Thaumatology 11 - For Whom the Wedding Bells Toll

by Teasdale, Niall

  Ceri nodded. ‘I’ll go see her on Tuesday. Twill will be back tomorrow with Ishifa and Ophelia. I don’t want to be out when they arrive. Would it be okay if Michael came over to High Towers tomorrow evening?’

  Alexandra smirked knowingly. ‘Full moon night? In a house full of five full-sized women and two fairies? Are you sure that’s wise?’

  ‘It’ll be okay,’ Lily said. ‘Dad will probably be there to take some of the weight. Even if Ceri grows Twill and Ishifa for the evening, we shouldn’t tire him out too much.’ Michael actually whimpered. Lily patted his arm. ‘Poor over-sexed wolf. We’ll make sure there are ice packs available in the morning.’

  Ceri’s eyes narrowed as she looked out across the clearing. A tall, pale-skinned woman was standing in the shadows of the trees chatting to the taller, far more heavily muscled form of Anita, the pack’s Guard Captain. ‘Is that Lorna?’

  ‘Yes,’ Alexandra replied. ‘Mrs Radcliffe has been coming here to learn to fight. It’s slightly irregular since she comes when her husband is on night shift. She doesn’t want him to know what she’s up to.’

  ‘Huh. He’d worry. He thinks she’s fragile. I’ve seen her take out an armed special tactics officer and he worries about her coming to harm.’

  ‘Indeed. She’s hoping she can persuade him she’s not, and gain some confidence, but I’ve warned her not to keep it secret for too long. Her husband is a detective and he’s bound to figure out she’s up to something. Given her looks, he’s likely to jump to the wrong conclusion.’

  ‘Yes, he will,’ Lily said. ‘They’ve been through worse though.’

  Kennington, February 25th

  Ceri pulled the doors open wide and was immediately surrounded by a fairy. Twill spun around her like a tiny demon, flitting in circles and chattering too fast to be understood while Ophelia and Ishifa stood just outside and waited, looking a little embarrassed.

  ‘Welcome home, Twill,’ Ceri said, hoping that the small, brown woman might calm down soon. ‘Ishifa, Ophelia, welcome to High Towers. Why don’t you all come in?’ She stepped back and Ishifa came forward a little hesitantly. Ophelia sighed and picked up a large bag before following, closing the doors once she was inside.

  ‘It is good to be home,’ Twill said as she did a turn around the hall. ‘And Brenhines, so nice to see you again.’

  Gwyn smiled and said, ‘Thank you, Twill. It’s just Gwyn now. I hope you’ll find the house is in order.’

  ‘She’s been fretting over it for days,’ Lily said, beaming at the fairy.

  ‘I’m sure everything will be fine,’ Twill said.

  Ceri was watching Ophelia. ‘You okay?’ she asked, her voice quiet.

  ‘I’m… not a Silvershield anymore. They had to disassociate themselves from me. I’m just Ophelia. I don’t have a family name, a real job. My flat belongs to the House. They’ve been good about it, but I can’t stay there for long… I don’t know what I’m going to do.’

  ‘Bed space is a little cramped,’ Gwyn said, ‘but Mei is tiny so you can sleep with us. We may once have been dragons but we don’t bite.’

  ‘Oh, I can’t…’

  ‘Tonight you can,’ Lily said. ‘Michael will be over later, hyper as Hell from the moon. And Faran will be coming too. We’ll get drunk and do totally inappropriate things, and tomorrow is another day. Something will come up.’

  ‘Indeed,’ Gwyn said, smiling in a way which Ceri knew meant she was about to be embarrassed. ‘Tonight it will be Michael and Faran.’

  Holloway, February 26th

  ‘You’re back!’ Cheryl said as Ceri walked, a little bleary eyed, into her boss’ office in the High Energy Thaumatology building. ‘Thank God.’ She paused and got up from behind her chair, walking around the desk to steer Ceri back out. ‘You look like Hell, girl. You need coffee.’

  ‘More coffee,’ Ceri amended. She let herself be steered toward the small kitchen at the side of the lab.

  ‘Long night?’

  ‘I’ve got Gwyn, Mei, Twill, Ophelia, and Ishifa staying. Last night was the full moon and we had Michael and Faran there. We finally went to sleep about six. I think we broke Michael.’

  ‘You realise I don’t know who half of these people are?’ Cheryl put a fresh pot of coffee on and the scent of hot water flowing through coffee grounds filled the room.

  Ceri took in a deep breath through her nose and sighed. ‘You’ll meet them. I’ll fill you in when you do.’

  ‘That’s probably easier.’

  Ceri opened her eyes and took a proper look at her boss. ‘How are you doing? Any… aftereffects?’ Cheryl had been kidnapped after she got close to discovering the dragons’ plot to take over the world. Her mind had been suppressed and she had been turned into a prostitute and pole dancer in a bar in Bangkok.

  ‘Nothing really. I still don’t remember a thing that happened before they took the chain off me. I’ve wheedled most of what Carter and Alec were able to discover about what happened to me out of them. I needed to know. Aside from that… I’ve been popping around to your place when I get the chance to so I can practice pole dancing. Apparently muscle memory wasn’t affected by the chain. My body remembers how to do it. I even went over to the Collar Club, and Jasmine and Naira think I could have a career in it if Carter didn’t go an interesting shade of purple at the thought.’

  Ceri grimaced. ‘I’d imagine it brings back some bad memories.’

  ‘Not exactly. He had a pole put in the bedroom at his house in Chilcomb. He’s perfectly happy to watch me dance, he just doesn’t want sweaty men doing it.’ She grinned and pulled down a couple of mugs. ‘Meanwhile, the world has moved on while you’ve been in other ones.’

  ‘Michael said they’re still running the generator.’

  ‘Indeed. It’s operating fully within specs. The reservoir the dragons snuck into the system to build that bridge actually works beautifully to handle surges in demand. The government is phasing out several conventional plants. By the summer London will be entirely supplied from Battersea.’

  ‘All good so far, why are you looking harried?’

  ‘They are proposing three more plants in Birmingham, Manchester, and Newcastle. I’ve been working through the mathematics and I don’t think there’s a problem, but I need someone to check my figures. President Wilson was re-elected in the US and among his first acts were the announcement of a pilot project in conjunction with the Tribal Nations to build a generator for New Orleans, and he’s putting heavy funding into MIT for thaumatology research. We’ve also had enquiries from Australia.’

  ‘Australia?! They don’t have any large magic sources.’

  ‘They want to try to run something down from the Ring of Fire as it goes through Indonesia. Maybe from New Guinea.’

  Ceri’s eyebrows went up. ‘That’s stretching the enchantment to its limits. Uh… average level of the Ring is… twelve thaums?’ Cheryl nodded, smiling. ‘So… about seventy miles between posts. They might have to put some on the ocean floor to get it to work.’

  Cheryl’s grin was enthusiastic. ‘And you just do that in your head. Sounds like an interesting project though.’

  ‘Yes, but we can’t do all of this. We’d never be home!’ She dropped her voice several decibels. ‘I’ve got an entire demon dimension to run and we’ve opened diplomatic relations with the Seelie Court.’

  Cheryl giggled and patted her arm. ‘This is what happens when you’re too brilliant for your own good. And you said you didn’t like administration. Oh, Carter wants you and Lily to drop by the “Not the Jade Dragon” as soon as you’re back, and you’re back.’

  ‘He’s going to relaunch it?’

  ‘Oh yes, but he’s got some issues, and he wants to go over the plans with you two.’ She looked up thoughtfully. ‘He’s at the Collar Club this afternoon auditioning a new fox. I can use it as an excuse to get out of this place for a few hours. Seriously, the Dean has been riding me like a rodeo stallion over all these projects. And they’re alre
ady planning the next Thaumatology Conference. You’re helping with the organisation this year.’

  Ceri let out a groan. ‘Thanks, Boss. I love you too.’

  Soho

  The Collar Club looked like a moderately typical strip club at first glance. There were booths with low tables around the edge of the main room, tables set around a runway stage, and a gleaming, chromed pole. What made the place special, and attracted its particular audience, was that all the dancers were were-creatures.

  Right now there was a half-dressed young redhead swinging around the pole to a throbbing, disco beat. She was down to a thong, and when that was removed she would shift. Hanging upside-down with her ankles the only thing keeping her up, she still managed to look quite elegant as she slid her thumbs under the sides of her knickers and then slid them up her legs. Gripping thong and pole in her hands, she inverted herself and shifted at the same time. When her bare feet hit the stage she was wearing red-orange fur, her features had flattened, and she had a long, lush, fox’s brush sprouting from the base of her spine. She turned, twirling the tiny garment around a finger and grinning at her audience to show plenty of fang.

  The audience consisted of Carter Fleming, the club’s owner, Alec, his best friend and the barman at the “Not the Jade Dragon,” Jasmine Bell, the principal dancer at the club, Cheryl, Lily, and Ceri. They clapped at her performance and watched as she tossed the thong down the stage and went back to performing even more acrobatic manoeuvers.

  ‘She’s good,’ Ceri said.

  ‘Very,’ Jasmine agreed. ‘I taught her some of it. I teach an evening course with Naira at our local night school. She’s been doing it for two years, for fitness y’know? She was married to a human right out of school and they just got divorced. She’s got limited skills and I suggested she try out for Carter.’ Her nose wrinkled. ‘I actually think she started dancing to spice things up for her husband. Turns out the creep had been banging anything he could get his paws on the whole time.’

  The music came to an end and the dancer wound herself down to the stage from the top of the pole. They clapped as she climbed down from the stage, shifting as she did so even though she was still breathing hard. She dropped into one of the chairs at the table and smiled at them. Clearly she had no issues with showing her body in public.

  ‘Beth, my dear,’ Carter said, ‘you have yourself a job should you find the terms agreeable.’

  ‘Anything would be better than Social Security, sir,’ Beth replied.

  ‘We generally start girls on the stage and they can move on to table dancing if they wish.’

  Beth nodded. ‘Jasmine explained, sir. That sounds good. Jasmine’s a great teacher, but amazingly the classes didn’t include that kind of dancing.’

  ‘Excellent. Now, you can sit there looking exquisite or get dressed, as you wish. I have some other business to discuss with Ceri and Lily.’ He gave the were-fox a smile and turned in his seat. ‘As Cheryl said, I’m re-launching the Jade Dragon. We’re having a fae theme. I’ve already found some suitable costumes for the waitresses.’

  ‘Fae?’ Ceri said. ‘As if we hadn’t had plenty of that recently.’

  ‘It sounds fun,’ Lily said. ‘Is there any more cloth in the dresses?’ Carter gave her a “you should know better” look. ‘Thought not.’

  ‘It would be useful if you could come in for a fitting at some point,’ Carter added. ‘I have two problems, however. First, I haven’t a name for the place yet. If you can think of something suitable, I’d appreciate it.’

  ‘I suggested “Fairy Tail,”’ Alec put in, smirking. ‘Tail, as in “getting some tail.” He said it was too low-brow.’

  ‘It is,’ Carter replied. ‘Second, I’m short a waitress. Tess’ mother is ill, and with all that’s happened in London recently she decided to move back into Kent. She’s found herself a job down there, so I need a replacement, full time waitress.’

  Ceri and Lily looked at each other. ‘So it’s going to be fae-themed,’ Ceri said.

  ‘And you need a new waitress,’ Lily added.

  ‘We may have just the right person for you,’ Ceri finished.

  ‘She’ll say no at first,’ Lily pointed out, ‘but I think we can persuade her.’

  ‘And who is this perfect applicant?’ Carter asked curiously.

  Kennington

  ‘A waitress?’ Ophelia said, blinking. ‘You want me to be a waitress?’

  ‘A waitress in one of the most prestigious nightclubs in London,’ Lily replied calmly.

  ‘You said you needed a job,’ Ceri added. ‘The pay is good and the new theme is fae-based. You’d be perfect.’

  ‘The ex-ambassador of the Unseelie Court prancing around in one of those ludicrous dresses? Are you two nuts?’

  ‘There will be entirely new ludicrous dresses,’ Lily said. ‘You’ve got a great body and I know you’re not bothered about showing it off. And you’re a diplomat so you should be used to smiling at people you think are morons.’

  ‘And you said you needed a job,’ Ceri reminded her.

  Ophelia shook her head. ‘You’re both mad.’ She paused for a second. ‘And apparently it’s infectious. When is he reopening?’

  ‘He needs a name,’ Ceri told her. ‘All the interior work is finished. He wants to open a week Saturday, but he may have to delay if he can’t think of a suitable name soon.’

  ‘A name for a fae-themed nightclub that is going to be the best club in London, full of celebrities and supernaturals?’ Ceri nodded. ‘Well, Tir inna Nok.’

  ‘Is that like Tir na nOg?’

  ‘The Low Fae name for it, yes. “The Land of the Young.” It’s a region in the far west, legendary even to us. Supposedly a land of plenty where the most powerful of High Fae dwell.’

  Ceri grinned. ‘Sounds perfect.’

  ‘Now we just need to get you fitted for your ludicrous dress,’ Lily said, giggling.

  Soho, March 9th

  Ophelia tugged once more at the hem of her skirt, if it could be described as a skirt. The new dresses were designed to look like they were cut from huge leaves, the front and back sewn together with laces down the sides and a flower over each hip. As it had been at the Dragon, each waitress at the Tir inna Nok wore a different colour; Ceri was in very dark green, almost black, with red flowers, Lily was in an autumn brown with pale yellow flowers, Sasha wore pale, icy-blue with pink flowers, and Ophelia was in a darker blue-green with yellow flowers. Their six-inch pumps matched the flowers. The bodices came to points over their breasts and the skirts were basically a collection of petals, very, very short, and barely covering anything.

  ‘You realise if you pull it down too far, you’ll just expose more boob,’ Lily said to her, an indulgent smile on her face.

  ‘You’ll get used to it,’ Ceri suggested. ‘I got used to the other dresses.’

  ‘You look gorgeous,’ Sasha said. The blonde seemed to be excited to be opening up the new club, practically bouncing on her toes as she waited. Carter had been paying her during the closure, but she was actually glad to be back at work.

  In truth, so was Ceri. Working at the Dragon had been one of her ways of relaxing, even if that sounded crazy. She did not really have to think, just do. The customers were generally well-behaved, and even when the place was crammed full of moon-hyper werewolves all she got was a bit of groping and a lot of polite propositions. The new club would be the same; here she was not a sorceress, or a demon Overlord, or even a thaumatologist, she was just Ceri the waitress and that was fine by her.

  Carter emerged from the rear of the club with Alec and Cheryl in tow. He was dressed in one of his immaculate suits, this one white, his ash-blonde hair was perfectly cut, he looked like the millionaire playboy that he was. Alec was in a black silk shirt and black slacks, and he slipped behind the bar with the assurance of a man who considered this his domain. Cheryl was wearing a wrap-around, strapless gown which both covered and showed everything; Carter loved dressing her in expensive, s
exy dresses, and this one was no different being made of a material so thin that it was translucent. Cheryl seemed to be less worried about her body being so much on display than she usually was. She barely squirmed at all when she saw Lily smiling at her and licking her lips.

  ‘Ready, ladies?’ Carter asked.

  ‘Yes,’ Ceri, Lily, and Sasha chorused.

  ‘As I’ll ever be,’ Ophelia chimed in.

  ‘You will be glorious,’ Carter told her. ‘You’re the one fae in our fae-themed club. People will be queuing up for your tables.’ He started toward the entrance vestibule. ‘Smiles, ladies. Usual expression, Alec.’

  ~~~

  For about ten minutes after the doors had been opened, Carter had been doing his absolute best not to look intensely nervous. No one was waiting outside the doors, and no one appeared there wanting a table. An hour later he was smiling a lot and wondering why he had been worried; the place was packed.

  Ceri stood at the bar, her eyes scanning over her tables, watching for customers in need of a waitress. There were an abnormally large number of fae in, along with the more or less expected throng of celebrities who were bound to be there on the opening night of Carter’s new club. If she had to guess, several of the women had come with the hope they would be going home with the proprietor, but they were out of luck with Cheryl sat at the bar. Ceri had no doubt that Carter would be picking up willing one-night stands again soon enough, but not when Cheryl was around.

  Lily was at her glorious best. Her succubus talents gave her significant advantages. She tended to run her hunting aura on low when working, which tended to make people appreciate her a little more and leave bigger tips. The bigger advantage, and the one all the waitresses relied upon, was her ability to sense desires. She always knew when someone was about to need serving.

  Sasha was enjoying herself. There were several of her favourite customers in and she was chatting as much as serving. That was how she got bigger tips; a little flirting here and there did wonders. She was an attractive woman, not too tall, with mid-length, blonde hair and a good figure, and she was not above using her looks to her advantage. All the regular customers at the Dragon had had their favourite waitress, and Sasha worked to make sure some of them preferred her.