The Love of Her Death

by Luna Carrol

  "When will I reach my stop, Colin?"

  He sighed and sat down beside her. “I don't know."

  "You knew Peter's stop, and I'm assuming you knew Ivan's."

  "I did because we reached their stops. I didn't know their stops before they made them known."

  She looked at him, confused as hell. “Excuse me?"

  "The passengers know even before I do. When their natures, whatever they are, reveal themselves, it's time for their journey to end."

  "And my nature?"

  "I don't think you even understand yourself, Donnice. How can your journey end before you know who you are? And how can you expect me, or anyone, to tell you who you are?"

  She lifted her chin and looked directly at him. “You can end it for me?"

  He nodded. “I could, but I won't."

  "You said that you...” She looked away uncomfortably. “You said that you wanted me to ... you know."

  "No. What?"

  "You said that...” She inhaled. “Me having an orgasm one time would be enough for you."

  His brows rose, but he remained silent.

  "What did you mean by that?"

  He smiled and looked away briefly. “Are you so certain that I meant something other than the obvious?"

  "Yeah. I've been doing a lot of thinking and a lot of it has been about you."

  He lifted a lock of her newly dyed red hair. “Why did you change your appearance?"

  "Because I could.” She shrugged. “Now, answer my question."

  "I'm not certain that you're ready for that. I think it disturbed you tonight to see me consume a soul."

  "Your anger frightened me."

  His eyes didn't waiver. “And you're so certain that I won't frighten you again?"

  "Maybe. I've never seen anything like that before.” She laughed. “Of course, I've seen sexy vampires in movies and frightening ghouls, but I've never seen anything like what you did. I certainly never saw it in person."

  "Sexy vampires, huh?” His devious smile returned.

  She would never get used to how he could do that. She wanted to be upset and yet, level-headed. He comes along, smiles like that, and all she can think of is how good it would be to feel those lips again.

  "What's so sexy about a vampire?"

  She grinned and looked out the window once more. “I think it's got something to do with the unknown and a lot to do with sex."

  "Sex?"

  "What happened to the blonde?” She remembered how close they had stood. His mouth had caused the blonde to giggle as he spoke close to her neck.

  "The blonde?"

  "The blonde passenger you were entertaining when I left with Ivan."

  "Ah.” He moved in his seat. “Now, I'm wondering why you're interested in that."

  "Never mind. It's none of my business.” When would she learn? He doesn't want to have feelings. It's one thing to not have them. Nothing gained, nothing lost, but he just didn't want anything to do with them.

  "She reached her destination."

  "That seems to come so easy for some."

  She saw him nod out of the corner of her eye. She inhaled. God, she hoped she wasn't about to do something else rash. She just really wanted to, and it would happen eventually anyway.

  "Colin, I need something."

  "I'm here to please."

  "That's what I want.” She looked at him. “I want you to please me."

  He moved closer to her. “Please you?"

  "Kiss me, Colin. I want you to kiss me unlike anyone you have ever kissed."

  His fingertip slid along her collarbone. “Are you asking me to do this out of guilt or self-pity?"

  "I'm asking you because I've wanted you from the beginning and no other reason."

  His eyes darkened just before they closed, and his lips covered hers. His hands gripped her shoulders firmly and pulled her closer.

  Sweet submission was all she wanted. No proving herself. No being someone she wasn't. All she wanted to do was lay back and allow him to please her. If it ended in her reaching her stop, then so be it.

  "Come with me, Donnice.” He stood and pulled her up beside him.

  She stood and kept his hand locked in hers as they walked. True, he couldn't love her. Heck, he couldn't even like her more than any other passenger, but she could enjoy this.

  He looked back at her and smiled. She would touch that goatee. Her fingers itched to feel it rub roughly over them. Maybe she would tug it a little. He turned back around to lead her through the door.

  Entering his room once more, she breathed easier. The old clock ticked softly. The shades were pulled once more, and the soft glow of the lamp created a cozy atmosphere.

  He turned and pulled her close to him. “I like this dress on you."

  She had thought only to show off for him when she chose it. She could admit that to herself now. She wanted to show him what he rejected, nothing more. Then, Ivan reminded her, in an awful way, that she really didn't belong to the class of people that wore such things. She really needed to learn to be herself.

  "It's really not me, Colin.” She looked to her bodice. “I'm really not a fancy and frilly kind of person. I'm middle class."

  He pulled her chin up. “Self-confidence, Donnice. You need to work on that. You're a beautiful woman.” His finger trailed over her collarbone again and lifted a lock of her hair off her shoulder. “You really should allow your hair to return to its natural shade.” His eyes returned to her. “Could you not tell that I wanted you immediately?"

  She laughed silently. “It was hard to miss."

  "I wanted it to be hard to miss.” He stared deeply into her eyes. “Tell me again that you wanted me."

  She looked to his mouth. “Do you want to hear it?"

  "I do.” His thumb smoothed over her cheek, his hand wrapping around the base of her skull. “I want to because I'm about to make you feel wonderful, and I want you to say whatever you want while I do."

  She couldn't decide if that meant he wanted to hear it for himself, or just to make sure that she enjoyed his lovemaking completely. She guessed that made little difference. She wanted him to please her. Still, she would have liked to know he wanted to hear it.

  "Colin, I wanted you the moment you took me by the hand and helped me onto this train.” She watched his eyes carefully. “I wanted you to kiss me and hold me before I even knew your name."

  His eyes looked tender for a moment and then hard. “And Jay?"

  She hadn't thought of Jay. There had been a connection there, a strong one. If it hadn't been for ... Her brow creased. “What happened to him anyway?"

  Colin's jaw started flexing again. “He reached his destination."

  "Did you see him off the train like you did Peter, and I'm assuming Ivan?"

  One corner of his mouth twisted upward. “And if I did?"

  She took a small step back, but Colin's arms still held her tightly. “I want to know."

  "Do you?” He grew smug again.

  "Don't be an asshole, Colin. Just talk to me."

  He nodded. “All right, I'll talk to you. The cowboy, he would have shot you, but I stepped in and saved you. Marie would have poisoned you, but again, I stepped in and saved you.” He cocked a brow. “I think you remember Ivan and Peter. It hasn't been that long."

  "Why?"

  "Why?” He laughed as his hands gripped her arms almost painfully. “Because they would have hurt you. There. Are you happy now? I didn't want them to hurt you."

  "But I thought you looked after all your passengers. I didn't see it as some form of special treatment."

  "Most of my passengers stay out of so much trouble. True, occasionally a sticky situation arises, but most people are afraid of dead people even if they are dead, too."

  "But we're not dead. We're all walking and talking. You said so yourself. You said we're not quite dead."

  "Close enough that most people worry but not you. You rush right into questionable situations and then require
me to help you. You refuse to see yourself or others as dead."

  She couldn't bring herself to look him in the eyes. He made her sound so foolish. Everything he said was true. Of course, she didn't know he had saved her each time. She found out about the cowboy and Marie after the fact.

  "Jay didn't."

  His eye twitched. “No. Jay didn't. He even left you a gift, did he not?"

  She twisted her head indignantly. “So?"

  "Did you want him immediately? Did you have these feelings for him?"

  She placed her hands on his chest and tried to push away. “I get it. You don't want to have feelings, but you do. And you don't want me to have feelings for you, but I better not have any for someone else, is that it?"

  "So you did?"

  "Don't answer my questions with a question. It pisses me off."

  "I asked my question first.” He stepped closer to fill the gap she had created.

  She swallowed and did her best to meet him eye to eye. “I did feel something for him. He treated me kindly. In fact, he's the only person on this train to treat me like an intelligent person."

  Colin's eyes lowered briefly. “Did you love him?"

  "Love him?” She looked down and back at him. “I don't know. I didn't know him well enough, did I? I knew nothing about him really."

  "Do you think you did?"

  "Colin, I don't know why you're asking me all of this about Jay, but you're starting to hurt my arms.” She looked to his hands.

  Colin loosened his grip but didn't release her. “I couldn't stand to look at him after he had touched you."

  Her eyes widened in shock. He was about to say something really bad. It was coming, and she didn't want to hear it now.

  "He said something right before he left."

  "He did? Why didn't you tell me?” She stared at him like he did something horrible. He needed to know how she felt.

  "He said that if he had ever got around to having a girlfriend, he wished she were you."

  "He said that ... about me?” She smiled.

  Colin nodded. “So, you did like him that much."

  "When? I mean, I held him...” She stopped. This didn't seem like a good time to say she held Jay closely.

  Colin's eyes remained unmoved. He still had secrets; she knew that now. He could do just about anything on this train. He could even take people from the arms of others without them noticing.

  "Catching on, Donnice?"

  Immediately, the fear returned, and her mouth dropped open.

  "I can do just about anything on this train. Too bad for Jacob."

  "Be careful, Colin. You're beginning to sound like a jealous boyfriend yourself.” She meant for that to be a joke, but he never cracked a smile.

  "I'm serious, Donnice. How much did you like him?"

  "I told you, I barely knew him, but he was a great guy."

  "Great guy? Donnice, do you know what he did while alive?"

  "No. I don't.” She shook her head. “It doesn't matter. The Jay I knew was a sweet man. He said he felt bad for killing the man who beat his mother.” Okay, that was a lie. Jay had told her that he enjoyed it, but he would have said that ... eventually.

  "Liar.” He snorted sarcastically. “Did he tell you how he killed the man?"

  "I don't think I want you to tell me. I like remembering him the way I do."

  "Oh, I bet.” He looked so disgusted now. “He burned the man alive. Sat back and drank several beers as the man twisted and screamed. The house caught on fire and burned down right along with your drunken boyfriend."

  How horrible. To watch another person burn to death and screaming for help. Jay did that? Still, didn't the guy deserve some suffering of his own?

  "Now, how do you feel about him?"

  "I'm standing in the arms of a man who kills people to live, and you want to know how I really feel about it?"

  "That's right. You're in my arms now. How do you feel about your past lovers? Have you just forgotten them? Or am I the flavor of the hour?"

  His words were like a slap in the face. “Colin, I think I'm out of the mood now. I'll go find somewhere else to sleep tonight. I don't want anything to do with a man who sees me as a whore."

  "Oh no. You're sleeping here tonight. Whether we fuck or not, you're sleeping here because I'm a little tired now.” He brought his face down and closer to hers. “I've been feeding rather well since your arrival, and that tends to make me feel sluggish. I'm sure you know what I mean."

  She gasped. “Jay? You fed on Jay!"

  "He reached his destination."

  "You're a monster! A psychopath!"

  He grinned. “No. I'm on the food chain. You're just the prettiest bait in the tackle box."

  She struggled to free her hands. “Asshole!"

  Her throat began hurting, straining to form words. She knew that the tears would start soon. He killed them all! He killed Jay and enjoyed it!

  "You killed Jay!"

  "Jay had really reached his destination. I did what I had to in order for him to complete his journey.” His grin grew. “But I would have killed him anyway."

  "I thought you said I should do whatever pleased me!” Her wrists felt hot due to the friction created by his hands.

  "Yes. You did. Then, I did what comes natural to me.” He leaned close into the crook of her neck. “I fed."

  She screamed a blood curdling, long, unforgiving scream. Locked in the arms of a real monster, there was nothing else to do but scream. She didn't know what good it would do, but she had to scream.

  He chuckled. “I'm the only one who can save someone, remember?"

  "There have to be others who work on this train. The waiter, the engineer, Patricia. They all work here!"

  "Patricia reached her stop.” He inhaled deeply next to her throat. “I made sure she did."

  She closed her eyes and choked back another sob.

  "The engineer is very unlikely to help a murderer, and that's all the passengers are to him, too. The waiter.” He looked up and grinned at her. “There was a moment when I thought you would give me reason to kill him."

  "You can't just kill everyone!"

  His eyes narrowed. “I can do whatever I want here, Donnice. I'm the conductor. I decide when people can board, and I decide when they've reached their destinations."

  "You said that you don't know how far away my stop is...” She had never been so confused in all her life.

  He sighed. “I know when the stop is reached. If the passenger is unaware of it, I...” He held her gaze. “Help them become aware."

  She stood perfectly still under his gaze. Images of his hand buried in another man's chest flooded her mind. He was dangerous and angry. What exactly had angered him eluded her.

  It had to be jealousy. He said he hated Jay. There couldn't be any other reason to hate him. Jay hadn't done anything wrong since the murder that brought him here.

  Colin seemed to be thinking just before he turned and walked to the bed. He sat on the edge and placed his hands on his knees.

  "Colin, I think it's best that I leave. I can find an empty car. I understand how to get around this train now."

  He pulled off his shoes and looked at her for a solid moment.

  "It's true. I found your car and put two and two together."

  "No."

  "No? Just watch me.” She turned and opened the door to leave.

  Staring back at her, Colin lay back on the bed and smiled.

  She looked into the new car. There he lay just as normal as anything else in the room. How in the...? Two rooms with him in them? His lips still formed that tight-lipped smile.

  Closing the door and walking to the opposite one, she glanced at Colin to make sure he hadn't moved. With an angry glance at him, she opened the second door. There he was.

  "Colin.” She closed the door.

  "Yes?"

  "Stop it."

  "Stop what? You know how the layout works. Do it.” He smiled but closed his eyes as
if trying to relax. Smart-ass.

  "I can't.” She sighed in defeat.

  "Oh? Why not?” He sat up and unbuttoned his uniform jacket.

  His white undershirt fit perfectly. Stretched over taut muscles, Donnes couldn't help but examine him. He had so much strength deceptively hidden. Yes, he looked fit enough to model for GQ, but the memory of him lifting those two trunks served to remind her that he was more than just good looks.

  He turned his face to smile at her, telling her that she had been gawking. Looking away quickly, she spotted the comfortable chair she fell asleep in the night before.

  His eyes followed her as she walked. She could feel them on her. As she sat down, she crossed her hands in her lap and found nothing to look at but him.

  "Don't you have passengers to...” She was so tempted to say kill. “Tend to?"

  "I have a little time to kill.” He closed his eyes but smiled.

  "Very funny, Colin. How do you live with yourself?"

  His eyes opened to slits over his cheeks. “I think you'll understand when I say I don't."

  "Oh, you know what I mean."

  He chuckled. “Do you think I'm evil?"

  She hadn't given it real thought. True, he killed people, but the government kills murderers, too. He had saved her life several times, and he only took the lives of those going to die. Then, there was Jay. Killing Jay had been enjoyable to him. Did a bird of prey enjoy the hunt, or did it do what it had to and feel nothing?

  "Not exactly, Colin, but I don't understand you either."

  He looked to the ceiling. “I certainly don't understand you."

  "Who drives the train?"

  He looked back at her.

  "The engineer. Who is it?"

  "You don't want to meet the engineer, Donnice. He has nothing to do with passengers.” He paused. “He doesn't want anything to do with the passengers."

  He meant that to be a warning. She could tell by the way he looked at her. Maybe she didn't want to meet the engineer. What difference did it make anyway? The train always knew where it was going, and she doubted the engineer would change his mind.

  "What's his story?"

  He waited a moment before answering her. “I don't know the whole story. All I know is that he hates murderers and enjoys getting them off this train."

  "I need to go to the restroom.” She stood and walked to the door. “May I?"