most people would be slowing down, she was pressing the gas pedal to the floor.
A ride with her always made me ache from the tense way I braced myself with fear.
“So I heard a little rumor,” she said, not even looking over at me as she continued to drive.
“Rumors are nothing but trouble.”
“It would seem that trouble is surrounding this one like the plague.” I noticed the smile on her face as she did her best to keep it hidden. “Your father got an interesting call from Kenneth Lambert a few days ago.” Fuck, my heart felt as if it lurched in my chest. “There was talk about our son being a violent man and that we needed to take care of this situation before he took matters into his own hands.”
“Only violent in regards to him.” It was a mumble but she heard me as she arched her brow in curiosity. “And Beau.”
“Mind clearing things up for me?”
“Something tells me that you already know exactly what I said and why I said it.” She didn’t deny that she knew. “I could also assume that the rumor isn’t related to the events that took place at Kenneth’s office or between Beau and me later.” Again she continued to drive, staring straight ahead, only waiting for me to continue. “I can only guess that you know about everything by now and that me planning to tell you with Ashlynn by my side is pointless.”
