Beautifully Broken

by Amanda Bennett

  “What are those?” His voice was barely above a whisper.

  “They’re nothing,” I replied as I ran my fingers back through his hair. “They’re in the past.” I kissed his forehead and strode over to the bathroom. I closed the door tight and stood half turned, looking at my back in the mirror. The striations of the marks were consistent with that of Raylon’s brown leather belt. I shuttered remembering that horrific night.

  “When did he do that?” His voice was tight and vengeful.

  I hadn’t heard the door open and I jumped at the sound of him speaking. He stood bare chested, leaning against the doorframe. His muscles expanding as he crossed them over his chest. God, why did he always have to look so good? I knew what he wanted to hear, but I didn’t want to ruin what could be considered one of the best nights of my life.

  “Don’t worry about him or these. I don’t.” I shrugged them off like they were no big deal, but deep down the scars on my back had scared my heart. I turned to brush my teeth, the whole reason I had gone into the bathroom in the first place.

  His tall overshadowing frame slid behind me, his eyes outlining each scar on my back. I flinched when he brought his fingers up to trace the thinning lines. ‘I’m not going to hurt you, Button.”

  I nodded my head, knowing that he spoke the truth. His fingers continued their original path, tracing all twenty-four gashes. I shook my head in disbelief. I couldn’t believe how stupid and naive I had been to fall for Raylon’s line of bullshit. The nurse at the hospital had told me that each gash was no deeper than the tip of my pinkie finger, but they felt as though they had reached the bone. Each varied in length, anywhere from a couple inches to twelve inches.

  “Baby, how could this have happened?” His words cut into me, deeper than any of my scars.

  “Please don’t call me that, and it’s not like I just, let it happen. I’m not a masochist.” I huffed.

  “Aren’t you?”

  My head shot up in shock. I was astonished that he could go from loving to hateful in less than five minutes. “How dare you judge me! I-”

  “I’m sorry, that’s not how I meant that to come across. I just mean…. well...it seems like you felt you deserved all of this.” His hand waved in the general direction of all my scars. “You don’t and didn’t deserve any of this, you know that right?” His warm sensual hands ran down the length of my arms, pulling my hands into his and up to his lips. “I’m sorry Bennett, I never meant to imply that you enjoyed any of it. I just wish I would have been here to protect you.”

  His face fell and I caught it in between my damp hands. I tilted it up so we were eye to eye, “Gray, these are not your fault. I am responsible for letting it go on as long as I did. I knew that I needed to walk away, but yeah, in some way, I felt as though I did deserve this, for what I did to you. I got to a point where I was dying inside and it took everything in me to even get out of bed in the mornings. I know what I did, and trust me, I have paid for it.” I dropped his face and pushed my naked figure past him. I pulled on a pair of sweats and a hoodie and made my way out to the kitchen. I stopped abruptly when I almost ran straight into the statuesque body, barricading the doorway into the kitchen.

  “Hello Baby.” His voice shot through me like a million daggers.

  My hand flew up to my face, as I slowly inched my way backwards. “What the Hell are you doing here?” My voice was shaky, matching the tremors running through the rest of my body.

  He took a step forward, “I’m here to see you. Why else would I be here?” He was slowly closing the distance between us when I heard a loud crashing sound coming from behind me. Gray was rushing towards Raylon like a line backer. I barely had time to react, before Gray had Raylon pinned to the ground, his forearm pressing against Raylon’s windpipe.

  Theo came running in from the backyard, eyes wide as he took in the sight in front of him. “What the fuck, are you doing here, Raylon?” Theo was trying to pull Gray off of Raylon when Hannah came rushing in behind him.

  “Holy shit!” She ran to my side and hugged me tight, “Oh My God, Bennett are you okay? Why is he here?” I pulled back looking bemused.

  “I don’t know,” I whispered.

  Hannah started leading me down the hall to my bedroom, when his voice halted my steps. “This isn’t over Baby. You know that just as much as I do. And now, I got exactly what I came for.”

  I shrugged out of Hannah’s grasp and ran over to him, getting right in his face, “Listen up you piece of shit, don’t you ever threaten me, my friends, or Gray, EVER again. Do you fucking hear me? You are NOTHING to me, you never were. Gray is ten times the man you could ever be. Get the fuck out of my house and out of my life.” I turned to grab Gray’s hand, but turned with one last statement, “And, if you EVEN try to press charges, I will have your balls!” I turned on my heel, Gray in tow, and made my way back to my room.

  Once the door closed behind us, I fell into his arms and began sobbing uncontrollably. The tears were never-ending and even Gray couldn’t keep the nightmarish night from invading my dreams. Eventually, I drifted off to sleep wrapped in the arms of the one man who would love me forever, unconditionally.

  Twenty-Three

  “Gray? Answer your phone.” I mumbled as I rolled away from his warm embrace and the nonstop ringing.

  “It’s not mine,” he growled.

  I reached across him and into the pocket of his jeans on the floor. I placed the cold metal against his exposed skin, “Yes it is.”

  “Holy shit, that is cold. Hello?”

  The bed slowly rose as he jumped out of the bed pulling on his jeans. I watched him frantically search for his shirt, amongst the pile of clothes. “Aunt Tina, slow down. Is she alright?”

  His voice was strained and I could hear the panic rising with every word he spoke. “Gray, what’s wrong?” I was up seconds later, dressing myself.

  “It’s. Its. My. Mom.”

  The words were barely audible. A tear broke free from the corner of his eye, and was running down his paled cheek. I ran to his side in only my bra and pants. “Gray, you’re scaring me. What about your mom?”

  “She. She...she died.” His phone fell to the beige carpet before his body followed. He was slumped down on his knees, head in his hands. “She’s gone Bennett.” His tears were unmistakable. He looked exactly as he had when he found out about his father.

  “What do you mean, she’s dead?” I could barely get the words out of my mouth before I was crouched down next to him. I wrapped my shaky arms around his neck and held tight. “What happened?”

  “My aunt said she found her in her bed this morning, with no pulse. They rushed her to the hospital but she had been dead for a couple of hours.” His sobs raked through his body.

  Tears began to pool in my eyes. I choked back the sob that was bubbling up inside of me. It was my turn to be strong for him, and I wasn’t going to let him down this time. “Oh my God Gray, I am so sorry.” I didn’t know what to say, not that there were any amount of words that could comfort him. “What do we need to do? Do we need to go out to New York?”

  His hands gripped tighter around my arm in response. “They are flying the body back here. She needs to be buried with my dad.” He could barely get the words out before another wave of tears began.

  I reached out for his phone to call Hannah. I knew she was most likely in her room, but I couldn’t leave Gray alone. She answered tired and confused. I explained to her what happened and asked if she could run out and grab us some essentials from Starbucks. I knew Gray wouldn’t eat or drink anything, but I had to try.

  Hannah tapped on the door about a half hour later. I had gotten Gray off of the floor with some help from Theo, and tried to make him as comfortable as possible on the bed. Her head popped through the crack in the doorway with a sympathetic smile. I waved her in and took the hot cup of coffee from her hand. I mouthed a ‘thank you’ and she retreated out of the confines of my bedroom.

  Gray’s head lay li
feless on top of my chest, and his hands in a strangling hold around my waist. His tears had since dissipated. I stroked his hair back with my hand in a soft soothing motion. It was the only thing comforting enough to slow his radical breathing. I sat motionless underneath him for three hours before I tried to talk to him.

  “Gray?” I whispered his name, not wanting to jolt him into another crying spell. “Gray? Honey? You need to eat something.” I ran my hand across the top of his head before planting a soft kiss to the top of his head.

  “I can’t,” was all he managed to croak out.

  “I know Babe, but you can’t stay like this all day.” When he slid his heavy frame off of the top of me, I knew they were the wrong words to say. He rolled away from me, curling up into a fetal position.

  I let out a loud sigh, knowing I was doing all the wrong things was killing me. “I’m sorry Gray, that was insensitive of me. I meant you just need to keep your strength up, so you can handle the next couple of days.” I rubbed circles into his back, letting him know that I was still there.

  “I think I need to go to my house.” His voice was raspy with the lack of sustenance he was getting.

  The look of shock plastered itself on my face. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. He would rather be alone, than have me be here for him. “Gray, are you sure you want to be alone right now?” I could feel the tears welling up and it took all of my strength not to let them spill over.

  He scooted himself to the end of the mattress and finished pulling on the rest of the clothing he had forgotten, in the midst of his disconcerting news. “I’ll be fine.” With those three little words he was fully clothed and rushing out of my house. I stood in the doorway, praying he would change his mind and run back into my arms. I knew he wasn’t, when his truck roared to life, his tires squealing their way down my street as he drove out of sight. What had I done? My stomach was churning and I felt as though I would be ill. I slowly backed away from the empty street, closing the front door. I felt Hannah’s hand on my lower back and I turned into her, letting the tears flow freely.

  Hannah and I stayed home all day. I didn’t want to chance leaving, not knowing if Gray would return. I tried to busy myself with small inane chores, but my thoughts kept drifting back to him. I had finally gotten Gray back in my life and then pushed him back out in one swift move. My stupid mouth was always getting me into trouble. I silently cursed myself as I finished up the dishes in the sink.

  “He’ll be okay. It’s not your fault.”

  I know she meant for her words to be of comfort, but they only made me feel worse. I nodded my head and finished up the dishes. I was drying my hands off when I heard my phone ringing from my room. I ran full speed almost smashing into the door, trying to get to it before it stopped. I glanced at the screen not recognizing the number and my heart dropped.

  “Hello?” I was preparing myself for the worst.

  “Is this Bennett Reynolds?” The small feminine voice asked.

  “Yes. Who is this?” Please God do not let this be a hospital or police officer, was all that ran through my head.

  “Hi dear, this is Gray’s aunt Tina. I’m sorry to call you like this, but I can’t get a hold of Gray. Do you know where he might be sweetie?”

  Her voice was angelic and soothing. I sat on the edge of my bed breathing a sigh of relief. “He’s not dealing with the “situation” very well. He actually went home hours ago. I haven’t heard from him since.” I braced myself in anticipation of her reprimanding. She just let out a small sigh.

  “I figured as much. I just got into town with, with my sister, I’m not sure what to do next.” A sob escaped her throat and I tried to comfort her the best I could through the phone.

  “Tine, I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m not sure how I can help exactly, but I will help with whatever I can. Do you need someone to come pick you up?”

  “Yes, please. I need to get her to the funeral home and make the arrangements.”

  Before she could protest, I was telling her to stay put while I came to pick her up. I hung up the phone and explained the situation to Hannah. She kindly came with me for moral support, and I was thankful to have her. Reagan had been a second mother to me and it was killing me, to know I would never get to right the situation with her that I had wronged. Hannah called for a hearse to meet us outside of the gates at the airport. Once Reagan’s body was securely inside, we followed her to the funeral home. Gray’s aunt sat in the backseat, as quiet as a mouse. Not that I expected her to engage us in conversation, but she was quiet nonetheless. When we had first pulled up to the airport, I had to do a double take. Gray had told me about his only aunt, once before. The similarities between her and her sister were uncanny. They could have been twins.

  Tine kept her hair a few inches longer than Reagan, but every other attribute was the same. From the shape and color of their eyes, right down the shape and contour of their bodies. She was just as beautiful and put together.

  Panic creped up through my body as we pulled into the parking lot of the funeral home. I was having déjà vu, and not in a good way. My heart felt empty and craved the comfort of my mom and dad. This place held so many heart-breaking memories; ones that made me want to fall back to the car. I kept my strides slow and deliberate. I sucked in a deep breath as we entered through the ornate front doors.

  The pungent odor clung to the dingy white walls, trapping in the scent. I gripped Hannah’s hand as tight as my muscles would allow. We weaved through the caskets, making our way towards the back. The office was decorated in all black, fitting for a funeral home I suppose. A short pudgy, balding older gentleman stood from behind his black lacquer desk to greet us. Gray’s Aunt sorrowfully returned the greeting. I on the other hand, couldn’t find the strength in me to pry my hands from Hannah’s to do so. He introduced himself to all of us, but I was caught in my own horrid nightmare to even notice what he said his name was.

  His short plump fingers pointed for us to sit in the chairs in front of him, as he lowered himself into his own seat. My eyes surveyed our surroundings as he began to speak to Tina. I anxiously tried to make the white wicker chair more comfortable, but to no avail. Hannah looked between our two hands that were still intertwined, giving me an empathetic grin. The corner of my mouth tried to pull up into a smile, but I was more than uncomfortable. I squeezed Hannah’s hand tighter and she rubbed the back of my palm, trying to alleviate the tension. I was so thankful to have such an amazing friend.

  I glanced over in the direction of the man speaking, but found myself not being able to listen. I took in his appearance with relief. His voice was comforting and supportive, matching the look in his caramel colored eyes. He wore an old gray twill suit, which had to be at least two sizes too big. His skin was pale, and aged beyond his years.

  I wasn’t exactly sure of his age, but if his looks were any indication, I would say in his late sixties at least. My eyes continued to wander before stopping on a small picture next to his file cabinet. It was of a beautiful young couple holding a newborn baby. The distinct features of the young man in the picture, lead me to believe it was his son. A smile tugged at my lips, as I envisioned a similar picture of Gray and myself with our children one day.

  An hour later we had picked out the coffin, flowers and planned who would give the eulogy. My heart was breaking thinking of Gray not being involved. I knew what his being involved would entail, and I sighed knowing that he just needed some time. I helped Tina’s crying body back out to the car, and we headed to my house. Tina had mentioned she had nowhere to stay, so I offered up our spare bedroom. I made sure to okay it with Hannah before mentioning it to Gray’s Aunt. I knew she would be okay with it, but I didn’t want to push it on her.

  I checked my phone repeatedly as we inched closer to the house. There was still no word from Gray, and I was starting get extremely worried. Hannah and I helped Tina into the house and got her settled, before I tried calling Gray again. As soon as his voicemail picked up
, I decided it was best to go looking for him. The only problem was, I had no idea where he lived.

  I made my way into the kitchen, finding Tina and Hannah making some tea. “Um, Tina? Do you happen to know where Gray lives?” She gave me a confused look before answering.

  “Sweetie, he bought his parent’s old house. You didn’t know that?”

  My words caught in my throat, “No…no I didn’t know.” I hung my head in sadness. How had we gotten to this point? “I will be back in about an hour. Will you guys be okay for a bit?”